It's Never Just Coffee

Charlie looked down at her phone, aimlessly scrolling work emails with one hand, while she nervously rubbed her thumbnail with her index and middle finger with the other. Her dishwater blonde hair sat in loose waves and she momentarily put her phone down to toss it over one shoulder, and then the other. She bit her lower lip and pondered if this was really a good idea.

Charlie had met Dan online, in a chat room, two months almost exactly to the day of her 26th birthday. If she was being honest with herself, Charlie had been struggling since May of the previous year. She had started writing as an outlet for her pain -- publishing her stories in what felt like a safe space: an erotic website. She had discovered the chat room feature after about a month and used it on occasion when she needed a particular outlet. She never found anyone worth talking to for more than a few minutes. Until Dan.

She couldn't remember now what he had said to her at first, but after a witty retort to it, he had replied, "I'm Dan, 25." Pause. "Shit -- no, 35. I'm 35. I live in Boston."

She had laughed aloud. "Charlie, 26," she had replied. "I ALSO live in Boston." What were the odds?

They talked for almost 12 hours that day and the next morning, as she rushed out the door, wet hair in a loose, messy side braid, spilling her smoothie in the elevator, running 10 minutes late to get to school, he text her good morning. They talked every day -- for hours. Then, twelve days after that first conversation, the world shut down. Whether it was the loneliness, boredom, or freedom of time tied to a global pandemic that kept people at home for almost two years by the time it was over, or just a deep connection that neither could explain, Charlie would never know. But here they were -- ten years later -- still friends.

Still, as she thought back to those early years of day long text conversations and phone calls, sitting in the pastry shop she had loved as a young 20 something living in the city, she realized how far she from the girl he had fallen for. She was older now, married, with kids of her own. Dan knew all of this of course. But she couldn't help but wonder if he still thought of her as the same naïve 26 year old she had been when they first met. Back then, he was the same age as she was now. She smiled at how he seemed to know so much then -- be so put together -- so adult, and yet here she was -- feeling like she knew nothing. Specifically in this moment, why she had finally agreed to meet him for a cup of coffee.

"You're serious?" he had asked her last week.

"I think of you first as a friend," she had text back. "Friends have coffee, right?" Her hands had shook as she typed it, using his own words against him as she loved to do. She watched the dots go up and down on the screen, then his one word answer back.

"Okay."

She took a deep breath. She took a sip from her iced coffee and put it down on the table. She had gotten here early, ordered without him -- removing the need for him to buy her coffee. She looked down at her phone. It was 2 PM on the dot. She looked up.

In ten years, seven of which they had lived in the same city, never more than twenty minutes apart, they had never met, and the photos they sent each other for years had stopped years ago - and yet, she would have recognized him anywhere. He certainly looked older now. However, like most men, age made him more distinguished. His hair was more salt and pepper -- but he still held the same serious but kind look on his face, still wore those awkward silver rimmed glasses, still hid the most beautiful, soulful, deep brown eyes behind them. She smiled at him as he caught her eye, scanning the room. He smiled back. He too, would have recognized her anywhere. She was older, maybe 10 to 15 pounds heavier, sure, but she looked almost exactly the same, and just as beautiful. She looked grown up in a navy blue blazer and jeans, a loose silk camisole underneath. She was a stylish but subtle dresser, always. He approached her slowly and she stood up.

"Hi Daniel," she said, before he could even open his mouth.

"Hi Charlotte," he replied. She smiled. He had always insisted on calling her Charlotte. "It's pretty," he had told her when they first met. "I'm going to call you Charlotte."

For a moment, Charlie contemplated what the appropriate greeting was. She finally reached out to hug him -- something she had wished for so many times over the last ten years. His arms wrapped around her and it felt electric. He took a minute to linger, subtly smelling her hair as he pulled back.

"I grabbed a coffee -- got here early. Do you want something?" she asked.

He nodded. "You didn't even let me buy you a cup of coffee," he smiled. "You're still a brat." She laughed. "I'll be back in a second."

She tried not to look at him as he waited for his coffee at the counter. He came back after a few seconds and sat down across from her. He slid a red velvet cupcake across the table. "It's not breakfast," he said. "But I do remember you liked these way back when." Breakfast cupcakes had been her Sunday luxury as a skinny twenty something running 50 miles a week.

