Lily's Playlist

I spent the next hour that Friday night going over the possible scenarios to why Ethan and Karen, the overeager soccer mom that had a son on EJ's team, would be out- Together- Taking pictures!

Maybe he ran into her randomly.

...Maybe he wants to fuck her randomly!

Maybe they were at a team meeting.

...Maybe they were at a pre-fucking meeting!!

Maybe EJ and her son had a play date together.

...Maybe Ethan and Karen are together!!! FUCK!

Panicked, I looked through Karen's Facebook page. It offered no insight. I could only see a limited amount of post because she is not my friend on Facebook. I saw posts that tagged Ethan, a lot of soccer related stuff. Not surprising. Same shit on her Instagram. Karen acted like... well, your typical soccer mom at EJ's soccer game. The new picture she posted was the only thing not related to the boys. I can only see their faces, so I don't know if it's a close up or a selfie.

UGHHHHH I SWEAR I'M GONNA FUCKING SCREAM IF SHE TOOK A SELFIE WITH HIM!

I felt sick to my stomach thinking about every time I saw her touch him at the soccer game. Why was I so quick to write it off as being friendly? Was it intimate? Did he encourage it? Fuck. I spent too much energy on being upset with Rocky, I wasn't even paying attention. I got up and took a shot of Brandon's Crown. I took 2 more before I went back to bed. The drinks and the stress of the day finally caught up to me, because I finally was able to force myself asleep.

I woke up early Saturday morning, thanks to my nerves and full bladder. I really needed to talk to someone about this. I was desperate, but not desperate enough to wake Rocky up and risk her wrath. I know she was working on her attitude- not trying to cause her to relapse.

I throw on some jeans and a t-shirt and head to Chick-fil-A. After securing a couple chicken biscuits and coffees, I headed to the one person I knew who would hear me out and give me good advice. I banged on his door for a full minute before it finally opened.

"Lily?" Trevor asked, squinting and rubbing his eyes in the morning light. "Is everything ok?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. I brought breakfast." I gestured to the bags.

He looked confused for a moment. "Um, thanks, but if you're fine, I'll catch up with you later..."

I shook my head. "No, Sleep later. I need to talk to yo-"

"Trevor??" A woman's voice called out, cutting off my words.

"Give me a sec." He called back to her.

A feeling of deja vu washed over me as I saw the scene play out in front of me. It wasn't the first time I interrupted Trevor with a girl, probably wouldn't be the last. I just had no idea he was dating anyone right now. He never mentioned it, or her, why was he hiding it from me? I quickly snapped out of it and shoved the food into his hand.

"Sorry for interrupting." I said, turning to flee down the stairs of his apartment.

"Lilypad, wait. You sure you're ok?" He asked.

"Yep. Nothing I can't handle. Bye T-Rev." I said, never turning around.

If I wasn't so freaked out by the picture of Ethan and Karen, I would be freaking out about the new girl Trevor was seeing. I would be pestering him for information about how he felt about her, but I was much more concerned about my potential love life then whatever going on in Trevor's.

I headed to Sammy's next. This time I called before knocking. I would hate to interrupt anyone else's morning after.

"Hello..." She answered.

"Hey. I have an Ethan emergency."

"Ok...shoot"

"Can I come over?"

"Yeah."

"Ok. I'm at the door."

After a moment, Sammy opened the door wearing nothing but a sheet.

"You coulda got dressed." I commented, stepping through the door.

"What? With you at the door? With an Ethan emergency? Never." She answered, sarcastically.

I ignored her. After she threw on some clothes, I showed her the saved images I took of all of Ethan and Karen's interactions on Facebook.

She sat on the couch and went through them. She examined the picture that I discovered last night. She asked me to explain their behavior at EJ's game. I did.

"Ok. She's definitely into him. Did he seem interested in her?"

"I don't know..."

"Was he joking with her? Touching her back? Leaning in to listen to her? Checking her out?" Sammy questioned me.

"I don't think so- They were just talking. Like normal; how he would talk to me." I replied.

Sammy sighed. "You're giving me nothing." I looked down, frustrated with myself. "You know what? It doesn't matter." Sammy declared.

"Yes it does! I'm meeting him Sunday! What am I supposed to do?" I groaned, looking up at her.

"You have two options. The first one is to pretend like you didn't see it. You continue as planned and see if he still wants to get together with you. Then, what's going on between them doesn't matter."

