Memories And Dreams

Dreams and Memories

By

Bufo Americanus

A story of a young man as he is guided through life by memories or are they dreams.

Autor's Note: This is NOT a slam bam type of story.

Thanks to Sam for the assistance in editing this story and for your ideas to make it better.

This story is rather long with what might be considered to be a slow build. Please be patient

All Characters in this story are over 18 years of age.

Constructive thoughts and advice are always appreciated.

Dreams and Memories

I was startled and jumped when Dad asked, "Deep in Thought?"

I had been at the Kitchen table sitting over my bowl of cereal and jumped in my seat. I had been deep in thought as a matter of fact.

"Dad, do you remember my first game in Little League?"

"No, but I remember how very impressed you coach was with your play and insight into the game."

"Maybe later but definitely not the first year and not that first game. The coach put me in Right Field. I think that is where every beginning player starts. I don't remember which inning it was but there was a runner on first base when the batter hit a high fly to right field. I ran and got under it, caught it and then threw it to the First Baseman. The runner saw where I was throwing it and took off and stole Second. The First Baseman knew enough to throw the ball to the Third Baseman to stop the runner.

When the inning ended and I got back to the dugout, the other players began to scold and ridicule me for my stupid throw."

"Oh, that mistake does not sound so very bad to me. It was apparently a big deal to you as you remember it now, what was it like ten years ago?"

"At the time it was a very big deal to me but that is not why I remember it so very clearly. That night I had what I will call a dream. I do not think it was a dream, it was more like a memory, a very old memory.

That was not the only night I had these "memory dreams". I do not think I ever had the same one in all the years these took place. They were all like a refresher course in baseball. I call it refresher, as they always seemed to be recalling memories rather than learning something new. They all took place looking through my eyes. There were times when I noticed things that suggest these took place a lot of years ago even though I was nine or ten when they began. The look of the ball or glove suggested they were not modern. "

"So, You are saying that the great insight your coach spoke about was because of these old memories?"

"Yes"

"What did they look like?"

"They all took place during a ballgame. They were never the same game or at least I do not think they were but events would take place, such as a grounder coming to me while playing Second Base. I would stop the ball and do something with it. I would then review it in my mind and learn something from it. To be quite honest, I seemed to learn more from events where I did something wrong."

"It's not baseball season now so what caused you to be sitting at the table thinking about these baseball memories?"

"Well Dad, last night I had another memory event but it was not about baseball."

"What was it about?"

"Well, it was about girls, or more accurately it was about boy/girl relationships."

"Boy, that was a change in direction."

"Let me explain. Last week there was an incident. There is a girl I like that has the locker right next to mine. Every day we talk a little but never much more than saying Good Morning or some other small talk. That day I wanted to make things go further and began to ask her for a date. My timing was not great. Just as I was beginning, a friend of hers came up and figured out what I was doing. The friend began to scold me and ridicule me for trying to date outside of my league. Katie, my locker friend, was clearly embarrassed by her friend's behavior but did nothing to stop it. Soon they left me standing at my locker feeling like shit.

"So, what happened in your memory event?"

"It was different this time. It was still through my eyes and events occurred but it seemed that this time there was another person talking to me, a woman. I think she may be a mentor but I am not totally clear on this."

"What did you learn?"

"I cannot say that I am totally sure about that either but I think the message is that the most important trait in being attractive is self-confidence. I am not talking about braggadocious but about true self-confidence, liking ones self."

"I think this mentor has hit the nail on the head, Darin. I couldn't agree more! Unfortunately, this conversation needs to end so that you can get to school on time."

"Thanks Dad for listening!"

"You are most welcome! Let me know if I can help and good luck today!"

"What do you mean?"

"You are going to see Katie today are you not? My suggestion is that you plan ahead as to what message you intend to communicate to her."

I jumped in my car, a ten year old hand me down from my parents, and headed off to school.

