It would have been a dinner for the wedding rehearsal, if the engagement hadn't been broken off two months previously. As it was, Will had invited a few old friends to dinner in order to get out of the funk he had fallen into, and hopefully to kick start his social life.
The food had been good. The conversation was excellent. It was after midnight before most of the guest left. By one o'clock, it was only him and Angeline still talking. They were talking about why some relationships fail. She, too, had recently left a long-standing relationship that had seemed pretty good at the time.
Will was really glad Angeline had come. She had bought her ticket months before, when he had asked her to come to his wedding, and had still wanted to come after things fell apart. It had been years since they had seen one another, and it felt comfortable to sit here and talk with her about things again.
"It's not always that things are bad that causes a relationship to end," Angeline was saying. She nodded as Will held up the bottle of wine they had been sharing, and he poured the last of it into her glass. "I mean, Joe and I were fine. We liked one another a lot and had a good time together. I thought it would be forever, and that sounded good to me. But then I started having doubts."
Will understood about doubts. He had tried to talk to Sarah about them, to see if they could work through them, but apparently his doubts had been too much for her. It had been she who had called off the wedding. Will would have been pleased if she had agreed to postpone things until he could work out his feelings, but he for a while he had felt as though he had ruined his entire life.
"I mean, I loved Joe," Angeline continued, "but I worried that our relationship lacked passion. I wonder if it was ever there to begin with, or if he was only a rebound thing that went on way too long?" She sighed. "What could I do? I wanted romance. Fire. You know what I mean. For a long time, I told myself I didn't need it--that things were good otherwise, and that was good enough--but I guess I do." She frowned noting that her wine glass was empty again.
"I know what you mean," said Will. "Sarah and I, things were good. For a lot of the time, they were really good. But something was lacking. I don't think I've felt real passion since..." suddenly he blushed. To cover, he picked up the wine bottle and turned towards the kitchen. "I think there's another bottle around here somewhere."
Angeline glanced out the window at the dark sky. Earlier, there had been stars visible. It had been a warm July night, and they had eaten out of doors, but moved inside as things cooled off. But now there were no stars visible. She couldn't see the thick, dark clouds that filled the sky, but she heard a distant rumble, and saw the first drops of rain striking the glass.
She had known what will was about to say before he broke off. Nearly ten years ago, when they were 16, Angeline and Will had shared a very special bond, deeper than what passed for love between most teenagers. They had very sincerely believed that they were meant to be together forever, but circumstances had been against them. As one thing after another cropped up, they had resigned themselves to the fact that it was never going to happen.
Years had passed where they had not seen one another at all. Sometimes, Angeline had been able to tell herself it had just been silly, high school infatuation. But whenever things got difficult in her life, it was Will's arms she longed to have around her. Occasionally, she dreamed of him, and always awoke smiling.
But she had always told herself that that chapter of her life was closed, and that was that. She had missed her chance. Regret it though she may, high school was over and this was the real world. Fairy tales were all well and good, but real love was more about paying the bills together than mutual desire.
Will returned from the kitchen with the second bottle of wine, already open, and filled both their glasses again. "Where do you think we went wrong?" she asked him, then quickly added, "I mean with Joe and Sarah?"
"We have good taste in people. We both picked nice, dependable people we would like to have as friends. And then we couldn't think of breaking it off with them because we didn't want to hurt people who didn't deserve it. Isn't that usually the way?" Will had a way of seeing things clearly that Angeline had always admired.
The rain was now audible indoors, and Will heard the thunder this time. Angeline had been just about to offer to get her coat and head home so he could get to bed, when he said, "I really shouldn't let you go. You've had what? Four glasses of wine already? And in that weather, well, it's not safe. Besides," he smiled at her, and she remembered how she used to melt for those dimples, "I am really enjoying talking to you, and it would be a shame for you to go."
"Well," she said slowly (the wine was making everything about her slower and a little reckless), "I don't mind staying if you have space for me, but I wouldn't want to keep you up."
As Will protested that it would be great if she stayed, Angeline's brain began to work. Through the haze the wine had laid over her brain, she was beginning to realize that certain feelings were still very present--and is was dawning on her that there was no longer any real reason to suppress them.
"Will..." she said, taking time to choose her words carefully, "do you have any regrets? Things you would change if you could go back? I mean, not just Sarah, but anything?"
Will gazed at her. The wine was also causing his mind to work a little slower than it usually did. He thought he knew what she was talking about, but wasn't sure, and didn't think he should be the first to bring it up if she actually meant something else. He raised his eyebrows at her--his gesture for asking people to elaborate.
The wine made her blunt as well as reckless. "I mean, about us, Will. Do you wish things had turned out differently? Or that we could have worked out at all?"
A light came on in his brain, and the tiny spring of hope inside him, which had been dormant for a while, began to well up a little. She had meant what he thought!
"Of course I do," he replied. "We were such stupid kids. We had something really good--really special--but we were just too damn scared to go for it. We made excuses and let other things get in the way, until it was too late."
Those had been more or less her thoughts on the matter. Since he didn't seem like he was going to add any more to that, she took a deep breath and plunged in, her mind beginning to clear a little and her pulse increased. "Will, I don't know if I should bring this up, since it's so soon after... you know," her gesture encompassed the wedding arrangements and the breakdowns in both their recent relationships, "but I still have some really strong feelings for you, and this may be the only opportunity I ever have to ask, so I was wondering if... Would you be willing to try again?"
He almost laughed, which would have been completely the wrong reaction. Her pleading face told him she thought he would say no, when nothing could have been further from his mind. But how could she know that? Hadn't he been suppressing those feelings all these years as well? Talking about them just seemed to make them worse, so he had buried them.
His eyes softened. "Dear girl. Nothing would please me more."
They sat in silence for several moments, gazing at one another, dumbfounded by the enormity of what they had just said, hardly able to contemplate the changes it meant for their lives. It was as if the Universe had suddenly ground to a halt and begun moving in the opposite direction.
It was Will who spoke first. "I hardly know what to do now. I mean," and here he blushed, but could not say anything but the truth, "I could go with my first instinct and carry you upstairs and do to you all the things I have been wanting to do for all these years. Or I could take the time--days--weeks--whatever--to do things right, which is what you deserve."
She smiled, the wine making her response candid and honest. "On the one had, I could say, we have waited all these years; what's a few more days or weeks? But on the other hand, I don't want to wait anymore. Last time I waited with you, I lost you." She stood suddenly. "Let's go for a walk." She turned towards the door.
He was about to protest. Lightning was flashing every minute or so, and the rumbles of thunder were getting distinctly louder. Rain was falling in torrents, washing the city streets clean of their daily debris. It was his favorite kind of weather. He shrugged, grabbed his jacket, and followed her into the night.
She was standing on the sidewalk, suddenly looking less determined and more lost. "Isn't there a park near here?" she asked.
He nodded, took her arm and turned her to the right. As they walked, they began to talk about the old days, when they had been silly teenagers, too stupid to recognize what they had. The reminisced about their few wonderful kisses and the long periods of indecision in between--the phone calls, the tears, the shared dreams of the future--it all seemed real and not real at the same time.
They were wet through in under a minute, but neither of them seemed to care. The park was not well lit, so they had to pick their way through it slowly, helped and hindered by intermittent flashes of light from the sky.