Some will instantly get the title reference to the inspiration for this story.
It's the journeys we don't take that we regret the most.
Long Way Round
I started riding motorcycles when I was seven. I got my motorcycle license when I was eighteen. I might have tried for it at seventeen, which was the legal age in my state, but my father wouldn't have allowed it.
At the time, I thought it was hypocritical, and I still think that now. The guy who used to brag about how fast he went on his Triumph was berating me on how dangerous motorcycles were, and how I shouldn't get one. He eventually relented, but did not make it easy on me. I wanted a sportbike of course, but they were rather large and cumbersome. The test course at the local DMV was tight and complex. I could rent a scooter from a local dealership and take the test on that, but my father forbidW it. "You'll take the test on the bike you'll be riding," he said.
I passed, but barely. Street bikes were a different animal compared to the dirt bikes I had ridden. It's hard to get experience riding when none of your friends have motorcycles. I learned on my own though. I rode so much the first month that if I had taken the test again, I would have passed with flying colors.
Fast forward fifteen years. I still loved to ride when weather permitted. I still rode sport bikes, although not as recklessly as when I was younger. I had a couple of close calls in that time, all due to people not paying attention. People would try to merge into me on the highway. Folks would pull out of side streets in front of you. You learned to anticipate it, like a sixth sense. You could just tell when a person didn't see you.
It should have been no different on this particularly beautiful spring day. The problem was I had a two-fer. I was coming up on a gas station on my right. I could tell the guy waiting to pull out was looking right through me. I eased off the throttle as I approached. I quickly reached the point of no return... either I would have to stop, or if I went any farther, there wouldn't be enough space to stop, and I'd have to gun it to get around him. I decided on the latter as he still hadn't started moving. But sure enough, as soon as I had decided, he started to move. No problem, I calculated and had time and space on my side. I grabbed some throttle to accelerate and eased over to the far left-hand side of the lane. Plenty of room. As I passed his front bumper with a few feet to spare, I looked over my shoulder to give him a dirty look that he would never see, given I was wearing a helmet.
I'll never know if the next part is actually my memory, or just what my brain thinks happened based on eyewitness descriptions I heard much later.
A woman in an SUV had started pulling out of a street on my left just past the gas station. She thought it was ok to go since the guy in the gas station had started pulling out, so there mustn't be anyone coming... right?
I don't know if she ever saw me before I did my Superman impression over her hood. The broken clavicle from hitting the street on the other side of her vehicle would have been bad enough. It was the subsequent slide headfirst into the curb that was the real kicker. I'm glad I don't remember it though. Just the thought gives me chills.
*****
The brightness when I tried to open my eyes reflexively made close them again. I have no idea how long it took me to finally be able to open them for more than a few seconds. When I was finally able to look around, my mind was just blank. I saw things, in fact I still remember the images in my head when I started coming around. Problem was that my brain didn't seem ready to comprehend them. Again, no idea how long that lasted, but eventually my mind decided to boot up and register that I was in a hospital.
I was able to look around, but not much else. I don't even think I was able to move my head in those first few... minutes? Hours?
I was picking out new details in my surroundings as my brain very slowly began to pick up speed when a nurse walked in. I wanted to say 'Hi' or 'Good morning.' Was it morning? Not sure, but it was then I realized movement or speech wasn't yet in the cards for me.
The nurse walked straight over to some equipment next to the bed. She got a quizzical look on her face for a moment when she looked over at me and did a classic double-take. I tried to smile and say 'hi' with my eyes. Not sure if I was successful or not. The nurse took another look at the monitors and scurried from the room. It felt like only a few moments, and she was back with what I assumed to be a doctor in tow.
It was when he came in that I realized I was able to turn my head, if ever so slightly. It felt like it was encased in molasses and seemed like I was giving the commands via the world's slowest remote control. 'Hi head, I'd like you to turn to the left please.' A few seconds later, my head would comply, but it would only turn a bit. It was like someone left the steering lock on a car.
The doctor walked up to the edge of the bed and appeared to study me for a moment before he spoke.
"Good afternoon, Mr. Jacobs, I'm Doctor Carr."
'Hi Doc, nice to meet you.'
At least that's what I thought in my head. Nothing came out of my mouth of course.
Doctor Carr seemed to immediately understand my predicament.
"Mr. Jacobs, can you blink twice if you understand what I'm saying?"
Sure doc, I can do that. Two blinks.
"Very good!"
