Lets Make A Deal Pt 15

Author's note:

This is part of a long story. No part of it is intended to stand alone. I suggest starting with

Part 1

In revising the whole story, I've corrected errors, but also filled in a lot. This has inevitably made it all even longer. My apologies to anyone who read it in the original form and now finds it changed for the worse.

If you're looking mostly for explicit sex, this probably is not the story for you, so why don't you just go on to something else? There is explicit sex in some parts, but even there it's not the focus.

Also, some parts contain religious discussions which will offend some people and bore others. If you're one of those people, again, why not go on to something else?

74.

It's so hard finding out, and life will go on while we're choosing

One evening soon after that, he raised a subject he'd been avoiding. "I've told you how happy I am just to be the way we are, like family. But I don't know that it's workable, in the long run. You mean so much to me, but this does leave me wanting more.

"Way back, the night we first admitted we all loved each other, Lynda asked about becoming a Christian, and that was in response to my saying some things about marriage. And then later you started asking me questions. I'm so glad for where that went! And I know neither of you, when you eventually did respond, did it in hope that I would then become available, but that was part of why you originally asked, wasn't it? OK, I know I'm wandering around here. What I'm getting at is this: Is this something we should be exploring? Or have your feelings moved beyond that? And if not, why hasn't the subject come up before?"

Nobody said anything for a long time. Finally, Lynda said, "You're right, that was partly what I was thinking. And if you asked me, and if Martha weren't part of it too, I'd marry you instantly. I hope you know that! Any time! But as we've talked more, about more things, I've really come to understand what you meant about needing a lot more than physical attraction. I'd marry you, any time, and I think probably there's enough common ground that we could make a go of it, and even do well, but maybe my thinking is warped by wanting you. I remember what you said about yourself and Chris, and I don't trust myself.

"And, as we've tried to talk about, well, a wider range of things, serious things, it seems obvious to me that if you're going to marry either of us it's got to be Martha. And if you do, it will change things, and I'm not sure . . . I don't know if I can stand it. No, of course I can, if it happens. That's not what I mean. I mean that I don't know if seeing you with her that way, knowing she had you and I didn't, would hurt so much I'd resent both of you. And besides that she'd be much better for you, I wouldn't be happy putting her in that position either. So I've thought about this, but that's why I've been keeping my mouth shut." She looked like she was about to cry.

After another minute or two, Scott said, "If we're going to think about getting married, we need to really think about how it can work, and pray for wisdom. I'm afraid that all this, I mean everything with you two since the beginning, has made me realize that I need to be looking for a wife, one way or another. I had been in denial about it, really, for years. We've gained a lot by stopping sex, and I know you remember that I said that in wanting sex, being starving for it actually, it wasn't just the physical pleasure I wanted, or even mostly. But having spiritual intimacy without physical intimacy, I'm finding that's not enough either. In fact, spiritual intimacy brings on physical desire. And I think that's probably the same for you two, isn't it?

"Can we really try to think and pray about this? I mean whether one of you and I would be right for each other, right enough. I've rushed into it once, and I don't want to do that again, good as it was on the whole. But it's also possible to over-analyze and to demand perfection instead of good enough.

"Lynda, I think I know a bunch of why you say if I marry one of you it should be Martha, but it's not that simple. If, say, she decided that marrying me would never work, so that I asked her and she turned me down, I'd still want to be asking the same questions about you. And you, believe it or not, have some strengths she's weaker in, as well. Asking you to keep thinking about it, I may be setting you up for a lot of pain later, I guess, but I hope you'll do it. But if you're really sure you and I couldn't make it work, then I'll focus on whether Martha and I could.

"I know I'm not making a lot of sense right now. I hope you can figure out what I mean."

