Love the Sinner

Part 2: Lemons

Four months later...

Seth stared blankly at the wall, tucked snugly into a blanket on his couch. He hadn't moved in several hours. He told himself for the dozenth time since he lay down that he should play some video games. He used to think those were fun. Maybe they would make him feel better... awaken the spark in him that had been missing lately.

He didn't move. His eyes unfocused again as he stared at the wall, vague, dark thoughts swirling.

Seth wasn't doing very well... No, that was putting it mildly. Seth felt like shit. He had felt like shit for months, ever since... His brain shied away from the memory like a hand from a hot pan. He didn't want to feel that searing pain. The dull ache of not remembering was much more tolerable.

Seth's eyes slid over to his laptop. He could always watch some porn. That was one surefire way to soothe the pain, at least for a little while. It was worse afterward, but at least he could distract himself for a few minutes.

His phone buzzed.

Seth turned his head slowly to look at it. That was strange. There weren't many people who texted him anymore. He had discovered after his humiliating breakup with Nina that many of their mutual friends were actually more Nina's friends than his. In fact, some of Nina's female friends had even started hooking up with Tom after she broke up with Seth. They became part of whatever fucked up "harem" that douchebag liked to brag about.

Just the thought made Seth grit his teeth in rage. It wasn't just Nina. No. It was all women. It had become so clear to him after what Nina had done. Women were all either weak, cruel traitors like Nina, or evil manipulators like that blonde bitch, Celine. Seth would never have a relationship again. It was too much of a risk to make himself vulnerable like that. Not to mention, a voice whispered inside him, he had been lucky that Nina was even interested in him for a while. Who would want to date a pin-dicked shrimp like him? He hadn't dated anyone in high school after all. Maybe this would just be the rest of his life.

Not everybody was ready for the hard truth about women. The few remaining friends who hadn't sided with Nina drifted away over the following months, unwilling to put up with Seth's new bitter outlook. Whatever. They would all learn someday when they were betrayed.

His phone buzzed again, and with a groan, Seth reached out an arm that felt as heavy as lead to pick it up.

[Good Morning Mr. Takano. This is Dr Lawrence. Just dropping a friendly reminder that we have our TA meeting in 15 minutes. You will be in attendance this time, correct?]

Seth sighed and put a hand over his eyes. TA'ing had sounded like a dream come true when Professor Lawrence offered him the position last semester, but the current state of his mental health made the job feel almost impossible. He tried to think up a good excuse with a mind that felt dull and sluggish. He just couldn't do it today. Dr. Lawrence would understand.

...Wait, there had been two messages hadn't there? Seth read the other one.

[Seth, I will remind you that we've already canceled this meeting twice at your request. I like to think that I'm a patient man, but there is a limit. I expect you here in ten minutes, or you can consider your TA position revoked.]

This finally got Seth to sit up. Even as terrible as he felt, losing his TA position just wasn't an option. He needed the credits, for one, and was counting on the position with a prestigious professor like Dr. Lawrence as a highlight of his resume when he applied to internships later this spring.

Shit. He would have to go to the meeting, no matter how awful he felt. He sniffed the pit of his pajama shirt and winced. It had been a little bit since he had bothered to shower. He texted his professor: [Can we make it thirty minutes?]

[Twenty minutes.] said the terse reply. Well, thought Seth with resignation, Dr. Lawrence would just have to deal with greasy bedhead and body odor then. Hopefully, Seth's horrible appearance wouldn't get him fired on the spot.

...

Seth's unkempt appearance didn't get him immediately fired, but that was only because the meeting was already about potentially removing him from the position.

"I mean," said Dr. Lawrence with a grimace, one hand stroking his goatee in agitation, "If it was just one complaint, Seth, then I might be able to overlook it. But it isn't. Multiple students have approached me directly. They say you're grading is always late and rarely provides useful feedback. That you are cold and irritable during class time. That you are totally unreachable by email."

The Professor sighed and removed his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I mean, it honestly sounds like you aren't doing the job at all."

