Like usual, we chat on line telling each other what we were going to do when we finally hooked up. What we would do on our big Valentine's Day date. What we would wear. What we would eat. What...
What bullshit. You are words on a computer screen -- nothing more. You aren't really real. I know in my ever so logical mind that I would, once again, be spending this Valentine's Day's night alone.
******
I find myself sitting in my room wanting you. Wanting you to be here after our "big date". Wanting to have you read me that Valentine's card full of clichΓ©s that you had gotten for me. Wanting to read you the Valentine's poem that I'd written just for you. Roses are red...
Wanting you to be here with me. Wanting to feel your arms around me as I suck your bottom lip and nuzzle against your neck. Wanting you to make love to me over and over and over again.
I finally stop my fantasizing long enough to get ready for bed. Even though it was cold and damp out, I put on a sheer negligee and even add a quick spritz of perfume. I laugh at myself, without humor, for doing this. Whom am I trying to fool?
I crawl under my blankets and think of you again. I think what it would be like to have you here beside me. How it would be to feel the warmth of your body next to me and how it would be to have you reach for me and pull me into your arms.
I turn to my side, almost prepared to see you lying there... but all that is there is an empty space; as empty as the feeling I experience having a lover whom I've never seen nor actually spoken to. I close my eyes and make myself go to sleep only to dream of you once again.
******