She laughed. "After two kids, I don't eat as many cupcakes as I used to." Charlie pat her belly. "I'm not the skinny little thing you met ten years ago."

"First of all, we just met two seconds ago." Charlie rolled her eyes. He had always been so insistent that despite years of talking every day -- they had never actually met. She hated it. There were few people in her life who knew her like he did at this point. "Second of all -- you look the same to me. You're gorgeous."

"If I tell you I still find you attractive will you call me crazy?"

Dan nodded. "Yep." He took a sip of his coffee and put it on the table. "I never thought this would happen." He looked straight at her. "I didn't think you'd show up."

Charlie looked down. Her index finger went to her thumbnail and she was 26 all over again. Her stomach ached with nerves, she had a frog in her throat she had to swallow. She took a minute to compose herself. "I said 10 years didn't I?" She smiled and tucked her hair behind her ears. Dan looked at her and wondered if he had upset her. He worried about her almost as much as she worried about him -- he was often just better at hiding it. "You thought it was a joke back then," Charlie told him. "But I made you a promise and I felt like I should keep it. I was also in town and I didn't have anything else to do before my conference tomorrow so I figured that maybe... I mean... what do we have to lose at this point right? We both are in the same place in our lives and maybe I just thought that maybe... "

Dan put his hand on top of hers. It was shaking as she rubbed her thumbnail harder and she couldn't look at him. He didn't force her eyes up, or say anything. He just held her hand for a moment, quieting the nervous twitch. Charlie finally looked up. Dan spoke first. "It's been years since we talked on the phone regularly. I almost forgot how much you ramble when you get nervous."

Charlie laughed, "I'm not nervous, Daniel! I'm just trying to explain that..." He smiled at her smugly. Charlie took a deep breath and pulled her hand away from him. It was more of a jerk than a light tug and her hand hit her coffee, knocking over the glass into her lap. She stood up quickly, more embarrassed than anything else. "Fuck! I'm still such a fucking klutz!"

Dan went to the counter to grab napkins and came back, mopping up the table and handing a few to her. "You okay?" he asked. Charlie was embarrassed, but brushed it off.

"Yeah, just wet," she said, patting her lap dry. Dan looked at her and tried not to laugh. Charlie rolled her eyes. "Ha! Hilarious. You're so funny. My hotel is around the corner. I can change."

He raised his eyebrows. He joked, "Now? Because we can get you a new coffee to go."

Charlie looked away before looking back at Dan. Ten years of sharing things they told no one else -- ten years of friendship, of talking for hours. And yet, she wondered if they ordered again and sat back down -- what would they talk about? His kids? Her kids? The spouses who didn't know they were there? Her best friend's divorce? Whether or not she was liking Denver? Could they make an hour's worth of small talk and go on their way? Did ten years of buildup to this lead them to just an awkward coffee date? Was that why there were here?

Charlie nodded her head. She shrugged her shoulders and called his bluff. "Yeah -- it's three blocks. Shall we?"

Dan was surprised. For all the years they lived so close together -- the words, "come over" had been uttered hundreds, probably thousands of times. And each time, one of them would say, "you won't." They'd both swallow the pain of that no, pretend it didn't matter, and move on. It drove them apart time and again, but it never tipped them off the ride. Dan used to say he had a "love/hate" relationship with his feelings for her. Charlie felt the same. There was a power in emotion, a fragility to their relationship that each time someone felt something a little too powerful it would tip the scale. But at the end of the day -- they were friends first, and while one could argue both sides of it being wrong or right -- they cared for each other deeply. They had something special neither could explain. So round and round they went.

But now, standing in front of each other -- there seemed to be nothing but a "yes" in front of them. Dan was nervous himself, but he nodded slowly. "Okay then," he said. He forgot to order her a new coffee, and in their haste, left a soggy cupcake on the table.

* * * * * * * * *

Charlie pushed open the door to her room and Dan entered in behind her. She took off her blazer and tossed it over the chair next to the door.

"Do you want to sit?" she asked him. She moved over to a suitcase in the corner of the room and bent over. She grabbed a clean pair of jeans and turned back to him. He wasn't sitting. She pointed to the bathroom. "I'm just gonna change," she said.

He stepped close to her, close enough to whisper in her ear from behind her, but didn't touch her. "Charlotte," he started. "I've seen every inch of you."

