Jesse's Aftermath

My husband Jack and I along with our three children were sitting in Chucky Cheese eating horrible pizza on a rainy Saturday when the Armstrong's stopped by to chat. Beth Armstrong had been a close friend before I cheated on my husband and now she barely acknowledged me, holding onto her husband like I was going to steal him. Yes I stole, or should I say borrowed someone else's husband but that was three years ago. I had learned my lesson and was probably safer than any other woman in here.

Three years ago I started an affair with another teacher in my school for no particular reason. I wasn't angry with my husband for any reason. He bored me in the bedroom, always the same thing but making sure I was satisfied. Mark flirted with all the female teachers in the school, from the newest to the oldest and included the librarian, admin staff and nurse in his flirting. I was the only idiot that let it move passed flirting.

There were three Fridays in a row near the end of the school year where we had a half day and Mark and I headed to a hotel instead of just going home. On the third Friday, after our third little fuck session, I got in my SUV and was giving myself one last look in the mirror. I literally pissed myself when I realized Jack was sitting in the back seat.

"I hope you enjoyed yourself," he said as he handed me an envelope with divorce papers. "I followed the state guidelines. Get a lawyer and we can make this painless as possible for the girls."

About ten feet away I could see Mark's wife Vicky screaming and yelling at him, Mark had a handprint on his face. He just stood there as Vicky waved her finger in his face.

I sat there for an hour, this wasn't supposed to happen. Our oldest could go home by herself. I called a neighbor and asked her to pick up the younger two and told her I was tied up at work for a bit and so was Jack.

Another hour went by and I was still sitting there in my pee. The Vicky and Mark show had ended long ago. My phone rang, it was Jack.

"Where are you, the girls are looking for you. You might be a slut but you're still their mother or did you go back for another round."

"I'm on my way Jack, can we talk when I get home?"

"No Amy, I don't live there anymore. I'm going to leave it up to you to explain this shit show to our daughters."

It was a shit show when I got home, the girls wanted to know why I was so late. They quickly realized I pissed myself and were making ooh noises and they wanted to know where their father was. My oldest, daddy's little girl, wanted to know why daddy's closet was empty.

"Girls please, it's been a bad day. Let me shower and change and we can order some pizza and then we'll talk."

Our middle daughter Amy may be my only ally going forward. Chris the oldest was standing there with her arms folded giving me death stares. Jenny the youngest always copied Chris, her death stare was almost cute.

After the pizza was served, Chris started right away, "Start talking mom, dad has clearly moved out. Even his office is empty. Who were you fucking?"

"Language Chris," I yelled.

"What's fucking," Jenny chimed in.

"Fucking is how babies are made, it's supposed to be only between a husband and his wife or else it's called cheating, so who were you cheating with Mom," said Amy.

Jesus, this day couldn't get any worse.

"Yes mom, who were you cheating on Dad with." Chris wanted to know. She was on the edge of tears.

"Another teacher at school," I said, whishing I had thought out my answers before we sat at the table.

"I hope you didn't destroy our family for the sleazy Mark guy, he's such a slimeball. He even checks out preteens. Please don't say it was Mark." The tears were welling up in Chris's eyes. I couldn't speak.

"Oh my god, I hate you. Don't ever touch me again." Chris said as she ran to her room crying. Jenny yelled out I hate you too mom and ran to her room. Amy asked for another slice.

For the second time that day I found myself sitting with no idea what I was going to do. I felt the need to do something, maybe comfort my daughter, call Jack and beg forgiveness and thinking this day could not get any worse. My cell phone was ringing, it was my mother. Yes it could get worse and just did.

"Jesse, Chris just called me. She was very upset and it sounded like she was saying you cheated on her father."

What was I going to say, well I wish it wasn't true but your daughter fucked up again. I didn't say anything but my mother figured it out.

"Jesus Christ Jesse, what were you thinking? I'm guessing you weren't thinking. Chris is a mess and I'm betting Jenny is in the same state. Listen, I'll be there in 30 minutes and they can spend a few days at our house. Your father and I can shuttle them back and forth to school. Can you have them ready?"

"Yes mom," and I ended the call.