Martha came over and just held him, still not saying anything, for a long couple of moments. Then she said, "Scott, I have been thinking about it. A lot. If you ask me to marry you, I will do it. I also think you need to not rule Lynda out, or I'd probably have brought this up myself. If you married her, or even someone else entirely, I'd hurt a little, but I think I could stand it. I was alone for a long time, and I was really lonely without realizing it. But unless you married someone who would be insecure about just having me around as your friend, I think you and Lynda between you, just your friendship I mean, would make that different. I'm willing to talk about it more, and you may come up with things I haven't thought of, but I have thought and prayed enough that I'm satisfied. In the end, it's going to be up to you. Well, and Lynda too, of course."

Over the next few weeks, they continued to discuss issues they could think of that might be problems. Scott searched and found several personal-compatibility questionnaires intended for couples considering marriage, and they took at least a quick run through them all, discussing the issues they raised.

Scott was not at all surprised to find that Martha's approach to spending money was close to his, generally careful and maybe even tight-fisted but ready to spend without worrying too much if it seemed appropriate. She was a little thriftier than he was by nature, but that might have been due to his having more disposable income than she did as his employee.

He was, however, a little surprised to find that Lynda was much more anxious about spending money than either of them. It became clear to him that this was the result of her time depending on friends for a place to stay, with almost no personal belongings and no place to put them if she'd been able to afford them. She hadn't quite been living out of suitcases all that time—she had usually been allowed some drawer and closet space—but she'd been very aware that she was crowding someone else in order to do so, and once or twice she had indeed been literally living out of two or three suitcases under a bed. And of course she had always expected to have to move everything on short notice.

He could understand how uncertain she felt that she would have enough money, no matter how much she saved. They discussed this at length, in terms of relevant scriptural passages, and he thought she understood his points. But the habit would be hard to break. And of course it could have been much worse. She might well have developed the habit of just spending every penny that came her way and sponging off others.

Discussions of child rearing and related issues brought a lot to light. Martha, as an only child, had desperately wished for brothers and sisters. As an adult, she had tended to keep people at arm's length, and she felt uncertain about relating to children. Scott's attempts to serve in children's ministries had been awkward at best, but he thought that with kids of his own, whom he dealt with consistently, he could do better.

And they came to questions about directly spiritual issues, and Scott hesitated a little. He told them, "Yes, this is an important one. But you girls are new enough as believers, and especially still new enough to scripture, that you haven't yet developed positions on lots of things Christians disagree about. I have my own positions, worked out over many years. You really do need to know what they are, but you also need to know why I have them. I can try to also tell you what the alternatives are, and why others hold them, but I often can't do a good job at that because I don't agree. I've been avoiding a lot of this to give you a chance to learn the scriptures better, to figure out for yourself where you stand, so you don't take positions just because I've explained my side to you."

Martha told him, "I understand what you're saying, and I can see the danger. But if there's anyone in the world I would trust to be fair and honest on this, it is you. I know you! You're more likely to bend over backward explaining other people's reasoning so hard that you almost try to convince us you're wrong, just so you don't influence us unduly. Please stop worrying about that and apologizing for being open with us!"

After a moment she added, "Remember that one tutor mentioned in

Gaudy Night

? That's what you're like!"

Scott was puzzled for a moment. He could see that Lynda was completely confused, so he told her, "That's another detective novel by Sayers." He asked Martha, "The one who accosted them as they poled up the river?" and then, before she could answer, he suddenly realized what she meant. "No, I remember now. The one who was an expert on some very obscure aspects of something in history, and none of his own students ever went on in his specialty? Right?"

Martha said, "Yes, that one."

"Well, I admit it, some of that. But these are important things—what God's word says!—and it would be so dreadfully easy for me to overwhelm you. I'll try not to overreact, but it's hard."

So they went through the questions on the questionnaires, but Scott also went through some general things that the questionnaires ignored. He did try to make things clear, and to do it honestly, to go through the full range of scripture on each point as best he could. But of course the purpose wasn't a general Bible survey, but identifying areas of disagreement that might cause trouble later, so he was as upfront as he knew how to be about where he stood.