She shook her head. "It's not the same," she told him. She turned to face him.

He stepped closer to her. "You're beautiful," he told her. Charlie stared at him, part of her wanting to run, the other part just desperately wanting his hands on her. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and cupped her cheek. "Ten years ago, we talked about doing this, and we didn't. It was the closest we ever got. Do you remember what I said I'd do instead of coming over that day?"

She nodded her head. "Drive past my apartment and think about my lips..." she trailed off, but kept her eyes locked on his.

He licked his bottom lip and nodded. "Yeah." He brought his face closer but didn't kiss her. "You know, even after you moved, I'd find myself in this neighborhood sometimes."

"Where Broadway meets Traveler?" she whispered. "Across from the T?"

He nodded. "Thinking about your lips," he said. "What you tasted like."

"Daniel, I think that maybe..." Charlie closed her eyes, but didn't finish her sentence.

Dan paused for just a beat, and leaned in. He kissed her. Softly, gently at first. A switch flipped almost instantly. She brought her arms around his neck and kissed him back. She parted her lips slightly and he slid his tongue into her mouth. Charlie did her best to stay in the moment -- to not consider that this moment had been ten years in the making. Her head was filled with a slew of different emotions. Dan knew her. He could tell she was spinning. He pulled back and planted a soft kiss on her closed lips. "I'm going to take care of you," he said. He stroked her hair for moment.

"I know, Daniel," she said. Her submission to him had ebbed and flowed over the years. At this point in their relationship they had a different kind of cadence -- after a while the intensity that led to a million arguments, sleepless nights, highs and lows that made them wonder what the hell they were doing -- it gave way -- it just stopped. They learned to just be. And what remained over time was a deep enduring friendship, filled with the occasional sexual encounter over the phone or text that was intense and passionate and left them both satisfied. Yet in this moment, she was 26 again, and all she wanted was to get on her knees for him. He moved backwards towards the bed, pulling her towards him. He sat down, leaving her standing.

"Get underdressed, Charlotte," he said. She stared at him, trembling. She opened her mouth to protest, but closed it almost immediately as he stared at her, commanding her without even saying a word.

She slowly pulled her camisole over her head and tossed it onto the floor. She unbuttoned her jeans and slid them slowly down her legs, looking at him as she did it. She knew she was probably moving too fast. Dan was careful not to push too much. He had always enjoyed a show. He unzipped his pants, pulling out a hard cock and stroking as he watched her. Charlie felt a need to insert an awkward, pathetic attempt at humor to cut the tension she was feeling. "I could probably just put clean ones on now," she said with a laugh. "Have you seen enough?" She covered the stretch marks on her stomach with her fingers as she stood in front of him. He knew what she was doing.

"Charlotte, drop your fucking hands, shut up and keep going," he instructed. She shook a little as she unhooked her bra and dropped it onto the pile of clothes. Her fingers went to her panties next and he stopped her. He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her towards him, guiding her by the hips. "Suck me," he said. Charlie took a deep breath and dropped to her knees. She looked at him. He smiled at her. "How long have you been waiting for a taste?" he asked. He pumped his cock in his fist and she moved her mouth towards him. He traced her lips, but didn't allow her to take him in. "I didn't hear you answer me." His fingers tangled in her hair and he pulled a little bit.

Charlie whimpered. "Ten years," she told him.

He nodded. "How many times have you thought about taking a taste?" he asked.

He pulled her hair again as she hesitated. "More times than I can count at this point," she said. "Even with other men, sometimes I'd close my eyes and just... wonder," she said.

Dan smiled and pressed past her lips. "You're such a good girl, Charlotte," he said. "You're not going to close your eyes today, are you?" She shook her head as he slid in her mouth. She looked at him. She brought a hand up and he pushed it away. "No, just your mouth," he told her. Charlie listened. She worked him in and out of her mouth and watched his face. He seemed pleased with her. She used her tongue to circle him as she sucked, working her mouth back and forth. Dan let her get used to him. As much as he had wondered how often she had thought about him, he had done the same. But no fantasy could match the reality of this moment. He tangled his fingers in her hair and pushed her further down. His touch was gentle, but he forced her past the point at which she was comfortable. She gagged and choked on him. Tears formed in the corners of her eyes as she struggled to adapt to him. "Mmmm, fuck, that's it," he said. He thrust his hips as she sucked, holding her head in place, using her mouth. "Touch yourself," he ordered. Charlie shook her head. "Charlotte, touch yourself."

