Max & Lili

Hello Dear Readers,

Can I just say writing is hard work? I know how many of you hate it when you come across a 2 or 3 pager. Truth be told, it kinda ticks me off too.

After my last submission of Max & Lili posted at just three pages, I went back and took a look - I just knew I'd written more than

that

!

Turns out that a perfectly respectable 13 pages in Word = 2 online pages. Sadly, I think that this is yet another 2 or 3 pager. The struggle continues.

And so between that, family and friend struggles, holidays and my new day job, that's been the hold up.

Following 2 separate story lines seemed like a good idea at the time -- what on earth was I thinking?

All this to say that I am sorry for leaving Max & Lili for so long.

Bear with me people

*****

Waiting for Jackson's recital to start, hoping my stomach holds. Listening to the annoying existential bullshit talk between the parents behind me and trying not to be ticked by the fact that Max is running late.

Come to think of it, its 10 minutes to curtain and I am the only one here. Where is everyone?

Lili's stomach does a somersault and she shifts uneasily on her seat. Leaning forward she props her elbows on her knees, arms crossed at the wrist and takes a deep breath and closes her eyes for what seems like a minute.

"You ok Lili-pie?"

"I'm good Uncle J, just tired is all."

How in the hell am I supposed to say that I am pregnant again for Max?

Lili gave a cynically bitter laugh. At least I don't have a bunch of different baby daddy's.

Uncle J was asking her something.

She snapped out of her stupor, surprised to see that children have materialized on stage.

Our Jackson is the best-looking kid up there.

My son is a little character. Insisted he wanted a proper 3-piece suit to wear.

And so his crazy aunt, my ridiculously happy newly married, sister - immediately bought him one and had it tailored to fit.

A tailored 3-piece suit for a 6 year old that will have outgrown it by the time Christmas break is over.

Here they are at last thank god. An accident had traffic snarled so the rest of the family arrives at the same time.

After a hellishly rousing game of musical chairs its determined that Max & I should sit together for Jackson's sake.

And here we go with the bullshit.

I have done well to keep my situation private; I have a few weeks yet to decide if I want to go through with this pregnancy.

My little boy is so beautiful up there. Him and his choir partner make quite the pair. She has pink hair, tied with a black and silver ribbon that coincidentally matches my son's tie.

He's still at the girls are gross stage, and I can tell he is not feeling the pairing by the way he leans away from her.

His father beside me though is the complete opposite. I know he's filming Jackson, but there is entirely no need for him to lean half of his body onto me to do so.

He smells sooo good though. God help me.

I give him a little shove and he moves back into his chair.

***********

Even though she's still so very angry with me, I find myself fantasizing more and more about her.

She used to give herself to me with no limits and now . . . Man, its been weeks! My appetite has been whetted and I am craving another taste.

But, no one and I mean

no one

, does cold war better than Lili. So acutely civil that it borders on severe.

Very willingly, she gave me access to Jackson.

But as far as me, she acted like we didn't know each other, and in no way ever would again.

I tried a little flirting, and got absolutely nothing. Her only response was a very stern, very cold look.

I was sure that I had been making progress and now find myself inexplicably shut out and cut off from her, again.

That it's my fault makes it all the more galling.

The only thing that keeps me relatively sane is my training regimen. My military years have served me well and I still work out - alternating between running and lifting just about every day.

Like any good sailor, Max vowed to soldier on. Quitting was not an option.

But damned if she's not the most stubborn person I've ever seen. Nothing moves her these days - not her favorite breakfast, not jokes, nothing.

Max turned to the disgustingly happy Dax, for guidance.

"I got problems man. Problems I'm not used to having.

I was leading a nice quiet life, and now . . .

Mom is

still

angry with me, having chosen sides along party lines.

And Lili is not only angry with me, she doesn't trust me Dax.

She's not letting me in - it's a total freeze out, man. Won't even let me casually touch her. I don't know what to do about it."

"Feed her."

"What?"

My brother can be infuriatingly cryptic.

"Pay attention. Close attention. Use those NSA/FBI powers of observation if need be. Find out about her life. Discover what she wants, be it food or whatever and give it to her. Feed her.

Give it to her until she just can't take it anymore. Until she's yours - and then commit to doing it for the rest of her life. Easy."