Seth sat in uncomfortable silence, painfully aware of his greasy hair and the unwashed scent rolling off him. The professor stared at him with a look of pity, but also expectation. Shit. This was the part where he was supposed to explain his behavior. The strict truth, "I just didn't feel like doing the job" was unlikely to be helpful, and explaining the full context of his mental health issues was simply too much information to dump on the kindly but strict professor.

"I... I've just been having a hard time lately," said Seth in a rough voice. There was suddenly a lump in his throat. God damn it. Why did he have to be such a pussy? He wouldn't cry. Not for this. Not for anything.

"I can see that," said Dr. Lawrence awkwardly, leaning back in his chair and biting a thumbnail. "But at a certain point, I think you understand that I can't have an assistant who can't or won't do the job..."

"Yeah," said Seth heavily, trying hard to swallow down the lump in his throat. There was his TA position down the drain. And now internship applications would be that much harder. Seth could see the effects of this echoing down through the rest of his life. It made him exhausted to think about it.

"No... don't give me that look," Dr. Lawrence grumbled. "I despise kicking a man while he's down. Look, I have one last offer for you. It will be a bit difficult, but if you are able to help me out with an annoying task, I can give you another chance."

Seth nodded savagely, scrubbing his eyes with the back of his hand and sniffing. "Anything, Professor. Tell me what to do."

Dr. Lawrence looked a little more comfortable. "Well, first, I think it goes without saying that you will have to improve your overall performance as a TA. Consider this your final warning on that front. Secondly... I have a scholarship student in one of my Physics 101 lectures this semester. The administration is very anxious that she doesn't fail and lose her scholarship. If you agree to tutor her privately, without pay mind you, I will be willing to give you another chance."

Seth worked hard to avoid making a face. He knew that Dr. Lawrence was being much nicer than he needed to be. By almost any rational standard, Seth should have been fired weeks ago. But since Seth's bitter revelation about women, the thought of working closely with one for weeks didn't appeal at all. Especially what sounded like a vapid, entitled woman who couldn't even pass an introductory physics class.

But he had little choice. Seth could control his emotions if he needed to. No matter how much he was hurting on the inside, he needed to suck it up and lock in right now.

"No problem, Professor. I'll do it," he said with a tight smile. "You won't be sorry."

Dr. Lawrence looked almost limp with relief at successfully resolving the confrontation. "Good, good. I'm sure you can do it if you put your mind to it, Takano... and..." The professor gave him a worried glance, a little hesitant to say something personal, but clearly feeling that it had to be said, "Take care of yourself, ok? You don't look so good."

"I will professor," said Seth with a shaky artificial smile.

If only it were as easy as that.

...

Celine sighed and drummed her fingers impatiently on the small table in the library study room.

Why had she even taken this fucking class in the first place? Well... she knew the answer to that of course. Because she needed a science class with a lab to fill out her generals and Physics 101 worked with her dance training schedule in a way the other options didn't. And now she might even lose her scholarship! It wasn't that she needed the money of course, but her awful step-father had made keeping the scholarship one of the conditions to continue funding her education abroad. Losing it simply wasn't an option.

Marcia had even warned her she shouldn't take Physics, which made the whole thing even more annoying.

Celine hated being wrong.

She didn't need this right now. She had been in a bit of a rut lately. Jumping from man to man and watching them fight and struggle for her approval had been fun for a semester, no doubt about it. But the shine had begun to come off that apple lately. After a certain point, the tall, handsome studs all seemed to blend together. And while it was fun to see boys desperate for her, it got annoying after a while when every single man she met immediately scanned her body with hungry eyes.

When you had smoldering good looks and a body built for sin like Celine did, there seemed to be no such thing as platonic relationships with the other sex.

And then there was the whole situation with Nina... Celine didn't even want to think about it. It would just spoil her mood more than it already was.

So Celine was in no mood to wait around for some dork to come condescend to her about a class she barely cared about. She would stick around long enough to nudge her grade up to a "D" so that her dance scholarship wasn't in danger, and then she would cancel these obnoxious tutoring sessions.

She looked up as the door opened and a short boy walked in. Finally! Now they could get this farce over with. She looked up, ready to snap off an acidic comment to establish her dominance in the relationship early...