Doctor Carr turned to the nurse and gave some commands I didn't understand. My mind was still working at a reduced power level. The nurse left briskly while Doctor Carr continued to examine me. He touched my hand and asked me to blink twice if I felt anything. I didn't, so I just stared at him.
"Did you understand what I asked you to do, Mr. Jacobs?"
Sure Doc, can I feel my hand. Two blinks.
I could see him grab my foot. "How about now?"
Sorry Doc, not feeling it.
"Ok, it's nothing to worry about yet. Let's give it some time and see if your feeling returns."
I wasn't worried... wait, should I be?
He asked me to try and open my mouth. I thought I could feel my mouth... it just wouldn't comply with any commands.
The nurse returned with something in her hand and started fiddling with some bags and tubing to my right that I could barely see in my periphery.
Over the next little while different doctors and nurses popped in and out of my room. Whether it was the drugs they were giving me, or I was just taking a long time to fully wake, I wasn't sure, but I was able to turn my head a little more as each minute seemed to pass.
I was just noticing that I thought I could finally feel my mouth and was trying to open it when my parents were escorted into the room by Doctor Carr. My mother had clearly been crying and burst into tears again as she approached the bed.
Hi, Mom.
She looked ready to launch herself onto the bed to give me a hug when Doctor Carr gently pulled her back.
"Please be gentle Mrs. Jacobs, we don't want to reinjure Jeremy."
I looked past my mother for a moment and noticed the deep look of concern on my father's face. Huh, that's new. It wasn't that my father didn't care about me, it's just that he never showed it. He came from the tough love school of parenting. Showing love, caring or concern to a child would be a sign of weakness.
Seeing him in this state was a new experience.
My mother started expelling a stream of consciousness that would have been impressive if my mind could keep up with it. I was only able to grab a word or phrase here and there.
"...we thought we lost you..." and similar phrases I caught.
Wait. Lost me? Lost me how?
Wait again! Why am I in the hospital?
Wow, my brain really was moving in slow motion.
The concern that was starting to set in must have shown on my face as Doctor Carr immediately gave me a quizzical look. I guess my face was starting to work again as well.
Doctor Carr whispered something to my mother and escorted both my parents from the room. They returned a few minutes later and were more subdued. They sat in chairs on the right side of my bed and my mother held my hand. I think I was starting to feel her hold it. Another good sign, I assumed.
I must have dozed off as when I woke it was clearly night out. I turned my head and could see that my parents were no longer there. I guess visiting hours were over. Hey, I turned my head a lot that time! More progress!
I tried to work my mouth and found that I could open it. Even better! As I slowly opened and closed my mouth, another sensation started to take hold. It was just a tickle at first, but expanded quickly. Taste. I could taste! Oh boy, what a taste it was, too. They must have had me gargling sewer water while I was out.
I immediately wanted a drink. I looked around the room for something to drink. I instinctively reached out to grab the guardrail on the hospital bed. Well, I attempted to reach out. While the reaching out part didn't work out, I was able to move my fingers and hand a bit. Ok, more progress.
It still didn't satisfy my need to rinse my mouth out. Had they been brushing my teeth with dog shit while I was out?
I couldn't see a clock in the room, and I didn't trust my internal clock to let me know how long I laid there, praying for water. Nurses had to make rounds, didn't they? One should have to come by at some point. I could get some water then.
Wait. How was I going to ask for water with my mouth not working properly? Screw it, I'd figure it out when she got there. I would just wait patiently. I certainly couldn't go back to sleep with my mouth tasting like this.
An eternity later, or five minutes, who knows... a nurse entered the room. I immediately locked eyes with her, in what I hoped was a pleading look.
I need something from you lady, and you're going to give it to me. No... not that... water.
My pleading look was at least having an effect. She tilted her head slightly and gave me a questioning glance. What if she thought I needed to go to the bathroom, or I was hungry? Damnit! I just wanted some water.
Ok, time to see how good the mouth was working. I gave what I felt was a herculean effort. I wanted scream 'WATER' at the top of my lungs! What came out was an almost imperceptible "waaah..."
Shit, did she even hear that? I could barely hear it.
"What was that, Mr. Jacobs?"
She did hear me! Ok, maximum effort this time!
"waa..."
Jesus, that was pathetic.
"Water? Do you want some water, Mr. Jacobs?"
YES! PLEASE! I tried to smile and vigorously nod my head. Given my face still felt like plastic, I probably looked ridiculous, but at least I got my point across.
