Life Is Better Than Fiction

So there I was sitting in the hotel bar sipping a nice single malt scotch while trying to shed the weariness which borders on numbness that comes from sitting for several hours answering wave after wave of the same questions and listening to the same well intended displays of affection from adoring fans. They were full of adoration because of their proximity to an almost famous author which allows them to think that they adore me. They probably wouldn't feel that way if they knew the truth. But then the truth doesn't really set you free; it just shows that you are a real person who scratches an itch and who washes his own dishes after another meal alone.

The truth is that I am Bob Harlowe or Dr. Robert Harlowe as the university prefers to call me. I teach a variety of recent American History classes along with several of my personal favorites, Ancient Mediterranean History. I rotate between Egyptian and Middle East History along with Greek and Roman History classes. People were more willing to sit through recent American History than classes on the roots of much of our civilization.

The rest of the truth is that when I published a rather steamy romance/suspense/erotic novel for the sole purpose of increasing my rather mundane salary from the college. The rather conservative powers that be preferred that it be published under a pseudonym. The idea that one of their professors might actually promote various sex acts with a married woman on the run from her husband and several other undesirable characters was not their idea of good publicity for the university. Therefore, this summer book tour which thankfully was about over was undertaken under the name Philip Malone and his carefully crafted but fictitious biography.

Many people consider traveling to new places to be exotic and thrilling. They must not get out much because after several weeks of living out of a suitcase and driving from town to town to sleep in strange and uncomfortable beds while trying to maintain your sanity because you eat every meal alone and have no one to talk to gets very old very quickly. My publisher had arranged this tour and had given me a credit card to cover expenses which ultimately would come out of my royalties. It was a three week tour with a book signing in a major bookstore chain every other day. On the alternate day, I drove from one suburb of a major city to the next one.

So on this Monday night, I was now two more signings away from being able to go home. I had gained five pounds from eating hotel and fast food and had signed my pseudonym more times than I cared to count while hearing from endless people what a talented writer I was. I didn't tell them that they would be sorely disappointed if they read any of the articles and books that I wrote to earn tenure at the university. From a practical point of view, my academic work was well received and sold around 1000 copies each. My one and only foray into popular fiction had sold over 100,000 copies and the number was still climbing. It seems that women were attracted to it because of the romance but men also found a thrill in the suspense and action portions of the novel. I assume that both also got a cheap thrill from the frequent coupling the characters engaged in after each narrow escape.

I had finished my latest signing at seven and was now waiting in the bar for a dinner table to become vacant while I savored the slightly acrid taste of Scotland's finest. I could have gone elsewhere to eat but then I would have had to drive back to the hotel before I went to bed. Here, I just had to take the elevator. I was aware that I was bumping shoulders with a loud man on one side of me and the softer shoulder of a woman on the other but I had paid attention to neither, preferring to think about the technical and trade interactions between the Greeks and the Egyptians 2500 years ago.

My thoughts were interrupted when I became aware that the woman next to me was talking rather firmly on her cell phone.

"Listen to me John; you have been gone three hours. My purse is in the room and you took the key with you. You were supposed to meet me for dinner a half hour ago and now you are going to have to take your client out. What the hell am I supposed to do while you flirt with your client?" She paused for a moment and then added, "I tried that. They won't give me another key because I don't have my id with me so I can't even sign my dinner to the room." She paused again before continuing. "Fine. Maybe I'll flirt with one of these horny businessmen and get him to buy me dinner. Of course, he will expect something in return. So maybe I'll see you in the morning." Then she hung up and I suspect turned off her phone. I could feel the anger emanating from her body which by now I had determined was a very nice body indeed.

Every part of me told me to leave her alone but another part of me said that I desperately needed to talk to someone like a normal person rather than a character from my novel.

"Excuse me miss; I couldn't help but overhear your phone call. I won't hit on you but I would be happy if you would join me for dinner; I'm not fond of eating alone."

