Neglected

I feel neglected.

There. I said it.

I'm engaged to a man that hasn't seemed to care about my needs in months and we've only been intimate when I initiate, and when we finally do something, he finishes quickly and is done.

We moved 200 miles away from anyone we know because he took a new job. I thought that since I was making a sacrifice and leaving everything I'd ever known, we would get to spend more time together. That our relationship would get stronger. It seems I was wrong. He cares more about being a coach than he does about being with me apparently. Always has. I'm too nice to tell him to choose though.

So here I am. I'm tired of waiting for him to do anything to me, no matter how badly I want him to. No matter how turned on I am. I don't think he even realizes it anymore.

I spend a lot of time online listening to audio porn, dripping wet, wishing I wasn't alone. Wishing I didn't need to reach down and touch myself. Feel how swollen my clit is, feel how ready I am for his cock. Because I don't want anyone else, really. I just want him.

Sex used to be amazing. He used to love to go down on me and devour me. Make me moan. Make me scream.

Now, it's anonymous voices on the other end of my headphones. Voices that make me throb and make me so hot that it's hard to breathe. Make me twitch when I run my hand down between my thighs, under the waist band of my pants, into my panties, until I reach my clit and then dip my fingers in between my lips where they get so, so wet and so slick. It feels so much better when my fingers are drenched when I swirl them around my clit, eliciting little moans and gasps. Making me bite my lower lip so I don't make too much noise. Even though I'm alone.

And it's not just the voices that get me horny and wet. I love listening to a man pleasure himself, love hearing him glide his hand up and down on his hard cock. Slowly at first and building up the pack and rhythm as he gets closer and closer to orgasm. Hearing his breath catch as he is about to cum but isn't ready yet so he stops before he explodes. How he's not ready to cum because he wants it to last longer, he wants it to last longer because he's thinking about me and he doesn't want that to end.

Just that thought gets me so hot. Makes me breathe deeper so the waves of pleasure that I feel from playing with my clit get more intense.

I'm obeying and playing with myself while he tells me what's going through his head while I swirl my tongue around the tip of his cock, kissing down the shaft, and taking each of his balls in my mouth in turn. Sucking and nibbling gently making his knees give way slightly. Making his hands fist in my hair, causing me pain, but I like the pain. It makes me gasp and moan and play faster with my clit. I use my wetness to get his cock nice and wet before I take every inch all the way down my throat. Making me gag on his length as I flick my tongue over his balls as I swallow with his tip in my throat.

But I'm not ready for him to cum yet and I don't want to yet either, so I slow down my probing fingers between my legs and work to even out my breathing. I'm listening to him to tell me how badly he wants to lick me and fuck me and how he is going to do it. How he tells me that the sex isn't just about the orgasm he's going to have, because he will have one. How could he not when I'm the one he's with? It's about the emotional connection we share and about making sure that I feel appreciated and that I receive the same level of pleasure that he does. How he doesn't want sex, but he wants sex with me and no one else.

He loves the way I taste. Loves to bury his face in my pussy and tongue fuck me. Drink me in. He wants me to cum all over his face and then kiss me to share what he loves so much. I oblige.

I'm dripping and sensitive but all I want is for him to throw me on my back and shove himself as deeply into me as he can, filling me completely. Over and over. Feel his hips slam into mine. Feel his balls slap against my ass, getting soaked as I drip down my ass with how wet he's made me. Biting his shoulder and scratching his back. Hooking my legs behind his knees to keep him as close to me as possible, Grabbing his ass, pulling him in closer and harder as I get ready to cum, lifting my hips to meet his as I can feel the orgasm build until I finally throw my head back and explode with ecstasy and collapse on the bed, my muscles clenching around his cock making his eyes roll back in his head as he fills me up with his cum. He knows how much I love it when he empties himself inside me.

My head is still spinning when he pulls out and kisses down my body, to in between my legs and starts to clean me with his tongue, licking up both of our orgasms and coming back up to share with me again.

He kisses me and tells me he loves me before laying down on his back and pulling my head onto his chest, holding me tight.

That's what I miss the most. Basking in the afterglow of our orgasms. Instead, I have to settle for the anonymous voice telling me how good I am and how much he needs me and will never let me go.