If Only Ch 04

Sorry it took so long! Life carried me away. But I will try to post more often. Please comment and leave feedback, the last e-mail I received is what prompted me to finish the chapter!

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"What?" Cadogan asked.

"Scrambled eggs with cheese?" Kara inquired, an eyebrow raised.

"Oh." Cadogan lowered his glaze, and glanced away, starting to scratch his head. "I uh...thought you might like—"

"I do." Cadogan looked back up at her, and she had broken into a full smile. "As a matter of fact, it is the only way I like to eat my eggs." Kara then gave him a look as if to say 'Do you have mental powers?' Cadogan smiled back at her. {I knew it!}

Cadogan glanced back down to his breakfast, eating merrily with a smile on his face. {Perhaps...} Cadogan's thoughts drifted, thinking about possibilities...with Kara. Kara looked at him eating with a smile on his face. Suddenly that wave of heat flashed through her again. {He is too happy...oh Shit...I have to stop this before it begins.}

Kara finished her breakfast quickly, and finally spoke up. "About this morning...I don't know what came over me." Cadogan stopped eating, and looked up at her. She was looking past him, her face impassive.

"Wha—" Kara closed her eyes and held up her hand, tilting her head down, her other hand going to her forehead.

"Cadogan, thank you for saving my life, I am in your debt...but please know that this must stop before it begins."

"Kara—" Kara's hand hit the table firmly, enough to keep Cadogan from continuing. She glanced up at him, her look one of determination and pain.

"You do not—" Boris interrupted her, yelping loudly. Kara glanced down at Boris, relief rushing through her. {I almost said too much} "I think it is time I leave now." Kara got up and started for the front foor. Cadogan's heart was beating fast and his mind was reeling. {What happened? What did I do, what did I say?...there must be something I can do....} Cadogan thought hard and tried to think of anything that could save it, at the same time, he questioned himself as to what he was trying to save. {Boris!}

Kara was almost to the front door when Cadogan run up to her. "Wait." Kara gave an exasperated sigh and turned around, preparing herself for an argument. "What about Boris?...You said you would take him, and he needs a home to stay in, at least it is what he deserves." Kara was dumbstruck for a moment at his selflessness.

"I said I would take him, I will keep my word." Kara turned to go.

"Hey! What...you...you're not going to just leave and..and never let me see him again are you?" Cadogan bit his bottom lip and glanced down, hoping that what he just said didn't make things worse.

Kara stiffened. {So THAT is what this was really about! He would rather see the dog than see me!} A flush of anger overcame Kara, but as soon as it came, Kara realized what was happening. Kara frowned and tilted her head down, her mouth agape with a look of disbelief. {Where the hell did that come from?} Kara sighed, letting go of the tension. "I suppose it would only be fair for you to be able to see him [Kara turned to face him] provided that that is the only reason."

Cadogan glanced back at her, releasing his lip. Seeing that she was in fact serious, he immediately started blubbering. "Yes!..Yes...of course." {What other reason could I possibly have when visiting such a beautiful woman?} Cadogan thought sarcastically.

Angelus watched from the doorway. {Clearly she is going to need more help than I had first anticipated.} Angelus closed his eyes and sought out with his mind. Suddenly the weather outside changed for the worse, and the light sprinkling of snow outside changed to a light blizzard.

Meanwhile, Kara had bent down to pick up her purse and was about to turn to leave when she remembered she was wearing his clothes. She glanced down and let out an audible "Oh." She was about to speak when Cadogan interrupted her.

"You can keep the clothes, they look better on you anyway." Kara just barely managed a small smile. She turned and put her hand on the knob, then remembered. {Boris} Kara turned back and noticed Boris was in the doorway, and saw that his eyes were closed, his neck stuck out, almost as if he were searching for something.

"Boris." Kara called to him. When he didn't so much as acknowledge her, Kara whistled, patting her thigh. "Boris!" He perked up and opened his eyes, then came bounding towards her. Kara gave him a funny look, but shrugged it off and scratched his ears. She looked at Cadogan and gave him a small smile as he bent down to play with Boris a little before she left. Kara opened the front door and was surprised as it swung open with a massive amount of force, swirling wind and snow into the foyer.

Cadogan's reflexes had him at the door in an instant, before it swung back and caused any of them potential harm. Kara looked at him dumbfounded, but then forgot about it as she wondered where this blizzard had come from. Kara was starting to get overwhelmed; she needed to go home to think. Cadogan saw the look on her face, and sighed.

"Why don't I pull up the car and drive you home."

"Are you sure?.. I mean, it looks pretty rough out there, I wouldn't want you to get hurt for my sake." Kara said in a small voice.

"It's ok, I have dealt with worse. Besides, the blizzard just started so the roads are still navigable." Cadogan moved to open the door again and heard a loud thump. "What?..." Cadogan opened the door and was faced with a huge wall of snow, all the way up to his chest, effectively blocking the way out. "Wow." Cadogan tried to push against the top, but the ice was packed so hard from the fall he almost had to use all of his strength just to move a piece off the top of the pile. "That is going to take a long time to move away." The wind started to blow again, forcing Cadogan to close the door to prevent snow from coming inside.