She turned toward me with a glare in her eyes and I found that not only did she have a very nice body, she also had a very pretty face and beautiful eyes, even if they were glaring at me.

"I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't have said anything. You would probably prefer to be left alone." I added.

Her eyes softened as she looked me over carefully. "Actually, I am angry enough to let you hit on me but then I would probably chicken out and that would piss you off. I probably should just go to the lobby and wait for him to get back."

"That would probably be safer but then you will probably be angrier later because you haven't eaten. So let me rephrase my offer. I have been traveling for two weeks and have eaten every meal alone on this trip. I would enjoy sharing a meal with you and just talk. No paybacks necessary."

She looked at me and broke a small smile. "I'll take you up on your offer on one condition."

"What's that?"

"We don't talk about work or our spouses or personal things like that. I just want to be swayed by your charm and wit. How is that?"

"I might disappoint you. My friends tell me that the only way I will ever have any charm is if I go to the candy store and buy them and they say that when they handed out wit, I only got half an order." I gave her my best smile.

Her smile broadened in return, "I think that your friends are idiots. You are obviously intelligent and charming. As for the wit, we will see. I accept your offer."

"Good; because they just called my name. Shall we go dine, my lady?" I offered her my arm.

She took it and replied, "It will be my pleasure, kind sir."

The hostess led us to a table for two in the dining room. It was by the window and looked out over the swimming pool area. As we sat down, a waitress descended on us with menus and asking what we would like to drink.

I looked at my dinner guest and raised my eyebrow. She replied, "I think I will just have water with lemon. Thank you."

I replied, "That is fine for now but I would suggest some wine with dinner. Red or white?"

She hesitated for a moment and then smiled, "White, if that is what you are having."

"That is what I will have." I ordered a nice German Riesling that would go well with most of the items on the menu. "Now, if I may suggest, I think that we should tell each other our names so that we can pretend that we are long lost lovers reunited by pure chance. I am Bob."

She blushed at my image and then replied, "Bob, I assume that is short for Robert?"

"Yes but only two people call me that. My mother calls me Robert when she is frustrated with me, which is often, and my boss, who is just rather old fashioned. And you are?"

"I am Phyllis but my friends all call me Phyl."

"That's odd. I know several Phils and they all have hairy arms and hairier beards."

She grinned, "I'll let mine grow out tonight and if we cross paths in the morning, you can see my beard."

I grinned back, "Frankly, I like the way you look clean shaven. Keep it that way."

She responded, "Thanks, I think I will. So now Bob, I thought that they shorted you on wit; it doesn't appear that way to me."

"You don't know my friends. Their idea of wit is fart jokes."

"I didn't realize that you knew the people I work with." We both snickered as the waitress came with the bottle of wine and hovered waiting to take our order.

Again I looked at Phyllis with a raised eyebrow. I guessed that she was concerned about the cost of the meal and said, "Why don't you order for me? I will enjoy anything." She responded.

I looked at the waitress and said, "I think that we will have a shrimp cocktail for two followed by the grilled halibut with potatoes and the vegetable of the day."

The waitress replied, "Good choice. The halibut is very good today and very fresh."

"Thanks." I replied as she scurried off.

When I looked at Phyllis, she was blushing a little. "I love shrimp but I guess that I have never had halibut before. What is it like?"

"It is a firm white fish that is really very good as long as they don't overdo it with sauces and stuff. It doesn't taste real fishy. Hopefully, they will just lightly season it before they grill it and serve it with lemon slices."

That set off a discussion about foods we liked and enjoyed as well as cooking. She seemed surprised that I enjoyed cooking besides just grilling like most guys did. We found that we both enjoyed Italian food and some Middle Eastern dishes. We had talked about ten minutes when the waitress appeared with the shrimp cocktail. I poured us each a glass of wine and we were quiet as we went through the shrimp with ease.