That seemed impossible. I can't just ignore a woman he has constant contact with. Even if we do start to date, I would need to know what happened between them.

"What's option two?"

"Confront and fuck him." Sammy said, plainly.

"What?" I said, outraged.

"Hear me out. He kissed you right? At the very least he's still attracted to you. If he's not dating her, then you're staking your claim. If he is, then you're forcing him to choose. All you gotta do is make sure you're the better choice." Sammy said, matter of factly.

"I can't do that. I want it to be more than sex, remember? Ethan's not a cheater. If he is dating her, I don't wanna make him one." I explained.

"It started off as sex last time- just make sure you lock him down this time. If he is dating her, he's already a cheater." Sammy said. "He clearly likes you more if he will cheat on her with you, if that makes you feel better."

For some reason, that really didn't make me feel better.

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When I get back home, Brandon is at work and Rocky is in her room with her friend Peyton, watching tv.

"Hey. Quick question for you." I said, after saying hello to them. "Do you know if Ethan is seeing anyone?"

"I told you he wasn't." Rocky answered.

"I know, but there was a picture on Facebook of him and some soccer mom posted up together-"

"There were also pictures of you and Trevor in Austin. Anything going on with the two of you?" Rocky raised an eyebrow at me.

"Of course not. This morning I interrupted him with some girl." I sighed.

"Strawberry Blonde? A little taller than me?" Peyton grinned.

"I don't know. I didn't see her." I said, annoyed. Who fucking cares?

"Well, anyway, that still proves my point. Don't believe everything you see. They might just be good friends." Rocky finished.

When I crossed my arms, she sighed. "I'll listen out, but remember, Brandon and I are staying out of this."

"Thanks Rocky." I say, insincerely.

"Lily. Come on and watch this with us." Rocky said when I turn to leave.

"Yes! Come get caught up with us for the premier next weekend!" Peyton added.

"Fine" I said, before hopping on the bed with them, hoping the show would be enough to keep me from stressing about Ethan, our brunch and a selfie loving soccer mom.

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Sunday morning I was up at 6 am, a ball of nerves. I was surprised I got any sleep at all. I looked at the outfit I set out last night and decided it was all wrong. I went in my closet and start throwing options into a bag. I grabbed my nude wedges- Those were the only thing I was 100% sure about. I was loading up the car as I call Sammy. On the second try, she answered.

"Yeah?"

"I'm canceling with Ethan." I declared.

She groaned. "Just come over."

I already bugged her all night about my outfit. I talked her through my wardrobe. We even planned my hair and makeup. I knew I was being ridiculous, but I can't help it. It was bad enough that I had no idea what I would say to Ethan or how he would respond. I can't be unsure about my look too.

When I get to Sammy's place, she pushed me in the shower. When I came out, wrapped in a towel, she already had a dress laid out on the bed and a bottle of tequila in her hands.

"Drink." She commanded, handing me a shot. I make a face but did it. I realized I was in no position to argue with her. She made me take one more shot before she sat me down at her folding table that served as a dining room table. She then started on my hair with a curling wand. After that, she moved to my makeup. An hour later, she pointed to the dress and told me to put it on. She picked out an ethereal white lace dress with a scooped neckline and puffed short sleeves. It came about mid-thigh on me, which was surprising considering Sammy likes her dresses short.

"It was on sale." She shrugged when I made a comment about the dress not being her style. "I knew it was way too big when I bought it. Fits you perfectly." She said, wrapping a thin beige belt around my waist.

I then slipped on my nude wedges. I looked myself over in the mirror as she dug in her jewelry box. I was shocked at the mirror image staring back at me. My skin looks flawless. My lashes look amazing, long and curled, framing my eyes. The gold shimmer and brown liner Sammy used brought out the amber flecks in my hazel eyes. It looked so soft and natural. My lips were a glossy rose color. My hair framed my face, falling in waves past my shoulders. The dress was modest, but sexy in the way it hugged my curves. My legs looked long and shapely in the wedges.

"Ohmygod Sammy..." I started, truly in awe. I was overwhelmed. I don't remember the last time I felt so pretty.

"I know. I'm a miracle worker." She said, coming back to place a large gold locket around my neck to match the gold studs I had in my ears. "You're going to have to learn to do what everyone else does..."

"Hire you as my stylist?" I beamed.

"No! Get on YouTube! Find beauty tutorials. And it's way past time for a trip to the hair salon, by the way." She replied, leading me to the door. "Good luck. Call me!"

