Meg

Meg sat at a kitchen stool in Alex's house. She'd baked blueberry muffins for the boys, and she munched on one herself while they practiced. She'd chosen not to sit in the living room since the drum set was so loud, but she wasn't sure that the small distance between the living room and kitchen made much of a difference. She'd forgotten how loud instruments could be.

While they were not playing, talking about how to adjust a new song, a different chord here, a change in volume there, she flipped through a novel she was reading, but when they started playing again, she would mark her place and watch them. Alex would occasionally look up from his drum set and smile at her.

When they finished playing, Roy and Joel set their guitars on stands and unplugged the amps. Alex set down his drumsticks and went to Meg at the counter.

"Come on upstairs," he told her.

He snagged two blondies for himself and she followed him upstairs. He sat in his desk chair and ate the pastries, his eyes looking her over as he chewed.

"I think I like having my girlfriend at band practice," Alex told her.

"She likes being there, too," Meg said. Meg sat on his bed, leaning against the pillows.

Alex finished eating and wiped his fingers on his pants.

"I love you," he said simply.

Meg stared at him. She realized her mouth was hanging open slightly, and she closed it.

"Goddamn it," Alex said. "Again?"

"I'm sorry," Meg said. "You took me by surprise."

"Well, do you or don't you?"

"I don't know," Meg whispered.

Alex put his head in his hands and Meg knew they were remembering the same moment. They'd been together for a few months, and they had been making out on the couch on the porch. Earlier, he'd put a record on the record player and they'd danced. She was wrapped in his black sweatshirt, and his arms were around her, and he stopped kissing her to say "I love you."

Then Alex had pulled her into a tight hug, and she'd whispered "I love you, too."

It had been the only time she'd said it, because later she wondered if it was too soon, and she had wished she could take it back. For months, she'd thought he'd heard her that one time, thought he'd remember her saying those words even if she couldn't bring herself to say it again.

But then, when they'd broken up, and she'd handed him back his sweatshirt, he said, "All those times I said I loved you, and you never said it back. Did you ever really care about me?" And Meg realized he hadn't heard her that one time, and she wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing.

Now, Alex picked his head back off his hands and looked at Meg again. "Look, it's okay if you're not ready to say it yet," he said. "And I'm fine if you're not the type of person to give long speeches about your feelings. But I wish that sometimes you would tell me how you feel, you know? It's always me saying those things. And it'd be nice to know you feel them too."

"I do," Meg whispered.

"Not now," Alex said. He got to his feet. "I'm going to go downstairs for a bit. I need some space."

Meg nodded miserably. He shut the door behind him as he left and then there was silence, heavy on Meg's body. She hugged one of his pillows to her chest.

After Alex, she had never told another guy that she loved them. After being cheated on, assaulted, and having watched other women get abused by men, both emotionally and physically, it was hard to say those words. They felt too binding.

She didn't know what it would take to say those words. She didn't know if she'd ever be able to.

She did know that the thought she'd hurt Alex hurt her as well, but she also wouldn't compromise who she was for him.

She grabbed her book and tried to read, but she couldn't concentrate, and she stared at the page until Alex came back upstairs.

"I really care about you," Meg said, "and when I'm not with you, I wish I was."

Alex smiled. "Thank you. I can live with that."

He sat on the bed and kissed her. He plucked the book from her hands and set it gently on the floor.

He kissed her again, pulling her hair away from her face, his fingers on the side of her neck, thumb beneath her chin.

He reached for the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head. He kissed her collarbone, her shoulders, then her lips again. He pulled Meg into his lap, holding her tight in his arms. He kissed her until she was trembling in her need for him.

Alex laid her down on the bed and pulled off her pants and underwear, and she shivered in just her bra. Goosebumps decorated her legs.

He put his finger on her clit and slowly pressed it, rubbing little circles. He was looking into her eyes, and Meg couldn't hold the intensity of his gaze. She looked over his shoulder, at the white wall and his closet door.

He increased his pressure and speed, watching her face as it twitched. Her eyes closed and her body twisted over the blankets.

Alex slowed down again, then dipped his finger inside her. She barely felt the first finger and he soon slid in his second. She knew she must be wet, open and ready for him.

He beckoned his fingers, moving them to that perfect spot inside her, and she tried to keep her feet from kicking out in pleasure. Her spine arched and she stared at the ceiling without seeing it as he moved his fingers, finger painting patterns on her insides.

He had released his penis from his pants, and as one of his hands worked magic inside her, his other held his dick, rubbing it slowly. As Meg came down from the orgasm, he slowly removed his fingers. He stood to remove the rest of his clothes and grab a condom.

"Sit on my lap," he told her as he sat on the edge of the bed.

She obeyed, sitting back onto his lap, his cock spearing her. He pulled her back against his chest, holding her tight against him. He rocked his hips a little, wiggling his penis inside her, feeling her out.

Alex loosened his hold on her enough so she could bounce up and down atop him, and she moaned every time his penis sunk deep inside her, completely filling her. Alex gripped her hips, pulling her down harder each time.

Meg pulsed until her thighs were on fire. As her momentum slowed, Alex pushed her forward to standing and he stood as well. He eased her back on the bed on her stomach, pulling her thighs apart as far as they would go. He pressed his palms into her ass cheeks, keeping her flat on the bed, and guided his cock back inside her.

Meg moaned as he pushed all the way in, his fingers gripping her ass. Then he picked up the pace, slapping her ass as he did, until suddenly she was coming, her head tossing and turning, her legs spasming, and she cried out into the blankets as he kept pushing and slapping, pushing and slapping.

He slowed again, always in tune to the pace she needed in the moment.

"Flip over," he told her and she did. He entered her again, and he guided one of her legs up against his shoulder.

He looked into her eyes, deeply, like he could see all the way to her heart. She looked away, but Alex guided her chin back to center.

"I want to see your eyes as I make you come," he whispered.

And then he made her come. He pushed hard, and fast, his mint green eyes determined and also showing such adoration for her, and her body bucked and writhed but she kept her eyes on him, trying to show him in her expression what he meant to her, not just in this moment, but always, tried to show that if she had a bad day, he was the one she wanted to call, if she had a day off, he was the one she wanted to spend it with, and she hoped even a little piece of that would express itself through her eyes.

Alex gave a final thrust, a grunt, and then every single muscle in his face relaxed. He leaned forward and kissed her tenderly, his lips soft against hers.

They lay side by side in the bed, and Alex pulled up a blanket to cover Meg. He stayed above the covers, still warm, and she watched his penis slowly deflate. He finally got up, took off the condom, and, throwing a robe around his shoulders, left to pee. She did the same when he returned and then she crawled under the blankets again with him. She curled up against his side, resting her cheek against his chest.

She didn't fall asleep easily that night. Her mind was filled with things she wanted, but couldn't say, and she wished letting her emotions out was as easy for her as it was for him. But his presence beside her calmed her, and eventually she was lulled into a slumber.