Joanne's Story

Saturday. It's been two nights since I've seen or heard from Elaine. No calls, no messages, complete radio silence.

I lie on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. It does look so far away, Ginny always says it did.

I feel the man's hand resting on mine. Affection, warmth, more gratitude than anything. I turn to face him. Jon is lying there asleep, Ginny lying against him, her head on his chest, her eyes closed. She's asleep for the first time since I got here. The signs of countless tears shed showing around her eyes.

All my problems seemed to pale into insignificance as I looked at my best friends beside me. The last 48 hours had seen them go through utter despair. I'd raced across the country to them as quickly as I could. I had no idea what I would say, what I could do, I still had no idea.

"Come on," the voice said, I felt a hand touch my arm, "let them get some rest."

I looked up to see Chris standing over me. He looked as handsome as ever, his beard closely trimmed, his eyes steel blue, his hair looking like he'd just stepped out of a barber.

I looked at Jon and Kate as they slept, the love between them unquestioning. They would get through this, I was sure.

I got up and took Chris's hand, smiling as I dropped my head on his shoulder.

*********************

We walked along the corridors of the manor house that Chris and Jon had grown up in, and Ginny now called home. I'd been here before, with Jon, with Ginny, and between those two, with Chris.

"Your dungeon?" I asked as we reached a door.

"Yeah," Chris said, looking at the door, "many a woman has screamed in there."

"But not me?" I questioned Chris, "why did we never go in there?"

"I respected you," he replied, "I never wanted to take you in there."

I squeezed his hand a little as we turned away, walking further along. "Ah, yes, your bedroom, this room, I do remember."

He led me in, it was as I remembered, but tidier, more organized.

"Well, look at this. Haven't you grown up? You tidied your room without mummy having to tell you?"

"Still the same humor I see," he said, laughing.

I released Chris's hand and walked around, taking in familiar surrounds, six years ago I'd spent so much time in this room.

"What happened, Jo Jo?" Chris asked, using a nickname I hadn't heard him use in the six years since.

"Did you ever love me?"

"Fuck that," Chris said, laughing as he walked over to where I stood, "I don't love anyone, I don't believe in that shit."

As he stood in front of me, I looked up at him, I could feel my eyes glazing and stinging a little. I knew tears were forming.

"What happened to my girl?" he asked, stroking my cheek fondly, looking at me.

I placed my head against his chest, his extra foot of height, allowing me to do that without crouching. I put my arms around him. I felt his hand in my hair, I felt safe.

"I'm here for Ginny," I said, trying to contain myself, "that's all that matters, I'm ok."

"No," Chris said, "no, you're not."

I broke down, holding him tighter. He led me over to the bed and sat me down, he then moved in beside me, his arm across my shoulders.

"I've known you since you were 20 and being dragged here by Jon, we've been friends, we've been bitter enemies, I've never seen you this way before."

"I'm thirty years old, and I feel like I've got nothing. My job is shit, my love life is shit, my family are all spread everywhere. I woke up last Friday and felt numb."

Chris sat listening, giving me his complete attention, his arm never leaving me, his look comforting.

"Your job is what it is, you'll find someone, as for family, fuck em."

"I made a stupid mistake with my job."

"What did you do, did you not do Malcolm's report?"

"You know the business I work in; you know everyone there, don't you?"

"Pretty much, with Jon now focussed on investments in Asia, I've been stepping up for the UK and US."

"My manager, Elaine, well, she took me out for drinks and dinner last Friday, a birthday treat."

"Probably charged it to the business as well, I'll bet?"

I giggled and nodded, "yeah, she did."

"So, what happened?"

I looked at him, biting my lower lip, a slight bit of guilt on my face.

"Oh," he said, he looked confused for a moment, "but you like..."

"Yeah," I said, "this surprised me."

"So, well."

"She made me feel something I haven't felt in a long time. She made me feel loved, she made me feel beautiful, wanted, appreciated. She made me feel like the center of her world."

Chris smiled, still listening.

"Then, it all fell apart."

"What happened?"

"I caught her on Thursday night, just before you called. She was with another woman, having dinner, sending her up to her room."

Chris sat up, looking at me, confused. "Was that at the Gallagher's?"

I nodded, now looking at him, confused, "yeah, how did you know that."

"I organize all her bookings there for her. Steve Gallagher is an old school friend."

"Ok?" I said, "so maybe you can book me some seats there, you know, your other friend."

"Joanne," Chris said, looking me directly in the eyes, "no way Elaine was with another woman that night."

"I fucking saw her, blonde, in her early twenties, pretty. I let Elaine have it, told her off, called her every name, I was so upset. She made me feel loved, she made me feel wanted."

