"Gerald, I want to move to a commune."
My wife of fifteen years looked at me with a resolved and determined look. I would almost say it was defiant.
"Did you say, a commune?" I asked knowing exactly what she said.
"Yes, dear. I'm tired of living by a self-centered society's terms. There's a lovely place in California that's been a success for the last fifty years. It's perfect for the new life I need."
I didn't know how to react. Cara was always a free spirit but I never saw this coming. She had some ideas about the world and her life that some might think were radical or out there but this idea was off the reservation even for her.
"I suppose this doesn't include me?" There I went asking another question I knew the answer to already.
She frowned and said, "Gerald, no one is married in this lifestyle. Everyone is free to share. Not only the land, the food, the work, the money--but their bodies are to be shared as well."
It was so farcical I had to laugh, which upset her.
"Gerald, it's not funny."
"No, it's not funny Cara. It's a cult and you've been brainwashed. Forget this nonsense and I'll set up an appointment with a therapist for you."
"I have not been brainwashed!" She shouted. "Don't be a caveman!"
"Caveman? You're the one that wants to go be free and live off of the land."
"It's not like that. People can have outside jobs. Their earnings are just shared with the community."
I shook my head. I wasn't sure if it was in shock or disgust. Fifteen years wasted. I would be alone at forty and because she felt that having children was too much of a drain on the planet's resources, I didn't even have any children to care for.
"Cara, I don't know what to say."
"That's easy, Gerald. Say goodbye."
How could she be so cruel? I lifted my eyes to hers and asked a question that until recently I thought I knew the answer to, "Did you ever love me, or was it all a lie?"
A tear slid down my cheek as I saw my answer in her dull eyes.
"In a way, I suppose I loved you at first. It's just that I've evolved into a different person than the one you married and you haven't evolved with me."
"This isn't evolution, dear wife. This is mental illness." That hit the mark.
"I won't sit here and be told I'm insane. I'm doing this and there's nothing you can do."
"Bullshit! I..."
"It's done. I'll be leaving in two weeks."
"Wonderful!" I shouted. "As if I'm your employer I get two weeks notice?"
I stood and walked out of the kitchen, straight to our garden. I guess it wasn't our garden anymore. It took over most of the backyard and we spent many hours talking about anything and everything out there. It was our respite from the world, our sanctuary, our happy place in a hectic world.
I sat on the stone bench, surrounded by years of loving labor, and realized it too was a waste. My life was truly a waste.
I could tell you I begged her to stay, I could tell you I begged her to take me with, I could even tell you I begged her to stay married to me so she could return to me when she came to her senses--I did none of those things. I simply let her go. If I wasn't wanted, why should I fight?
I realized later that I was shocked into depression. Maybe if I would've been thinking more clearly at the time, I would've fought harder for our marriage?
I spoke to her parents and they loved the idea. I should've figured that conversation would've gone nowhere. They were flower power deep in their blood and Cara was their doted on youngest child who followed in their lifestyle footsteps.
Her brother was a CPA and her sister dared to work for one of the "evil" big banks. They both agreed I should seek help for Cara and would help if I needed although Cara and her parents were estranged from them.
Their materialistic lifestyles were too much for Cara and her parents. When her brother told them he voted for Trump, her mother almost fainted.
I was accepted into their family even though I was apolitical. I viewed all politicians as corrupt scumbags and her parents seemed to like that about me. They were as left as left can go, and that was fine by me. It never affected me. I just nodded when they went on their diatribes.
It's not that I was conservative by definition. I was on the near left side of center. Cara and I agreed on most things, although she had some ideas about universal income and limiting corporate profit growth that would never work in real life as well as it sounded. I always said if she wanted that we should just go to a Star Trek economy and eliminate money altogether.
***
Divorcing a spouse that doesn't want you or your material things is surprisingly easy. All she wanted was her car, half of our liquid savings, and her retirement plan. The house was paid off and I had a much larger 401k and IRA, but she didn't care about any of that.
My business was a small consulting firm that helped mortgage companies and banks manage regulatory and compliance laws and their constant changes. She didn't want any part of that either.
I spoke to a lawyer who said to sign the papers and run before she changed her mind, so I did and that was that. It was all very anti-climactic and on the day she left, she cried.
Foolish me, I thought they were tears for our marriage until I realized she was crying because she would miss the garden. I didn't even get a kiss on the cheek on her way out the door.
We had a group of friends that swooped in to try to care for me. Mike and Jen were the oldest of our friends and were married for twenty-five years. Bill and June were our age, married for ten years. Shelby and Craig were the youngest and married for only three years. They were just shy of thirty.
They all came to the house the night she left, purposely waiting until she was gone. None of the wives wanted to speak with her and the men didn't care either way. I think they mostly hoped their wives didn't lose their minds along with her.
Shelby was the first to try to talk me off of the ledge.
"Gerald, maybe it's for the best. I'm sure it hurts deeply but she couldn't love you and do this to you."
"Yeah, I've accepted the fact that she never loved me as I loved her, I just can't get past the wasted years. So much of my life is gone and I've nothing to show for it. I could've been happy growing old with her and traveling the world. Now I realize I'll die a lonely old man."
"Stop that nonsense!" She shouted, surprising everyone. She was normally very soft-spoken.
"You're not even forty. You can find another love, you have plenty of time."
The group agreed with her and I was showered with platitudes. I didn't want to hear any of it. I wanted to get on with my new single life as it was. Work, garden, sleep and eat. That was going to be my new life.
Mike, the elder statesman of our group, said, "Gerald, you need to snap out of your malaise. You're a successful man that has his entire life ahead of him. Get out there and start over. Don't let this define you."
"Easy to say!" I spat. "You didn't just find out out of nowhere that half of your life has been a lie. I wasted my entire adult life on her. I wanted children damn it! I loved her!"
I broke down in front of my friends. On top of the shame of my wife leaving me, I added to my embarrassment by crying over my loss. I've always been a heart on his sleeve kinda guy, but I felt ridiculous.
I was surrounded by the wives hugging me and trying to soothe me. Craig sneered, "Man up. You're acting like a pussy. So you're wife left you? Good riddance to bad rubbish."
"Shut up, Craig!" Shelby insisted.
