Then

All characters and events are fictional, and all participants are over 18.

This is an ongoing story that jumps from the present to the past and back and some chapters -- like this one -- are backstory and build up and haven't reached the erotic climax... yet.

Ash spent the rest of the morning after first period completely disembodied from what was happening around him. He wondered if he could go to the school nurse and say he was sick, get sent home. But then he would miss out on spending lunch with Luke and the idea soured. He didn't want to not see Luke. He wanted to see him every day. He thought of his dream again. Maybe he wanted to see Luke every day... forever? But could he want that? Could he have that? And Nina...

He had noticed that Nina wasn't looking well that morning in class. She was teary and pale and didn't seem to want to hand over their assignment to the teacher. He had noticed her glance over at Luke before the class ended and then he'd known. She wanted Luke, not him. And he could understand. Luke was attractive and well-liked and smart and funny and kind... He knew exactly why Nina would like him: for the very same reasons Ash liked him. Then when she'd walked away without a word and Luke had called to her, invited her to lunch, he knew that Luke wanted her too. How could he compete with Luke? He didn't want to compete with him anyway. He wanted them to stay friends, even if nothing more could ever... could it ever?

His thoughts chased themselves around and around his head, so that when the bell rang for lunch he actually jumped in shock. He looked out the window towards the tennis courts. Well, he wouldn't compete with Luke for Nina. If he liked her and she liked him, he would let them be. He would find a way to be happy just being their friend. He slung his bag over his shoulder and headed through the halls to the lawn and the tennis courts. As he approached the stump that they usually sat behind he saw that neither Nina nor Luke were there yet. Maybe they'd gone off together somewhere already. He sat against the stump, staring into space. Oh well, he'd given it a try... sort of. Maybe he should have told her his feelings. Or told him his feelings. Or paid more attention to his feelings so he understood them better. Or maybe he should have...

He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't hear Luke approach, and flinched when he spoke.

'How was class?'

He looked up at Luke, the sun high above him, his hair shining against the blue sky, his bag slung easily over one shoulder, thumbs in his pockets. Despite everything going on in his brain, he felt his penis twitch. Oh no. What was he going to do?

'Uh, it uh, it... it was fine. I think. How about you?'

Luke dumped his bag on the ground and sat against the stump beside Ash, his denim-clad leg pressing against Ash's itchy-school-uniformed one. Ash kept perfectly still, willing himself not to get an erection, trying to ignore the fire that spread along his thigh where Luke leaned against him. Why was he so close? Was this a threat? Should he move? The stump wasn't very big. Maybe it didn't mean anything.

Luke cleared his throat and Ash finally noticed how serious his expression was.

'Oh, uh, you ok?'

Luke didn't answer, just balanced his elbows on his knees and stared at the ground between his feet. Ash felt himself growing anxious. Was Luke about to tell him to back off from Nina?

'I know you like Nina,' Oh god, this was it, 'and I like her too. I like you as well. I like... both of you. Kind of... the same way.'

Ash stopped breathing. Did he hear that right?

Luke continued. 'But... we're also good friends. I know you don't... I mean, you seem like... Look. If you really like Nina, I won't get in the way of that. I w-want you to b-be happy...'

Ash's eyes bugged out of his head. Luke was tearing up, his head hanging low. He was confessing feelings for... him? And Nina? What was happening?

On impulse, doing his best not to think at all, Ash put his hand gently on Luke's thigh, then squeezed it. Luke went still and suddenly Ash panicked. Had he misunderstood?

Slowly, Luke's messy blonde head moved, his face turning towards Ash. A tear had streaked down each cheek, and he looked at Ash with such vulnerability, such trust and yearning, that Ash leaned forward and pressed his lips against Luke's. There was nothing in his mind but pure intent, the soft skin of this boy's lips pressing against his own, the heady scent of his breath. After an eternity Ash pulled back and looked into Luke's face, two sets of eyes gazing into each other, closer than either of them ever dared hope.

And then Nina arrived.

