Lucy Alex

Chapter 10

Acceptance

I towelled myself down, me erection slowly deflating enough so that I could put boxers and a pair of jeans on. It was with more than a little apprehension as I went downstairs to make coffee and wait for Lorraine to get back. I suddenly remembered my car was in the garage and while the coffee brewed I went to move it onto the drive so that Lorraine could park in the garage.

Just as I was about to close the garage door, I heard tyres on gravel and Lorraine turned into the driveway. I waved and stood to one side so that she could reverse into her parking space. She waved and smiled as she started to reverse and I smiled and waved in return. She stepped down from the seat of the Range Rover into my embrace, she kissed me full on the lips, her tongue searching for mine, and when we stopped she said "I've missed you. Is there anything left of you after Chrissy has finished with you?"

I gave her a puzzled luck "How do you know that Chrissy has had any of me?"

She looked at me with surprise on her face "Didn't Chrissy tell you that I called earlier? She told me about your night together, she sounded pretty happy about it, aren't you?"

She turned and reached reached back into the car for her hand bag and jacket. She closed the car door and turned back to me, she must have seen the slightly uncomfortable look on my face and she laughed "Look, it was a good thing that you did, spending the night with Chrissy, I thank you for it. We'll talk about it later if you want to, I need a coffee, a shower and fresh clothes, in that order."

We found Chrissy in the kitchen drinking coffee and smoking, a smile lit her face when she saw Lorraine and they hugged. Chrissy said "How is Elle's Nanny Helen? And how are Evie and Elle doing?"

"Helen is recovering, it was a stroke, luckily fairly minor, and she should make a full recovery. She is still a bit weak down one side but she is sitting up in bed telling Evie and Elle that they should not have cancelled their holiday."

Lorraine poured two coffees from the coffee jug and continued "Elle should still be at home, why don't you give her a call? I'm sure she would love to hear from you."

Chrissy said "I will, then I'll give Linzi a call, I might go out for a drink tonight, if she fancies it. Give you two the evening together without me being in your way!"

When Chrissy had left the room, dialling Elle's number as she walked, Lorraine passed me a coffee and said "We obviously need to talk about things, you are standing there with a huge frown on your face and not saying a word. What is the problem?"

I took a deep breath and consciously relaxed the frown on my face "Where do you want to start? Guilt, confusion, uncertainty...I have never been in this situation, it just seems...wrong."

"What have you got to feel guilty about? Is this still about being unfaithful? We have discussed this, I told you, you can't be unfaithful if I asked you to be with Chrissy."

"But she is your daughter, I shouldn't have done it, what is this going to do to our relationship?"

Lorraine now looked confused "Why should our relationship change? Are you saying you want to be with Chrissy now?"

"No, of course not...I want to be with you, but you spent one night away and I jumped into bed with your daughter!"

"Would you I have done it if I hadn't asked you to?"

"No, of course not, I told you that when you first suggested it."

"So what is the point of this conversation?"

"You are so exasperating! You keep swinging the argument round as if I should feel that it's totally natural for me to sleep with your daughter!"

"That is the idea..."

"But it isn't!"

"And you can't give me a valid reason why not and I can't see what the problem is, though I do think it quite sweet that you do have a problem with it. Comforting in a way...I would think a lot of men would love to be in the position you are in. Let's discuss this in the bath." She kissed me to stop me from replying, then took my hand and headed for the stairs.

As we headed for the bathroom I went over in my mind the occurrences of the last couple of weeks, and their effect on the relationships between Lorraine , Chrissy and I. We reached the bedroom and I noticed Lorraine's furtive glance at me as she went through to start the bath running.

As if by mutual agreement we undressed in silence, not starting the discussion until we were settled in the bath, facing one another. Lorraine looked nervously at me, sitting with her chin on her knees, as I took a deep breath and launched into voicing my thoughts.

"I think...feel...believe that we have something really special. When I first met you I didn't think that our relationship was possible, we are from such different backgrounds, and way of life. Even when we did go out I thought you were just after a bit of excitement, until I met you I had never been involved in your circle of friends and business associates." Lorraine started to speak but I held my hand up and she went quiet again.