And she stopped, her mouth falling open in shock. The short man above her seemed to have a similar reaction, his face growing pale and his eyes wide as he recognized the woman sitting at the work table in front of him.

It was Seth, Nina's pathetic boyfriend that Celine had so thoroughly crushed several months ago.

...

With panic seething through his mind, Seth's eyes darted over the woman in front of him. Flowing honey-hued hair pulled into a loose, elegant ponytail. A modest sweater that still somehow managed to showcase her firm, ripe tits high on her chest. Long shapely legs in jeans so tight they looked practically painted on. Sparkling azure eyes that reflected his shock back at him. It was her. The prettiest, most evil woman he knew, second only to perhaps Nina herself.

Celine Audinet.

Seth immediately backed out of the door and clicked it shut with a numb hand.

Then, hoping against hope that the evil bitch inside the room didn't decide to leave and come after him, he tottered a few feet away and collapsed into one of the study chairs placed around the floor of the library.

Fuck... It seemed like fate had a sense of humor. His one last chance at keeping his TA position was to tutor the worst person he knew. The woman who had utterly and cruelly destroyed him. The very person responsible for his current miserable state.

He couldn't do it. There was just no way. Maybe if he went back to Dr. Lawrence and explained in detail the circumstances behind his current depression, and Celine's connection with it, the professor would have mercy on him. But even as he had the thought, Seth recoiled from it. He already hadn't liked the tone of the last meeting. As broken down as he felt right now, Seth still had pride, and begging his kind, but slightly patronizing professor for help almost felt worse than working with that fucking bitch.

Seth rubbed his eyes and thought hard. He had had enough self-pity lately. After the meeting with Dr. Lawrence, he resolved to toughen up and do whatever it took to turn his life around. And this would be a powerful test of how tough he could be. The woman in that room was a living reminder of the worst thing he had ever experienced.

Seth took a deep breath and held it, then exhaled long and hard, trying to let all his stress out with it. He didn't have to like someone to help them pass physics. In fact, in a way, this would make things easier. He already knew everything he needed to know about Celine. The fact that she was obviously an evil bitch just made it easy to know what to expect.

He could do this. No more moping on the couch, watching porn, and dwelling on the past.

He was going to help his worst enemy pass Physics. Even if it killed him.

...

Celine was so shocked that she didn't even have time to react before the little man backed out of the study room, closing the door behind him.

Of all the people who could have been chosen to tutor her, why did it have to be him? The thought of Nina's ex-boyfriend made Celine... uncomfortable. Not guilty... no, certainly not that. Celine strongly held the opinion that only the weak and indecisive ever felt guilt. But when Celine looked back at that heated couple of weeks last semester, she had to admit that there were some things that she would have done differently.

She recognized now that she had projected some of her own internal biases onto Nina and Seth's relationship, and that had caused things to get... well... a little out of hand. The way things had turned out between her and Nina had forced her to reconsider who Nina was, and in turn, had made Celine grudgingly admit that maybe she didn't really know Seth either.

That didn't make her feel friendlier toward the strange little man. If anything, it made her more reluctant than ever to interact with him. By getting to know him, Celine might be forced to feel ever more of the strange half-regret that she was so unused to. She would have preferred to forget Seth altogether rather than face the results of her misguided actions last semester. It looked like fate was playing some sort of trick on her.

But maybe Seth had made that decision for her. If she felt a little awkward about speaking to him, she couldn't imagine what he felt. Hopefully, the worthless professor would be able to line up another tutor on short notice.

Celine frowned in disbelief when the door opened and admitted Seth Takano once again, his mouth pulled into a grim, determined line and his eyes looking anywhere other than Celine's face. In jerky movements, he pulled out the opposite chair at the work table and sat heavily.

"So..." he said, his voice carefully neutral, "Let's take a look at your latest lab and see exactly what kind of help you need."

Celine stared at him for a moment, her eyes narrowed. He didn't look at her, remaining stony-faced and staring down at the table expressionlessly.

"What is this?" Celine asked finally. "Do you really intend to...?"