Luke had a slightly better morning than the other two after their first class, but only because he had a full night's sleep to work with. He kept thinking of how sad Ash's face had been when Nina walked away from them. He had spent a lot of time looking at and thinking about that face in recent weeks and to see it so full of emotion for someone else was breaking Luke's heart. He berated himself. He had no idea if Ash was romantically interested in him. He had never declared his intentions when he started spending time with him. He'd just sort of adopted Ash because he could, because he wanted a deeper connection with someone, and now it was too late and he was going to lose him to someone else. Then he thought of Nina, the smile on her face when Ash told a joke, the way that when she was writing she concentrated so hard her eyebrow twitched, the way she bossed them around and then seemed to feel embarrassed about it and how much he wanted her to boss him around all the time so he could tell her how much he loved it.

But she liked Ash, that was clear. And Ash liked her, that was obvious. Ash didn't seem to like him that way, and that was ok. He had buried that part of himself before and he could do it again. And Nina seemed to like him too, but girls often flirted with him, and although Nina seemed to be actually interested in him... after Katie he wasn't so sure of himself. How could he tell if she really liked him for him?

No, the right thing to do was to step back, let them be together, and just be happy that he could stay friends with them. He could do that.

It was with a bleak view of his future that Luke walked towards Ash at lunch. He dumped his bag and sat beside his friend, the person he'd so enjoyed getting to know, the clever, funny, warm, beautiful boy that he was madly in love with but couldn't tell. He sat a little closer than necessary. He knew it wasn't fair, because Ash might be a bit uncomfortable, but he didn't move away and didn't seem upset by it, so Luke let himself have that tiny bit of contact. He hung his head between his elbows and knees, feeling his heart in his throat, and said just as much as he needed to say to make things ok for Ash and Nina to be together. They should be happy. They should be... they should...

Oh shit, now he was crying. He felt Ash beside him, and for every second that he didn't laugh in his face or get up and run away he was grateful.

Then...

He felt something, on his leg. Was that Ash's hand? Was he using it as leverage to stand up? Was it an awkward comforting pat?

Ash squeezed.

No.

This is something else.

Luke raised his head. Ash was staring at him so intensely that Luke, despite everything, felt blood rush to his groin. Ash wasn't running away. He wasn't laughing or disgusted or upset. He was...

Kissing.

Luke kept perfectly still as Ash's lips pressed against his. His glasses pushed a little awkwardly between them, and it was all Luke could do to stop himself grabbing Ash and pulling him closer. Every passionate feeling he'd had towards him since they'd got to know each other went wild in Luke's imagination and he felt his heart hammering in his chest.

Several seconds passed and Luke memorised every single one: the feel of Ash's skin, the smell of cut grass, the rough ground beneath them, the sound of people yelling over in the school, the footsteps approaching...

Ash pulled back and gazed at him, but already Luke was starting to panic. Who was coming?

Nina came to a stop in front of them, her feet planted so that she was facing directly between them. Her arms were crossed and she frowned, but she looked more confused than angry.

No one said anything for several seconds.

Then Nina threw down her bag and started pacing in a tight circle, waving her hands around but not saying anything.

Ash and Luke watched her go around and around, too afraid to speak. She stopped suddenly and turned back to face them.

'I really liked you!'

Luke and Ash looked at each other and back at her. 'Who?'

Nina made her hands into fists and danced up and down on her soles. 'I don't know! Both of you! A lot! This is so unfair!'

Ash opened his mouth but nothing came out. Luke put his hand to his chin but didn't say anything. He looked thoughtful.

'So now what am I supposed to do?'

Now

'I was so pissed when I saw you two kissing.' Nina traced swirls on Luke's back and he hummed contentedly.

'Well, I was pissed that you were gonna hook up with the popular boy.'

Ash put teabags into the tiny cups in the tiny kitchen, the kettle boiling noisily behind him.

'Well I was nobly going to let you have her because I wanted you both to be happy. Ow!' Luke winced away from Nina's pinching.

'"Let him have me." Honestly. You were pretty stuck up back then. Not as bad as some of those guys, but still...' Nina kissed where she had pinched him and he smiled up at her.

