Thank you so much to Creepyrj for editing this for me and giving me his much needed input. He is a great writer and I highly suggest you check out some of his work, Iron heart and Fighter are some of my faves of his. Thank you to everyone that has been nothing but kind and encouraging this chapter is for you and again I hope you enjoy.
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The last time I looked Evan's way was the night I walked home from his house, his touches still burning in my skin. I was settled in bed drifting off when an annoying little thought popped in my head. I wondered if Sara was ever called over. I don't know what made me get out of bed to peer through my window towards his house.
Maybe I was hoping not to see Evan usher her in? Maybe I wanted my touches to be enough to satisfy his sexual needs? Of course they weren't, who was I trying to kid. Tears immediately burned my cheeks as they fell down my cheeks without warning. I wiped them away angrily, promising myself I wouldn't do this. No more tears will be shed for Evan Bianchi. It wasn't until the sun started to peek through the sky and the birds started to sing that my body finally let me escape into a state of nothingness that only sleep could bring.
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I think the word numb best described my mood for the following weeks. I had been successfully avoiding Travis. Leaving classes we shared as soon as the bell rang to race out into the stampede of the hall losing him in the process. I knew I had to talk to him sooner or later, at least to explain my reason for avoiding him. But I just wasn't up to having a conversation I didn't want to have. I tried my hardest to keep Evan out of my thoughts but when my brain wasn't thinking of him my body ached for his touch.
He hadn't come around the house since what happened and I made plenty of excuses to Mr. Bianchi about skipping dinners these past few weeks. Mark and Evan would be heading to Colorado soon and I was hoping to earn enough credits to graduate by Christmas break. The thoughts of moving far away from this place and all the memories, good or bad, seemed to get more appealing as each day passed. All I wanted was a new start.
Mom had been taking fewer shifts lately and it was good to see her when it didn't involve a five second conversation and her rushing out the door. She had been planning a going away party for Mark and Evan. And of course it couldn't just be casual, it was all business of course. This only made matters worse since I didn't want to go to begin with. I was happy for Mark, but I wasn't looking forward to seeing Evan. Not only that but she had been trying to set me up with a coworker of hers to go with to the event. I wasn't interested, but before she had made it final I fibbed and told her I was already bringing someone.
The bell rang breaking my concentration and I looked up to see Travis looking back at me as he stood up from his seat. I gave him a weak smile as I got up and walked in silence out the door with him. Lunch was our next period and he asked me to sit with him. I nodded my consent and walked over to a table in the back corner where we wouldn't be disturbed. I figured I would let him talk first so I could answer all of his questions. After an uncomfortable silence he finally spoke.
"If you wanted me to leave you alone, I wish you would have just told me. I just can't seem to stop thinking about you," He said as he put his head down and ran his fingers through his hair looking defeated.
I didn't know what was worse; not giving him an explanation, or knowing if I told him the truth it probably would have hurt him just as bad. Those weren't my intentions and I felt really bad for how I had been treating him. Especially since the last time we spent time with each other we kissed.
"I know it was wrong to ignore you the way I did. But I just had a lot of things to figure out." I almost whispered out, the guilt clearly heard in my voice as I spoke
"I understand." Travis spoke, his eyes fixed on his hands before they settled on mine.
I was shocked for his lack of not wanting to further investigate my answer. And when he looked in my eyes I was upset to see hurt in his.
"I know I don't deserve it but would you mind giving me a second chance? I might be jumping the gun here, but my brother is leaving for Colorado soon and my Mother is having a formal going away party. I was hoping you would want to join me?" The last part left my lips in a rush, I didn't want to give him a chance to interupt before I could finish.
For the first time since we sat down he smiled. Relief came over me and a part of me really was looking forward to possibly going with Travis to the party.
"I would really like that." He said as his face broke into a grin.
But before I could thank him he brushed a stray lock of my hair behind my ear interupting my thoughts at his gesture.
"I'm interested in more than just a friendship with you, but if that's not something you want right now, please tell me."
I appreciated his honesty and thought he deserved an honest answer.
"I don't really know what I want right now. But I do know I like being around you and wouldn't mind seeing where it goes."
