Lue

I've had a crush on my gay friend, Luke, for a while now. I've known him for a year now, and we instantly became close friends. It wasn't hard to tell that he preferred the opposite sex. With some people you just know. I met him at the hair salon I used to frequent. He was the hair stylist, and did my hair! We talked as he did my hair the two hours I was there. I wanted it colored. I've grown up a red head, and finally wanted my hair dyed black. Luke comes over to visit every now and again, and we hang out sometimes, of course at gay clubs. Sometimes we go to clubs where gay men and women party together, and other times we go where there are predominately gay men. I've seen Luke kiss and dance with other men, and he sometimes spoke of his experiences with them, though not in great detail. I can't blame him.

I told one of my friends that I developed an innocent crush on my homosexual friend, to which she said, "He'll never score with you. Once you have dick in your life, you never go back." That comment made me jealous, and a little mad even. Many men have told me that my pussy was good. I'm sure Luke would think the same thing, but of course, you just never know.

It all happened December 31st. Luke came over to my apartment, and we had drinks. He invited his friend, Erin over, who is gay too. Erin is flamboyantly gay, while Luke is more masculine, just with feminine features. We all decided we were just going to enjoy ourselves and have drinks. At the last minute, we decided to head downtown to see the ball drop. All of us were ridiculously drunk. Erin saw his ex in the streets, and they made drunken proclamations to each other that they were not going to break up again. He left with his ex, to Luke's dismay.

Luke and I went back to my place once the new year came in, and I poured the both of us drinks. Like me, Luke can hold his liquor. Even when he's drunk, he's still coherant. I figured that having sex with him this night would be perfect, with it being the new year and all. I studied his hands, they were big, but not inhumane. Hands are a fetish for me, and fingers too.

"What's wrong?" Luke asked.

"Oh, nothing," I answered.

"Feel like going to sleep?" He asked me.

"In a while, but not now."

He nodded, before returning to his drink.

"How about a movie?" I asked, "I have an extended collection."

"Sure, that'll be great."

I got up, and picked a romantic movie, and put it in. I was barely paying attention to the movie, since I've seen this one many times. You can say I put it in to set the mood. Luke went through the movie without saying anything. He doesn't talk during movies. That's the way I like it. I yawned, and noticed I was suddenly getting sleepy. Luke leaned back against the couch, and his lids were slowly going down, before he closed them. He was sleeping! I turned off the movie, and the blue light from the screen illuminated the room. I too laid down on my side. Luke was sitting up as he slept, something I could never do if my life depended on it. Before I knew it, I too was sleeping.

2.

I felt a heaviness on top of me, and figured that it couldnt' be blankets. I opened my eyes, and to my surprise, Luke was sleeping on top of me. It alarmed my system, yet I didn't want him off. It was something I dreamed of. I kissed his forehead, and massaged his head, before kissing it again. He opened his eyes, and immediately got up.

"Oh my god, how did I wind up on top of you?" He asked.

"You were sleeping."

He wiped his eyes, "Oh, sorry. Can I use your bathroom?"

"Sure," I answered.

He got up, and went to the bathroom. I heard him turn on the shower. While he was in the shower, I decided to fix pancakes. When he got out, I asked if he wanted breakfast.

"No thanks, I'm not hungry."

"You sure? They're blueberry."

"I'll pass," He said, before putting on his coat, "I've got to get going. I'll talk to you soon."

Now I was disappointed in the departure. I had to say something, and quick.

"Luke," I called to him, before he turned around.

"Is it because of what happened last night?" I asked.

"No, it isn't. It's just that I don't like waking up that way."

I didn't respond. I knew exaclty what he meant. He didn't like waking up next to a woman. A man is who he wants in his bed. I can't really blame him, considering that I'm a straight woman and I'm crazy over men.

"See you later," He said before closing the door.

Damn! I knew that I shouldn't have kissed him! I shouldn't have made the first move, I just couldn't resist myself. He looked so peaceful, sleeping on top of me, and I was horny. Ugh. I always ruin things.

3.

Luke didn't text or call me the rest of the day, and I even went out to some clubs where I was sure to spot him at, but I never saw him. I figured that maybe the friendship was over. I spoke to my friend, Michelle about what happened.

"I don't understand why you're crazy over him, even though he's drop dead gorgeous! But get a grip, he's a gay man. He likes dick! Why can't you see through that?"

Man the truth really hurts.

"I can see through it, but you just never know. Things happen. People change."

"People are set in their ways, you cannot change people who are."