'I know. You've both schooled me on that.'

'Taking on the emotional labour!' Ash yelled over the kettle.

'Yes, I know. But I am learning. And trying.' Luke pulled Nina in for a kiss and she pushed his hair away from his face.

Ash appeared with the three cups of tea.

'No sugar for Luke, eight sugars for Nina, no milk for me.'

'We should go and get that stump, enshrine it or make it into a coffee table or something.' Nina blew on her tea, leaning back against the headboard.

'I think it got pulled up when they demolished the tennis courts.'

'No!'

'Yeah, I drove past a few weeks ago and the whole area is a new block of buildings for the school. Bit sad, really.'

Ash sipped his tea thoughtfully.

'That first kiss... I honestly had no idea what I was doing. You could've punched me and run away.'

'Ash, I was literally crying in front of you.'

'You were,' Ash smiled, 'and thank god. I would never have told you, or shown you rather, how I felt if you hadn't been so vulnerable. So sad.'

Luke stuck his tongue out at Ash, who grinned cheekily. 'And we're lucky that Nina wasn't so mad that she just ran away as soon as she saw us.'

Nina shrugged. 'I thought about it.'

'So, why didn't you? I mean, you did run away, but only after you'd come over to talk to us.'

Nina shrugged again, looking into her tea.

'Come on, why'd you still come over?'

She dipped her head, feeling her cheeks start to burn. Ash's eyes flashed with his journalist's pushiness. He put his tea on the bedside table and crawled up the bed towards her mock-threateningly. She held the teacup in front of her like a shield.

'Why, my love, did you come over and stand sexily in front of us instead of running away in a swirl of school skirt as soon as you saw us smooching?'

'Huh, are you doing creative writing too?'

Luke also put his cup out of the way, slipping a hand up her leg, under the bath robe she was wearing.

'Oh my god, fine! I'll tell you, but it's a bit embarrassing.'

'Um, I was a super-virgin who had to be taught how to kiss properly and Luke cried at the thought of losing us after only knowing us for four weeks. There is no embarrassment here.'

Nina sucked in a breath, partly to steel herself, partly because Luke was toying with her clit and it was still painfully sensitive from her first orgasm.

'Ok. Well. When I was walking towards you both...'

Then

Was Ash kissing Luke?

She paused in her stride, her heart in her throat. What was going on?

She stood, watching, as the kiss went on. Seconds passed. Ash finally leaned back, his face still close to Luke's, and Nina breathed out. She didn't realise she had been holding her breath.

She started walking again, faster now, and was shocked to feel that her inner thighs were growing slick with each step. Her vagina throbbed, her mind was in turmoil, but she knew she wanted to confront the two boys who were causing these reactions in her.

She stopped in front of them, looking from one to the other. From this angle she could see a slight bulge in the front of both their pants. This fact only made her wetter.

She threw her bag to the ground and started stepping in a tight circle, ignoring the wetness in her underwear, trying to find a rhythm in her footsteps that made sense so she could think clearly. She stopped suddenly. They were both still staring at her. It was too much.

'I really liked you!'

They looked at each other and for a split second she wanted them to kiss again, but then they looked back at her.

'Who?'

'I don't know! Both of you! A lot! This is so unfair!'

She knew she sounded like a child, but she couldn't help it. She'd been eating herself up thinking she'd have to choose one over the other and then they'd chosen each other over her! A small part of her brain realised, unhelpfully, that this is what one of them would have felt like if she'd settled on pursuing one of them and rejected the other. Was she so conceited as to think that they were both romantically interested in her? That she just had her pick of them? Of course they weren't interested. She realised that neither of them had said anything for a while.

'So, now what am I supposed to do?'

She picked up her bag, slinging it roughly over her shoulder.

'I really, really liked you,' she said to Ash, then turned to Luke, 'and you too.'

She turned to leave, but a hand shot out and grabbed her by the wrist. She looked down. Luke was staring up at her. Her heart melted and she felt tears spring to her eyes. She opened her mouth to say something, something self-deprecating or sarcastic or anything to deflect the amount of emotion she had just let out. How could she be so stupid.

