Part seven
Conner wasnât sure how long he held Tessa in the doorway. Her wide blue eyes were locked onto the yard. Desy had come in some time ago and was curled up and sleeping against Connerâs shoe. Conner had been paying attention to Tessa the whole time, looking for signs of panic. So far, she had been oddly calm.
Conner finally lifted his hand and carefully pushed a strand of Tessaâs hair behind her ear, drawing her attention towards him. When their eyes locked he smiled and then took her hand, lacing his fingers with hers. Tessa just stared at him, until he took a step out the door, drawing her hand with him, at which point she planted her feet and held back.
âConner wait!â
Conner stopped, and as requested, waited. The sound of Tessaâs voice also got Desyâs attention and the pup made his way back outside again, anxious to be followed. But Tessa and Conner seemed to notice nothing but one another at the moment. Conner was waiting for Tessa to say something, and even if she pulled away now and ran back into her house it wouldnât bother him. He had her standing in an opened doorway. Definitely progress. Of course, leading her into a private backyard was nothing compared to leading her out the front door, but it was still something.
âThis is why you gave me a puppy?â Tessa asked, her voice was low again, but Conner could hear her, âConnerâŠyou tricked me.â
Conner smiled. He couldnât help it, she had a baffled innocence about her that seemed amusing to him, but he decided now was definitely not the time to laugh at her, even if it was good natured.
âI didnât mean to.â Conner replied, âI will admit that when I got the dog I was hoping it would help youâŠhoping. Honestly, I thought youâd figure it out sooner and ask me to take him back. SoâŠare you angry?â
Tessa shook her head.
âSurprised.â She uttered.
Conner watched as her eyes roamed the yard again, her nervousness was present, but there was something else too. She looked like a woman about to go to war. Conner supposed, in many ways she was. He squeezed her hand without pulling her and brought her attention back to him.
âWe can go back in if you want.â Conner offered, âBut, if youâd like to come out here with me, I swear that nothing bad will happen.â
Tessa closed her eyes. She knew her hand was already outside. The only thing holding her in the house was her feet planted into the floor, that, and the fears that had been plaguing her for six years. If she stepped outside now would it all be over? No, of course not, that would be wishful thinking. Did she want to do this? Yes, she wanted it. She wanted to make Conner happy and she wanted to do this for herself too. She wanted to prove to herself that she didnât have to be afraid of everything; she had a rite to be happy, just like everyone else. Conner had shown her that. But, was she still afraid of the consequences that would come with living her life out in the open, was she afraid of the past coming back to haunt her and everyone she loved? Most definitely.
For Tessa, it all came down to the moment. What she wanted, right then, with Conner. All that mattered was that second, if she let anything else get in the way she would be lost, she would send Conner away and she would be alone, the way she had forced herself to be alone for years. She wasnât ready to go back to that. She was almost equally uncertain if she wanted to move forward, but one feeling outweighed the other, and with eyes closed she stepped forward, feeling the cement steps under her bare feet and the sun beating down on her, she took another step, straight into Connerâs arms.
Tessa heard the sharp intake of a relieved breath come from Conner and she wrapped her arms around him a little tighter, suddenly wanting to reassure him. Reassure Conner? Tessa almost laughed at herself. She was outside; trying to face her fears and all she could think about were Connerâs nerves. She wondered if he was feeling more nervous than she was. The thought was completely wonderful. Maybe she wasnât as weak as she believed herself to be.
Tessa slowly opened her eyes and looked up at Conner, finding that yes, he was in fact nervous. He was waiting for the worst, waiting for her to run back inside and blame every insecurity on him. That just wasnât going to happen, and Tessa forced herself to smile to say so. She snuggled close to him in the process of reaching for his hand; she didnât want a single moment to pass without touching some part of him while she took in this familiar yet foreign experience.
Very cautiously, she allowed her gaze to drift from Conner again, taking in deep breaths as her eyes wandered over her back yard. Guarded instincts took over first, as she looked for any sign of danger. There were no doors to lock out here and the only security she seemed to have at the moment was Connerâs hand. She began to take in the sounds around her: the birds, the passing cars from the street, the distant sound of children playing, and someone mowing their lawn. It all seemed too close for comfort at first.