"Yeah that's true."

"Like when you dyed your hair black, everyone was telling you that you shouldn't change it to that color, but what did you do?"

"I had it dyed anyway."

"Exactly. The fact that he's a gay man, makes reality a little bit tougher. But would you really want someone who sticks in their dick in other men?"

"I mean-no. But I just feel something different with Luke. I feel like we could be a great couple, even fuck buddies at least."

"But?" Michelle asked.

"He just chose a different path in his life."

Michelle shakes her head, "You're crazy."

She's right. Maybe I am crazy.

4.

A week has gone by, and I finally gain the courage to text Luke. I even re-read the text messages while I was soaking in the tub.

Me: Hey, you. (Sent 10:01 pm)

Luke: Hello Chris (Sent 10:10 pm)

Me: How are things going? (Sent 10:11 pm)

Luke: Great. How are things on your end? (Sent 10:15 pm)

No pun intended.

Me: Things are pretty cool (10:17 pm)

Luke: Good (Sent 10:20 pm)

Me: Look, sorry that things were a little crazy NY's night. I'm sorry if I kissed you. It was inappropriate and I'm sorry)

He's not responding quick enough like I want him too. I'm constantly checking my phone to see if he sent anything, even though my notification sounds whenever I get a mesage.

Luke: It's OK. It was awkward. Let's not talk about it (Sent 10:33 pm)

Me: OK I won't. I'm thinking of going to the club this weekend, wanna go? We can do dinner at Applebee's. My treat.

He doesn't respond back. Something told me not to text him. Period. Maybe it was Michelle's voice or something. I never listen to my intuition.

5.

I'm wearing a red negligee and panty that I bought from Victoria's Secret. A knock comes at the door, and I open it. It's Luke. I frown and wonder what he's doing here. I open the door, and before I could say anything, he kisses me, and puts his tongue in my mouth. I give in to him, and put my arms around his neck. His body is so strong. It feels good against mine. He picks me up, and I wrap my legs around his waist, and he carries me to the bedroom. He puts me on the bed, and collapes on top of me. We proceed with kissing, and I rip his shirt off. He has a lot of tattoos. Luke's mouth brushes against my neck, and he sucks my ear. The best part comes when he slips his dick inside of me, and pounds me. It feels so good. I feel like I'm in Heaven.

My pussy is throbbing as I wake, and I realize it's all a dream. Bummer for me. But the dream was good. I wish that all of this happened in reality. I lay in my bed a while, and reminisce about the dream, before falling back to sleep.

I visit the salon that day, because I want my hair done again. It's that time. I ask for Luke, and the woman at the desk tells me that he will be in shortly, but I can sit in his chair. I go to his chair and notice the pictures in his station. There's a picture of he and I, that we took last Spring for Mardi Gras, along with other party pictures he took with people, and even celebrities he met. The salon smells like hair, heat, and sweet sceneted shampoos and hair products. The sounds of blow dryers going off, washers in the back, and dilluted conversations fills the room.

Luke comes in five minutes after I arrive, and when he sees me, he freezes in his tracks. He hangs up his coat, and accepts a million greetings from people in the shop. He's pretty popular around these parts I see. He comes up to me and tells me he's sorry for coming in late.

"It's okay," I answer.

"What did you want done?" He asks.

"A wash would be great, and if you can curly it that'll be fabulous."

"Sure," He answers, as he ties up his apron, "Let's get you a smock."

I put on the smock, and he takes me to the backroom where the sinks are. He washes my hair, and scrubs my scalp. His fingers are long, and he gets my entire head. Luke puts a peppermint shampoo and conditioner in my hair, and washes it out real good. We don't talk much, but I do try to make conversation by saying general things, and he replies with, "yeah."

Even after he's done with washing my hair, I can sstill feel the touch of his fingers scrubbing my scalp and washing my hair of buildup and oils. He blow-drys my hair, and has to change it because the one he always used went out. After he blow drys, he straightens my hair and curls it.

"Your hair came out nicely," He says.

About time he said something.

"Thanks, do you like it?" I ask.

"Yeah."

"Like, describe it for me. Is it party girl? Is it a 90210 look? What is it?"

"I think it's office girl finally steps out to club, gets a load off of a million Bloody Mary's and finds herself a guy she takes home."

I look at myself in the mirror, and he holds a mirror up to me. He's right. I do look like that girl.

"It's beautiful, as usual," I answer.

