My "girlfriend"

I am Chris. When I go to the nude beach, my friends ask "How did you get that beautiful 25 year old to be your girlfriend when you are 45 and plain with a middle age paunch?"

They augment this with "Mary is in a whole different league to you."

It's a long story.

MY PREVIOUS NEIGHBOURS

My then wife, Rose, and I didn't get on with our previous neighbours.

They had loud parties (to which we didn't get invites). They often argued. The walls of our semi are paper thin. This means we heard their sexual conversations. They used foul language and watched erotic films with sounds of lovemaking. They played these on full volume.

After the fake sounds of orgasms we heard the frequent, sustained and loud sounds of their own lovemaking. They bonked every night and sometimes twice a night. One time they had sex 3 times in one night and a further bout of love making before breakfast.

Knowing that they could hear our lovemaking inhibited my own libido. It affected my libido. I didn't really want to have sexual intercourse unless our neighbours were out. For me, this ultimate form of intimacy is a private thing.

LONG WALKS

I resolve my unhappiness at things sexual I took long walks. I generally don't work during the day because I am the full time Musical Director for the amateur Boscombe & Bournemouth Light Opera Society (BoBoLos, for short).

That means that I am responsible for putting on 2 shows a year at Bournemouth's largest theatre. Each show is on for 5 days. The Summer show is aimed at the holiday makers. It is kid friendly. It has 2 breaks because children get bored easily.

The Winter show is a fully staged musical number. This year I want to stage Fiddler On The Roof. I want to stage it, but I need to convince the BoBoLos committee. I need to convince them that we have the ability to stage it, that it will attract a large audience and that we will at least recover the costs of the royalties, staging and costume hire and hiring the theatre.

To do this we will have to break with tradition and employ a semi-professional to play the lead character.

This is a 3 hour long piece, with lots of great songs and a tragic undercurrent competing with a vast love of Jewish and Socialist life. Fiddler is usually noted for the film version and its star, Topol, singing "If I were a rich man."

It is rare for someone who has the character, physique & musical ability and stage presence to match Topol. My Lindon informants alerted me to Brian Smythe.He is Topol-esque. Brian has all those 4 essential qualities.

Brian will have to come all the way from London. Buying a rail season ticket for him would be expensive, as would his hire fee.

I have spoken to Brian. He is willing to do the part. He hopes.that this will get him noticed and he can go full time.

Having someone of Brian's stature will, I think, help to sell tickets. In fact I believe the BoBoLos committee should budget for a 10 day run. That means doubling up on all expenses. And, if the show fails at the Box Office, tripling the potential losses.

Brian has put together a video of him singing his characters songs and speaking lots of his lines. I have shown it to the committee, because he is crucial to my proposed 10 day run.

Brian has agreed to stay with me, as BoBoLos wouldn't be able to afford to put him up in a hotel.

So, as I walked I ran over what I would say to the committee. This walking kept me sane. It stopped my fixation over my increasing sexual problems.

ROSE'S LIBIDO

Our neighbour's sexual shenanigans didn't affect Rose's libido in the same way. In fact it increased her desire for sex. She wanted more exotic, erotic positions. Rose started using the F and C words while I made love. And she shouted them.

This made lovemaking even more difficult for me. I was supposed to be her husband, not some porn star.

I found it more difficult to get an erection when the neighbours were in. I felt that they were listening and judging my sexual performance.

And Rose shouting those offensive words ensured they knew we were having sex. I felt that I had to last longer, just so that the neighbours didn't snigger at my love making.

Eventually I couldn't get an erection at all. Rose got herself sex aids. This was humiliating. She used them to bring herself to orgasm. It told the neighbours that I was no longer capable of satisfying my own wife.

The sound of het vibrator told my neighbours that I was a failure as a husband and a man.

I got depressed and the doctor prescribed antidepressants.

THEY LEAVE

I was glad when the neighbours told us that he had got promoted and they were going to move to go to work in the London HQ.

My mood improved greatly. A week later they moved into temporary accommodation in our capital city.

I felt like opening the bubbly when the removal firm came. I was finally free of them. The following week the "For Sale" sign was up.

