Lets Make A Deal Pt 16

Author's note:

This is part of a long story. No part of it is intended to stand alone. I suggest starting with

Part 1

In revising the whole story, I've corrected errors, but also filled in a lot. This has inevitably made it all even longer. My apologies to anyone who read it in the original form and now finds it changed for the worse.

If you're looking mostly for explicit sex, this probably is not the story for you, so why don't you just go on to something else? There is explicit sex in some parts, but even there it's not the focus.

Also, some parts contain religious discussions which will offend some people and bore others. If you're one of those people, again, why not go on to something else?

76.

My eyes are fully open to my awful situation

That Thursday evening, Martha and Scott met with Pastor Bob. After they greeted each other and the pastor had admired the ring, they sat down to talk and the pastor said, "Scott, you said you had things to talk about. Why don't you start with those?"

Scott said, "I think you would ask some questions that would get at this eventually, but I want to get it out on the table up front, especially since in this case it's kind of involved. I guess the way to begin is to say that we were sexually involved, for about four months, a few months ago."

"I'm sure you know that's not all that uncommon. Usually I have to dig for it, though. And your use of such a specific time span, and your saying that you stopped, probably mean there's more to this."

"There's a lot more. First off, it wasn't just us. It was me and Lynda, too. I'm going to have to give some background here, and I hope you'll bear with me. Now, Martha was one of my longest-standing employees, and definitely my most valued, up to a year and more ago. She knew the whole business better than anyone except me. I mean, others knew their own specific areas better, but usually no more. Then she began making mistakes, bad ones, potentially disastrous ones for the company. We talked, and each time she promised to be be more careful, but then there'd be another one. So, very reluctantly, I let her go.

"A few weeks later, first Lynda and then Martha came to me, independently, offering me sex if I'd take Martha back. They did tell you, didn't they, that Lynda lived in Martha's house—and why—and that they were lovers? So I was kind of flabbergasted. I turned Lynda down, pointing out what a bad idea this was, morally and practically. But she kept upping what she was offering, until it was sex, whatever and whenever I wanted, indefinitely, as long as I would keep Martha on. I finally said I'd think about it—I knew I couldn't help that anyway—but the answer was almost certainly no. But when Martha made the same offer a few days later, I decided to accept if they'd both agree—with limits.

"I'm not offering excuses here. I'm ashamed of all this. I knew it was serious sin, and I decided to do it anyway. The reasons mattered a little, and may be important now.

"I badly wanted Martha back on staff. Also, I was, well, lonely. It's been many years since Chris died, and I was tempted not only by pure physical pleasure but by other kinds of intimacy. And I assumed that their relationship and sexual preferences would do two things, namely that the prospect—and reality, I guess—of having sex with a man would be distasteful enough to encourage Martha to avoid mistakes, and that the two of them would be protected against emotional, romantic entanglements with me. Oh, I limited it to three months—to restart if she messed up again. Anyway, my assumptions proved wrong, big time. There's more, but the nitty-gritty is that they each had sex with me several times a week.

"It pretty quickly became apparent that neither was really a lesbian in terms of any deep-seated attraction to women rather than men. Each had early on had bad experiences with guys—in Lynda's case really disastrous—and when presented with a sympathetic, generally caring, loyal and selfless, woman who identified herself as a lesbian, they both kind of fell into it. But immediately with Martha, and very soon with Lynda as well, they somehow found sex with me to be what they really preferred. And I assure you that it's not because I'm some kind of great lover! I think that if they had each had a gentle and caring guy pay attention to them years earlier, they'd both have been happily married pretty quickly.

"Now to jump quite a way ahead. At some point, Lynda was taking me to task for something I said, and let slip that she was in love with me. As we talked about this, Martha said that she was as well. Now, I'd tried to protect them against emotional entanglement with me, but I'd known that I was likely to fall somewhat in love with each of them. I just expected to deal with it by insisting on a time limit, not telling them about it. As things had turned out, I was deeply in love with both of them, and at this point I felt that I owed it to them to tell them so.

"I explained why in spite of this I was still going to insist on the time limit, which was due to run out very soon. I said that all this had just made clear to me that what I needed was a wife, and that much as I loved them they weren't in the running, and why. At this point Lynda started asking questions about what becoming a Christian would mean and involve.

"Martha can tell you that I made very clear that I wasn't offering marriage, to either of them, on condition of conversion, or anything like that. Lynda still wanted me to talk about this, and I did. She started reading the Bible, and asking lots of questions. I think Martha must have started a lot earlier and just kept quiet about it." He looked at her questioningly. She said, "Actually, that's right. Scott's example got me started and kept me at it."

Scott went on, "This developed into a regular little Bible study, on one of the gospels and then on Romans, too, and since I was leading it, we delved into Old Testament context and relevant passages from the rest of the New Testament. Before too long, Martha said that she was convinced of the gospel, and also recognized that what we were doing sexually was sinful and that she couldn't go on with it. This was really painful for her. How could I not honor her decision and her faith? We all agreed that this meant the end of the deal, and that Martha had satisfied her job probation even if it was a couple of weeks early. Lynda understood right away that this meant no more sex between us as well, and that we would have to stop things like long embraces and serious kissing, to back that up. I'm so proud of both of them! But it was really hard, for all of us. I'm sure you understand that.

