AVERY
The next morning, I stretched in my bed as my mind pulled together the events of the previous night. Did Mr. Crawford really put his mouth on me... there? And then he had said, "I'm going to fuck you." It really wasn't what he said but how he said it. His voice sounded almost desperate. Almost like he had wanted to for a while now and just... hadn't. I had no idea how I was going to face him now. My cheeks grew hot at the mere thought of it.
Glancing at my clock, I noticed it was much later than I had planned on sleeping. With a grunt, I pushed myself up and grabbed the throw off of my bed to wrap around myself. Last night was a good indicator that my sleepwear was accessible. I think I finally understood why he pushed for me to have more conservative pajamas. I pulled on some socks and slipped out of my room to make my way downstairs.
He was seated at the breakfast table, a steaming cup of coffee in his hand. Although he was usually on some device, today he was just staring out of the window at the frozen lake. He was handsome, sitting there and gazing at the little slice of heaven that was his backyard. I shuffled my feet to make a little noise and he looked over at me as I approached. His smile was a welcoming smile, but it also seemed like it pained him to give me only that much.
"Good morning, Avery. How'd you sleep?"
Horny as all get out. "Okay. You?"
He ran a hand through his hair and I couldn't believe how sexy he looked. "Okay, too, I guess." He groaned and sat up a little straighter. "Would you like something to eat? No Clyde on the weekends. He wasn't supposed to be here yesterday but did me a favor since it was a half day for him. But I'm not completely incapable. Would you like a cup of coffee?"
I looked over at the kitchen. "I can make it if you just tell me how."
He stood and walked over to me.
"Nonsense." He placed a hand on my back and ushered me toward the table. "Have a seat."
I took the chair next to his. "Okay, then."
After a few moments and some rustling in the kitchen, he returned to the table with another steaming cup and the creamer from the fridge. "Here you go." He set the cup down.
"Thanks." I palmed the cup, waiting for it to cool and absorbing the heat through my fingers. Lips pressed against my head, and I leaned into it before he had a chance to back away. He gave a small hum as if surprised, then took his seat at the head of the table.
He sighed heavily and leaned back, crossing an ankle over his knee. "I've come up with an idea."
I looked over at him. "Oh?"
He pulled his mouth into a thin line and nodded. "I would like to create a list of acceptable physical gestures between us. A list that neither of us can stray from. That way we'll have boundaries and lines won't be blurred."
I swallowed. "A list?"
"Yes. Kisses on the forehead or temple, snuggling on the couch, that kind of thing."
That actually sounded like a good idea in theory. I could probably stick to a list. "I think I can get on board with that."
He blew out a quick breath and looked me in the eyes, the hunger back from before. "I'm very attracted to you."
His eyes had locked mine in a staring contest and I suddenly felt a little trapped. And a little hot. My heart began to thud loudly in my chest, and I pondered if he heard it.
"You are?" If he was, then maybe I could give in a little. I never gave in to the things I wanted in life.
He looked away again and I felt like I could breathe. "I can't pursue you. I need this to work. I hope you can understand, and I hope you can help me with that."
What if I didn't want to help him, though? What if I wanted it, probably more than he did? Last night felt wonderful, and not just because of what happened sexually. Something about him wanting me, desiring me, felt so wonderful and so right. My pocket buzzed as my phone received a notification, and I retrieved it to take a look.
"Time's running out. Packing up for a permanent trip soon. One way, no return flight."
I licked my lips and set my phone down on the table. I could have laughed. Of course, I couldn't have Mr. Crawford. No matter how badly I wanted him, I should have known I couldn't have him, even if he wanted me back.
I felt numb. "I can help with that."
He forced a smile, and it reflected exactly how I felt in that moment. "Should we brainstorm a list?"
I took a sip of my coffee and decided that it was still too hot. I added some creamer to it and watched the creamy white disappear into the blackened depths. "Yeah, we can do that."
"Good." He opened up his laptop. "Try to think of gestures that are PDA, but not over the top. I've already held your hand, offered you my elbow, kissed your head, rested an arm over your chair."
"We've hugged."
"Hugged?"
"Outside the restaurant last night."
He paused his fingers over the keyboard. "Oh, that. Avery, that wasn't supposed to be PDA. That was my mistake."
"Oh." My cheeks grew hot. "Well, you might hug me in public?"
"I suppose that's true. I guess I can add that."
"Should we add things we might do around your sister?" I pulled my knees up and pulled the blanket around me further.
"I think that would be helpful, yes."
"Hmm. Well, how about snuggling on the couch? Any teasing touches? Tickling?"
He paused and looked over at me. "Tickling?"
"Yeah. Are you ticklish?"
"Not really. Are you?"
"No." I looked away and sipped at my coffee.
He narrowed his eyes at me. "You are."
"No, I'm not."
He chuckled. "Yes, you are. Should we find out?"
I looked back over at him. He looked so genuinely happy. Is this really what we were going to be fighting against? A chance at happiness together?
I cleared my throat, remembering my promise to him. "We should keep growing the list."
His smile faded. "You're right. How about... a peck on the lips?"
I was wondering if that might make the list. I wasn't against it and I had kind of hoped for it. "I guess."
His fingers moved over the keys quickly. "Can you think of anything else?"