"Joanne," Chris said, cutting me off, "Elaine was having dinner with her daughter that night."

My eyes nearly jumped out of my head, I looked at Chris who was looking back at me, my mouth opened and closed a few times, I started to shake.

"Chris," I said, "what the hell have I done?"

*********************

I sat looking at Ginny as she lay there on her bed. Jon had to rush off on business-related activities, taking Chris with him. I stroked Ginny's leg as she snoozed. She slowly opened her eyes, looking down at me, she looked tired, but she managed a smile.

"You look so sad," she said, sitting up, "my best friend, rushing across the country to be with me."

"Where else would I be?" I said.

"With that man who was making you smile like a fucking idiot last time I spoke with you."

I looked at her and took a deep breath. I told her the story, from beginning to end, she listened, her hand on my cheek, her thumb stroking away every tear.

"When did you start to doubt yourself so much, Joanne, where did this all come from?"

"I was never that good with myself, I put on the confidence. But I would be with people like my sister, you."

"Me," Ginny said, shock in her voice, "you make me look like a fucking troll."

"Ginny, you are stunning, everything about you, you're a little ball of perfection."

"Big arse, scrawny legs, no tits, and a face like a fucking twelve-year-old?" she laughed as she spoke, "I'm not exactly perfect."

I looked at her, I'd never thought of her not being confident in her appearance, to me she looked amazing.

"Joanne," she said, "when you walk into a room and smile, everyone looks at you. Your eyes light up, your face warms everyone. You brighten the darkest place, you are a stunning woman, and you have the biggest heart. You dropped everything to help me, I'm with the man of my dreams because of you, and when I needed you, you raced across the country."

"I didn't know what to say when I got here."

"You didn't need to say anything. Jon and I just needed you here, because you're you. You're Joanne, you are the center of my world, and I can't imagine loving anyone as much as I love you."

Tears were now flowing from both of us as we sat on that massive bed just looking at each other.

*********************

"London is a massive city, why on Earth would you want to do this here?" Jon said. Sat on the bench beside me, looking out over the Thames at Saint Paul's Cathedral. The same bench where he had spent time waiting for Ginny.

"It's like the center of our universe," I responded, "I have a feeling that good things come from here."

"She's on her way," Jon said, gesturing to the woman walking along the path towards us. I looked up and saw Elaine. As she got close enough, she stopped for a moment when she saw me. At that point, London didn't disappoint.

"Here's the rain you ordered," Jon said, laughing, "I brought something for you because you never seem to have one."

I smiled, taking the umbrella from him. I watched him run off seeking out cover; I stood and walked over to Elaine, who herself was now standing under an umbrella.

"Hello," she said, "I did wonder why Jon would call me out on a Sunday; or any day for that matter."

"I wanted to talk to you, but I wasn't sure that messaging or calling would be right."

"I was waiting, I wanted something, but I wasn't sure messaging or calling you would be right. You were so angry, so upset."

"I thought."

"You thought wrong," she said, cutting me off, "you got angry, you let yourself believe something without asking, without trusting. You went straight to the worst outcome."

"I'm sorry," I said, "I saw her, and everything just bubbled over."

"You saw my daughter, you thought I'd be jumping into bed with someone else. Why the hell would I be doing that."

"Because I'm not worthy of you, I'm not at your level, I'm just some confused chubby girl from Kent who has no idea what is going on."

"So you don't know what, you don't know about us?"

"It was all so quick."

"Sometimes it is, sometimes it just hits you like a freight train, sometimes you are just standing there, and it floors you."

I was panting breathlessly now, my heart pounding, every time I looked at her, the fear of loss paralyzed me.

"What about you?" I yelled over the rain, which was becoming louder and heavier, "how do you feel about me."

"Joanne," she yelled back, "Jon wouldn't call me to see me on a Sunday anywhere, let alone on the side of the Thames."

I half smiled, looking at her.

"Do you not see how I feel about you? Really? You've been working for me so long, you miss the looks I give you. The way I call you into my office as often as I can. The way I sit next to you at every meeting. You are the reason I drag myself into that place each day."

I sniffed, smiling more now as I listened to her words.

She looked up at the sky for a moment and smiled, looking back at me. "But, you know, the main thing you give me each and every day I see you."

I looked at her a little expectantly, wondering what would come.

She put her umbrella down, and with that, the rain stopped, and rays of sunlight poked through a cloud hitting us both. "You light up my world."

I looked back at her and started giggling. I tossed the umbrella I was holding aside and wrapped my arms around her, my lips locking on hers, my left leg lifting a little as I kissed her.