"Just give her what she wants? "

That's his sage advice, with that headstrong, spoiled-rotten wife of his? Figures.

"Give her that, but mainly give her what she needs. That's the tricky thing, figuring that out. I'm telling you now, you had better be willing to commit. For the peace of all concerned parties."

Shit I know where he's going with that and what he means. Love yes, but I'm not sure either of us are ready for marriage.

"Commit to a lifelong project of tweaking and adjusting, interspersed with bouts of bittersweet acceptance.

Look at mom and pops?"

I can hear his Lulu in the background trilling to him in Italian no less to come and find her. There's no telling what's going on over there.

Dax clears his throat.

"Look man, I gotta go, the pussy's getting cold, ya know."

Yeah right. Like that pretty, fat-bottomed, little wife of his is ever

allowed

to get cold.

"Later, asshole." Dax rang off with a laugh.

And so Max took a leave of absence and made a start. He found a place between Lili's place and his parents.

After his rain or shine run, mornings saw him faithfully preparing and delivering a thermos of Hot cocoa and cheese tartine for Jackson and huevos rancheros for Lili.

Max, always a quick study - immediately settled into school events, band and soccer practice, and childcare, getting to know his very lovable child.

Trying to make up for lost time Max found a kinetic wooden toy at the children's museum and impulsively bought it to assemble with Jackson.

He watched with satisfaction as Jackson tore into the wrapping paper and immediately laid out the pieces in an orderly way.

The little boy studied them for several moments and looked at the picture again and then began to quickly assemble it, unassisted, remarkable.

"So, what are you going to be when you grow up?"

"I'm gonna build stuff like Mama, and uncle Lenny or maybe uncle Harry. Uncle Harry builds big stuff."

"So you like the tartine and cocoa for breakfast?"

"Yeah, the chocolate stays hot a long time and I like the cheesy toast a lot!"

"That was my favorite thing as a boy too. Can I bring you anything else for breakfast?

"Hmmm . . . maybe bacon. The fat kind like aunt Lulu makes me."

Max chuckled.

"Ok, I will remember that."

"But Daddy?"

Max's heart clenched each time he heard that word. Daddy. It still shocked him.

For many years, or so he thought, he had been painstakingly careful not to father a child.

He was always particular in his selection process. Finding creatures like himself with a similar worldview to take out his desires on. He'd fuck them once or twice, lose interest and quickly but politely move on.

Until he happened upon the irresistibly sweet Lili.

But he found himself loving fatherhood.

To look at a little person you've helped create and see not only yourself and herself reflected in them but aspects and influences from all over. I see Pops in there, Dax in there, Lenny and Uncle Jack, Lulu.

Remarkable.

"Yes?"

"Don't bring mommy the wavy-vo stuff again. It makes her sad."

"I'm sorry I didn't know that."

Well that's different? Lili loves huevos rancheros?

"I thought that was her favorite breakfast."

"Nah, her favorite is bacon and eggs with crispy fries. But now she eats this bitter squash melon stuff for breakfast. I think it's food for growing the baby, it's gross!"

Jackson pulls a face, turns down his mouth and sticks out his tongue and makes a gagging sound.

"Blech!!"

Max smiled at that and then stopped short.

Baby?

He had no intention of pumping his son for facts. However,

volunteered

information was another matter altogether.

As casually as he could, Max questioned Jackson.

"Mommy is growing a baby?

"Yeah," said Jackson distractedly, "that's what she told Aunt Eddie, the lady doctor for the lady parts."

"So, how long has mommy been growing a baby?" Max casually asked.

"Not sure, I thought she said since the wedding. I think she ate too much.

My friend Tyler said that when daddies feed the mommies and they eat too much, they get too full and then babies come out. I saw you give mommy a plate of food but I don't think she ate it all."

Jackson stopped.

"Daddy, what are lady parts? Everyone says I'm too little to understand, but I understand all kinds of parts. I mean look? I almost finished building this."

He held up the wooden dinosaur.

"I know about my boy parts and not to let anyone touch them except for the doctor and when I get a bath."

Whoa. Ummm? Wow. They don't train for this at the NSA.

The doorbell rings. I'm saved!

Uncle Jack takes in Max's somewhat agitated and relieved state at a glance.

"You look glad to see me son. What's my Jackson up to?"