My libido returned and I wanted sex 3 or 4 times a week. So did my ability to get an erection Rose still continued to use her sex aids and use the F and C words while I made love to her. Given that I was older than my 9 times a week youth, I was comfortable with sex 3 times a week.

The neighbour's house was empty for 3 months. Rose stopped shouting obscenities and we went back to missionary position sex.

I thought, wrongly, that Rose was happy.

THE COMMITTEE AGREE

My mood improved yet more when the BoBoLos committee agreed to stage Fiddler for 10 days.

They signed contracts with the theatre and with Brian. They organised a Press Day so that the press in the West of England could photograph Brian. He sang "If I were a rich man" and the journalists lapped it up.

One journalist wrote "Brian is even better than Topol. Book a ticket when they are available." That quote would be on all our publicity posters.

Professionally and sexually things were okay.

MARY AND FRED BECOME OUR NEIGHBOURS

After 2 months the For Sale sign was replaced by the House Sold sign. Then a young couple moved in. The first thing I noticed about her was the long blond hair that reached down half way to her bum. He was tall and athletic looking. We invited them over for a light lunch while the Removal people unpacked. They had only been married 6 months and this was there first home. I liked them and they seemed to like us.

After a week they invited us to their house warming party. We met their friends, and enjoyed beer and wine and dancing to music. It ended by 10 pm.

Later I heard the sound of them making love. It was gentle. It wasn't threatening. Rose and I made love as if they weren't there. I was no longer competing with my neighbours. In fact it was comforting that I was as passionate as my much younger neighbours. Of course they had sex more frequently. But it wasn't as frequently as the previous couple.

SEEING MARY TOPLESS

I had just finished my bath and opened the window to air the bathroom. I didn't think anything of it. I glanced over Mary's garden and saw Mary sat on a chair. She appeared to have no clothes on. I could only see her top half. She was sunning herself and I saw those beautiful breasts with those perfect red nipples.

I knew that I should look away. But I couldn't take my eyes off Mary. I hoped she would move and give me a full frontal pose. But she just lay there. She reached down and applied sun cream to her top. I decided that I must stop being a voyeur. I didn't want Mary to know I had seen her.

I said nothing to Rose about the incident. But I started to fantasise about Mary. I hoped for sunny days so I could see Mary naked. But it never happened. But I shall remember that incident until the day I die.

GUILT AND UNDERPERFORMANCE

I had enjoyed seeing Mary nude. I knew that I should look away. I had enjoyed being a voyeur. I hoped to do it again and again. I had to come to terms with being immoral. I was a pervert spying on an innocent young woman. For the first time in my life, I sought psychological help. I signed up for a series of 8 weekly sessions with a psychiatrist.

BRIAN ARRIVES

Brian arrived for the first rehearsal for Fiddler On The Roof. He was pleasant company and every BoBoLos member got on well with him. He charmed Rose, who got used to "this future superstar" kipping in our spare bedroom.

For rehearsal nights Brian would stay overnight and then leave after having breakfast. One time he asked if he could stay for the weekend. He told us that he wanted to experience the Studland nude beach.

Out of the blue Rose said "If you want a companion, then I'm available."

I was so shocked that I didn't say anything. So there was a silence while Brian and Rose waited for me to say something.

I said to Rose "I never thought that you were interested in sunbathing."

Rose replied "Don't worry. I'll put on high factor sunscreen. Brian can rub it on my back."

I had sort of agreed that Brian and my wife could go nude together. It made me sensitive about what they would get up to, not just at the beach but also in the future. They were back from the beach and held hands, like young lovers do.

Brian told me "Rose and I enjoyed being nude. We will be going again together to Studland. You can join us if you want. But you must be prepared to see us to kiss and cuddle. We haven't been intimate yet, but it is going to happen. Rose is unhappy with her marriage. You had better get used to Rose exploring her sexual needs. She will refuse to sleep with you to night. Tomorrow night she will sleep with me."