"Now we are together, I don't want to lose you. I love you..."

Lorraine did interrupt now and said quickly "and I love you..." but she could see I hadn't finished and allowed me to continue.

"Thank you, that is the first time we have told each other, which is odd timing, it being the day after I slept with your daughter. If all were what I would call 'normal' here, you should be screaming at me to get out and never come near you or Chrissy again and I would totally understand, I would pack my gear and go back to my apartment. Instead I am sharing a bath with you and feeling very guilty and you are trying to put my mind at rest by telling me everything is as it should be. The problem that I am having is getting things in perspective; is sex so inconsequential to you that it doesn't matter that I slept with your daughter, or do you not care form me enough that it doesn't matter that I slept with your daughter, either way it seems to me that we did not have what I thought we had together and that our relationship will change in some way, if it survives at all." I have to say that the last sentence came out with a lot of emotion causing my throat to constrict and the words to come out like they did not want to leave my lips.

Lorraine looked stricken "I didn't know you would react like this, I'm sorry. Because sex with you is so easy, so natural, I thought that it would be like that with Chrissy as well, and that it was what she needed, I didn't even think about the emotional effects on you, on our relationship. I love Chrissy unconditionally, like a mother would, because you and I are so close I couldn't comprehend that your love would not be the same."

I felt there was more but Lorraine was silent. I was about to speak when she started again, like she had been deciding something and trying to get the words right in her mind before uttering them. She spoke quietly and uncertainly.

"I have never told anyone this, and I am not certain that this is the ideal time to tell you, but I need you to understand my thinking. With hindsight I do understand your feelings and I love you even more for them, the fact that our relationship means so much to you and that you feel it is not so special to me." She hesitated as if she still was not certain that she wanted to voice her thoughts, then she made up her mind and carried on. "I have a – I don't know what to call it – a fetish, a fantasy? Neither of those accurately describe it really. I am turned on by the thought of people I know having sex, just to know they are having good sex really arouses me, if I can hear them the feeling is even more intense. The thought of you and Chrissy together was almost unbearable, the fact that I know what you are like and imagining what you would do together...I could not leave myself alone last night and I wasn't even certain if you had spent the night together."

My feelings were in turmoil, there was revulsion, excitement, guilt and disbelief. Lorraine was telling me that she had asked me to sleep with her daughter for her own sexual fulfilment by proxy, I hoped that it was because of the closeness of our relationship that she could, and wanted, to do that, revulsion that she could use me and her daughter to those ends and guilt that I had allowed myself to be used for those ends but underlying all of these feelings and emotions was the sexual excitement of knowing that Lorraine was sexually aroused by my night with Chrissy.

Something was niggling at the back of my mind "Does Chrissy know about this?" I asked.

"I think she suspects. Why do you ask?"

"Just something she said. When I voiced my concerns about what might happen between you and me she said 'you don't know everything about my Mum, you will' I did not understand what she was talking about, but I think I do now."

The water was cooling in the bath and Lorraine opened the hot tap to heat it back up. She stared at the water as it cascaded in, causing a hot spot next to my leg. She asked quietly "What are you going to do?"

"I think I understand you better now, and though I'm still not completely comfortable with what happened I don't feel so guilty. I am pretty certain Chrissy knew what she was doing and that I wasn't taking advantage of her, and I was not being unfaithful to you." Another thought occurred to me. "Is this how you could forgive your husband his unfaithfulness? Because you could imagine him being with another woman?"

"No way, not at all, give me some credit. His sordid little affairs were exactly that, without my agreement, the other woman was always a rival for my love and time. I let him have his dalliances because all he was doing was allowing his urges to control him, and although those urges were no worse than mine, I suppose, I didn't act on them and go creeping round listening or watching my friends have sex together – not intentionally anyway...but that's another story..."

I could see the look on Lorraine's face relaxing as she saw that I was coming to terms with what had happened over the last couple of days. She leaned forward and I met her half way and we kissed. She put her hand on my face and we looked into each others eyes as the soft kiss became several and they became one long kiss.

Only time could tell if our feelings for one another had changed and how that would affect our relationship.