"He's very curious -- today's question was about lady parts."

Uncle Jack rocked back on his heels bellowing laughter, quickly sobering as Max went on to explain how the subject of lady parts came up in the first place, Lili's new baby growing diet.

"I wasn't aware she was pregnant that first time. But, I mean to do right by her, sir, if she'll have me. Hard going so far."

Uncle Jack thought quietly for some moments.

"Lili was never the trouble maker Lulu was. That's not to say though that she's not made of sterner stuff than most people give her credit for.

Lili-pie was a sweet, dutiful and tender child. And she has turned into a fine and wonderful woman with a finely honed sense of purpose.

She was a late-bloomer. No sooner had she pouted out with the boys just starting to bother her, than she took up with your full-grown self out West, at barely 21."

Implication, accusation and condemnation, all present and accounted for.

"She knows the truth about people pretty well. So, if she's holding you at arms length she must have her reasons.

I try to stay out of her affairs, but Lili's a favorite of mine and so I will be watching out for her and little Jack while you two work it out."

Uncle Jack gives him the hard look.

"Just giving you fair warning."

The older man blinks placidly.

"Yes, sir. I understand. I am heading over to the garage to talk to her now."

"Try not to upset her, son."

Warns Uncle Jack.

Orphan my ass! Thought Max as he headed out.

---------------------------------

There she is, my grease and dirt splattered angel.

Coveralls peeled back hanging down around her waist, tight wife beater and sports bra. Dark hair under a backwards baseball cap, strands clinging to her cheek; a serious scowl on her pretty face as she works a pneumatic drill.

Max is looking and liking the view.

Sparing him a harsh glance, Lili is not up for it.

She doesn't feel well, and is running behind. The last thing she wants is to be caught looking less than her best by Max of all people, today.

"What do you want, Max?"

She bristled.

"Are you kidding me? You've been more or less dodging me for weeks now. I want to talk to you lady."

Fairly vibrating with barely suppressed feeling, Max stepped closer to her.

Feeling the hairs on his arm rise though, he stopped short, looking around, as three men stop working to stare at him.

"Paolo, Bertie, Nico - take 10!" Snapped out Lili.

They paused in place, assessing my threat level.

I pass the smell test and eventually they drift off through the raised doors. Immediately I see small clouds of cigarette smoke.

Wiping the grease and dirt off her hands, Lili addresses me brusquely.

"I want you out of my garage. Now."

"And I want you, newly pregnant woman, to come from under the 10 ton vehicle."

His voice was tight.

She blushed angrily, before picking up a wrench as long as her arm, pointing it at my chest.

"You've been investigating? Already poking your nose in where no one asked you. I worked here 7 months pregnant with Jackson. I'm fine."

Taking her left arm in hand, he looks at the bruise marring her skin before giving her a pointedly dark look.

He decided to start with facts.

"You're pregnant, it's mine."

Her lips tightened angrily and she gave a brief short nod.

"And I am surely sorry for it too."

He looked pained by her statement. And as upset as she was, Lili understood why.

For a man who'd spent so much time being a confirmed lifelong bachelor she was quickly learning that there was a very tender, almost vulnerable part of his heart that strongly valued family.

He and Jackson are bonding so quickly and it's wonderful to see. But still, man . . .

Max swallowed thickly.

"Are you going to have it? "

He waited and she could sense his anxiety over her answer. Who are we kidding here? I'm already taking the vitamins and eating the food. This child is coming.

"I am."

He breathed a sigh of relief.

Dax's advice about giving her what she wants would have to wait.

"I am glad about that. But Lili? I mean to be involved in my children's lives, and that includes you. If you doubt my resolve I can only pity you."

"I never said you couldn't be involved. I don't see what it has to do with me. We made children. Doesn't mean we have a relationship."

"Lili, you know better than that."

He rubbed his neck and looked around the garage at all the tools and cans of gods knows what and inwardly cringed.

He could not have her working here and had no earthly idea what he was going to do to stop it but really.

"We should go and talk about this."

He looked her over again thinking of solvents and grease and possible effects on the baby. Having worked with petroleum, he had learned to be leery of such things.

"Maybe you should clean up first though."

Lili and her hormones took the statement the wrong way and she promptly burst into tears.