"Anyway, we continued studying, and Lynda also came to faith. Actually, I think she had really believed earlier, maybe even almost as early as Martha, but she found the prospect of yielding control of her life terrifying. Anyway, at that point they talked to you. We continued studying, as well.

"With one exception, we've kept physical expressions to a level appropriate to fond brother and sisters, and I'll get to that almost immediately. We had started doing a lot of different kinds of things together, and also talking about opinions and tastes and preferences. I wanted to make sure we knew each other a lot better. Somewhere along in there I tracked down some compatibility question things, the kind of questions I think you want me and Martha to go through, and we discussed them as well.

"After a couple more months, I raised the question of marriage again, trying hard not to presuppose that I would marry one of them. They both told me that if I proposed to—let me start over. Each one said clearly that if I seriously proposed to her she was ready to say yes. They had been thinking and praying about it for quite a while, now, we all had. But Lynda told me in no uncertain terms that it was really obvious that Martha was a much better match for me than she was, and—this is Lynda, remember—that I'd have to be crazy to ask her, Lynda, under the circumstances. I'd come to the same decision long since. So here we are, talking to you.

"Oh, yes. Exception. The night we got engaged, Martha and I did spend some time kissing and hugging. No hands or anything. And, well, Lynda dragged me off and sat in my lap and also kissed me for a couple of minutes. She made it clear that this was goodbye as far as any serious physical contact goes, but she wanted that much for that one last time. And I felt the same way, so I went along, with Martha's ready consent, encouragement even." Martha nodded. "I might have felt that I owed it to her even if I had thought it was somewhat inappropriate. We all know that from here on out Martha and I are off limits to everyone else, that way, and we'd been behaving properly for months, in the face of lots of desire, so I thought, and think, this was OK. She's not an old flame where something might yet ignite. She's a beloved sister, and even daughter, in Christ. And while all these kisses were kind of steamy, we did nothing except kiss.

"I don't know whether that will remove the need for some questions you were expecting to ask. Since I did all the talking, we probably ought to ask Martha whether she has anything to add, as well, though."

Pastor Bob said, "You're right on both counts. I have things to say, but let's hear from Martha first."

"The only real thing I have to add is something Lynda and I both have gone round and round with Scott on. Everything he told you is true, and I don't think he left out anything important except this. He makes it sound like he's the only one to blame for this. We suggested it. He put limits on us, mostly on himself, to protect us all, and went along with it. OK, that was wrong. But we'd both promised him to do anything he wanted, sexually I mean. And he insisted on putting us first at pretty much every chance, He sought out what we wanted, not demanding what he wanted. He was always tender and kind and, well, loving, as well as being completely honest and aboveboard with us in every way.

"Lynda fell in love with him very early on in seeing how he treated both of us, but especially me. I'd fallen in love with him several years earlier, before Lynda was on the scene at all, and if I'd thought he might possibly, conceivably, respond favorably I would have made a serious play for him. I knew he would think it was wrong and reject me, so I never did. Lynda fell in love with me before I did with her. I did love her, but all along I loved and wanted Scott more. It wasn't for any physical things, though I desperately wanted him physically, it was for his character in every way. In the end, I offered him sex in the hope that somehow he would see how much I wanted a chance at my job, just one more chance—how much that meant to me. I never expected him to say yes! I know I'm just saying the same things over and over, but the one thing is that the one to blame is me, not Scott. He was wrong to accept, but I'm really the guilty one.

"And toward the end, before I believed, I could tell that it was getting to where it bothered him a lot. And despite that, he was finishing out the time we'd all agreed to, because he had promised us. He loved us, and enjoyed it too, making love with us I mean, but he really wanted to stop. That really helped give me courage to say I couldn't keep on, when I needed to.

"And I guess there's one other thing. Scott said it to you, but I don't think it was clear, and I didn't really understand it myself, for a long time. I thought that the sex was the real temptation for Scott, but it wasn't. He wanted me back in my job, but he couldn't think of a way to make sure it would work. He thought the sex would provide an incentive for me to not mess up again, because that would extend our arrangement—and an incentive for Lynda to push me to pay attention, for the same reason. He was assuming we would find sex with him distasteful. He wanted the sex, too, he told you why, but that wasn't what made him agree."

Scott jumped in. "All the more reason that I should have said no to your proposals, or invitations or whatever. I should have had a talk with both of you, and just hired you back with the understanding that you were careful enough or—that it was really, really a

last

chance. I was wrong."

Pastor Bob sat for a long time looking at them. Finally he said, "You know, I'd guessed some of this from what the ladies told me. I knew I was guessing, and I just had to wait. I get a lot of people, Christians and professing Christians as well as nonbelievers, who come to me wanting me to marry them, with ongoing sexual sin in their lives, and I have to tell them that I won't marry them to each other until they've stopped it. I usually spend a whole session just to get them to be honest about this. This is absolutely the first time anyone's come in and said, right off without my saying a word, that they'd had a sexual relationship which they'd ended because they knew it was wrong. Some do admit to such things in their pasts, usually involving only other people, former lovers, but I usually have to dig even for that.

