The first few times they had seen each other, the initial meetings were remarkable not only for their awkwardness but also of their interaction. It could be said that they did not completely ignore each other.
She had very little to do with him because the eroticism she felt in his presence was like the thick jungle air, pressing on her like two atmospheres, making the ground under her feet soft and treacherous. She knew God was cruel and that a feeling like hers couldn't be reciprocated with one like him... or so she thought. She focused her concentration on something else, keeping her hands locked around her drink, because her hands trembled.
She reacted in the same way she would if someone had shoved her into the tiger cage at the zoo. She was fascinated by his power and beauty, and she was afraid of what might happen if she made any sudden moves. She was afraid of what would happen if she touched him. Her thighs and back felt weak, and she didn't think she could run. She finished her drink and left to go back to her cabin.
When he woke up, he thought of her. When he drove, he thought of her. He masturbated to porno magazines. He could come only when he closed his eyes. He made the decision to see her. He asked the front desk at the lodge about her, if she had a phone. He groaned, she did not, but his heart gave a little leap when the owner said that she usually came to town on Tuesdays. Sitting on the porch of his rented cabin, he composed a story about how to approach her. He forgot it when he saw her boat approach the dock, the dock-boy running to help her. He forgot that he had composed a story, he forgot that he had ever been concerned with cover stories at all. He stood up and walked to the dock.
"Hi," he said. "Hello," she answered.
That morning, she'd dreamed that he'd say hello to her. In the dream, he was the same age but she had somehow been much younger. He'd talked to her about gardens, and for some reason the conversation had made her heart burst with excitement.
She did not speak, and he resisted the urge to say what he was about to say. The urge overcame him. "How do I get to your cabin?" Numbly, she told him. "I'll be there in four hours. Put your hair up. Put your makeup on. Do not use perfume. Go barefoot. Where white panties and nothing else."
"Yes," she said. He swallowed, turned and walked back to his cabin. She stared at him, trembling and then walked to the lot where her car was parked, go it, just sitting with the key in the ignition. Then she snapped out of whatever phase she was in, turnedthe key in the car and drove to town to buy a few groceries. She also bought white panties, even though she already had three pair in her drawers.
She got back to the cabin with half an hour to spare. She stood naked in front of the mirror putting up her hair and applying her makeup. The sight of her own body increased her excitement. She turned her easy chair to face the window overlooking the lake below and arranged herself in it. She rearranged herself after two seconds. She squirmed around a third time, crossed her leg over her knee, spread her arms along the back of the chair, and instantly felt so absurd that when she heard his boat approaching she leaped to her feet in a panic of embarrassment. After a short bit, she heard his steps, and then his knock on the door...he knocked again. She straightened her back and lifted her chin. He opened the door and walked into the cabin.
He walked into her cabin.
He stood with the door open behind him, studying her as if he was trying to see through a thick fog on an early morning after a heavy rain. He looked at her ankles, he looked at her face. She watched his eyes roam over her auburn hair. Fascinated, she stared at the way his cheekbones created the hollows of his eyes. She realized that she had passed the point where she could have not fucked him. Where had that been?