For the second time that day Max found himself at a loss.

"Baby, I didn't mean anything by it, you are the most beautiful little grease monkey I have ever seen, always have been."

"Yeah?" She sniffled and took the clean handkerchief he proffered.

"Of course you are, and you know it. But we need to get those chemicals off your skin, love."

As he managed to gather her to him, her cheek fit perfectly in his collarbone, something in his chest loosened a bit. He gently kissed her forehead and red little nose, grease and all.

Paolo had quietly slipped in when he heard her crying, but upon seeing Max caring for her, gave a silent nod of approval and drifted back out.

"Now come on, blow your nose, put on your jacket and come home."

As he drove them, Max explained to her some of the things he'd seen as far as women living near the oil refineries back home. Not wanting to scare her, he kept it brief and didn't go into great detail, but she understood his concern.

She quietly nodded. Another reason she was glad to have come away from the airplane factory when she did, the lead in the gasoline could have been introduced to Jackson in utero and caused brain and developmental damage.

Max continued talking, but Lili's mind was elsewhere. She let her mind drift. That goddamned shark tattoo. She could see the fin peeking out of his shirt even now. She smiled and fell asleep.

******************************

April 2006

Besides her family, Lili had four loves in life -- Authentic Huevos Rancheros, Laughing hysterically, Pink Champagne and Sharks; simple enough, but each love was more nuanced and complex, than the next.

These four things more or less conspired to bring her and Max together.

Fresh out of the air force after 3 long challenging but educational years - independent and Living in Texas, on her own at last.

Lulu had been tipped off about a concert and invited her to fly out to Palm Springs for some sister time and to celebrate with spa time, a concert and Baja vacation.

Barely had she arrived at Palm Springs international airport before the madness began. Lulu arranged for them to go shark fishing in Baja.

While she loved fishing and respected the local fishermen's right to make their way in this world the best way they knew how, Lili had no wish to hunt the magnificent animals.

Lili finally talked Lou into caged shark diving instead. She wanted to come out of this adventure unscathed and with all her digits intact and sometimes you just couldn't tell with Lulu.

She genuinely admired the beautifully deadly creatures that never stopped swimming, even in their sleep they are always moving forward.

Harry flew in from San Francisco, he had some hi-falutin architectural event to attend, but wanted to see the concert and catch up with us girls. Namely Lulu, he and she looked to be a thing again.

Lili inwardly rolled her eyes. Those two needed to decide already.

With great pomp and circumstance -- namely Lulu pulling us up to the hotel like a racecar driver and tossing the keys at a parking attendant after winking at him outrageously - we checked into the Riviera Palm Springs.

Lou'd just won her second major lawsuit and is flush with cash and ready to party like a rock star.

Once we arrive in the room she gives me a long and tight hug.

"I have missed you little girl."

I couldn't help but smile. I am taller than Lulu by like 5 inches and still I'm a

little girl

.

As wild as she is, she's the best big sister I could ever hope for.

Holding my arms out, Lou turns me this way and that, looking me over and shaking her head. I'm all legs and hair, but my ass isn't bad at all and my boobs seem to finally have arrived.

My sister though is built like a bombshell - flame red hair - tits and ass for days.

"You are coming along nicely; Absolutely beautiful, but still way too skinny schmecken. We are going to see if we can put a few pounds on you on this vacation.

I bought you some bikinis from Rio and I want to see you reach your potential and fill them out."

"Lou, I don't want to be traipsing all over Cali and Mexico with my ass hanging out."

"Relax. I know what I'm doing."

Sure enough when I try on a white bikini, it fits well and isn't scandalous in the least. Lou ties a white lacey shawl about my hips and in an instant I feel pretty and comfortable.

Lou looks at me and goes, "See."

Wearing a dark green one piece with white palazzo pants and black leather sandals my sister is very understatedly chic.

We grab our bags and go.

After 3 days of eating drinking, pampering and shopping - it was time to party.

Everyone had their individual agendas Kanye for Harry, Depeche Mode and Sigur Ros for Lulu -- Ladytron and TV on the Radio for everybody - some plans dovetailed and some not, but we decided to stick together for each event regardless.

And then at last there was Daft Punk and the electric light show/dance party. Dancing dancing dancing. Head thrown back really just feeling the music.