Ice Hocey 101

"What do you mean, he just walked out of there?" Mary asked a few days later when Rebecca had gathered enough courage to tell her friend what had happened between her and Josh.

Rebecca shrugged even though she knew her friend couldn't see her. She settled back on her couch with a sigh, reliving that last night with Josh over and over again. "I don't know," she said out loud to Mary. "He said he had to go and he left."

There was silence for a minute over the line and Rebecca wondered if Mary had hung up on her. "Mary?"

"I just can't believe he'd walk away without any kind of explanation," Mary replied at last.

Again, Rebecca shrugged. "Maybe he was tired," she said. "He came over right after a game and they had an early morning practice."

"So why come over at all?" Mary asked and Rebecca wasn't sure if that was merely a rhetorical question. "What else happened when he was over?"

Rebecca flushed right up to the roots of her hair. It didn't matter that she was alone in her apartment talking on the phone. She blushed every time she thought about what had happened between her and Josh that night.

"Rebecca?" Mary's incredulous voice came over the phone and Rebecca knew her friend was guessing on her own what had happened. "Oh my God."

"It wasn't that bad," Rebecca protested immediately. "We didn't sleep together."

"But you were going to?" Mary's voice reached a new pitch as she spoke.

"Mary, calm down," Rebecca replied as she rubbed her forehead. "We didn't because he ran out of here like... like I'd shot him or something."

"This is unbelievable," Mary murmured. "I can't believe he'd walk away from you like that."

"I can believe it," Rebecca muttered to herself. She'd acted like an idiot and Josh had realized in that moment that he didn't want her that way.

"OK. Tell me everything," Mary said, obviously having missed Rebecca's self-conscious remark. "Start at the beginning and don't leave anything out."

With a sigh, Rebecca did. She repeated their phone conversation, even the bit about the bathtub and then she haltingly went over the events after Josh's arrival in her apartment. Finally, she finished and waited to hear Mary's reply.

"Well," Mary spoke slowly when she finally did speak. "He's an idiot."

"No, he isn't," Rebecca replied with a laugh.

"He walked out of your apartment while you were half dressed?" Mary said. "He's an idiot. Only an idiot would walk away from someone like you."

Rebecca smiled as tears stung her eyes. She loved her friend and missed her hometown very much. "Thanks, Mary."

"I'll get Max to talk to him and straighten him out," Mary went on.

"No!" Rebecca cried, sitting up straight on the couch. "No, Mary, please. Don't tell Max. He'll call Josh for sure and say something and that's just too embarrassing to even think about!"

Mary fell silent at her words for a long moment and Rebecca was the first to speak again.

"Please, Mary," she whispered. "I don't want to think about this anymore."

Her friend reluctantly agreed to keep the whole tale to herself, even though Rebecca suspected she'd still tell Max. He was her boyfriend after all, and they were very close. They weren't living together yet but they told each other everything.

After another few minutes of half-hearted casual chatter, Rebecca hung up the phone and stared blankly at her television. It was late and she knew there was a Penguins game on somewhere. She couldn't bring herself to watch it. So she found a different game, willing to admit to herself at least that she was hooked on hockey now. She was slowly picking up all the rules and penalties and was fascinated by the movements on the ice. For such large men, they moved with a swiftness and agility that was simply breathtaking at times.

I don't need Josh to teach me about it anymore,

she told herself as she lay down on her couch to watch a game between two teams that didn't include a certain tall, broad shouldered, fair-headed man.

***

"Josh!" Someone hollered his name and he veered sharply to skate off the ice. Several of the guys shuffled out of the way on the bench as play on the ice continued while he stepped behind the boards.

Popping his mouth piece out, he reached for a water bottle and drank greedily. It wasn't just that he was playing hard but he was simply exhausted. After walking out of Rebecca's apartment the other night, he was tortured with images of her and thoughts of what might have happened between them.

It couldn't happen though, not after what she'd said.

Shaking his head, Josh took another long swig of water before setting the bottle back down.

"Josh!" Coach yelled at him from behind.

Cringing, Josh twisted his torso slightly to look into the bespectacled eyes of the team's coach.

"Where's your head?" he demanded. "You've been skating like a bloody junior all night."

"Sorry, Coach," Josh mumbled. "I'll do better." He didn't offer up any excuses, since any real reason for his actions on ice were nothing he wanted to discuss on the bench at that moment.

"See that you do," Coach replied and moved on, leaning close to another player to speak to him.

Josh turned his attention back to the ice where Sean was facing off against the opposing center at the dot just inside the neutral zone. He pushed all thoughts of Rebecca out of his head and tried to focus on the game. Another minute passed and he was jumping over the boards as his teammates skated off.

The rest of the game passed by in a blur. Josh was more than exhausted by the time they left the ice following a shootout. They'd won but everyone knew they could have had the game long before overtime. Josh wasn't the only one who'd been off that night but his actions certainly hadn't helped.

"What was going on out there?" Bill asked as they were changing in the locker room.