My parents came in and my father headed upstairs to help the girls with their bags. He never looked at me and in the three years since he still hasn't looked at me, at least we've never made eye contact. Occasionally I'll get a glimpse of him in a mirror, looking at me with scorn.

My mom said, "I called Jack's parents and spoke to Marge. Apparently Jack has known about your affair for weeks and Jack has moved home with his parents. We were in total agreement that the best thing us grandparents could do is make sure the girls know they have four grandparents who love them very much and always will. They are going to join us for dinner tomorrow, with Jack, I'm not sure if you were thinking of joining us but please don't and stay away from you father."

And I sat in the big, beautiful house that Jack bought me with no one but me. I did head over to the store, grabbed a bottle of wine, but put it back and grabbed a box of wine and a pack of cigarettes. I was sitting on the back patio with the box of wine, smoking a cigarette when my next door neighbor and best friend Sue came over.

"Jesse, what are you doing smoking, I didn't know you smoked. Where's Jack and the girls?"

"The girls are at my mother's for the week, Jack caught me cheating on him and moved out. He served me with divorce papers this morning."

"Jesse please tell me you didn't cheat on Jack. It would be easier to stand by you if you murdered him, anything but cheat. What the fuck were you thinking?"

"Obviously I wasn't thinking or at least I wasn't thinking I would be caught."

"Jesse, you know the Jackson house on the corner, it's been empty since before you lived here, maybe you don't know the story behind it. The husband George was the gold standard we measured husbands by, the guy who would give you the shirt off his back. Good looking guy, good job, worshipped his wife Grace. Anytime he looked at her, his eyes were filled with adoration for her. The other wives wished our husbands looked at us like that. Our husbands knew it, if George brought Grace flowers, our husbands brought us flowers, if George took Grace out all dressed up, our husbands took us out. My husband said he wasn't copying George, they were little reminders that my husband should show me how much he loved me."

"George caught her cheating with some guy in their bedroom one day, walked down into his garage and blew his brains out. The whole block turned their back on Grace and if any of the wives tried to show compassion for her, their husbands threatened them with divorce. It will be no different for you. We've been friends since you moved here but I won't risk my marriage because you did something stupid. I'm sorry but goodbye."

And with that, my best friend walked out of my life.

My world was turning to shit at a rapidly increasing pace. I sat on the patio looking at the covered pool. Normally Jack would have had it opened weeks ago, I had no idea how to open the pool. Just taking the cover off took three men. I knew there were things that needed to be done with the filter and Jack usually took the water someplace to test it. I was clueless.

Monday at work was another horror story, none of the teachers who I thought were my friends would acknowledge my presence. At lunch time I was called into the principal's office. The head of the school board was there along with my union representative. I was handed an official reprimand for having an affair with another teacher. I learned that Mark had taken full responsibility for the affair and resigned, which was the only reason I was allowed to keep my job. I think it was my shop steward who said that Mark had moved to Ohio to live with his parents. Vicky was going after him with a vengeance and he would not be able to afford to live anywhere else.

Tuesday after work I met with a lawyer. He looked at Jack's proposal and recommended I sign it. He was definitely following state guidelines and to fight any of it would cost me too much money and I probably wouldn't win. I told him I didn't want a divorce and wanted Jack and I to go to counseling. He sighed and said, occasionally counseling works but rarely when infidelity is involved, but I had the right to seek counseling and judges almost always approved the request.

On Wednesday, the Wi-Fi went out. I knew the router probably needed to be reset, that's what Jack always said he did when it went out before. I didn't even know where the fucking router was, let alone how to reset it. I sent Jack a text message asking for help.

"Read the divorce papers, all communications between us must flow through our attorneys."

So I needed to call my attorney and ask him to call your attorney to ask you to reset the router. I said fuck it. Eventually I called the cable company who sent me a picture of what the router looked like. It was in the pantry off the kitchen. They told me how to reset it. Press the reset button.

My parents brought the kids home early Sunday afternoon. My mom smelled the cigarette smoke on me and just shook her head. Chris and Jenny headed to their rooms without a word to me. Amy asked me what's for dinner. Fucking dinner, I never thought about dinner and I had been eating takeout all week.

