I'm a loser, always have been.
In High school the girls laughed at me, and often picked straws who would get to make a fool of me at parties. You know, play spin the bottle and when the bottle landed on me and I'd turn to kiss the girl to the left of me... all of a sudden it's a guy, puckering his lips and making smoochy noises, and a general tittering would erupt from all the girls... haha, real funny... just cause a guy is afflicted with crummy vision and has to wear coke-bottle lenses, I was branded. Un desirable, Un loveable, and definitely UN Fuckable! A brand I wore right through university, and even now. I fell in love once. Completely, and stupidly to a girl. Cynthia. A wonderfully creative and beautiful soul. She was a writer and as an artist she wore an artists passions. She taught me how to kiss one day. I was hers. Unfortunately she couldn't give herself. Having suffered some unspeakable emotional trauma as a child, she could never entirely love anyone. I moved out west where I hoped to forget her. But I never did I forget Cynthia and her gentle "cookie kisses".
I'm almost fifty now, Oh, I've been married, for 20 years. To a bitch that never really gave a shit and wouldn't even kiss me, thought it was dirty, or I was dirty. Only good thing that came from that was my two kids, or at least one of them cares.
So now I live alone, in a lousy 1 bedroom apartment that's so small I have to go outside to change my mind. No regular girl friend. It seems like the only women that pay any attention to me at all are the ones that I have to pay to do so.
Last month one of my little friends that I've been so kind to allow to stay at my place, "I have no place to stay, please please please can I stay with you, you're such a sweetheart" Oh this little blonde cutie knew where i lived and how much I was hurting for some affection, she ripped me off, to the tune of $150 and my DVD player. DAMN, I am so stupid. How could I ever believe that anyone as pretty as this little blondie would even think I was attractive?
Then Natalia came bouncing into my life. This little honey was barely 5 feet tall. A smile that would make you stop doing anything else but look at her, and sigh. A wonderful mop of brown Red hair that frames her delicate features perfectly. A trim figure with hardly any waist at all. Ok she's a working girl. I don't care any more. I am just so damn lonesome, and she is so sweet and lovely. I met her one day while desperately searching for company on a rainy evening.
"Hi, looking for company?"
Oh I've heard that line before.