This is a love story of sorts. It is about a woman who I long for with all my heart, who inspires me, excites me and makes me feel giddy and young. The thing is, I've never met her. Well, not in person anyway. I met Alena online. It started in a chat room. I was just looking for someone to talk to, and yes, to see naked. I had spoken with other women online and had an okay time with them, but I never felt the need or desire to go back to any one particular woman. They were nice, but in the end, just an easy way to experiment in mental (and physical) masturbation.
Then, I met Alena. At first, it was her eyes and her figure that caught my attention, surprisingly, in that order. I struck up a conversation with her and had a nice chat. It cost me a few dollars as online chat rooms do, and then I signed off and that was that. Except, it wasn't. A few days later, I went online and looked her up again. We started talking about more than superficial banalities. We discussed our home life, our interests. We talked about the good and the bad things that happened to us.
Every time I signed off, she would stay on my mind. I started seeking her out weekly. I asked for her email, and she gave it to me. I sent her pictures and she sent me some in return. Yes, a few of them were spicy, but many more of them were just her out on the town or posing while on a bike ride. She sent me pictures and short videos of her and her family on vacation. I started to really feel something for this woman.
Now, I should mention a few things here, just to be up front. One, I was pushing 60 when we first started talking and she was not yet 30. Two, I am married. I won't say I am unhappy, but it is a marriage that has slipped deeper and deeper into the platonic stage. That's probably why I was looking for someone to talk with to begin with. Oh, and three...she lives in Russia, and I am very definitely in the USA. There is really very little probability that we will ever be able to meet in person. Though, I admit I want to and she certainly would have an easier time coming to America than I would going to Russia.
All of this has been going on for a little over three years and I have come to a startling realization: I am in love with Alena. I didn't start out trying to fall in love. In fact, I firmly believed that my days of feeling that way were over. But here I am, more than three years into what can only be described as a very long-distance relationship with no real end in sight. Truthfully, even could we meet, I don't believe that Alena is in love with me, though I truly wish she was. But we do have something special between us and for that, I am oh so grateful!
So, I would like to spin a sort of fantasy, for you and for her. What it might be like if the two of us should ever meet in person and, how shall I say, consummate our love (or at least my love and her deep feelings). I admit, I wish this fantasy could one day become a reality, but till then, I am sharing this with her, and I hope she finds it something special.
* * *
The flight from Seattle to Russia was a long one taking almost eleven hours. Some people would love that. They enjoy flying, seeing the world from up above the clouds. Looking down upon the earth below as a giant patchwork quilt. That however is not me. I am a nervous flyer at the best of times. I don't like rollercoasters and Ferris wheels and I really don't like flying. Actually, once we are up in the air it's not bad, unless there's turbulence, but takeoffs and landings make my stomach roll at the best of times. Then there's the fact that I am a big man. Six foot three and about 220 pounds. I am not the ideal passenger that airline seats were designed for. I suppose first class might be better, but I really can't afford that.
Add to those facts that I was flying towards a meeting with a woman I have fallen in love with and yet never met in person. I had rarely even been outside of the United States before and here I was about to touch down at Tolmachevo airport in Siberia, Russia. It was the closest airport to the city of Novosibirsk where Alena lived.
I heard the captain announce that we were beginning our descent into Russia and that we should all return our seats to an upright position and buckle our seatbelts in preparation. No problem there, I had kept my seatbelt on almost the entire trip. I felt the familiar sensation of my stomach rolling as the plane began its descent and soon enough, the heavy bump and screech as the wheels of our plane touched down on the runway. As the plane taxied to a full stop, I took a deep breath and tried to steady my nerves. I was really here. I was in Russia and just a few minutes away from my first in person meeting with Alena, the woman I had fallen in love with. Is it really appropriate to say woman when she was 29 and I was 62? I mean technically yes so why did I feel like a dirty old man lusting after a teenager. If we were to have any chance at any sort of a relationship, I had to get over this whole age difference.
Maybe it's easier for women. A younger woman meeting an older man (or doing more than meeting with him) always seems to be what people expect or at least accept. But when looked at in the opposite manner, an older man chasing after a younger woman, then he's a letch, or a pervert or having a mid-life crisis. Who knows, maybe I was having a mid-life crisis, not being a pervert that is. I sat nervously in my too-tight airline seat and waited for the other passengers to thin out a little. Then I stood up and got my suitcase from the overhead bin. I only brought the one carry-on. I didn't want to risk losing my luggage in a foreign country.
I pulled the suitcase down and made my way to the door and disembarked. I don't really know what I thought I would find here at the airport in Russia. In the Western Hemisphere we hear all those stories about Siberia being a cold and frozen wasteland. How some aspiring presidential candidates can see Russia from their backyard in Alaska. It brings to mind empty, windblown fields of ice and snow. But the Tolmachevo airport was sleek, bright and very modern in its design. White and sky-blue tiles were everywhere, from gleaming concourses to walls and upright supports. Wide windows, seemingly a staple at every airport that I have ever seen, showed expansive views of tarmac and arriving planes.
As I wound my way through the bustling crowds, I saw several beautiful and inspiring pieces of art. There was a bronze bust of Alexander Pokryshkin, a renowned WWII flying ace. I also saw a truly awe inspiring multi-medium display, Conquest of Siberia, a life size and then some sculpture of Ermak (or Yermak), known as the conqueror of Siberia, atop his horse facing off with a gleaming glass 5-legged wolf. I stared, probably gawking, at everything as I made my way through the terminal. It was a busy place, and I don't know why that surprised me. Again, when we westerners think of Siberia, remote, primitive wilderland comes to mind and I was learning that just wasn't the case. Families flowed through the airport along with businessmen and women and even a few tourists like me. I thought to myself that it was a shame our two countries didn't have a more open-door policy when it comes to tourism. Just from the little I saw flying in and here at the airport, Russia had a lot to offer visitors.