What I had not told my dad was that last night was not the first of the memory events. I have had one each night since the Friday incident.

The first night's memory event took place the same night as the locker incident. In that one I was reintroduced to Barbara. She was the proverbial older woman. I was standing on her doorstep when she answered her door. I had apparently knocked. She welcomed me in. When I saw her face I knew her immediately. She was my next door neighbor. After I closed the door behind me, she took my hand and led me into the room. Somehow I knew that I had been here before.

I had great difficulty not looking down her blouse at her cleavage which was on display due to the dress she was wearing. When she caught me looking, she just smiled. She placed her hands on either side of my face and gave me a soft quick kiss on my lips. Encouraged by the kiss I moved to wrap her in my arms and in the process accidentally brushed my left hand across her breast. My intent was to hold her close to me. When I touched her breast, I stopped moving and I am sure my eye bulged and my doubt shot up, "I apologize, my intention was to wrap you in my arms."

Barbara looked into my eyes and said, "Alan, What a lady finds most appealing in a man is self-confidence. Sometimes that self-confidence is exhibited through an apology, however, an accidental touch during a simple hug is not one of them. If I were to have called you on that touch, an apology shows confidence by taking responsibility. By apologizing in advance of any indication of offense on my part shows insecurity."

That, I thought, was a lot to think about.

If you haven't figured it out as yet, my name is Darin and I am a high school senior. I live in the midwest with a middle class family. I have two parents and a younger sister and attend a public high school. I am not one of the "in" crowd but more of a nerd. I do, however, play baseball. I love baseball. During my memory events or dreams, I still do not know what to call them, my name is Alan.

When I got to my locker, Katie was not there. I am sure it was due to my being so late. I again thought about my time with Barbara, the events and lessons. I think the key learning is liking myself and the self confidence that exhibits. I 'm not sure how to show that to others or how much I like myself. I have lots of doubts about myself and of who I am.

Sitting in class I am afraid that I did not pay much attention to what was going on but instead was deep in thought about the issue of the moment. Reviewing the incident from last week, I am wondering about how to respond to Katie when next I saw her and when I saw Lois, the girl who caused the incident.

One of the things Barbara spoke of was, "Little Girl Drama" and to not get caught up in it. Barbara said. "I saw you the other day speaking with that Smith girl and I think the Lacy girl, in front of the store and was wondering how it went.?

"It went OK, I think. There were so many comments made by the two of them that did not seem to have any context. They also spoke negatively about a third girl that we all know. My head was in a spin once they left."

Well Alan, you do know that there is a difference between girls and women as well as between boys and men. And you should also know that it has very little to do with age. It goes back to that self-confidence we spoke about. I believe men find women with self-confidence very appealing while boys find them intimidating. Women and girls find men with self-confidence very appealing but girls then attempt to play games with the males' emotions. Don't become confused. Girls have something I call, Little Girl Drama. Get involved in that at your own peril. Boys are tempted to get involved while men know better. It is best to stay above it. Recognize it and then ignore it. By that I mean, do not allow your emotions to react to it. When you recognize it, become very diligent with your emotions. Keep your thoughts coming from your brain and not your ego.

Suddenly it all made sense. If I let Lois's statements bother me, I am getting caught up in this drama. It really does not have anything to do with me but with her. I could feel my body relax and my mind become peaceful.

I could now return my attention to class.

I stopped by my locker prior to lunch but again missed seeing Katie but I did see her at the end of the day. I could see she was not feeling comfortable when I said, "Hi!"

She turned to me with what I was interpreting as a red face and said, "Darin, I apologize for last Friday."

"Hey, Katie, it was not your doing so please don't own it."

"But Darin, I should have said something to stop it at the time."

Shaking my head I said, "Katie, I know that I was taken back by what happened and did not know what to say in response, so it is easy for me to understand you being in the same place, without words."