Travis' smile returned and spread even wider on his handsome face. He reached over and took my hand in his. His hands were a lot softer than Evans I noted. But just as soon as that thought entered my head I scolded myself for comparing Travis's touch to Evan's. It wasn't fair and I needed to put him behind me. I also wasn't trying to replace Evan with Travis. I really did enjoy Travis's company. He was smart, funny, and unbelievably understanding. Any girl would be lucky to have him and it just so happens he was interested in me.
Travis walked me to my next class and bent down to kiss my cheek before we went our separate ways. I was surprised to feel a blush creep across my face and put my hand up to my cheek to see if I could feel the warmth. Travis gave me a flirtatious grin before he turned around and walked away.
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The party was tonight and my Mother insisted that I had to wear a dress. As I stood in the full length mirror I couldn't help but admit that the form fitting, strapless, little black dress my Mother had picked out looked great on me. It accentuated every curve and flared just before my knees, showing off my legs. I wore my hair down and pulled it to the side giving it a little more curl to my already wavy hair.
Makeup was a little more than usual. Steph had insisted on coming over and doing my makeup, trying to persuade me that since it was more formal I had to spice up my little less than average style. I didn't complain but I warned her about not making me look like I was ready to stand on a corner. By the time she was finished I was impressed. My eyes were dark with a smoky eye effect, and my lips were a little brighter than I usually preferred. But with the dress and my strapped heels I wore, the complete ensemble was perfect.
I couldn't help but to get butterflies as time drew near. Travis and I had hung out a couple of times between me asking him to go the party and before tonight. Nothing to serious, we would either go see a movie or do homework together. He was fun to be around and easy to talk too, I always found myself to be relaxed in his presence. Nothing ever went further than kissing and holding hands. I didn't know if I appreciated it or was upset that he never went further. There was a couple times when I thought he was going to do more. Like stopping just before his hand would reach under my bra or he would get my jeans unbuttoned but never venture his hand past my waist line.It was clear he was showing restraint because just when I thought he would finally make a move he would stop and take me home or walk me to my door to say good night. I think he was waiting for me to be the one to initiate things. Sometimes during our make out sessions I would grind on him and feel his want, and as much as I thought about reaching down between us with my hands and giving him some relief, I never did. It's not that I didn't want to, I didn't know if I should. I liked how we were around eachother and I thought if we were to further our actions it would change things like how it changed things between Evan and I.
I thought about Evan less and less as each day passed, but he pushed into my thoughts as I was waiting for Travis to arrive. As much as I knew it would hurt to see him, especially if he was with Sara. That small part in my heart that seemed to scream every time he was near was looking forward to seeing him whether he was with Sara or not. This had been the longest we have gone without seeing each other when he's in town. And as much it hurt to even think about seeing him, I think it hurt more not seeing him at all. Before everything happened he was a friend, a friendship that I valued very much and was missing terribly.
The doorbell rang and a nervous Travis stood at my door. The slacks and the button up dress shirt hewore looked good on him and I couldn't help but to admire the form standing in front of me. He gave me that smile I had grown accustomed to before he scanned my body to see what I was wearing. His eyes grew predatory and I blushed in response. That was the most action I had gotten out of him yet, and it was just a look.
"You look great." He let out breathlessly.
"Why thank you, so do you." I said as I grabbed at his collar to fix the crease.
He took my hand and spun me around so he could see my whole dress. I couldn't help but giggle at hisplayful gesture. I pulled my cardigan on and grabbed my keys before we stepped outside in the cool night air. I was the last to leave and was going to be meeting my family there. Trevor was taking Cara and him and I were both surprised to know that Mark was still seeing Susie and decided to bring her as his date. My mom, of course, had arrived early to mingle with her bosses, her coworkers, and also to make sure everything was running smoothly at the hall she rented just for the occasion. Angie had insisted on helping and Mr. Bianchi had no problems letting the ladies run the show.
As we pulled up and found a spot to park Travis came around to my side of the car to help me out my seat. Careful not to give him a show, I tried gracefully to rise out of the car. I almost made it too, if it wasn't for these darn heels I had to wear. I tripped and fell into him grabbing his arm at the expense of my clumsy act.
