Love in the Time of Tacos

When she said those three little words, and her boyfriend didn't say them back, Jax wonders if she and Kevin should stay together.

Will Kevin be able to regain Jax's trust by showing her his true feelings?

**********

"I love you."

Kevin squeezed my hands. "I need time to be able to say it back."

I wrested my fingers away. "How lon--" Before I could register the tears burning my eyes, my voice caught in my throat.

"Jax, don't cr--"

I scooted away from the linoleum table that was bolted to the tile floor. "I knew I shouldn't--"

Kevin steadied the half-full cups of horchata on our table. "Yes, you should have."

I tried to keep my voice down in the taqueria, but I also wanted Kevin to hear me over the fútbol game playing on the TV above our heads. "I understand that four months isn't a long time."

Kevin stood up next me. "It's been five months." He cleared our plastic trays, strewn with fragments of pinto beans and guacamole. "That's plenty of time to fall in love."

"But not with me." I searched through my bag.

"That's not what I said."

"It's what you meant." I found my keys. Then I pushed open the double glass doors of the restaurant and walked to the parking lot.

Kevin followed me to the sidewalk. "You keep assuming... Can we stand still for a moment and talk about this? Or sit still? In the car?"

We located my practical sedan in the crowded lot and took our seats. I had forgotten to put up the sunshade in our temperate climate, so the inside was baking. From the driver's side, I rolled down the windows and turned on the air conditioning.

"I could blame my childhood," Kevin said. "My family, we care for each other immensely, but we only say, 'I love you,' occasionally. I've been in love three times. With each relationship, I got swept away. Each one blazed like a bonfire until the passion faded. Then it was over."

"'The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long'," I quoted.

"Exactly. You're so wise."

"It's from Blade Runner."

"Really? Never saw it."

"Neither have I, but, go on with what you were saying."

"We're almost 30. But even if we were younger or older, this time, I don't want it to be over. I don't want to fall in love with love. I want to fall in love with you, Jax."

I turned off the car and left the windows down. The clamor of the congested city traffic clanged in our ears until I spoke.

"My family, we're a small group, but we say, 'I love you,' every day, all day."

Kevin rubbed my shoulder.

"I have been in love never," I continued, "until now. Although, that might change."

"That eye roll means I'm in trouble, huh?"

"Me dating you is a risk. I expect to get my heart broken, and I expect everyone around me to say, 'I told you so.' Or at least they would think it."

Kevin shrank against the door. "Why am I a risk?"

"Give me your phone." I held up the lock screen, which displayed a selfie he took of us on our third date. "Look at me," I gestured to my Teletubby physique, "and look at you." I flung my hand at Kevin's superhero form.

"What are you saying?"

I unlocked the screen, found dozens of photos of the two of us together, and scrolled through them, shoving each one in Kevin's face. "You look like a Chippendales dancer--the only brown one--and I look like your tolerable fan."

Kevin chuckled. "Oh my gosh, Jax, you know you're gorgeous."

"I know no such thing."

"If I didn't find you attractive, why would you think I'm with you?"

Why indeed? "I don't have a trust fund or a famous sister, so I guess you like me because I'm smart and funny--"

"True."

"--which distracts you from my less than adequate appearance."

Kevin blew a raspberry in disbelief.

"I'm not being humbly self-deprecating," I explained, "I'm being honest."

"You have the passcode to my phone, which means you can view your imprint all over my life."

"I like infiltrating your life. But I can't help but wonder..."

"Wonder out loud so I can hear, too."

"If I looked different, better, more traditionally appealing, would you have said it quicker? Would you have staked your claim in my heart, to prevent anyone else from trying to enter? Or were you unconcerned about playing defense, because you knew you had no competition? All of this supposition sounded more logical inside my brain."

He blinked, stupefied. "I'm your partner. I'm a man. And, regardless of gender, I should help you feel safe and protected."

"You do." I patted Kevin's sturdy upper arm.

"But you feel insecure in our relationship."

"That's me, that's my issue. You're not--"

"When we first met, I had a feeling..." Kevin exited the car.

"Where are you going?"

"I have some stuff to figure out," Kevin said through the open window of the closed door. "Can I come over tonight?"

"Should I hope for the best, prepare for the worst?"

"There is no worst, Jax. You're my..." He grinned and shook his head. "I'll see you at 6:00 pm."

...

At 5:30 pm, my phone rang.

"I figured out my stuff earlier than expected," Kevin said. "Tell your other suitors to exit through the back door, and then buzz me in."

Without dignifying his wisecrack with a response, I pressed the button on my phone to let him in the apartment building, and I hung up.

While one of the few musicals on the AFI 100 list played on my flat screen TV, I untucked my legs from the blanket on my bed, jostling the popcorn bowl. I ambled to the front door, which I opened before Kevin could knock.