At one point, Lynda said, "I know this isn't why we're discussing all this, but it makes some things clear about how you would raise children, that didn't come up earlier. You'd be so afraid of brainwashing them that you'd sometimes be afraid to just teach them what you think the truth is. When the time comes, if it does, try to be more definite and forceful than you like to be."

75.

Waiting in the valley of decision

Of course, there were a lot more topics to cover than these. But one day, Scott said, "I can't think of any more to talk about along these lines. Are we ready to make decisions and go on to the next steps, whatever they are?"

Martha spoke up right away. "I told you at the beginning that I'd thought and prayed enough to be sure, and nothing we've gone over has given me the slightest reason to change my mind. As far as I'm concerned, the only question is whether you think I'm acceptable as your wife. If you think Lynda would be better, I'll support you as hard as I can. If you think neither of us will do, you better be ready to explain yourself, though, and you can bet I'll tell you why you're wrong."

Lynda hesitated a little more. "I don't think I've changed my mind at all, either. All this has just made it clearer than ever. If you think I'm the one you should marry, I want to hear why, because that would be crazy when Martha's also a choice. You're much more compatible with her—in every way there is! Being your wife would be my idea of heaven, even with all the areas we've found where we're different, and if you ask me I'll say yes before you can have second thoughts! But it has to be Martha."

Scott said, "I think you're forgetting one area. Those questionnaires mostly ignored it, because they were, most of them, aimed at Christians and assumed you hadn't been sexually active. Not really a fair assumption, I suspect. But when we were having sex, we were still kind of in the newlywed phase, where both—all—parties were still taking delight in each other with not too many distractions. But I promise you, later on there's a time when you're tired and need to get up early, and you've been dealing with problems all day and your husband caused a bunch of them, and all you want to do is sleep, and here he is wanting sex. I know from what you've told me that you—" looking at Martha "—generally are much less interested in sex than Lynda is. Notwithstanding our experience so far."

He paused. "Lynda—". She cut him off. "Scott! You're not that dumb! Those problems you mentioned, well, we've seen that they'd be bigger and more frequent with me than with Martha. I love you, and I want you terribly, but you and Martha were made for each other. It's everything, books and music and those word games and even your height!" She was starting to cry. "You've got to marry Martha! Not me!"

He went over and hugged her. "You shouldn't have interrupted me. I was going to say, Lynda, much as I love you, and much as we might be sexually more suited, especially after a few years, you're right, everything else points to Martha. And I was going to say that I'll always love you, I hope, but I'm going to have to work hard to turn that into a little bit different kind of love, and that will be hard. In some ways I already feel a little like a big brother to you, or maybe even more like a father, but I'm going to have to learn not to feel some very unfatherly things."

He turned to Martha. "Martha, I'm not going to get down on my knees and pretend to beg you. If we've learned anything from some of these questions, one thing is that you're about as uncomfortable with that kind of pretense as I am. But I do seriously ask, will you please marry me, and stay with me as long as we're both alive?"

She came to him and put her arms around his neck, then pulled his head down and gave him a long, lingering kiss. "Yes. You know I've already said yes in advance, but yes you needed to formally ask, but there's nothing in this world I want more. And I won't apologize for arousing you, for arousing us both, this once even though we'll both be left frustrated by it. I'm going to kiss you again like that." And she did. He kept his hands from wandering, somehow, but he kissed back enthusiastically.

When they broke off, he stepped back, then reached into a pocket and took out a ring box. "I hope this ring is OK with you. I didn't want to make it seem like I was offering it as a bribe. And if it's not good enough, we can go and exchange it for something you like better."

"Scott! Do you think I'd quibble about something like that? Would I think I had to have a bigger stone than anyone I know, or anything like that? I know you, and I know you picked out something you like and you thought I'd like, and that's enough for me." She took a moment to actually look at the ring. "And it's beautiful, of course. But I really didn't need to see it to know that!"

