Larissa was still wide awake as the credits rolled on the movie she and Chris had been watching. He had only made it about 30 minutes in. She was deeply regretting falling asleep so early. It was nearly 5 in the morning. Larissa debated going back to bed herself when she remembered something in Chris' letter.
If you haven't already, be sure to get your note laying on the island.
Carefully, she scooted out from underneath Chris' head, laying it as gently as she could back on the couch.
Man, he has a big head, she thought, stifling a laugh as she walked toward the kitchen island. She sat down on one of the bar stools and opened another envelope.
Lars,
Since I haven't had much time to prepare, I thought we could start off my week of groveling by going for a hike at Wilacre Park and having a picnic lunch today. Just let me know when you want to go. I already have everything ready.
Also,I hope you like this new journal. I didn't know if you needed a new one or not, but I figured you'd fill up your old one eventually,right? I thought about writing something mushy in it, but didn't want to taint it with my nonsense.
I love you, beautiful,
Chris
Larissa couldn't help the smile forming at the corners of her mouth as she placed the note back in the envelope and set it aside to flip through the journal. She loved the trippy, new age design of one of the Hindu deities meditating on the front. Though a tiny remnant of her heart remained cold and hard, Larissa could feel it warming already and knew Chris would have it completely thawed out by the end of the week.
She badly wanted to wake him and get their day started, but she resisted the urge, settling for lightly running a hand through his hair and kissing him on the forehead before retiring to their bedroom to get some more rest herself. Larissa had a feeling she was going to need it this week.
"How did you know I secretly love Muenster cheese?" Larissa asked as they ate their sandwiches at Wilacre Park later that afternoon.
"Just a lucky guess," he smiled. She couldn't help but notice the way the sun glinted in Chris' eyes, making them that much more gorgeous and brilliant.
"Why do I feel like nothing is just 'luck' with you?" she squinted her eyes at him, but couldn't erase the smile from her face.Chris laughed.
"Come on. Don't we all believe in luck? At least a little bit?"
"Oh, Jesus. You're not going to get all 'Just My Luck' on me, are you?" Larissa interrupted.
"Oh God. Can we just never speak of that movie ever again?" they both chuckled.
"Let me ask you this, then: Do you think we met by luck, chance,whatever you want to call it, or do you think it was...fate?" she grew serious. Chris pondered a moment before answering.
"A little of both. Well, not a little of both. That's not exactly correct, at least the way I feel about it. Let me start over," he waved his hands in the air. "I think it was mostly fate, destiny, what have you. But I think we got lucky that we were actually able to find each other...Does that make sense?"Chris looked to her.
"Yes," Larissa whispered. There was a long pause between them as they held each others gaze. "We're going to be alright, aren't we?"she asked quietly.
"I think we already are," he ran a hand through her long blonde hair, leaning forward to kiss her on the lips. "Aren't we?"Chris pulled back, looking at her expectantly.
It wasn't the first time in the past several days that she had purposely tried to imagine what life would be like without Chris or just having a random flash of it when her emotions had run extra high. She couldn't. Well, she could, but it was not a life she had any desire to lead. Thinking about not living with him in her life hurt even more than his words had.
"Yah," Larissa nodded her head vigorously, wiping a few errant tears away just as quickly.
"What is it?" Chris asked, his brow instantly furrowing with concern as he took both of her hands in his.
"Nothing. It's silly," Larissa tried to be as dismissive as possible, shaking her head.
"No. I want to know. Matter of fact, I want you to promise me something. From now on, no hiding things from each other, no secrets.That's what marriage is about, right? Being totally honest with each other? Can you do that for me if I promise the same?"
Larissa swallowed the lump forming in her throat and tried hard not to start full on crying.
"Mmhmm," she nodded quickly, afraid the floodgates would open if she said anything more.
"Then please, tell me what's upsetting you," a veil of sadness had clouded his eyes. "Is it...what I said? The other day?" Much to Chris' surprise, Larissa let out a sharp laugh.
"No," she shook her head, looking down at their intertwined hands briefly.
"What's funny?" he lightened up some, but was still wary.
"Just now I was thinking how you have puppy dog eyes when you're sad. That's why I was laughing. Not that it's funny to me when you're sad. Just...," she sighed. "My thoughts are all over the place today," she forced a smile.
"I guess," Chris chuckled. "So what's eating you, Gilbert Grape?" Larissa took another deep breath.
"I've been thinking about what life would be like without you a lot over the past few days...And I hated it. I just got all worked up because it makes me sad to think about, you know? And you're being so sweet today...", she choked back sobs.
"Hey, hey," Chris leaned forward, embracing her as he rubbed comforting circles around her back. "You'll never have to worry about that. Ok? You'd have to do something really bad to drive me away. Like, kill my parents, or something," they both laughed.They sat there holding each other in silence as the minutes passed by.
"We're ok," Chris looked her in the eyes and reassured her. "We'll get past this. I'm going to make it up to you. If not this week, then the rest of my life, if I have to. I promise."
"Oh, Chris. You already have," Larissa replied, exasperated, before kissing him hard on the mouth. "I can't stay mad at you. I love you too much, damn it. I need you."
"Does that mean I don't have to butter you up for the rest of the week?" Chris dead panned.
"Don't push your luck."
