"It does work sometimes", my old school pal, Janice told me after she'd met this guy on a dating site 20 years her senior. And there was I asking her advice, telling her that I also had met John on a dating site, and although he was reluctant to want to meet me at first, he eventually submitted. I had chatted to several prospective guys who had backed away when I mentioned commitment. John was about 18 years older than me. Janice assured me that age doesn't matter one iota. The important thing is whether you like the guy and, to be quite frank, whether you would like to go to bed with him.
At least she had come right out with it which made me seriously ask myself the question; would John be right for me and did I really want to share everything
I told her that although we had only met once, nothing happened. She knew I could never agree with a one night stand even though she had played the field a bit. We are all different but me? Well I like to get to know about a guy before I want to do that, and any guy who tried to push me into it would get his marching orders pronto.
I am, as John has discovered, a very passionate and emotional person and although I had not been with a guy for a year didn't mean I should attempt to do anything I didn't want to just for the sake of sexual relief. I have been there and done that twice and in my naivety, realised the guys wanted me for just one thing.
I am very aware of my sexuality; some guys have said I could have a guy every night of the week if I wanted too.
But this woman wants the whole caboose and not just a seedy one night stand. I rate myself above that as Janice well knows and she is glad I have found someone in John who, likewise, wants commitment big time.
But after our first date, and although I did find him attractive for an older guy, I still needed to be sure.
Janice kept on saying that you never know a guy until you have bedded him but she also knew quite well that I wanted to get a good idea of his likes and is dislikes first and just let it flow from there.
"Who are you trying to convince Jackie" she said. "I know you well enough that you probably fancy the pants off John."
"But it that enough, Janice?"
"So you do fancy the guy?, come on admit it."
"Well maybe just a little, but I have to be sure. once bitten, twice shy."
"You mean Rick and Jack who it turned out, wanted just to get their leg's over?"
Jackie ignored the question confessing that somehow she was besotted with an older guy. She felt secure and comfortable with him.
"That should be adequate. Don't make it too complicated. If you want that, go for it. Presumably he has already made advances?"
"When he kissed me on our second date I had to stop his hand creeping under my skirt. But I did enjoy his kisses which felt they came from the heart."
"Then go for it, remember if you reject him too much he will think that you don't want him."
"You think I should go further then, Janice?"
"Do I have to spell it out for you? If you get the hots for him -fuck him and I am sure you will reap the rewards like I have in knowing just how wholesome it can be with an older guy."
That clinched it and I knew I was ready to go the whole hog with John.
But come our next date he phoned to say he could not make it. When I asked him why he said he felt he was too old for me and perhaps I should look for someone younger..
For the first time in my life I found myself almost begging him to have second thoughts and lets give it another try and he eventually submitted, saying he wanted me to be quite sure.
"You guys are all alike, of you can't get your leg over" I joked; but he seemed to take me seriously and said that he thought I was a nice girl and if he had wanted that he would have looked for a bad one.
What culminated of all that was the most beautiful and wonderfully prolonged intimacy I had ever shared with a guy. He was gentle and loving and I found myself easily adapting to his style of loving, having endured twice something that did not amount to real loving at all, they were cumbersome and rough and I felt I was being treated like a rag doll.
With John is was so very different and after the first time I knew I wanted for him to have me any way he wanted, and I certainly wasn't holding back either, because at last I began to cherish the art of real slow- time foreplay. Something I had not had the opportunity to explore before because of my bad experiences; when guys took me just after a quick feel. Which was never ever gratifying to me; I felt dirty and in need of a shower each time. I felt I had been utterly used and that was a real put-off.
But with John at last I felt true gratification both physically and emotionally.