I feared that Brian might walk off and leave BoBoLos in a financial and artistic hole. In the short time between now and the final day of the show I had no alternative but to allow Brian to rule the roost. It would be only be for 2 months.

I pleaded "Please keep it a secret. Just confine your sexual activities to our house."

Rose said "That's a fair request, considering everything."

But it was hell hearing Rose and Brian making love. They christened every room in our house. Brian was a prolific lover and Rose loved him. The only solace was that winter is not a good time for sunbathing. But Brian and Rose often went naked together.

It was just before the final night that Rose said "I am going to leave you to live with Brian. I am pregnant. The baby I am carrying his baby is Fred's offspring."

I was gobsmacked.

Rose explained "Brian got Fred to agree to have a 3some. I had always wanted to have sex with 2 men and Fred has a great body and a long, thick cock. Brian arranged it all so that Mary and you were totally unaware. The first time it was when you had a meeting with the tech guys to set up the lights and stage changes. Mary was away with her history society visit to Wareham. Then it became whenever an opportunity was there. I was crazy for sex with both of them."

It was bad enough to have Rosie having sex with Brian but supplementing this with my next door neighbour was infinitely worse. Brian would go back to London. But Fred would be living next door to me for years. Every time I saw him I would know that he had fucked my wife. Every time I saw him I would know that Brian had a long, thick cock which had satisfied Rose's desire for a sustained 3some relationship.

MY THREE REACTIONS

My initial reaction was that I wanted revenge on Fred. Rose gave me a letter addressed to Mary. It explained that Fred was probably the father of her child and that she would need child support from them. She would put Fred's name on the birth certificate as the father. She would allow Fred reasonable access to his son or daughter, and would expect them to allow the child to stay with them. She explained that I had not been aware of Fred's extra-marital affair."

I said "That is useful. I like Mary and I don't want her to think..."

Rose said "that you were a willing cuckold."

I said "I have been an almost willing cuckold with you and Brian."

Rose said "I will hand this letter to Mary the day before Brian and I leave. She may want to ask more questions. Don't allow Fred to come into the house. I need to help Mary to come to terms with Fred's wayward behaviours. It needs to be a woman to woman meeting."

My secondary reaction was relief. Rose and Brian would leave and I would get a divorce. My BoBoLos friends would rally round and I would have the professional support of my psychiatrist. I would find someone who I could live with. They needn't know about Fred also cuckolding me.

My third was that I needed to keep it together for the last performance of Fiddler.

I asked "How do you know that it is Fred's?"

Rose said "Given that we haven't had sex for a long time it isn't yours. It could be Brian's but he usually does it up my arse. So it is almost certain that it is Fred's child."

THE FIDDLER'S ENDING

The last night was sold out, with lots of people booking a ticket to see the show a second time. Brian had lived up to the hype. He was sensational. For the final curtain call Brian, as the lead character, would call me onto the stage to share the audience's applause. I would hold his and the lead actresses hands and smile at them. Then we would bow.

The final night is always tinged with sadness. You know an hour after the applause has died down, the stage would be stripped bare, the costumes put into packing crates to go back to the costume hire company. There is a sense of emptiness, at least for me. And a lot of actors feel this sense of loss. It is like you have found a friend and then he leaves. It is a form of grievance.

Then there was the after show party where people wound down and some drank to excess. I hated these after show affairs. Usually I just wanted to go home but I had to attend them, because I am the Musical Director. But to me it is like attending a funeral.

Now of course there would be Brian taking the plaudits of BoBoLos members. He would then go home and fuck my wife.

Of course I had to act as if I was totally pleased with Brian. The after show party would perhaps have to be the best acting of my life. The party reminded me of the song "Tears of a clown". The titular person had to appear happy and only reveal his true feelings by crying "when there's no one around".

Brian came home with me and went straight up to the main bedroom. I heard the sound of lovemaking from upstairs and from next door. Rose and Brian had each other. Brian was probably enjoying having my wife's anal cavity.

Fred and Mary were, at least for tonight, together.

