Had he said that? Had he really told Alexis that he loved her? He sure as hell hoped not.
It wasn't that he had told her to get her into bed or anything. She was looking at him with that never-ending helplessness on her face and he couldn't stand it. He wanted to see her smile. They were the first words that popped into his head. Hell if he knew if he was in love with her or not.
Sure, he thought she was beautiful. And he looked forward to Tuesdays and Thursdays at 5:00 when he could see her. And last night…he was still trying to figure out what he was thinking last night.
He never, ever let a relationship with a patient get personal. He might not be a "doctor" but goddamnit, he was a professional.
As Jason Stillwell looked at the girl sleeping in his arms he admitted to himself that she was the only patient he'd had in his three short years as a therapist that had tested his willingness to be a professional.
Okay. So. When she woke up he would apologize and then explain, very professionally, that whatever had started to happen last night could not continue to happen. It just couldn't. She was a patient. Just a patient.
***************
Alexis Starger couldn't remember the last time she had slept this peacefully. Or when her bed had been this comfortable. And then she remembered. Willing her eyes to stay closed she listened to the rhythm of Jason's breathing. He was awake.
What would he be like now that the sense of urgency of last night was over? Deep down, Alexis knew he didn't mean it when he said he loved her. How could he? He knew too much about what happened to her. Still, it was nice that he at least cared enough to want to make her feel better. Because she also knew he wasn't trying to get her into bed. She wasn't so naïve that she believed a man knowing her past could want her.
Sooner or later she was going to have to open her eyes. It just felt so nice to lay with him on his wonderful couch with his arms around her, feeling his breath on her neck and pretending…pretending it was real.
Trying to make it seem as if she was waking up slowly, Alexis shifted her weight and turned toward Jason. As she did his hand shifted to her breast. Rather than flinch away as they both expected her too, she lay perfectly still.
He hadn't moved his hand or made any noise or movement to indicate that he even knew where his hand was. Maybe he was really asleep. It really wasn't all that bad. She knew Jason would never hurt her. She decided to press her luck.
Shifting again she moved her head back so that her lips brushed up the length of his neck. His head seemed to shift down at the same time so her lips rested in the curve under his. She could feel his arms tighten around her. Before she could stop herself she opened her eyes.
******************
How the hell was he supposed to act like a professional with his hand on her breast and her lips all over him?
When she moved the first time, Jason willed himself to keep still in case he woke her up. Besides, it wasn't all that bad having his hand laying on a breast he'd dreamed about…anyway, when her lips began trailing up his neck he began weighing the pros and cons of seducing a patient. He tilted his head slightly to look at her and her lips nestled just below his. Instinctively he started to pull her to him when she opened her eyes.
"'Morning," she whispered.
Damnit, there it was again! That sad, helpless look that she wore like a mask. He remembered that a few hours ago he had made her smile. And that he had promised himself to have her laughing this morning. Before he answered her he tilted his head down so that he was staring at his own chest and pointedly avoiding her face.
"'Morning."
******************
She noticed his blatant attempts not to look at her.
"What's wrong?" she asked against her better judgement. She knew they were eventually going to have to have this conversation and she'd rather it be sooner than later. She fully expected to hear something along the lines of, "Well…it's just that…last night was a mistake."
What she got was, "Well…it's just that…your breath…it smells really bad. Really…bad."
It took her tired brain a few seconds to comprehend that he had really just made a comment about the state of her breath. Then she noticed the grin spreading across his face and grinned herself. Then she put both hands on his chest and slid them up to his shoulders until he finally looked up at her. Then she pushed him, as hard as she could, off the couch.
It was the look of utter amazement on his face as he lay sprawled on the floor, still fully clothed, one leg still hooked onto the couch, that caused her to burst out laughing.
*******************
He did it. He made her laugh. And if it took a bruised ass and a flesh wound to his male pride to make her laugh like that, then so be it.
"You know, that's the first time I've ever heard you laugh."
He knew it was the wrong thing to say before he said it. It brought back to many memories of last night and the discussion he was hoping to postpone. He didn't know why he said it. It just came out. Seemed to be happening a lot lately.
Sure enough, the minute the stupid words popped out of his stupid mouth, the laughter stopped and the smile disappeared from her eyes. Sitting up, she crossed her legs and stared down at her hands, waiting for him to say it first. He obliged her.