Jack loved to cook and Sunday was his big day, a lasagna or something else amazing, turkeys, hams, he could cook anything. Jack would cook dinner most nights during the week while I helped the kids with their homework. We had a perfect harmony going. I knew how to cook and would usually cook on Saturdays. Friday was always pizza. Jack had all these games he played with the kids when he cooked. They loved making pancakes with Jack on the weekend.

I opened the refrigerator and tried to figure out what was still edible. Jack always did the food shopping so I had no idea what he bought and when. I couldn't even remember the last time he did go food shopping. The chop meat was clearly bad. I started throwing stuff in the trash and remembered I had no idea when trash night was. Nobody else had their cans out so it wasn't tonight. I put the chop meat and some other gray meats into the freezer and ordered a pizza.

Chis and Jenny refused to come eat. Amy came down and said, "This is a big step down from Dad's lasagna. Do you know how to cook mom?" She wasn't going to choose sides like her sisters but she wasn't going to make things easy for me.

Monday was a total fucking disaster, I was trying to make dinner and help the kids with their homework. I burned the rice, the house stunk, smoke detectors were going off, the girls didn't know what was going on and ran out of the house while Chris called 911 and reported a fire. I was opening windows, trying to air out the house when the fire truck pulled up in front of the house. Guys hopped off the truck and started pulling out hoses. I ran out and told them I just burned dinner, there was no fire, only an overzealous 13 year old. Better to be safe, she made the right call the Chief said.

After they left, I sat on my front steps and cried. Once I started I couldn't stop. I couldn't think of one thing I liked about Mark.

I was just getting myself under control when Chris came out, I gave the sisters cereal and I want to go live with my father. And then she walked back into the house. We ate fast food the rest of the week.

Every night I would look at Jack's empty closet when I went to bed and cried.

Chris failed a math test that week. We had gone over everything the night before and she knew her stuff. She didn't just fail it, she got a zero, not one of her answers were right. I called her teacher, he said it was one of those scan tests, Chris skipped the first block so she entered the first answer in for the second question and all the way down. Otherwise, her work and all her calculations were perfect. She even entered the answer for the last question into the first block. Is everything okay at home, this looks like it was deliberate he said. I mentioned the divorce and he said he would adjust her score.

On the weekend I took the girls with me to go food shopping. At one point I dropped a can and it rolled under the cart. After picking up the can, I managed to stand up under the handle of the cart. The pain in my head was overwhelming and I was seeing stars. I sat down on the floor and cried until the manager came over.

And I knew Chris was calling her father and telling him all of my fuckups.

Tuesday night was our first counseling session. Jack's parents were watching the kids. They were polite to me on the outside but I could tell they wished me dead and all week I had been thinking death would be better. I could hit my own rest button like our neighbor George.

Jack was ice cold to me at the counselor's office, the woman counselor asked me what I wanted out of these sessions like I expected.

"I cheated on Jack with another teacher in my school, three times and I am incredibly sorry for my stupidity and the hurt I caused, not only to Jack but our three children, two of whom hate me. But I need Jack to come home. It isn't just the gaping hole in my heart and I know that's all my fault which just makes it even worse. All of my friends have disowned me. I'm on probation at school. Everything I touch turns to shit, I burned dinner so bad the fire department came, I almost knocked myself out food shopping, the kids are doing horrible in school, we've been living off of fast food, laundry is completely out of control, the lawn is a mess, the hedges look like shit, and I haven't a clue how to open the pool."

Jack shocked the shit out of me when he said he would move back in, I almost missed the part about certain conditions. He began pulling papers out of his briefcase and handing them to me.

"The first document is a post nuptial, like a prenup. You can read it but in short, if you are ever unfaithful to me again, you lose everything, custody of the girls, the house any claims on my retirement or 401k. In return for signing the post nuptial I agree to withdraw my petition for divorce."

"And let me be clear, I'm not doing this out of any great love for you, you killed that. And I am not forgiving you for betraying me. I am doing this simply because my girls are suffering and that is breaking my heart. We can pretend to be the loving couple until the girls graduate high school and then I intend to refile the divorce papers."

I don't think I really heard anything after he agreed to move back in, I ran over to hug him and he pushed me away. My Jack pushed me away. I dropped to my knees at his feet and wrapped my arms around his legs.

"Thank you Jack, I promise I'll never fuck up again." I said other stuff, I don't remember what, just fucking gibberish how thankful I was.

