If Only Ch 05

Sooo sorry for the wait. Life tends to carry you away sometimes, and with it the inspiration to your story! Hoping to overcome this writer's block, your comments would be extremely appreciative. As for questions pertaining to some of the characters, the mystery will be revealed in good time. Thank you!

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Cadogan looked at Kara wondering what she was going to ask. He can only hope that he will be able to answer her questions. Kara looked up at Cadogan, catching him staring. As much as Cadogan wanted to look away, he couldn't do it.

Kara held Cadogan's gaze, wondering which question to ask first. {May as well start at the beginning} "You say you carried me from Fairview; what do you do, or have you done to get in such good physical condition?"

"Uhh...well...for pretty much my entire youth I spent my summers at my grandparent's house. They own a farm and I did everything I could to help out. I realized that while doing so I became conditioned and stronger every summer, so I just decided to keep things going when I came back by hitting the gym every week."

"Hmm...and how do you account for your unusual quick reflexes?" Cadogan barely withheld his shock at her noticing that. {Perhaps that is a question I can ask her}

"Well, I have always had quick reflexes, sort of growing up on a farm, you learn to develop that being around animals a lot, but perhaps what really helped that was my older brother. He had a thing for boxing..still does, and always used me as a sparring partner."

Kara looked at him for a while after that. Was he telling the truth? He had given her no reason to doubt her but...Kara sighed. {I think he has proven himself worthy of at least my trust} "Why do you want to help me?...know about me?"

"That is a question I find difficult to answer myself. I have done things in the past 24 hours that I have never done before in my life; let alone trying to figure out why..." Kara looked down and blushed. She knew the feeling.

"You can ask whatever questions you want." Kara said in a small voice, still looking down. Cadogan reached to her and lifted her chin.

"Are you sure?"

Kara looked into his eyes, searching. Her intuition told her she could trust him, and she had never talked about it with anyone else. She was suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling that it was 'time'. The feeling made her want to cry, but she bit back her tears, not wanting anyone to see, much less him... weakness.

"Yes."

"Okay. I guess...well, I was going to ask as to why you were passed out in the snow, but you said on the phone that it was an anxiety attack—"

"Do you want to know what happened, why I had an anxiety attack?"

"Well..." Cadogan started.

"If you have any other questions, you might want to ask them all now because the answers to all of them could be the same reason."

"Okay..umm...what happened at breakfast, and I uh.. noticed when you were on the phone.. well...um, why do you push everyone away, and...[Cadogan looked down] what is the 'very serious reason'...also, why did you ask the question about my reflexes?"

Kara thought for a moment. "Alright Cadogan, I will start at the beginning. Eight years ago I met someone. His name was Cole. We started dating, and everything was perfect, at first. We never even argued. But suddenly everything changed. He started pushing me away, and wouldn't even give me a reason why. By then I had fallen deeply in love with him, the kind of love that you would die for, do anything to save.

"I just couldn't let it go without a reason. So I started digging, trying to find out what was happening to him that he would forsake our love...we had plans to marry, have kids... The more I found out about him, the less I wanted to know. Then he finally told me. Turns out that it was all true, but the reason he was pushing me away... [Kara's voice started to waver] was to protect me.

"He still loved me, but he knew that there was nothing he could do to protect me if I stayed with him. Do you know what that feels like? To love someone so much and for them to love you the same, and not be able to be with them because of...[Kara closed her eyes and looked down, taking a deep breath]

"That day I left his house, and started walking.. it was so painful...I made a vow that day that I would never let my heart be broken like that again, even if it meant never letting anyone in again. So for the past seven years I have kept that vow, and yesterday I realized I was walking that same path I did years ago when I left, and then that it was the same day seven years later.

"I cried in my sleep because I felt the same feeling of being in love, and before I woke up I drifted away from it, and reality replaced the feeling. It may have been an indication that I cannot continue living this way, pushing everyone away, keeping to myself. Being with you for a day made me realize just how much I have missed out, and how much I have missed it.

"The reason I inquired about your quick reflexes was because I am now always wary of what people have done in their past, and there could be a multitude of reasons why you had such reflexes. Plus, self-defense is very important to me, in my youth there have been a few close calls where something could have happened to me. But every time I was lucky, so for the last seven years I have made sure that luck would have nothing to do with being able to protect myself.

"As for what happened this morning, I noticed how happy you were...and my immediate response was that I had to cut things off; as I have been doing for so long... [Kara looked down] but now I am not so sure. I mean, I won't deny that I have felt the pull between us, and—"

Cadogan was suddenly in front of her, his hand in her hair, forcing her to look into his eyes, those green hazel eyes boring into her soul. He held her gaze, as if to tell her it was okay. He then wrapped his arms around her and just held her. Kara was stunned for a few moments, and then the tears started falling, held back for so long. She clutched him, the feeling almost too much to bear that someone cared enough, someone she barely knew.

Moments passed, and Kara was reluctant to let go, for one, she was embarrassed about crying, and two, it felt so good to be in his arms. When Cadogan suddenly lifted her up and took her to the bedroom, she was a little nervous, but when she looked up at him his glance told her it would be ok.

Cadogan laid Kara down on the bed and much to her surprise, climbed in with her, to cuddle. Kara turned toward him and rested her head on his shoulder, noticing that Boris was curled up on the floor. She looked up into his eyes and he kissed her forehead, holding her close. As she fell asleep, all she could think about was that she had not felt so.. safe, warm...in a long time.

*****

The next morning, she woke up before him, and stared at him sleeping while she contemplated what she was going to do, if she even knew how. After minutes, the only thing that came to mind was to take it one step at a time. However she really wasn't looking forward to Claire's bombardment of questions that was sure to come next time she saw her.

Kara thought Cadogan had slept long enough, and leaned in close to him, letting her lashes flutter against his cheek. He moaned and opened his eyes, smiling. "Nothing better than starting off a morning with butterfly kisses." Kara couldn't help but smile back. {Wait a minute...it's morning?} Cadogan noticed the slight frown forming on her face.

"What's wrong?"

"It's morning."

"And?"

"We slept all day and night yesterday." Now Cadogan frowned, trying to recall yesterday's events. Then it hit him that the last meal they had yesterday was breakfast.

"We did, didn't we? That would make today Sunday."

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Please comment and vote! I would really like your input! --Dragon_13