"Thanks Darin" Katie then placed her hand on my arm and had a smile on her face. Lois showed up at that point and clearly could not look at me but said, "Come on Katie, I have to get home."

The two of them walked away but not before Katie turned and said, "Bye Darin, see you tomorrow."

"Yes, tomorrow and have fun tonight!"

As I walked out of school that day I realized that I had a smile on my face and felt good about myself. I think I have discovered at least one way to show to others my self-confidence.

While I walked to my car and drove home that afternoon, I again was thinking about my "memory dreams'. When events are happening to me while being Darin, I have a cell phone, access to the internet, and drive a car. I think of these events being on "real time". When I am Alan, and I am still attempting to figure things out, my clothes and the furniture that I have seen in these memory events appear to me to suggest late 1800's or early 1900's.

That evening as I crawled into bed, I wondered if I would again have a memory event and what it might be. Unfortunately, I was so wound up due to the day's events that I could not seem to fall asleep. I must have been very tired by the time I did fall asleep, that I was unconscious until I noticed the sun was high and bright in the sky. When I dug my body out to the bed, I headed for the shower. Suddenly, I realized that the house I was in was not my house and there was no shower.

I found and looked into a mirror. It was not a modern mirror but it did work. The backing silver was flaking off the edges and some places were bubbling toward the center. I stared at myself for a long time.

The person I was seeing in the mirror was familiar to me but was not me. The guy in the mirror was blond, I, Darin, am brown headed. This guy must be Alan. I am guessing Alan is older than Darin by a few years. Darin is eighteen and about to graduate from High School. As best I could determine, Alan was the same height and build that I have as Darin. This Alan guy did not have a very good hair cut. As I studied his hair in the mirror I noticed the night shirt he, I, was wearing. It was a nightshirt of some kind. I, Darin, usually slept naked and if I wore anything, it was a tee shirt. These observations confirmed for me that in this setting, I was Alan.

I looked around the room for my clothes and found a pair of pants and a shirt. They looked relatively clean so I put them on. I looked around and found a clean pair of socks in a chest of drawers and a pair of shoes at the foot of the bed and put those on as well.

This was the first time in any of my dream/memory events that I was put in the position of making decisions. It had always been a situation taking place and I was the observer and then analyzed the situation to be able to learn from it. This was feeling more and more like real life.

I found the door and walked out into the hallway, then found the stairs and went down. At the bottom I was in what was clearly the dining room. I saw an open doorway and walked into the kitchen. I saw a woman there and knew immediately that it was my mother, well Alan's mother. As I gave her a hug and felt very comfortable doing so. She felt like my mom.

"Alan, Mrs Hutton would like you to come over and help her today."

"OK, I will go over right after I eat something."

"She told me she would like you to help with some yard work so you might want to change clothes before you go over."

"OK mom, What's for breakfast?"

"I have some Oatmeal on the stove and you know where the milk is to be found."

I walked into the pantry and pumped some water with which to wash my hands and face.

After eating and going back upstairs to change clothes into a shirt and pants that were a bit worn, I came down and went to the back porch to find my work boots. I then walked across the lawn to the neighbor's house and knocked on the back door. Barbara opened the door with a smile.

"There's my handsome man."

"Good Morning Beautiful!"

"Oh, I bet you say that to all your women."

"You know very well that I do not have any other woman."

"Oh, but you know you should. We can talk more about that today as we work in the backyard."

We walked over to the garden shed and took out some tools. Barbara handed me a shovel while she picked up a rake and a hoe.

"I want to grow a garden this year. Last fall I moved in too late to grow one."

We then moved to the garden area. The garden had been prepared by the previous owners then left to go to the weeds once they decided that they would be moving. Last fall I helped Barbara to clean up the weeds in preparation for this year's growing season.

"If you would turn the soil, I will break it up and smooth it out with the rake and hoe."