"I know you condensed what you told me, but I just can't believe that you are trying to hide anything important. I should ask, you did get Lynda's permission to discuss her part in all this, didn't you? If not, you need to go to her and ask her forgiveness for gossiping." Scott said, "We did," and Martha nodded and said, "Yes." Pastor Bob went on, "I'm not quite sure why you brought her part into your account at all."

Martha was the one who answered. "We didn't see how we could make it make sense without that. It would have left a lot of obvious, unanswered questions. And we thought we owed you a really full explanation. And, well, Scott thinks that it won't be more than a year or two before Lynda's in here with a man, with a ring on her finger, and we didn't want you to think at that point that we'd led you astray."

"I see. That all makes sense. And I appreciate it, even though I'm not sure it was the best idea."

Pastor Bob outlined what he expected them to cover in each session, including things to read and think about and talk about together. Scott said, "I'm not asking you to change your schedule, or anything like that, Pastor, but I have to say that we've been through most of what you have down here. You should be aware of that."

The purpose for the first session was to get acquainted—and between the acquaintance they already had and Scott's summary earlier there wasn't much to that—and a discussion of why they wanted to get married, and to each other. What were they looking for?

Martha laughed. "I think I answered that earlier. Scott showed me, from when he started to move me into the job I've been doing, that he was courteous, thoughtful, careful, and completely honest and trustworthy. I've had—what, Scott, six years?—to see what kind of man he is, in all kinds of situations and under all kinds of pressures. By the end of the first year of that time I was head over heels in love with him.

"Even then there was some physical attraction, but that wasn't what made me love him, that mostly came later. More recently, I've seen all his character far more thoroughly. The physical attraction is strong at this point. I know that won't stay forever at the level it's at now, much less at the level it was when we were intimate, but it is a big factor now. But it's still not why I want to marry Scott. His character is. We have all kinds of likes and other things in common. As of yet that doesn't really come that much into why I love him, but it's a big part of why I think marrying him is a good idea."

Scott said, "As for why I want to get married in the abstract, one thing that all this made me realize is that I, at least, just don't really have the gifts to be single. I was withering away without really realizing it. I missed the physical side of marriage very much, but the much more subtle intimacy of having someone there to share thoughts, feelings, joys, sorrows, you name it, with—that's what I was starving for. I think for me that needs to be combined with physical love, but I know which is really essential.

"As for why Martha, I said some earlier. Much of what she said she sees in me is basic to her own character. But also, in the months we spent together, lots of time each week, we found so much in common. Music is really important to me, and at least Martha can live with my musical tastes and I can with hers. She's a lot less intense about it. And we have very similar tastes in reading, so that we know and love many of the same books. Lynda pointed out that we even both enjoy pulling quotations or allusions out of books, just because they happen to fit the circumstances. That's one of many things Lynda adduced as reasons Martha was the one for me, and she's right. In many ways we think and react similarly. We're both somewhat emotional, but generally on an even keel. That helps. Though I should say, Martha's much calmer than I am.

"All that, I guess, would fit with our being good friends and my admiring her. That's important for a marriage, I think, but more is needed or at least very important. I delight in her, and I think she in me in much the same way. I can't tell you how much. The sexual relationship was wrong, but one of its results was to make me realize how much I do delight in her—not just physically, but that too of course. And the time after we ended sexual intimacy, when the three of us were interacting as family, was for me just wonderful. I don't think I could have kept it up indefinitely. Physical desire—for each of them—would have worn me down over time.

"In fact, though, I should say something I would never have told either one of them before we settled this. Beautiful as Lynda is, and she is very beautiful indeed, Martha was always more attractive to me, from the very beginning. Don't you dare ever tell Lynda that, though! I mean it!" he said to Martha.

"And finally, one thing that I learned from all this is that I can trust her completely. I'm sure you know how rare that is, and it's particularly important to me."

They discussed some of this for a while, then went over their preparation for the next session. Pastor Bob finally said, "Not all, but many of the folks who want me to marry them, and so who are going through this same basic procedure, well, many of them are floating in a fog of sex hormones, completely ignoring questions of whether they have a chance in a million of staying together more than a year or two, or five or ten if they're lucky. And of whether they really do have any basis for relating to each other all the rest of the time, when they're not in bed. You are unquestionably the least typical couple I've ever counseled like this. At least you've asked yourselves a lot of the right questions."

Scott said, "I don't know about Martha, but I think for me part of that is that I was married for more than eight years. Lots of things worked and lots didn't, and I've had time since to think about what they were. I'll freely admit that a cloud of testosterone was part, most, of why I was so eager to marry Chris, though it certainly wasn't the whole story. I've told Martha a lot about this. I did wind up with a wife and partner well suited to me, but that was the Lord's special mercy, and my own lack of maturity made lots of trouble. Still, 'Who finds a wife finds what is good, and receives favor from the Lord.' I do hope I'll do better this time around, though."

Martha said, "Just don't forget this one, though: 'It is better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome woman.'" She smiled at him.