"Uh uh," she mumbled, her mouth full of him. He rolled his eyes and pulled out of her mouth. He grabbed her off the floor, shifting her onto the bed next to him. He pulled her hair again, sliding back into her mouth. His other hand slid down and into her panties. He slapped her ass hard. Charlie jumped as he spanked her.

"You need to be a better listener," he said, still thrusting his hips up. He rubbed her ass, before sliding his hands lower, his fingers finding her clit as she sucked. She didn't know how he knew exactly how to touch her, exactly where and what she liked. She moaned onto his cock as he played with her clit, soaking her panties. She sucked him more furiously as he teased her with his thumb and index finger. After a few minutes he grabbed her hips, shifting her. "Sit on my face," he told her. Charlie felt overwhelmed. Dan pulled her panties down as she straddled him.

"Daniel, I'm not going to be able to..." she said. His tongue moved between her lips and she just moaned, falling forward on her elbows and gasping, whimpering. He continued to lick and taste her, pulling his mouth away for a moment.

"Keep sucking, Charlotte," he told her. She brought her mouth back down to him and tried to focus. His tongue expertly explored her folds, tasting every inch of her. Charlie could barely keep herself together. He felt her breath quicken on him, she was losing it. She rocked her hips against his lips as she worked her mouth up and down his shaft. "I want you to cum," he told her. "Cum with me in your mouth Charlotte," he said. "Come on."

He lightly let his teeth graze her clit, then replaced it with his tongue. Charlie couldn't hold back. She exploded into his mouth, cumming hard against his face, whimpering and moaning on the cock in her mouth. He pulled her off of him. Charlie stifled her giggle as he laid her on her back. He climbed off the bed, and finished undressing himself. Charlie stared at him. He crawled towards her. "I waited ten years for that," he said, smiling at her. "The taste of you did not disappoint."

"We done then?" she asked.

He shook his head as he crawled between her legs, sitting on his knees. "No," he said intently, softly. "We're not done." Charlie swallowed her nerves. "I want to fuck you, Charlotte." She nodded. Words escaped her. He pressed her knees to her chest. Using his thumb he rubbed her clit, and slipped a finger inside of her. She was still so sensitive from the orgasm and she whimpered as his fingers worked her body. He studied her face as he touched her. She felt so good to him, and she clearly wanted more as her hips bucked up to meet his hand. "Still such a little nymph," he joked.

He pulled his hand away. He leaned down to kiss her, pressing his weight on top of her. She wrapped her fingers in his hair, kissing him back deeply, passionately. He throbbed hard between her legs as he brought his lips to her neck, kissing, sucking, biting, every inch of her skin. He worked his mouth lower, bringing his lips to one of her breasts, teasing and sucking a nipple into his mouth as he massaged the other with his hand. She was a little bigger now, but still had the perfect little handfuls. Charlie kept her fingers in his hair, arching her back slightly. He kissed lower, his lips on her stomach, tracing the little muscles with his tongue.

Charlie sighed and tried to pull him up. "It's squishy," she said, suddenly self-conscious. "Don't."

He lifted his head for a second. "You're perfect," he told her. He kissed her again on the lips, deeply. He pulled back, pressing her knees to her chest again. He moved his hand down, tracing her lips with his cock.

"Daniel, please" she said. He smiled.

"Please what, Doll," he replied.

"Please fuck me," she practically begged. Dan said nothing else, he just slowly pushed himself inside of her. They had always joked about his thickness, and while she had felt it earlier in her mouth, she felt it even more now as he pressed inside of her. She gasped as he entered her. He pulled himself back a bit, then thrust forward, bottoming out deeply inside of her. Charlie whimpered as she fucked back against him. "Ugh, fuck," she said, her small fists gripping the bed.

Dan fucked her slowly at first, but each thrust was filled with intention. Slow, but deep, he let her body tense around her around him, then give way as she relaxed. As they settled into a rhythm he fucked her harder, hips slapping together. Charlie arched her back to feel him deeper. She closed her eyes to try to focus on the feeling.