Kara stood there shocked. {You have got to be kidding me.} Cadogan turned to look at her and saw the look on her face.

"Its ok, we can just go out the back door." Kara snapped back to reality and looked at Cadogan.

"No, I think it is pretty obvious that someone doesn't want me to go anywhere. Besides, it is starting to get dangerous out there. No point in risking our lives, I do not have to be anywhere for a couple days anyway." Cadogan blinked at her. {I was just wondering if there was an ulterior motive to a massive amount of snow landing on my front doorstep, glad I didn't have to question that and have her thinking I was some weird superstitious guy.} Cadogan looked down, and realized she only had her purse.

"Well, it gives us time to wash your clothes, you almost forgot them." Kara looked down and realized he was right.

"Yeah, that is a good idea. I should probably—" Kara's phone started to ring. Kara confusingly glanced down at her purse and knelt down to retrieve her phone. "Hello?"

"Kara!!! Where are you? Are you ok? Where have you been? I was so worried—"

"Whoa, whoa! Who is this?!"

"What do you mean who is this?! It's Claire! Or have you forgotten your only friend?! Kara wanted to contradict her assessment of being her only friend, but she realized that sadly, it was true. Kara looked up at Cadogan. The way he was looking at her, she could almost hear the wheels turning in his head; wanting to figure out and ask questions.

"Why are you freaking out Claire?"

"Why am I freaking out?! Because we were supposed to go out Friday night and you disappear without a trace! I have called all the hospitals, called the police, been hysterical for the last day—wait, what happened, where are you?" Kara sighed.

"I had an anxiety attack Friday afternoon and passed out in the snow. I woke up to a guy who was taking care of me making sure I was ok, and he cooked me dinner. I was so tired after, I passed out on his couch, woke up this morning was about to leave when the blizzard started, so now I am going to stay here until things calm down. Does this answer all your questions?" Cadogan stared at Kara. She had summed up a life-changing event for him in a matter of sentences. Yet she hadn't mentioned anything concerning what happened between them, not even Boris. {Perhaps she pushes everyone away.}

"THANK GOD! My prayers have been answered! Finally—"

"Wait, what do you mean 'your prayers have been answered'?"

"You finally found a guy! Oh I am so happy! What's his name? What does he look like?"

"Whoa Claire. Stop jumping the gun here." Kara started to walk away, toward the laundry area. "I just met this guy. What on earth makes you think I have finally found someone? You have no idea what you are talking about. In all the years you have known me have you ever even seen me talk to a guy unless it was work related?"

"Well I thought—"

"There is a reason for it Claire. There is a very serious reason why I do not pursue men nor have for years."

"Kara please just—"

"I will let you know when I am able to leave Claire. Until then, just...let it go."

"Fine. Excuse me for being worried about you Kara. Honestly, no matter what happened or how terrible it was there comes a point in time when you have to move on."

"Goodbye Claire." Kara hung up the phone and stared at it. She put it in her pocket, and when the phone fell further than normal she remembered she was wearing Cadogan's clothes, and that she had walked away from him..and that he probably heard the whole thing. But, instead of turning around she just walked over to the laundry area and picked up her clothes.

Cadogan was looking at the doorway he had seen Kara go through. Everything she had said over the phone was reeling in his mind, he wanted to help her, he wanted to do so many things with her...but how can you fight what you can't see or understand?

He had only known her for a day, and she had impacted his life this much already. It excited him, and scared him a little. But then again, right now would be the time to start thinking about settling down. He was older than what he had imagined he would be married by, but things never worked out, there was always something missing in all the women he had met.

And now, he finds what was missing in a woman he has known for hours, and it will be exceedingly difficult for him to get over that wall. {'a very serious reason...' what does that mean? But then again, the things that mean the most in life are never easy. Well, all I can do is try.} Cadogan walked through the doorway, looking for Kara. He found her in front of the laundry holding her clothes.

Kara heard him come into the room, but she didn't want to talk about anything right now, all she really wanted to do was go somewhere to think. But...that wasn't going to happen for hours. Kara sighed. "Do you have any clothes you need washed? I would hate to waste a load just for a couple of my things."

Cadogan had opened his mouth to speak, but Kara beat him to it. {She obviously does not want to talk about it} "Yeah, I suppose I can get a few things, be right back." Cadogan went to his room in search of clothes.

{Thank God he got the picture. But, inevitably we will have to talk about it. Damn.} Kara mulled over how in the world she was going to even explain anything without looking like a fool. She can't deny that there is chemistry between them, but to finally take that step...terrified her.

"Here you go." Kara jumped a little. She hadn't even heard him come back into the room. {Plus, there is that to talk about...his reflexes and physical demeanor are unusually fast} "Thanks." Kara loaded the clothes into the laundry, semi-surprised that he picked out the darks to wash with hers. She turned on the cycle, and turned to face Cadogan.

"I suppose you are going to keep trying to get an answer out of me, aren't you?" Cadogan shifted his eyes to hers, looking caught. "Well, we might as well get it over with, but you have to answer some of my questions first."

"Okay, sounds fair." They both went into the living room and sat down on the couch.

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