As I worked on turning the soil I began to remember my first meeting with Mrs. Hutton. She was in the process of moving in next door. When my mother realized that we had a new neighbor she roused me out of whatever it was that I was doing and took me with her to meet this new neighbor. Within only a few minutes I was tasked with helping move furniture from the wagon and into the house. The men and the wagon had hauled the furniture from the train station to the house.

Over the past nine or so months my mother had volunteered me to help Mrs Hutton, now Barbara numerous times. By the end of the very first day she had asked me to call her Barbara. I did when I was with her but quickly learned to not refer to her in the presence of my mother by the name Barbara.

It turned out that Mrs. Hutton was a new teacher at the elementary school. She was moving to our town from more than a hundred miles away. We did not know anything about Mr. Hutton. She lived in the house next door by herself. She told me that first day that she had just graduated from college the previous Spring and this was her first teaching job.

As I dug and turned the soil Barbara was breaking up the clumps with the rake or hoe and smoothing it out to be planted. I could not help but notice her figure as she worked. I also noticed when as the day became warmer she opened some buttons on her blouse. I also noticed her bottom tightly encased in those pants she was wearing. When I did this there was always a tightening in my pants so I had to turn away and be careful about how often I looked.

When we stopped for a break and to get a drink of water, Barbara would always seem to ask me about the girls in my life. I cannot say that I really had any girls in my life. I spent my days working in a grain and seed elevator where no women worked or at baseball practice and again no women worked there. There were women at church and of course in the stands during the ball games but I was rather limited in my opportunity to interact with them.

She would both encourage me to talk with women and to talk with her about women.

It was not too long before I noticed that it appeared that Barbara was making sure she was positioned in such a way as to provide me with a view down the front of her blouse. She was standing in front of me while leaning over with a rake in her hand. The top buttons of her blouse were open and allowed me a view of part of her right breast hanging off her chest and the bra that encompassed it.

She stopped raking and looked up at me. "Like what you see?"

"Yes, I thoroughly do!"

Barbara laughed, "Do you realize how much you have changed since we have begun our little project?"

I looked at her with what must have looked like confusion, for that is what I was feeling.

"That first day you came over to help me with a project many months ago, you were tongue tied.

The first time you got a view down my neckline I thought you were going to hurt yourself when you stumbled about and practically could not walk. Now when you see my chest you banter with me."

With a smile on my face I said, "Yes, that's because that view has become commonplace. And holds less interest."

Barbara burst into such laughter that she ended up sitting down on the turned soil. She had a difficult time catching her breath. When I leaned down to help her up, she made sure I got another great view of her chest. Once standing she looked into my eyes and again burst into laughter.

"Oh, Alan, your confidence is really showing. How have your interactions with the young ladies been going?"

"It looks like the two of you are having fun" came the statement from behind me. I turned and saw my mother standing at the edge of the garden. "I came over to see if either of you needed anything from town. I am going shopping today."

I was in a bit of a muddle and could not find words.

"Thanks Alice, I do not know about Alan but I went shopping yesterday so I think I have everything I need."

By that time I had gotten my head on straight and was able to talk. "I don't need anything, but do you need help getting things ready?"

"No, I am just going to catch the trolley. I hope you continue with your fun. I should be home by supper time."

"Bye, I am sure Mrs. Hutton has more work for me. I can only hope it will be fun too."

"Bye Alice"

Barbara and I returned to turning and raking the soil. After a few minutes Barbara again asked, "So, how have things been going with those young ladies I often see you watching?"

"To be honest, I do not know how to measure that."

"Well, one way is to answer the question, Are they glad to see you when you get close to them? Another is, do they seek you out? Do they try to get your attention? Do they flirt with you?"

"I don't know how to answer those questions either."

"Alan, clearly you are not paying attention. There are two things you must learn from this conversation. One, you cannot learn the answer to these very important questions unless you pay attention and Two, Women want to be the center of your attention.

She gave me some time for that to sink in and for me to return to my digging rather than holding up a shovel.