"Go over to the cashier's and pay the forty," He says, as he sweeps the hair from under his station. As if I didn't know that? I've been here for a while now. The fact that Luke is talking to me like I'm a complete stranger really bothers me.

6.

I decide to go to a club. I hate going to straight clubs sometimes because of sleezy men wanting to take me home. Gay clubs offer a better atmosphere. "Music" by Madonna has everyone on the dance floor. My favorite spot is at the bar, chatting with the bartender and smoking a cigarette. The bartender is of course a gay male, sporting millions of tattoos starting from his neck, and he has platinum blonde hair, and an eyebrow piercing. His gray eyes make him look feminine because of his makeup, but his muscles give him an added masculine look. Without asking for another drink, he pours me another.

"Thanks," I say, taking another puff of my cigarette.

"You look like you need more, going through a break up?"

I shrug, "Not exactly, but I like someone who doesn't like me back."

He rolls his eyes in agreement, "I know the feeling girl."

A drunk man comes up the bar, and slurs something about a Bloody Mary. He's African American and very small, yet adorable. His voice is raspy.

"Here," The bartender puts his Bloody Mary in front of him, almost as if he had the drink prepared before the young man came up to the bar.

"Thanks," The man slowly takes in his drink.

"Don't you think you had enough Darryl?" Bartender asks.

He shakes his head, "I can never get enough of these," He turns to me, "It's my birthday today."

"Oh, happy birthday," I exclaim. I should have known it was his birthday. Darryl is wearing a crown that says "Queen", and a shirt that says, "It's my birthday."

Darryl looks very loaded, like he will fall out any minute now. He drops his drink. Nobody barely notices it, but another guy who tells the bartender he will clean it up for him. A white man, also skinny, decked out in a Versace outfit for men approaches the bar, and puts his arm around his lover's neck.

"Darryl, this is why I hate going out with you, you don't know how to control yourself."

His voice is so Californian, like a young valley girl. He looks at me and smiles, "Hi."

"Hi," I answer.

He puts Darryl's arm around his neck and helps him get up from the bar stool, and they both walk away.

"Happens all the time," The bartender tells me.

"Are they together?"

"On and off for five years now. Those two are like night and day, vinegar and oil."

I have to laugh at that. The irony of things!

"How long have you been working here?"

His eyes wander at the ceiling, like he's thinking back, "April '97."

"Do you like working here?"

"Oh it's fun, better than the last job I had! But this isn't the only job I have. I work at Casey's, the bar and grill downtown. I'm assistant manager."

"Wow, good for you!"

"By the way, your hair is off the hook girl!"

I laugh, "Thanks."

Another drink later, I go home and take a shower. The doorbell rings, and I answer. Low and behold, it's Luke! He has a blank expression on his face and holds up my purse.

"You left this at the shop."

I take it, "Oh my god, I didn't notice. Thanks. Do you want to come in?"

He doesn't say anything at first, but then says yes. I let him in, and he asks to use the bathroom.

"Down the hall," I answer. As he's in the bathroom, I feed my cat. Luke comes out, and I hold back from asking him if he wants a drink. I don't want him to think I'm trying to seduce him. He looks so good in his leather jacket; makes me want to jump on him!

"Look," he starts off, "Sorry about the way I've been acting. But you really scare me. I wouldn't have came here, but I knew you needed your purse."

"Well, I appreciate the kind gesture Luke."

"You're welcome," He starts to turn away before I call him.

"Luke?"

"Yeah?"

I sigh, "I'm sorry. I don't know if there's any other way to restore our friendship, considering I made a move on you and all."

"Forget it," He starts to walk away again-

"And I'm truely, truely sorry. I don't think I can say that enough."

Now, I've got his full attention.

"Look," He starts off, "I'm a gay man, and I like other men. I can never be with a woman. But fact is, when you kissed me that night, it felt nice, and reassuring, but the kiss was different."

"Different, how?"

"It's like a mom or grandmother kissing you, that's what it felt like. I can't really describe it, but that's what I felt. With another man, it's passionate. With you, a woman, it's different. I respect you, and honestly I don't look at you like that. I love you enough to tell you the truth--as a friend."

I feel like breaking down and crying, my mouth shakes, I'm trying so hard to hold back tears and exploding.

"Sorry," Luke finishes. He leaves and closes the door.

I spend the rest of the night crying. I wake up, and cry again. There's some sort of relief, because I don't have to wander about his feelings for me, being that he is a homosexual male, but the truth hurts. When it hits you hard, it hits you full force.

TO BE CONTINUED...