She held out her hand, and he put it on her.

"Now we need to make an appointment with Pastor Bob. Honey, I'm afraid he'll want to meet with us weekly over a couple of months or so, and some of it will duplicate all the stuff we've been discussing, and we'll have to put up with that. But we're also going to come clean about where we've been. And, Lynda, I think it's going to be important to bring you into it. He probably would figure it out anyway, with everything, and, well, at some point you may be coming to him with a fiance in hand, and I think you'll owe it to both of them to be upfront about it then. I'd hate for him to learn then that we weren't honest with him. Is that OK with you, though?"

"You're right, except that I don't know about the fiance part. You may have ruined me for every other man on the planet. But yes, you've got to tell him. I think I can trust him to not let it go further."

She came over and hugged Martha and then Scott. She kissed each of them on the lips, but only a quick peck. She was crying. "I'm so happy for both of you, and a little . . . heartbroken is way too strong a word, but it's as good as I can think of. I've been getting to know Mom again, and I'm finding I love her, but in a way Martha is just as much my mother as she is. And even with all that unfatherly stuff you mentioned, Scott, you have been more of a father to me than I can remember Dad ever being. I don't know where I'll go now, but I hope I can be as welcome in your home as Scott's been in ours."

Martha said, "Of course you will be!" Scott said, "Yes, though . . . you're going to have to make a life for yourself, so after a while you'd better not be with us three or four evenings a week. But you will be welcome almost any time. Of course!

"In fact, for the short run, for maybe a year or so after we're married, I'd propose that you move into the apartment I'm living in. I'm pretty sure the lease allows for a sublet. For the long run it's way too big for you, and at some point I'll manage to get all my stuff out one way or another, but that would have advantages for me, so much that I'd still cover the rent for a few months, anyway." He looked at Martha. "I'm sorry, I've been assuming that we would live here. I'm really not in any doubt, but I should have asked first."

"I certainly hope you wouldn't ask me to move out of my own home!"

"I'll call Pastor Bob tomorrow and—no, I'll call him right now." He pulled out his phone and dialed.

"Pastor, it's Scott Davidson. Do you have a couple of minutes to talk right now? . . . I'm calling because Martha and I just agreed to get married.  . . . Thank you. We're trusting that you'll do the ceremony—we haven't even discussed dates yet—but I know you require fairly extended premarital counseling, and we want to arrange with you to get started, well, as soon as reasonably possible. . . . That would work fine, but there's one thing. We have a couple of things to bring up in the first session that maybe aren't typical, so can we plan for that to run a little longer than normal, maybe half an hour extra at a guess? . . . OK, then, Thursday at seven. Thank you. We'll see you then."

Martha had been studying the ring. "Scott, this is perfect. I'm really glad you didn't waste money trying for a huge diamond, but how did you know to have sapphires on it? I don't think you've ever seen me wear jewelry beyond a plain gold earring, have you?"

"I cheated. First off, you may not remember, but one of those endless questionnaires asked about favorite colors, and yours was blue, and you even mentioned sapphires. Mine too, if you recall. And there were a few other clues like that. And once while you were busy I found your jewelry box in your vanity drawer. Call it snooping, if you like. And finally, I asked Lynda, and if she thought I was thinking of your birthday, well, so much for total honesty, I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'm going to feel we owe her some jewelry for her birthday, though. I'm sure she was expecting it from the questions I asked, and you're going to have to be my guide there."

Lynda said, "I was expecting it, but I won't be crushed if I don't get it." She came over and hugged Martha, kissing her on the cheek. "The ring is beautiful, and I'm so happy for you both. Martha, I'm going to insist on one thing right now. I know you'll understand." She went over to Scott, and pulled him down into a chair and sat in his lap. "We've all been being really careful, and that's been right. Thank you so much for it! But just this once, right now, kiss me one last time for a couple of minutes, like you mean it. And I know you will mean it, enough that this really will have to be the last time."