Chris spent the rest of the week showering Larissa with gifts and attention. He had hoped she didn't think he was trying to buy her affection because that wasn't it at all. Chris loved acting, but he loved Larissa even more. He was more than happy to be able to splurge a little on her with the money he was receiving from all of his recent projects. He tried to respect her desire to make her own money, there was far too much sexism still evident in their society still, but he felt obligated, no, wanted, to be able to provide for her for the rest of their lives as her husband.
Chris would be lying to his self if he said he didn't have ulterior motives with some of the gifts. Tuesday was a gift card to Michael's,the craft store. Wednesday was a cookbook he knew she had her eye on. The journal on Monday. Her mental state seemed to be improving drastically, but he still hoped to keep her busy while he was gone. How could he not worry after the episodes they had been through over the past several months?
The whole week had been a success, though, with, luckily, little sadness from Larissa. He had taken great care to hide his own remorse for having to leave so suddenly and soon again, and, especially his lingering feelings of worry. Chris knew they would check in on her,but he made sure to emphasize the point when he spoke to his mother on the phone while planning Thursday's event.
"Hey, mom," Chris greeted.
"Hey, Christopher. What are you up to?"
"I was wondering if you could do me a favor."
"Sure, if I'm able to, sweetheart. What is it?"
"Sooo the thing we talked about Sunday?"
"Yah?"
"Well, I'm trying to make up for it before I leave Sunday. I've got the whole week planned out. We went hiking at Wilacre Park yesterday,I'm taking her to that seafood restaurant we love over in Santa Monica tonight, we're going to look at wedding rings tomorrow. You get the idea. But Thursday I have a meeting with my agent early afternoon. I had an idea, though, and that's where you come in, if you're free."
"On Thursday? Let me look real quick," Chris heard his mother shuffling around for her appointment book.
"I have a few appointments in the morning, but only a couple in the afternoon. I can reschedule them if it's really important. What didyou have in mind?"
"Well, I wanted to surprise her with trying wedding dresses on. Since I couldn't go with her even if I were free and it would be kind of weird to send her own mother out here on such short notice without even having met her yet, I was wondering if you would take her?"Chris asked hopefully.
"Oh, Chris. Of course! I would be delighted to!"
"Really? Are you sure I'm not asking too much? You said you have work."
"Don't be silly. Of course not."
"Awesome. Thanks so much, mom. I just, I really want her to know I'm taking this whole wedding thing seriously. I don't know when or if we're even going to be able to visit her parents beforehand, but I really don't want her doing all this stuff by herself. I don't want her to be alone."
"Goodness, Christopher. How much time is this new project of yours going to be taking up?"
"I don't know exactly. I'm going to be gone for at least two weeks in Utah. Other than that, it's anyone's guess. It's JJ Abrams," Chris shrugged, not thinking about the fact that his mother couldn't see his body language.
"At least after that we will be shooting everything here in town in the studio. I'll still be able to come home, but I'm sure it's going to be long, miserable, hours." Chris paused. "Mom, I'm still worried about her, he finally spilled the beans.
"I know, sweetheart. We'll check in on her. She's still welcome to come over for dinner on Sundays too. You did tell her that,right?"
"Yah, mom. I know you guys get along great, I just don't know if she would come over by herself. I think she still feels kind of shy around you," Chris paused again. "I don't expect you guys to be babysitters, but can you check in on her...more frequently?...Unless she acts like she's getting annoyed by it?" He suddenly felt tired and wondered again if he was asking too much of his parents.
"Chris, it's my job to check in on people, make sure they're ok. Besides, your father and I adore Larissa. We'll make sure she feels welcome while you're gone, but...Should I be more worried than I am?"
"No...no. I just don't want her getting lonely and sinking back into her depression," Chris practically whispered, though Larissa wasn't at home to overhear him. "She seems to be doing a lot better. I want to keep it that way. I missed happy Larissa these past few months," he sighed.
"Christopher, I hope you know I mean this in the best way, but maybe you should think about taking a bit of a break after this movie wraps."
"I know, mom. I know," he agreed solemnly, rubbing a hand across his face.
"So, what time and where am I meeting Larissa Thursday?" his mother changed the subject.
The room was startlingly cold for as bright as it was. A dark, blurry figure above him shone an even brighter light into his eyes.
"Sir? Can you hear me?" Sounds still reached his ears muffled. He didn't know who the person was standing above him, but he desperately tried to turn his head, looking for Larissa. He was vaguely aware of his right hand opening and closing slowly, searching for hers, hoping it would find its way to his. Everything would be fine once he found her. Hadn't she been there earlier?...
"What was your favorite part of the week?" Chris asked as they sat watching The Omen, eating popcorn, Saturday evening.
"Everything," Larissa answered simply without looking away from the tv. Chris laughed.
"Oh, come on. There had to have been something that stuck out more than the others."
"Not really," she shrugged. "I just loved spending time with you," she turned and kissed him quickly. Chris could taste the salt on her lips from the popcorn.
"Although, not that I didn't enjoy all of it, the necklace was extra sweet," Larissa laid her head on his shoulder and wrapped her arm across his chest.
"I'm glad you like it. I wasn't sure," a silence fell over them. Aside from trying to prove that he was just as willing to help plan this wedding as she was, Chris also wanted to make sure Larissa knew he wasn't just trying to brush the miscarriage off. He accomplished this by finding a special necklace with angel wings with "Gone, but not forgotten" inscribed on the back.