When we finished, she told me that she had grown up in the south and that fish was usually fresh water fish and was fried. I responded that I understood because I too had grown up in the south but that both my parents were from the coasts and preferred seafood to fresh water fish. I ate both but preferred the seafood most. We then talked about the places we grew up and our high school experiences. She had been a cheerleader and homecoming princess while I had been a geek and involved in mostly in academic activities. We talked a little about college but I could tell that a lot of her college experiences probably involved the guy she was married to and she avoided those areas. I did discover however, that she was well spoken and very intelligent. It was a pleasure to talk with her and I thanked my instinct to invite her to dinner.

When the dinner arrived, she sampled a bite of the halibut and her eyes widened as she thoroughly enjoyed the taste and the texture of this wonderful fish. As we ate, she asked about cooking it and what to look for when buying it. I told her how I did it but cautioned her that it was fairly expensive and often frozen. On the whole, it was a fairly big meal but we both cleaned our plates and continued talking. We declined dessert although the cakes and pies all looked very delicious. As an alternate, I suggested that we return to the bar for coffee and more talk.

She took a look at her watch and probably estimated how much longer it would be before her evening with me would end. I felt that she was truly enjoying herself and didn't have this kind of evening very often. For myself, I was enjoying it too. For the most part, my dinners were with college people and talk focused on work. When I took a woman out, it was usually a shallower evening as one or both of us considered it a mere prelude to the real reason we went out which was fuck each other silly.

Phyllis looked at me with her fabulous smile and said, "I would like that very much." I paid the dinner bill and then took her arm and led her to the bar where I ordered coffee with brandy. Once again, we enjoyed the drink, the conversation, and the time passed quickly.

As we were finishing our second cup, a large body appeared next to our table. I looked up and immediately knew that he was her husband and I also knew exactly what type of man he was and my dislike was immediate and surprisingly strong. "Thank you for taking care of my wife. Now Phyl, let's go to our room." He wasn't the least bit polite or sincere and it was obvious that he had probably had more than two beers with his barbeque. I recognized the sauce stain on his shirt.

Phyllis replied with the same tone of voice that he used, "Give me my key and I will be up in a minute when I have finished my coffee." He glared at her and then at me but he dropped a key on the table and turned towards the door. Phyllis looked embarrassed and down at the napkin in front of her.

"Hey, your smile is much prettier than your frown."

"I'm sorry Bob; I really wasn't expecting him back until eleven or so."

"Phyllis, it is eleven thirty. And don't apologize at all. I have had a wonderful evening with a charming woman. I can't ask for anything better than that."

She looked up and smiled, "Tonight has been one of the best I have had in a long time. Thank you. I just wish that it would have ended on a lighter note."

"We both knew that it was going to end sometime, so don't apologize. Finish your coffee and I will walk you to the elevator."

We finished our drinks in silence. The magical evening was over and we both knew it. I paid the check, took her arm and led her to the elevator. As we waited, she turned to me and said, "I can't thank you enough for bailing me out and the meal and the conversation turned out to be much better than I would have had otherwise. Thank you." Then she kissed my cheek just as the elevator door opened. She stepped inside and our evening was over. I went to the desk and told them to check me out in the morning. I had two hundred miles to drive the next day and I wanted to get on the road early.

As I went to my room, I pictured Phyllis' marriage. I felt that I knew it well having seen it dozens of time in my years at the university. He was a jock who swept her off her feet. He was probably a junior or senior while she was a freshman or sophomore. He bedded her early on and she thought she was in love. He probably thought he had a chance at the pros and didn't finish school. She didn't either. When he didn't make the grade, he got a job probably in sales and did pretty well with his schmoozing lines and tales of his on-field exploits in college. He probably also seduced many of the women who fell under his charm when he was on the road. The glow had worn off after a couple of years and Phyllis was going through the motions, not sure if she should leave him or not. So far, she had found a way to tolerate him because he did provide her a nice lifestyle. Ultimately, she would get a divorce and perhaps try again with someone else. I sighed at the waste of such a charming and beautiful woman.

