No Strings Attached

Jon wondered once again what he was doing back here. He had been thinking the same thing every day for the past week. But something kept him here.

From that first visit, her cryptic remark as he left had played on his mind. Her words exactly as they had been that night. Had she somehow recognized him? But that was impossible. That IED and the fire that had rampaged through their SUV, killing his men, and turning him into the monster he saw in the mirror when he dared to look, had destroyed everything of the man he had been that night. Besides, she had said something similar to the homeless man, hadn't she?

But she had no way of knowing for certain that he had been a Marine. He had said nothing of his purpose in being in this town. So, why had she said that? Perhaps, though, she merely assumed. The extent of his injuries, this town that was home to little other than cacti, desert snakes, and the Marine base around which it had grown up, she could have, must have, put two and two together to come up with four. That was the only explanation.

Still, he could not put that doubt from his mind. Could not bring himself to walk away again as he had that night. Snuck out in the dark, left her sleeping, he had dared not look into the depths of those warm brown eyes one more time. He knew women lied; his wife had proved that. But something in those eyes had made him want to toss aside that lesson, to believe in love again. It was silly, ridiculous.

He had succumbed in the end, though. Her face, those eyes were what he saw as the heat and flames licked the skin from his flesh. Were his last thoughts as he lost consciousness. And the first when he awoke. Over the months and years of pain, they kept coming back to him at his lowest moments, when he would have given up, curled into a ball, and begged for the blessing of death that had been his mens'. He had known then that she had wormed her way into his heart that night, woven some magical spell of love and hope.

Hope, that was the other thing which kept him here. Over the past week, he had put a couple of pieces of the puzzle together. He had made friends with Steve, his homeless Marine comrade, and with the other waitress, Alison, too. He had tried to be subtle with his comments and questions, how lucky Alicia's husband was to have her, and such a beautiful little girl. What he discovered raised more questions than they answered.

For the woman, he would have sworn was white picket fences, mini-vans, a half dozen kids, and pets, there was no husband. There had never been. She was a single mother. And try as hard as he dared, neither Steve nor Alison would betray the identity of the child's father. If they even knew.

He had lain awake nights in his cheap hotel room, pondering that. The math worked. He had pumped the little girl herself for her age. Six, she had beamed — a big girl, in first grade now.

But they had been so careful that night. Hell, he remembered thinking that he would have woken Alicia to make love to her one last time before he left. Except the three-pack of condoms was empty. Sure, technically, he knew condoms were not one-hundred-percent. Was it possible?

He had tried to convince himself that he was not the only Marine Alicia 'comforted.' Her words, 'no strings attached,' would have attested to that. Except for the tightness that wrapped about his hard cock that night, and the look of innocent wonder in those eyes at the magical wonder of the heights to which they soared. He would bet what was left of his sorry life that the woman was not loose with her favors, as his mother would call it.

So, where did that leave him? A week in this hell hole that held too many memories, many of them bad, and Jon was no closer to having his answers than he had been the day he walked back into this place. His hand hovered on the metal handle. He should just leave.

Go back to his hotel room, pack what few things he had brought with him for what was supposed to be a quick check-up at the VA, arrange the online car service, cross the desert, and get up that mountain he called home. The place he had made for himself. His refuge. The one place where he need not worry about hoodies to cover his scars, the stares of others, the whispers, the looks of pity, or fright.

He turned. And that whirling dervish of energy and yes, Hope, ran straight into him. "Jon, Jon," she chorused as if she had known him all her life, as if he were once more the man he had once been, as if he were her...

Her little arms wrapped about his waist, "I have a new story today. Can I read it to you? Please?"

He looked up to the frightened and shocked face that had filled his dreams for seven long years. Though that was not the look, it wore in his fantasies. Alicia was quick to hide it though, just not fast enough for the man that had once relied upon his senses and powers of observation to keep him and his men safe.

The look that replaced it was not much better, certainly not the one of blissful contentment that he had left on it that morning. It was polite, even a warm smile. But it was tight, and if you looked closely, that smile did not reach the depths of those warm brown eyes.

"Hope, I'm sure that Jon has other things to do. Maybe DeShawn will have some time after practice today, or perhaps Steve will be back. But I promise if they aren't, I'll listen before the dinner rush," she smiled at her daughter.

She lifted a nervous gaze to him, "I'm sorry. I know that Hope can be a bit overwhelming at times."

He shook his head. Hope had not been overwhelming. She was a welcome distraction. Something that had been woefully missing in his life for a very long time. Something that he wished with all his battered heart was truly his to hold onto for more than a brief story.

"It's no bother, Ma'am," was all he managed to say as he held open the door for them, then followed them inside.

***

Alicia peeked around the partition that separated the kitchen from the dining area. The sandy brown head bent over the book, so close to the scarred one of her father. Her throat tightened. Keloid, contracture, hypertrophic; over the past few days, Alicia had learned more about burns than she ever wanted to know.

If she had felt his pain that night, the pain of betrayal and loss, it was nothing compared to all he must have endured over the years. Almost certainly still did, and always would. Her heart ached.

