I'm finally free. It's mid August and I'm driving my car to school. The school is nine hundred miles from home and that means I'm nine hundred miles away from my mother.
I mean, I love my mother, but she's overwhelming. Has been for as long as I can remember. Until I got my license last year, I couldn't go anywhere, with anybody, without her driving, or somehow tagging along. If I had a date, she had to drive us and pick us up. Not dad, or one of the other person's parents, her. On the way home, and for days afterward, she wanted to know the details of what we did and how we did it. When I had a part-time summer job, she showed up daily to check up on me and coach me on how to do the job. After just three weeks, the manager told me to stop my mother from interfering with me on the job. I knew that was not going to happen so I quit. I told my mother I couldn't cut it. I found out later she went to the store and gave the manager hell. By the time she was done, I don't think I could ever get another job in our town.
So, driving through the countryside, with the windows open, the radio blaring and the wind blowing into the car was heaven. With no one to criticize how fast I was going or how close I was to the cart line, or the car in front of me, was even more liberating.
I had been accepted last May by State College, and, after several communications and an orientation last month – my mother made that trip – I had been assigned to a freshman coed dorm – my mother didn't know that – on the main campus.
My dad had given me a couple of hundred dollars for the trip. I was pulling a small UHaul trailer with most of my stuff and I planned to spend a night on the road in a cheap motel. However, I had left very early, and by dinner time I had covered over six hundred miles. I wasn't at all tired so I changed the plan and pushed on. I arrived on campus at about one am. Nothing was open so I pulled the car and trailer into a parking lot near my future dorm and slept in the car.
At about seven am, I was wakened by a campus policeman rapping on the window. When I saw who it was, I opened the window. He asked if I was okay. I told him I was waiting for the dorm to open so I could move in my stuff. He nodded knowingly and told me the dorm would be open at eight. When he left, I pulled myself together, tucked in my shirt and went in search of coffee and something to eat.
I was the first in line when the RA – resident assistant – opened the door. I moved my stuff up the second floor and into my dorm room. The room was smaller than my bedroom at home and there were two, hardly larger than cots, single beds. I was going to have a roommate.
I took the trailer to a nearby UHaul rental place and returned it. When I returned to the dorm, it was almost ten and I was still the only one there. By two o'clock the place was humming with the sounds of people moving in. Most had family members in tow to help carry stuff. My roommate turned out to be a guy from Ohio named Brian. Brian brought a component stereo system with him. He showed me how to use it and told me I could listen anytime as long as I took good care of it. By six o'clock the place was quiet again as most of the students had left to have dinner with their family one last time before being on their own.
Later, when Brian and I were alone, someone knocked on our door. Brian opened the door and I was greeted by every teenager's fantasy. Brian introduced her as Kathy and me as Jason. Brian and Kathy were a couple and had worked hard to arrange common housing at the college. After scouting our room Kathy offered to show us her room on the third floor.
Kathy's room was identical to ours, except her roommate was another gorgeous girl named Tess. We sat around talking and getting acquainted until the RA came by and suggested we get to our own rooms for the night.
The next day was Sunday. There were a few stragglers still moving in. Brian, Kathy, Tess and I spent most of the day exploring the campus, scouting out buildings, classrooms and places to eat. Tess and I got along very well. Tess was the whole package – intelligent, conversational and beautiful. It was the best day I'd had all summer, until my mother called.
As usual, my mother wanted to know every detail of my first day on campus. I slow rolled her and told her almost nothing. I cut the call as short as I could much to her annoyance. She called again on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I repeatedly told her I had nothing new to share. By Thursday, I just let my phone ring and go to voice mail when she called. She called multiple times every night and left a message every time. Finally, I just turned my phone off except when I needed to use it but that didn't stop my mother from trying anyway. When the RA came to me with a message from my mother, I lost it and called her back. Before she could say hello I erupted.
"Mother, stop calling me! If I have something to tell you I'll call you. I don't need your help or your advice. I don't need your concern and I certainly don't need your constant harassment."
"But, Jason, you're my son and I'm responsible for you. I need to care for you."
"Mom, you're right, I'm your son, not your baby, not your child, but your grown son. Emphasis on 'grown.' I don't need your minute by minute care and you don't need, or even want, to know the details of my life. You need to let go. If you can't, you need therapy. I'll tell you one thing for sure, the more you push the less you'll know. I'm done and you need to be done as well. Oh, and if you ever call my RA again, or anyone else, trying to find me, I'll change my number and you'll never hear from me again."
Later, my dad told me, mother had cried for days after the call. I told him she had finally gotten to me and I probably said some things I shouldn't have. He said he was surprised I hadn't spoken up sooner. I told him I probably couldn't keep the promise never to call her again and thanked him for his support.
Meanwhile, I was spending time in class, studying and hanging around with Brian, Kathy and Tess. Several times each week, Brian asked me to leave Kathy and him alone in our room for a while. I used the time to spend time with Tess. During the third week of classes, Brian asked me if I would be willing to find another roommate so he and Kathy could share a room. I had reservations. I wondered aloud if coed habitation was permitted. Brian asked our RA if there was a rule about opposite sexes sharing the same room in the coed dorms. The RA didn't know but he was clear he had no objection as long as they kept a low profile, the administration didn't find out and it didn't cause problems with the rest of the residents.
Brian pressed the issue with me until I agreed if he was the one to move out. Brian and Kathy also had to get Tess to agree. There were no empty rooms in the dorm so, if it was to happen they'd have accommodate Tess somehow. I'm not sure how they did it, but they got Tess to agree to swap with Brian leaving Brian and Kathy in the room on the third floor and Tess with me on the second floor. They assumed I would go along. I spent some time discussing it with Tess since I wanted to be sure she was comfortable with the arrangement since we would be cohabitating.
In the end, Brian moved in with Kathy and Tess moved in with me. The four of us managed the move in just twenty minutes on a Saturday afternoon when most of the student body was at the football game. I told Tess I would do whatever I could to protect her privacy and I had one firm rule: never, never answer my phone. I couldn't imagine my mother's reaction if she called me and a woman answered.
We settled in quite nicely. Just roommates with respect for each other and no ulterior motives, at least until Tuesday. Tuesday afternoon, Tess and I were sitting next to each other at our desks studying. Suddenly, Tess stood up. "I hate this bra. It's uncomfortable as hell. Jason would you be offended if I took it off?"