I promised I would before I left for Button's. I arrived at the restaurant early, so I texted Ethan to let him know I was there and waited in my car. My nerves are still running wild, but Sammy's styling had me feeling like I was in a costume. I just needed to play the role. A super cool, confident, sexy alter ego of myself who can conquer the world. One man at a time. I was listening to Beyonce in my car to help me get into my role. Not even 5 minutes after I texted, I saw Ethan's truck pull up. I got out my car and watched him park further down from me. He saw me after I waved and headed my way.

"Good morning." I said, with a smile.

"Good morning." He said, his eyes drinking me in. "You look good." He said, when he finally met my eyes. It wasn't much, compliment-wise. The way he said it, paired with how he was looking at me, sent a wave of confidence and awareness through my body.

"So do you." I said, truthfully. He kept it simple and clean in pressed khaki's and a navy-blue print shirt. He was rocking a neatly trimmed goatee, which I loved. He always looks so perfectly put together and effortlessly sexy. I normally struggled to keep up. Today, I felt like his equal for once. If things went well, I was going to take a selfie of us together!

"Happy Father's Day." I said, giving him a hug.

"Thank you." He said, pulling back from me.

"Is it weird not having EJ with you?" I asked him, as we walked to the restaurant.

"A little. I actually wanted him for the whole weekend, but he wanted to stay at his mom's so he could surprise me."

I smiled at him. "You need to work on your surprised face since you already know you're getting one."

"No, I'm actually already surprised he put in so much effort."

"I'm not. You're an awesome dad. Makes perfect sense to me." I commented.

"Thanks Lily." Ethan said, looking me in the eyes as he opened the door for me.

I blushed and entered the restaurant. The smell of the food from the buffet hit me immediately. It smelled delicious. Thankfully, Ethan made a reservation, so we didn't have to wait long.

"So did you talk to your dad yet?" Ethan asked me, as he let me pass to follow the hostess.

"I did. Yesterday actually. That's when he got my gift." I said, picking a chair at the table and sitting down.

I got my dad a gift certificate for Brookstone and a Hallmark card. And yes, I know that was generic and no thought process at all. I pride myself on being a great gift giver. Honestly, everyone wished that I was their secret Santa. That's how much thought and care I put into gifts. As a kid, I tried really hard to gift him something he would love and use, to no avail. My dad is IMPOSSIBLE to shop for, so I don't.

"We talked for like 5 minutes and he guilt tripped me into planning a trip back to California soon. I guess I'm going to have to go anyway to get the rest of my stuff when me and Sammy move into our apartment next month." I rambled on. The tequila shots, coupled with the lack of sleep and food, is making me more chatty than normal. Apparently, my rambling didn't bother him as he nodded at me.

"Really? Already found an apartment?" He asked.

"Yes. It's a great townhome in Addison. I can't wait for you to see it. We just gotta sign the lease." I said, excitedly.

"Great. Congratulations." He said.

When the waitress made her way over, he asked me, "Are we drinking to celebrate?"

I shook my head. That's the last thing I needed. "No. I'm planning to eat all my calories at the buffet. Drinks are a waste of stomach room."

He smiled at that and ordered himself coffee, water for me and the buffet for us both. After the waitress left, we got up to get our food. We take our time looking everything over before we loaded our plates with a combination of French toast, cheese grits, fried fish, collard greens, fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, and fresh cut fruit. The food was a welcomed distraction once we returned to the table. It gave me a chance to relax and get comfortable with him. We spend the meal sharing food and picking which was our favorite dish. It got more crowded as we ate. I didn't have much room for seconds, but Ethan did go get us some gumbo to try that we couldn't carry the first time around. While he was gone, a man who looked around my age paused in front of my table.

"That sure is a pretty dress." He said, looking me over.

"Thank you." I smiled, politely. I didn't want to be rude, as he did offer me a compliment. The way he was staring at my chest was a little creepy.

"You treating your dad to breakfast too?" He asked finally looking at my face with a grin.

"No, she's not." Ethan answered for me, setting the gumbo in front of me and giving the guy a hard glare.

"Understood. Y'all enjoy your meal." He nodded. Ethan didn't sit down until the guy walked away.

"Looks like you're making friends." He stated, handing me a clean spoon.

"Apparently, the dress is." I laughed.