"Teach you physics?" asked Seth sharply. His eyes finally rose to meet Celine's and she was taken aback at the smoldering distaste there. It wasn't a reaction Celine encountered often, even from men she had wronged. Normally, even the men she mistreated the most had a certain amount of longing mixed in with their hatred... but here Celine saw the pure, uncut emotion. "Help you pass? Yes, that's exactly what I intend. I was asked by my professor to help you, and that's exactly what I plan to do."

Celine frowned. Even after she changed her perception of last semester's events, she had still been under the impression that Seth was, to put it bluntly, a weak-willed pussy. But now he was speaking to her in a confident, clipped tone of authority.

Her evaluation of Seth shifted. Just slightly.

But she still shook her head. "No. I'm afraid not. I don't see any reason why my tutor has to be someone I've had... disagreements with in the past. That sounds like a recipe for awkwardness at the very least. No offense, but I would prefer a different tutor."

Seth sighed in exasperation. 'Do you think that I want to...?" he stopped and closed his eyes for a moment, visibly calming himself. "Did you know that Professor Lawrence asked all of his TAs to help you, and I was the only one to say yes?"

Celine bit her lip. She hadn't realized that. When the Professor offered to find her a tutor, she had sort of assumed that it was a commonly offered service. Maybe bringing her grade up wasn't as easy of a thing as she thought.

"It's not exactly common to receive expert tutoring for free," said Seth, his voice almost polite. 'I suggest you take the offer."

"So what's in it for you?" asked Celine suspiciously. "How do I know you aren't just trying to sabotage me as payback for..." She trailed off, unwilling to go any further. Seth held her eye contact now, the disgust and hate in his eyes were successfully hidden behind a mask of cool professionalism.

"I have my own reasons. As for your suspicions, I'll let you be the judge. I'm confident in my work. If my tutoring doesn't immediately help you to understand class lectures more easily, you can feel free to lodge a complaint with Professor Lawrence," he said, leaning back in his chair with a sort of solid confidence that Celine would never have expected from a short nerd like him.

"So you're not going to try to get back at me for last semester?" demanded Celine, probing the wound one last time to see if it would cause a rise from the now strangely emotionless man sitting across from her. But for now, at least, he was as cool as a cucumber.

"To me, you are just a class grade that needs to go up and a pile of poorly done homework that needs correcting," said Seth flatly. "And to you, I'm just a textbook. We don't need to see each other as people at all for this. Does that work for you?"

Celine thought for a moment. She did need to pass this class, and Seth didn't seem like he was lying when he claimed that he was her best chance. Like he said, there was no need to drag their past into this, or even relate as people. In fact, this might even be easier than a different male tutor, who would inevitably try to get in her pants. There was no chance of that from Seth at least.

"Deal," she said tentatively.

"Great," said Seth, leaning forward with an air of keen professionalism, "Let's see that lab."

...

Pulling himself out of the rut he had fallen into wasn't easy for Seth. Over the next few weeks, he had to force himself to take every step forward. Life became like an endless, grinding chore. But somehow he improved and actually managed to fulfill his duties as Dr. Lawrence's TA.

Every day was dull torture, and even if he managed to force himself into some sort of functioning equilibrium, he still felt hollow and joyless. But, surprisingly, his sessions with Celine weren't the worst part.

Seth found her vain, vapid, and surprisingly ignorant of even the basics of science, but he had to admit that Celine was motivated to improve her grade and grudgingly willing to listen to Seth when it came to the course materials.

Initially, Seth worried that she would try to find some opportunity to humiliate him. Seth knew firsthand what a scheming, evil bitch Celine was, after all. Girls that beautiful couldn't be trusted. But over a few weeks of study sessions, Seth began to relax. He still obviously didn't see any redeeming qualities in Celine (besides physical attractiveness of course... But even poisonous snakes could have pretty scales), but it seemed like Celine had no ulterior motives. Maybe she figured that she was getting enough out of Seth without needing to stab him in the back.

Seth was happy to continue with a professional relationship of polite mutual distaste until they could finally raise her grade enough that the meetings were no longer necessary.