"Kiss?"

I gave him a peck on the lips. "What have you determined?"

"Straight, no chaser?" He stepped inside, removed his shoes, locked the door behind him, and set a large take-out bag on the kitchen counter. "Come with me."

He led me back to the bedroom and turned off my television.

"But Tony was just about to meet a girl named Maria," I protested.

"Spoiler for a movie you've already seen 20 times: they don't live happily ever after. Lie down." He went to the bathroom, and I heard him wash his hands.

When he returned to the room, I was standing in the same spot with my arms crossed.

"You're not on the bed," he observed.

"Ask me nicely, please."

He stroked my bare arms, which melted to my sides. Kevin he leaned down and kissed the side of my neck. His nose nuzzled my kinky hair. His lips lingered on my skin and gently suctioned onto my collarbone. "Lie down. Please."

"That's better," I replied evenly, trying not alert him to the lubricating effect he had on me. I climbed on the bed, moved the popcorn to my desk, and splayed my body on the blanket like a starfish. "Now what?"

He rubbed his palms together. "You're good with words, Jax. Very good."

"Thank you."

"I'm going to show you how I feel about you without words."

"Kevin, we haven't... I'm not ready yet, but soon--"

He waved away my fears. "I am keeping all of my clothes on. Like you said, this isn't about me." He walked to the side of the bed. "This about you having no doubts about our relationship, and separately, how much I worship your body. Take this off."

I tugged my pajamas pants down my legs.

"Your t-shirt, too," he commanded.

I complied, though I remained wary of Kevin's plan, no matter how aroused I was.

He could tell. "You're already wet."

"I am." Only wearing an underwire bra and damp cotton panties, I waited for his next request.

He kneeled on the mattress and began with my toes, kneading down my soles, then squeezing my heels. "When we met and we started talking, I saw forever in you."

"Forever?" I was stunned. "It's only been four months."

"Five months," Kevin corrected again. "And that was on the first day. The first five minutes."

"You were surprisingly charming, considering your hotness."

His fingers traveled from my ankles to my calves. "It seemed impossible. Meeting my match under the Golden Arches, just because I had a craving for chicken nuggets. But I couldn't fight it. Every moment continued building and confirming and making complete sense."

My apprehension faded, transforming into titillation.

He caressed my knees, then my thighs, then higher. His thumbs slid under the moist fabric. "Do you want me to keep going?"

My pussy lips throbbed. "Yes."

Kevin skimmed his hands along the soft waves of my torso. "I love your stomach."

"It's pudgy."

"Pardon me." His index fingers circled my navel. "I love your pudgy stomach."

He advanced his journey and located the hooks of my bra.

"You can take it off," I said.

He looked hungry. "I love your breasts." Once my dark brown nipples were exposed, he latched his warm lips on my left one. "I could suck on these big ole titties for days," he mumbled.

I moaned as his fingers teased my right nipple, which made my vulva ache.

His tongue swirled around my puffy areola. "I want to feel inside of you."

I snatched off my panties and directed his right hand to my gooey center.

"I love your pussy, your clit, your bush, all of it."

I bucked against his middle finger, which was edging toward my G-spot.

"I love when you cum."

I grabbed his left hand off my breast and urged him to rub the swollen clit that he purported to love.

His lips switched to my right nipple and his fingers adroitly manipulated my sticky lips.

I could feel the orgasm surging from my core.

"Don't hold back, Jax," he encouraged. "Give it all to me."

It blasted like a supernova, and I screamed from the pleasure overtaking me, my pussy creaming, my tits jiggling, my limbs trembling on the sheets until I came down.

Then there was a toot. And an stink.

Kevin was laughing. "That's smelly."

Embarrassed but mellowed from my afterglow, I wrapped myself in the nearest, driest blanket. "You don't love my farts, too?"

"Wait a minute, wait a minute." He stuck his butt in the air. "Wait a minute." He let out a stream of gas louder and funkier than mine.

"Ewww."

He lied down next to me and stared at the ceiling. "Do you still love me, even though I'm an odoriferous, albeit pulchritudinous and digitally gifted, boyfriend?"

"Next time, bring deodorizer, or else I will dutch oven you."

"Half of this fetid bouquet emerged from your behind."

"Yeah, I love you, Kevin."

He rolled over to look me in the eye. "I love you, Jax."

I gave him a kiss, savoring the taste of our mingled sweat on his upper lip. Through the doorway, I noticed that we had left the light on in the kitchen. "Are you still hungry?"

Kevin bent down to munch on my breasts. "Oh yeah."

...

"Jax."

I blinked my heavy eyes open. "Good morning."

In the dim sunlight, my shirtless boyfriend nibbled my earlobe. "I love you."

I reached between Kevin's legs and felt a bulge growing. "Let's do something about that."