"Stop Jesse, like I said, we can pretend to be the loving couple but I have no hope of us really being a loving couple again."

I was still kneeling at his feet, "I can hope Jack, you fell in love with me once, I can hope you'll fall in love with me again. When Jack, when will you move back in, can I tell the girls?"

"I'll move back in over the weekend and you can tell the girls whatever you feel is appropriate. You should have your attorney look at the post nuptial."

"No I don't, give me a pen please." I signed it and handed it to the counselor who signed as the witness.

I was so fucking happy on my way home I thought I was going to pee myself again. Easiest one of the happiest days in my life, on par with when Jack asked me to marry him, our wedding, the birth of our daughters, fuck I was going to pee myself.

As soon as I walked in the girls took one look at my face and were all over me.

"Your father has agreed to come home." The shriek of the girls could have shattered glass three states away. Even Amy was excited, "thank god." she said, "I never want to eat McDonald's again." They were a little disappointed when I told him he would not move back until the weekend.

My in-laws were still standing there, Jack's mom had a tear in her eye. Without acknowledging me, they kissed the girls goodbye. Chris ran up to her room, I have to thank dad she said.

Jack moved his stuff back in on Saturday but spent that night with at his parents. Sunday morning Jack was downstairs making pancakes with his daughters when I woke up. Their hero had returned. Jack was trying to make smiley faces in the pancakes with chocolate chips and it wasn't working but the girls were laughing their little asses off. I knew it was all a big show by Jack. He could make anything out of anything. I sat drinking my coffee wondering how I could have risked this.

For dinner he made stuffed shells. The girls looked at him like he was god. It was their first decent dinner since Jack left.

After dinner, Jack went to read Jenny a bedtime story but Chris and Amy joined him, not that Jack was complaining being smothered by his three girls as he tried to read aloud, using funny voices.

For the first time since my fuck up, the girls gave me a hug goodnight. It wasn't a warm hug but they did touch me.

I wanted Jack to make love to me that night. I took extra time in the shower, shaving my pussy because I know Jack loved a bald pussy. After donning my sexiest negligee, I lit a bunch of candles in the bedroom and waited for Jack. Some of the candles had burned out by the time he came to bed. I felt foolish when I looked at him and the floodgates opened. I expected him to comfort me but no comfort was given.

"It's too soon for that Jesse, it may be too soon forever."

I sucked it up, "I can wait Jack, you didn't say never so I can wait and I can hope. Tell me what I can do to earn your forgiveness Jack, I was stupid and I know it. Just tell me what I can do."

"I have no fucking idea Jesse, let's go to sleep please."

Jack turned off the lights, climbed in bed and put his back to me. I wanted to cry but I looked at Jack's closet and it was filled with his clothes and he was lying next to me in bed. I wanted to reach out and touch him but a voice inside me said I needed to give him space and that's what I did. But I had another plan to win my Jack back.

During the week, we were back to our old routine, I helped the girls with their homework and to prepare for their finals. Jack made dinner and the girls rejoiced at the end of fast food. Jack's father and brother came over on Saturday and got the pool running, the lawn was looking decent now that Jack turned the sprinkler system on. On Sunday he took care of the hedges.

On the outside it looked like our life had returned to normal. My former best friend Sue even gave me a wave one day. On the inside, Chris was still harboring some resentment to me. I made an appointment with a counselor for her. It seemed to help her so I made similar appointments for the other two. After the girls were in bed, Jack went to work in his office building a new computer system. Things in the bedroom were still ice cold. Jack slept with me every night with his back facing me.

I started putting my plan in place, I had to do it slowly because I didn't want to be obvious, especially in front of the girls. Jack wasn't a big fan of nakedness, but he loved the hint of nudity as he called it. For step one, I took an old pair of sweats and cut most of the legs off. If I was standing in the kitchen, they looked like a pair of shorts. If I moved, a glimpse of my ass cheeks were visible along with all of my legs. Jack loved my legs, especially my thighs. And I knew if I bent over in front of him, way more than I glimpse of my ass cheeks were visible. But my favorite was to stand at the top of the stairs and call down to Jack, when he looked up at me, my legs would be slightly spread and Jack would have a clear view of my panties in the loose legs of my shorts.