'We really like you too.'

She turned. It was Luke who was stopping her from leaving, but Ash who spoke. She looked from one to the other, searching their faces for a sign of a joke, a prank, a mean smirk. But there was only sincerity in their expressions.

She stepped back, closer to them, and let her bag fall slowly back to the ground.

'You do?'

Ash took her other hand in both of his, pressed his lips lightly to her wrist. 'Yes.'

Luke pulled her a little closer, put her hand against his cheek, then kissed it. She felt her breath coming in short, sharp gasps. She pulled her hands away from them both, wrapped her arms around herself.

'...ok.'

Then she grabbed her bag again and ran, as fast as her legs could go, back across the tennis courts and towards the school.

Now

Luke slowed his movements on her clit, one finger tracing circles in her curls, tickling her mound.

'I don't understand why that was embarrassing.'

Nina took a deep breath, running her hand through her messy hair, considering her answer.

'Well... I guess it's much less embarrassing now because, well, we've done everything we can think of together. But at the time, before we got together, I had sort of squashed all those kinds of feelings down. I just chose to believe that sex wasn't for me, that I didn't get those feelings because I was a "good girl". I was... ugh. So many people tried to shame me with those shitty rumours, so I guess I just felt ashamed. They were so... so nasty.'

Luke moved so that her head was in his lap, brushed her hair away from her face. She wiped the angry tears from her eyes on the robe he'd put on. She hadn't thought about all this in years and was surprised how much of the anger and hurt were still there.

Ash, lying across the bottom of the bed, the blanket half over him, gently massaged her feet, looking concerned.

'Anyway. People said all those things about me that weren't true, shamed me for things that weren't true, and even though the things themselves aren't actually bad, I just couldn't let myself feel... sexual. Towards anyone. Ever. My poor clueless teenage brain thought that if I never did those things with anyone, that would prove that I wasn't that awful, dirty, worthless person that everyone thought I was. So, I guess the embarrassing part is that, when I saw you two kissing, it turned me on so hard. And I had never felt that way so strongly before and I came over because I wanted to see more of it. I wanted to be in that, with you two.'

Ash kept massaging her feet, stroking her calves, kissing her toes. Luke kissed her forehead gently.

'We're so sorry you had to go through all that Neens. I know there's no real equivalent for us, that we can't be shamed that way by people who feel they have the right to tell us what we can do with our bodies. But think of it this way: they said all those things, they tried to bring you down and take away your enjoyment of sex, your freedom to do what you wanted. But you did all those things anyway. You were able to fall in love with us, have a LOT of very enjoyable sex. Those people have probably never been able to let themselves go, enjoy their own and others' bodies like we do.'

Ash smiled gently at Luke's speech. 'You won.'

Nina wiped her tears away, a small smile on her face. 'Wow, Luke. You're so woke now.'

Luke laughed deeply, as did Ash, and Nina smiled more broadly.

'I've never felt ashamed or dirty or any of those things with you two. I just had to get that stuff out of my head, get those people out. I think what still makes me angry though, what really gets me, is that the person who spread those rumours never had any real reason to and he never had any consequences. I guess I hurt his pride, and so he punished me in the worst way he knew how, and it worked. He never had to suffer anything for what he did to me.'

There was silence, and Nina glanced up at Luke, who was staring at Ash. She looked over at Ash, catching him as he shook his head a fraction at Luke.

'Whoa, what's going on?'

Ash reluctantly looked down at her, pausing in his massaging.

'Well. He did suffer.'

'We made him suffer.'

She looked back up at Luke. 'What do you mean? How? When?'

'We promised we'd never tell you. But... it was around the same time that we were... courting you.'

Nina thought back to the weeks that followed their first meeting at the stump.

'You know what. I'll just say: thank you for whatever you did. Thank you for getting me justice. But I don't want to know what it was.'

Ash relaxed a little, continued rubbing her feet.

'I think... I think it's enough to know that he didn't get away with it. And... those weeks after your first kiss...'

Luke nuzzled her neck. 'They were very special.'

'They really were.'