And now this. The sheet of paper trembled in her fingers.

"Are you okay?"

Alicia turned and tried to smile at her best friend and employee. Alison had been such a blessing. After her grandmother's death and discovering she was pregnant, she had not known what she would do.

To compound that, the waitress that had worked for them for years had suddenly stolen three days worth of deposits, over five-thousand dollars. If the loss of money were not bad enough, Alicia had been only weeks from giving birth. How would she keep the diner open without a waitress? What would she and the baby live on while she recovered?

Then, one afternoon, this woman and her two sons had come in. Although they were big boys even then, their mother had insisted they order from the children's menu. She had only water. While the children grumbled and fought, Alicia had piled plates high with far more food than a child's portion. She had added a third plate to the order. When she had taken the tray laden with her best to the table, the woman had cried and smiled weakly at Alicia.

As the boys demolished the food, the woman had snuck away, supposedly to the bathroom, but she had sought Alicia out. "Thank you for all that food. I'm sorry, but I can't afford to pay anymore than for what I ordered. I'm so sorry.." She had burst into tears.

Over a cup of coffee and apple pie, while her sons enjoyed their own dessert with extra ice cream, Alicia had drawn the woman's story out. She was fleeing an abusive husband. But their car had broken down only a couple hundred miles into the cross country trip to the brother that had reluctantly agreed to take them in.

With no money to pay for car repairs or even the tow truck, Alison was out of options. There was no way her brother would send the money, and if she called her husband to get them, well, it did not bear thinking about. To make things worse, they had not eaten since breakfast that morning.

Alicia had empathized with the woman. Her hand covered her baby bulge as she thought of all she would do for this little one. She had offered Alison and her sons the spare rooms at her Grandmother's house. Even though she could have used the money, she had not been able to bring herself to sell the house that had been in her family for generations.

Instead, she had given up her apartment and moved into it. But it was three bedrooms, and she only used the one. There was plenty of room for them. Alison could work as a waitress until she had the money to fix the car and a little extra for gas and hotels.

That was over six years ago, and they had never left. Well, Damien, Alison's oldest son, was away at college now. And his younger brother, DeShawn, would soon be graduating and going away as well. The two single mothers and their children had formed an odd sort of family, Alicia supposed. Supporting one another.

But obviously, it had not been enough for Hope. She handed the paper to her friend as the tears ran faster down her cheeks.

Alison glanced at it for a moment, then wrapped her arms about Alicia. "We both knew they were missing a man in their lives. Sure, Damien and DeShawn had their coaches, but it was not the same as a father. And as much like big brothers as they have been to Hope, it isn't the same."

Alicia wiped the tears with the back of her hand as she sniffed, "Yeah, I know. Just look at how she has always gravitated to Steve. When he goes off drinking like this, she is lost."

Her friend nodded, "He'll be back, sweetie. Hope is good for him too. Without her, the man would probably never be sober." She tilted her head towards the dining area, "And besides, this time, at least, she has a distraction."

Alison's words were meant as comfort, but they burned into her soul. What would her friend say or think if she knew that Jon was the no-string-attached lover that had gifted her with Hope?

The women had become like sisters; there were no secrets between them. Alison knew of that one perfect night, and Alicia knew the messy details of Alison's decade long marriage to the professional athlete whose occasional abuse had escalated as his career faded. But Alicia had not told her friend the truth about this new 'regular.' The time had just never seemed right, and it was not now either.

"I better start cleaning up. You want to take Hope home and get her ready for bed, please?"

Alison stilled, her gaze seemed to search Alicia's face for a long moment before she wrapped her in a warm embrace, "As I said six years ago, I'm here for you anytime, in any way, for as long as you need me. You know that, right? I can never repay what you have done for the boys and me."

Alicia wrapped her arms about her, returning the hug. "You don't owe me anything. You never have. I'm the one in your debt. I don't know what I would have done if your car hadn't broken down that day. How would I have kept this place going? Who would have shown me how to change diapers or breastfeed? And I sure as hell would not have survived two days of back labor without your support. I love you; you know that, right?"

Alison chuckled, "Well, not the good kind. We both been missing that for a long time. But as much as I love you too, neither of us swings that way. Might be nice if we did..."

Alicia drew back. She had sensed some change in her friend for weeks, some restlessness, unease perhaps, but lately, she had been so caught up in her own mess that she had not given it much thought. "You okay, Allie?" she asked, using the nickname that she rarely did.

The older woman nodded, "Yeah, I guess. It's just that with Damien gone and DeShaun leaving in a few months. Well, you have a few years before you have to face an empty nest."

"You always have a home here. Hope and I still need you."

"Yes, but this is a reminder that our kids need more than we can give them, isn't it?" Her friend held out the paper for her. "I'll kidnap her away from our new customer and take her home. See you once you close up here."

She brushed a kiss against Alicia's cheek and squeezed her shoulders, "We'll figure it out. We always do."

Alicia nodded and smiled, trying to fake the confidence she did not feel as she stared again at her daughter's incomplete homework assignment.