On Wednesday, I did the book signing and once again waited for a table for dinner wondering if I would be lucky for the second time that week. I wasn't. There were plenty of women in the bar but they wanted to dance and party. The only thing that would interest me was a quick fuck and a good night's sleep. Neither of those happened although I had frequent flashbacks to my evening with Phyllis. I realized that I didn't know her last name or where she lived so even if I did want to find her again, it would be a total bust. I just had to go on with my life. School would start in less than two weeks and I would once again immerse myself into history and Phyllis was now a part of my history.

My last signing was Friday evening at a place two hundred miles from home. I had refused to do a signing in or near my home since I was likely to run into someone I knew. I preferred anonymity around my home base. I arrived at the bookstore a little early and talked to the manager. She said that there ought to be a good turnout as they had to reorder my book several times to keep up with demand. I set up the table with a couple of bottles of water and several new Sharpies. Then I was ready for my last signing and I was looking forward to a scotch in three hours.

The signing went on as it usually does and I genuinely felt happy when I realized that there was only a half hour to go when someone laid a new book in front of me to sign. I wrote my usual "Thanks for enjoying my book" and was about to sign it when a voice quietly said, "Are you going to sign it Bob, Robert or Phillip?"

I looked up warily to see Phyllis' smiling face looking down at me. I grinned and said, "If I sign it Bob, you will only be able to get a couple of bucks for it at the used book store. If I sign it Phillip Malone, you might get back half the price you paid for it."

"Oh then for sure, sign it Phillip." I scribbled my signature. "I will be waiting for you in the coffee bar." She took her book and was replaced by another smiling woman who was probably twenty years older than Phyllis. At that moment, time started dragging and my heart stated beating faster. The manager had stopped more people from joining the line and finally, I was signing the last copy and sat back. Instead of my usual numbness, I felt alive. The manager thanked me profusely as I gathered my pens and looked around for the coffee bar. It was located in the back corner of the store insuring that people had the chance to buy the latest best seller on their way for a latte.

I found her facing towards the door which thankfully would allow me to sit with my back to the rest of the room. Her face lit up when she saw me enter. When I pulled out the chair to sit, she asked, "All right, you have some explaining to do, Philip Malone."

"What is there to explain? We agreed to not talk about work and believe me, this is work."

"Ok, I'll forgive you; but just this once. I don't want any more surprises from you. I liked the guy who picked me up in the bar the other night."

"Trust me, what you got then is what you get now. I am still brain dead and numb as hell. Can I take you to dinner again tonight? I need to eat. Oops, or maybe you can't."

She smiled her winning smile at me and replied, "No, I won't go to dinner with you tonight. Tonight, you go to dinner with me. I found a really nice looking Italian place not far from here. It sounds great."

"Um, are we going to get interrupted tonight again?"

"Probably not. He is out again with clients and will probably be late again. And we aren't going to talk about him tonight either. Tonight, I am dining with a celebrity."

"I thought you wanted to go out with me and I'm not a celebrity for sure."

"Hey, you are too. I heard an interview on the radio you did. It sort of sounded like you but not. But I bought the book based on what I heard in that interview and loved it. Then when I saw that you were signing books here tonight, I just had to come. When I realized that this was you, I almost wet my pants."

"It is a good thing you didn't because then you'd have to go home and take a shower and change again." I grinned.

"In this case, it would be at a hotel again. We don't go home until tomorrow. Are you through with your tour now?"

"Yes. I get to go home again tomorrow also. And I learned that I never want to do a three weeks driving tour again. People who think that traveling a lot is fun are crazy."

"I'm like you; I like being someplace else but I'm not real fond of the process of getting there."

"I couldn't agree more. Shall we go? I'm really hungry. I couldn't stomach another hotel sandwich today so I haven't had anything since breakfast."

She finished her coffee and stood up as I pulled the chair from her. Then she took my arm and led me outside. "I guess we need to take your car; I caught a cab to get here."

"Good idea; mine is right over here. Sorry for the mess. Driving makes the car get cluttered."