Desyâs little yippy bark drew her attention and she watched him play for a moment, and focusing on that, she began to move forward, trying to get accustomed to sounds and feelings that had been forgotten. She stepped carefully over the grass, as if she didnât want for it to make any sound under her feet as she took a tour of her back yard.
Conner followed closely, silently. There was no need for words as he watched Tessa explore, and he felt special, knowing that he was the one she had chosen to do this with. It may seem like such a simple thing to do, but Conner knew better. For Tessa, this was a big step. It wasnât exactly a miracle, but it was special for both of them nonetheless.
He followed her over the grass, around the pool, which he noticed she kept a shy distance from, the kind that told him she didnât accidentally want to fall in. She touched a few cactus thorns and it made him nervous, but she never drew her own blood, and she even took the time to touch the brick wall surrounding her yard, as if checking for some sort of weaknesses.
They circled everything twice before Tessa stopped. Conner waited for a few moments before he realized that she wasnât exactly sure what to do now. He smiled to himself as he gave her hand a tug and pulled her back to the grass. Tessa followed, completely trusting of him as he pulled her down to sit with him. She held tight to his hand with one of hers and pet the grass with the other, and when Desy came for attention she began to pet him as he rolled in the grass next to her.
âConner.â Tessa said softly.
Conner didnât have to look at her when she spoke; he already was looking, even if she wasnât looking at him. When he failed to vocally answer Tessa turned her gaze in his direction and he smiled. He noticed the look of satisfaction in her eyes and the way he was looking at her caused her to blush.
âI like my gift.â She said, running her fingers through the course yet soft hair of the puppy, âBoth of them.â
Conner smiled and reached out to touch her face. He felt like he needed to touch it because the way she looked was better than in the pictures he had seen, and much to his liking, she leaned into his palm and for the first time released his hand only to grip his shirt and pull him towards her. Conner met her lips openly and took the time to feel every sensation she brought to his mouth, letting her explore while he simply responded to it. He had thought that nothing could top the first kiss that they shared, but he was not beyond admitting that he was wrong.
Conner could have stayed like that all day, but one neglected puppy had other ideas, and Desy interrupted them again by jumping up and licking at their joined faces. They laughed and separated, but Conner continued to gently caress her face with his thumb.
âIâm so proud of you.â he smiled.
Tessa blushed and averted her eyes, but they were back on him within a second. He smiled and opened his arms for her and she happily leaned into his chest as Conner let his body fall back. They lay in the grass for a while, and Tessa closed her eyes and simply felt the sun and the air drifting over her body. Desy restlessly bounded around them and sometimes over them, trying to get their attention, but eventually the puppy gave up and found a place to nap not far from their feet.
âItâs not so bad out here.â Tessa sighed, âHot though.â
âYea.â Conner smiled, âbut itâs worth it, right?â
Tessa nodded.
âI donât think I could do this with anyone else Conner. I donât think Iâd want to. Ever.â
There was only one way Conner knew how to respond to that. He propped himself up on his elbow and kissed her.
They didnât stay outside for too long, Tessa wasnât ready for it. When they went back inside there was a comfortable calm, but Conner noticed that when Tessa locked the door she almost looked regretful. He felt a moment of concern and it must have shown because she gave him a reassuring smile before she moved into the kitchen and fished a clean washcloth from one of the drawers. Dampening it, she brought it over her face and neck, washing away some of the heat of the dry weather. When she turned she saw Conner sitting at the table, contently holding Desy in his arms and watching her.
Tessa smiled as she approached and Conner loosened his grip on the puppy, letting the animal move from his lap as Tessa gently brought the washcloth to his face, and he closed his eyes and felt the refreshing tingle on his skin as she traced his features with the damp cloth. When her fingers replaced the cloth he opened his eyes and smiled, obviously enjoying the attention.
âAre you alright?â he asked, even if he already knew that she was.
âYes.â She nodded, allowing him to pull her forward as his hands went to her hips. She settled on his lap and wrapped her arms around him as he kissed her.
Tessa felt tired. Maybe it was the heat or maybe it was the mixed emotions that stirred from going outside. Either way, she felt like she needed to be refreshed and the washcloth just didnât do it. She rested her head against Connerâs shoulder and gently nuzzled his neck, noticing that his skin felt even hotter than hers did.
âWill you stay for dinner tonight?â Tessa asked.
âLove to.â he smiled.