This story is dedicated to someone who will always have a special place in my heart
I noticed it was already 8 PM and the summer sun had started its descent into the city skyline, the sun reflected off the buildings, creating a prism like effect.
My plan was to end the day in Little Italy and have a quite dinner at a little sidewalk cafe. The stifling heat of the day released itself from the buildings and streets, most of the locals took cover, but the humid mist searched out unsuspecting tourists, drenching their bodies in a sultry sweat.
I love the feel of the warm, wet air drenching my skin, the moistness insinuating itself into my being, like an insatiable lover.
My white gauze dress clung to the curves of my body, the sweat dripping between my breasts. Every rush of warm air sent a shiver up my spine, causing an instant hardening in my nipples. I savored the sensual feelings I was having, knowing that only this city could create my inhibitions.
As I walked down the street my senses seemed to be in a state of hyperawareness, the sights, the smells, the sounds, were exaggerated in my mind. I found a restaurant about halfway down the street and decided to go in and give my over aware mind and body a rest.
The restaurant was scattered with a few patrons here and there, the maitre'd offered me a quite table on the garden patio, which I readily accepted. The patio was empty except for the few busboys cleaning up. I thanked the maitre'd as he held out my chair and handed me a menu. I sat there reading my menu, lingering in the charm of this Italian bistro. Deciding on the gnocchi, I set my menu down and absorbed my surroundings.
The soft glow from the candles and the patio lanterns cast an illuminating light on the vines growing all along the encasing walls. In a comforting way this patio seemed so familiar, as though I had been here before. As I looked more intently around, I was overcome with a strong sense of déjà vu. I had been here before!
My mind went into reverse thru my memories until I found what I had locked away. It had been two years since we last saw or spoke to each other. I hadn't allowed those memories to run freely thru my mind anymore, they had been too painful. Now, sitting here, at the exact same table, they flooded my mind.
I can picture him sitting across from me, the broad shoulders that seemed to protect me, yet there was a vulnerability about him that made me want to protect him. I remember how easily our conversation seemed to flow, neither of us had ever been at a loss for words with each other. There had definitely been a cosmic influence that had brought us together.
As I brought those memories to the surface again, I remember how romantic that night had been. The soft flickering of the candle, good conversation, the cool night air and the sky seemed to be littered with stars all wanting to be noticed. I don't even know if the food is good here, I never bothered to linger in the taste, I was so captivated by him I didn't let anything else intrude on my senses.
I sat with my eyes closed trying to gather up all those memories and lock them away again. As I desperately chased them, I felt the hot sting of the tears cascading down my cheeks. Two years ago I thought I had unleashed all the tears I had for a lifetime over him. He was the one person who truly knew my soul, my thoughts, my moods. He took my soul with him when he left. Nothing last forever, but what we had in that short time, I can now forever live with.
The waiter comes over to take my order as I am getting up to leave. Seeing my despair, he inquires if I am all right and I tell him I am just tired from my long day and the exhausting heat, I need to get back to my hotel. He is a kind, older gentleman with a heavy Italian accent, he escorts me to the door and hails me a taxi.
The taxi screams to a halt in front of me and the waiter opens the door. I thank him for his kindness and press a twenty dollar bill into his hand as I slide into the seat. He politely refuses, but I am ever insistent as I tell the driver my destination. Speeding away from the curb, the driver turns down a dimly lit street. I am thankful for the darkness, for now I can hide in the sanctuary of that darkness.
The driver makes another turn, and we are cast out into the bright lights of Broadway and Time Square. I watch out my window as the blur of people rush by. I pray we get to the hotel soon before my emotions overcome me.
The driver pulls up in front of my hotel, exiting the cab I lean in the window to pay my fare, I turn and walk away without a word. I rush up to my room, wanting nothing more then to crawl into bed and close myself off from my thoughts. With the curtains pulled open, I lie in bed gazing at the magnificent skyline that only NY can provide.
My body is heavy with the memories of him, even in the darkness they light the room. I try not to remember our last conversation, but my subconscious throws the words into my head and they spread like a growing cancer. His words hit me all over again, like a slingshot, quick and painful, but he had every right to be angry with me. It was my fault, I broke something of his, that although could be repaired, there would always be the telltale crack making it very fragile, and always afraid of it being broken again. It wasn't something materialistic, something you could put a dollar amount on, it was something more valuable then that....it was his trust.
I had earned his trust and instead of valuing it, saving it, I was greedy and spent it like it was burning a hole in my pocket. I hated myself for being so impulsive, a trait that I have learned over and over can be both good and bad.