I was totally alone. Like the clown, I broke down in tears. I went to my single bed and adopted the Winston Churchill stress relief method. I hit my head on the pillow 3 times and said "Fuck them all, fuck them all, fuck them all". Apparently that got the WW2 war leader through the stresses of dealing with the military top brass and Charles de Gaulle, who he loathed but admired.

I admired Brian but I also loathed him. He had provided me with the greatest hit of my life. For now Oklahoma would be okay, and South Pacific will have its moments, but not one show can compare with Fiddler. Yet Brian had provided the coupe de grace to my marriage.

THE LETTER

I handed the letter to Mary. There followed a screaming match and the slamming of their front door. Then our front door bell rang. Mary and Rose spent an hour with lots of shouts and tears.

Then Mary returned to Fred. The outcome was that they stayed together. But Fred was on a yellow card. One more infidelity and Mary would throw him out. She reasoned that Fred couldn't properly support his child if he was divorced. Fred got Rose to agree for a DNA test, just so that it was clear that he was the father. The DNA test showed categorically that he was.

FRED'S SECOND AFFAIR

I was in a pub following a rehearsal when I saw Fred with a busty blond woman. They were kissing and cuddling. Then Fred became aware that I was watching them.

He came over and said "Please don't tell my wife. She's still pissed off that I impregnated Rose. You don't want to break up my marriage, do you?"

One part of me DID want to make him feel as lonely and confused as I did when Rose left me for Brian. I wouldn't tell a wife if I knew her husband was playing the field. So taking revenge was wrong. But I felt that I had a right to gain some form of revenge. I got a great feeling of power seeing Fred beg for me to save his marriage.

I said "This isn't the place to discuss such a sensitive issue. Come round tomorrow night at 7 pm."

Fred beat a hasty retreat and appeared promptly at 7 pm the next day. By this time I had worked out the terms he would have to agree to buy my silence. It was pure blackmail.

I asked "Do you and Mary like going nude?"

Fred was taken aback but replied "Yes, but how did you know?"

i explained about seeing Mary nude sunbathing in the garden and that I had merely guessed that he knew and perhaps indulged himself.

Then I said "I want you to get Mary to agree to come with both of us to the nudist beach at Studland. Then I want you to encourage her to join my Light Opera club. Finally I want you to agree that she and I can go nude together. I don't want to fuck her, just to be with her. I will guarantee that the summit of my intimacy will be holding her hand,"

FRED AGREES

Fred duly asked if they could take me to Studland. Attending a nudist beach would be a first for them both. He kept quiet about me having seen Mary nude. She agreed with the proviso that it would only be for an hour.

In fact she enjoyed the experience so much that we stayed for 3 hours. Fred felt safe because he saw my small penis. Mary was sad to hear that I could no longer sustain an erection, despite using Viagra. I said what I missed most was the simple things, like walking hand in hand along the beach.

Fred said to his wife "If you want, you can walk with Chris along the beach."

Mary stood up and took my hand. We walked along the beach and we talked about how I felt. I let her know that the Light Opera Society was a life saver. She expressed interest in becoming a member. All 3 of us continued to go to Studland and in their garden.

In the Autumn, Winter and Spring we would go naked in each other's houses. When the Summer sun is shining Mary and I go to the nude beach without Fred as he works during the day.

I suspect that Fred is still seeing the other woman and is amused that I am satisfied just being nude with his wife. The nearest i get to having an erection is when Mary and I walk hand in hand along the Studland nudist beach. It gives Mary pleasure seeing my prick with a slight erection, knowing that she can turn me on with her looks and nothing else.

BACK TO THE BEGINNING

As wrote at the beginning I am Chris. When I go to the nude beach, my friends ask "How did you get that beautiful 25 year old to be your girlfriend when you are 45 and plain with a middle age paunch?

They augment this with "Mary is in a whole different league to you."

It's a long story but my short reply is "She is called Mary, and she is indeed a lovely looking lady. She isn't my girlfriend. She is a friend who is a lady. She is my next door neighbour and married. But I love her more than any other person in the world."

One friend asked "Would you marry her if she were single?"

I replied "In a heart beat. But she loves her husband and I don't ever want to end her happiness."

But deep down I hope.