He took a bite of the gumbo and I did the same, thrilled. I wanted to break out and do a victory shimmy in my chair, but I refrained. My alter ego would never do something so childish but his reaction to that random guy gave me the encouragement I needed to finally tell him how I felt. Why would he be possessive of me if he was with someone else? I felt jealous about Karen because I still had feelings for Ethan. He must still have feelings for me too!

"It's pretty good." Ethan commented about the gumbo.

"Yeah...is it bad that I'm thinking about where I want to go out to eat next time? Because this really makes me want Razzoo's."

"I haven't been there in forever. In fact, I think I've been there twice since your first time." He smiled at me.

"URGH, don't remind me." I giggled.

Me, Rocky and Sammy joined Ethan and some of his friends for happy hour. I got drunk off their gator punch, trying to keep up with Sammy. It wasn't pretty, but Ethan took great care of me.

"We should go there again sometime. I feel like I need to redeem myself." I said, as confidently as I could muster. While I was sure he had feelings for me, I still couldn't help feeling nervous about asking him out. I never made the first move before.

"That'll be fun. Maybe with Rocky and Brandon; remind them how far they've come since then." Ethan suggested, with a smirk.

Even if he was serious about a double date, I didn't want that on a first date. I wanted to start our relationship, not celebrate theirs. "Yeah. Or maybe just you and me. Like a date. Just the two of us." I tried to say it as coolly as possible. There. I did it. My part was done, all he had to do was accept...

He studied me for an agonizing few seconds before saying," I don't think that's a good idea."

My heart stopped. I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding. "Why not?" I asked, my voice shaky to my own ears.

"I'm dating someone right now. Karen, I don't know if you remember her-"

"I remember." I cut him off, deflated. I had been staring at their picture all weekend. My stomach dropped and twisted violently as I waited for him to continue.

"We started seeing each other before you moved back-" He confessed.

I looked at him in disgust. "Really?!? We kissed. You cheated on her." I accused him.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "After what I went through, you really think I would cheat?"

I looked down, gnawing at my lip but didn't answer.

"I didn't cheat on her. We had been dating, but not exclusively. When you came back, I took a step back from her. Seeing you again stirred up a lot of old feelings for me. When you kissed me, I was tempted to fall back into a- relationship with you." He clarified.

"What changed your mind?" I questioned. I didn't know if I wanted to know the answer, but I needed to know.

"A relationship. I want a real one; not just having fun like we were doing back then." He answered, simply.

"And you can't see a relationship with me anymore?" I asked, softly. I knew I sounded pathetic, but if I didn't ask, it would torment me.

"I don't know. It's been two years Lily-"

It was on the tip of my tongue to beg him to give us a chance. To confidethat time didn't change anything for me. I still wanted to be with him. It was never just fun for me- I always liked him. But my fear of rejection made me hestant, and he continued.

"-I've invested time with Karen. I need to see where it goes." Ethan finished.

I nodded, taking a deep breath. "I understand." I forced myself to say. Just play the role...

"You do?"

"Yeah. I'm glad we cleared the air and I'm happy for you." I lied, grabbing my water and sipping it down, trying to clear the lump from my throat. I willed myself not to cry, hoping he wouldn't see through my lies.

He nodded but didn't say anything. He refused my insistence on paying the bill since I asked him out and it was Father's Day. After he paid, we left. Silence fell between us as I tried to maintain my super cool, confident, alter ego. I even gave him a hug as I thanked him for brunch and told him to enjoy his Father's Day. I keep it together long enough to get to Sammy's apartment. She opened the door and took one look at my face and knew something was up. My hair, make-up, dress and fake act couldn't conceal my devastation from her.

"Lily..." She frowned, ushering me into her place.

I couldn't hold it in anymore- I burst into tears.

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***FLASHBACK ***

2 Years Prior

(First time at Razzos)

"I don't get it! She's tiny. How did I get drunk and she didn't?!?!" I complained to Ethan as he led me to his car from the restaurant.

"Higher alcohol tolerance. I told you to slow down. Their gator punch is no joke." Ethan reminded me as he opened the truck door for me.

I knew he did. I didn't listen. I wanted to keep up with Sammy and show that I can be fun and playful and adventurous. Everything that Ethan needed right now; well what he needed according to his co-worker Daniel. Everyone at the table at Razzoo's knew that Ethan and I were hooking up and they teased us mercilessly. Mostly Ethan's friends teasing him about finally moving on from Megan... with the babysitter. It was in good fun and they encouraged him to enjoy being single.