Josh glanced up to see the older man was talking to him. Sighing, he shrugged and reached for his shirt. But Bill wasn't going to just let it go.

"You weren't playing the game, man," Bill commented. "Your head was somewhere else almost the whole time."

Josh frowned and faced his teammate. "I'm tired, that's all."

"You're more than tired, Josh," Sean remarked from his other side. "You haven't been playing well since our last home game."

Josh opened his mouth to reply but Bill hooted with laughter and spoke before he had the chance.

"You saw her again, didn't you?" Bill asked and laughed again.

Scowling, Josh stood up and yanked his jacket on. He had no desire to discuss this with the guys in the locker room. "I think we all need to hurry up or Coach will have our heads for being late on the bus." With that, he stalked from the room, Bill's knowing laughter following him all the way.

On the bus, most of the guys were quiet, tuckered out from the game. Josh sat in his usual spot and didn't speak to anyone. Then a shadow fell across his seat and he looked up to see Sean standing there.

"Mind if I sit down?" he asked.

Surprised, Josh nodded before he could think of an excuse why not. Sean always sat around the middle of the bus, on the other side. He was well known for his habits and superstitions and Josh wondered if he'd been hit in the head as he made himself comfortable next to him.

"I think you're freaking out over something relatively minor," Sean said, jumping right into it as though they were already halfway through a conversation.

Josh blinked at him a few times, wondering what the hell he was talking about. Then he recalled Bill's words, his lousy game and the beautiful woman he'd just walked out on a few nights ago. Blushing, he looked away from Sean, grateful for the dim interior of the bus.

In the next minute, the large vehicle started moving and soon they were motoring through town on the way to the airport. They had another two road games and then they were back home for two and a half weeks.

"You're distracted and playing poorly because some girl has worked her way under your skin," Sean went on, continuing with his comments from a minute ago.

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about," Josh replied, still refusing to look at his team captain.

"I don't?" Sean replied with a light laugh. "Let's see... when Amelia and I first met, I could barely tie my skates. When we first... hooked up, I couldn't even remember which side I played from."

Josh glanced at Sean, seeing a contented look on the other man's face. They were basically the same age but Sean had matured in ways that Josh couldn't even fathom since meeting his wife, Amelia. As he thought about it, he recalled the stretches of games where Sean's playing had indeed been erratic and unfocused. He'd never really put two and two together but he supposed it did line up with the time Sean was first getting to know Amelia.

"How did you deal with it?" Josh asked, wondering what mind tricks Sean had used to get his focus back on the game.

Sean leveled a hard look at the other man and Josh was the first to look away. "I was lucky enough to have Amelia fall in love with me," he said, his stark honesty making Josh feel uncomfortable.

Josh didn't have a problem with the guys talking about their women while they were all together. He understood that it happened; boy meets girl, they sleep together, sometimes it morphs into marriage, sometimes not. What he didn't understand was this deep-rooted emotion that seemed to filter through the men. This... love that was suddenly all consuming. Half the time he figured it was total bullshit. Then someone like Sean, the most level-headed and focused guy on the team has to confess something like this to him.

"What if that just isn't in the cards?" Josh replied, keeping his face neutral and his voice firm.

Sean smiled. "If you're unwilling to admit how much a woman can affect you, then there's not much I can tell you."

Well, at least he was being honest.

Josh just figured he'd have to find someone who didn't love his wife who could tell him how to erase the woman from his mind. If he couldn't have her, he could at least get his focus and drive to win back.

And didn't that thought just set him back on his heels.

He stared at Sean who stared back at him in silence. Then Sean's eyes narrowed as though he realized what was going through Josh's head.

"Why haven't you called her this week?" Sean asked in a quiet voice.

"I didn't think she'd want to talk to me," Josh replied just as quietly.

"Why? What did you do?"

Josh scowled at his friend. "What makes you think it was something I did?"

Sean chuckled as he adjusted his position in the narrow bus seat. "Because it's usually the guy's fault."

Sighing, Josh rested his head back against his seat and closed his eyes. Slowly, he confessed to Sean that he'd run out of Rebecca's apartment last Sunday after getting her half-undressed. He repeated the words Rebecca had spoken while Sean listened patiently and when he was done Sean had only one question.

"Why does that matter?" he asked.

"Why does what matter?" Josh replied, though he knew exactly what Sean was talking about.

To his credit, Sean didn't push him. They sat silently together for a short time until the bus arrived at the airport. Then they joined the line filing off the bus and heading for their plane.

Even though he hadn't pressed him, Josh knew the answer to Sean's question. He had fled Rebecca's apartment after her confession of her lack of experience. It wasn't because he didn't want her. These last few days all he'd had to do was think of her and he'd be more than slightly aroused. No, he was definitely more than attracted to her.

The problem was that he didn't want to admit that she scared the hell out of him.

When he'd thought she was just an average girl, someone who'd had her share of boyfriends and lovers, he'd felt safer with her. Then she'd dropped that bomb and suddenly she was this gorgeous, fun woman who was sharing something of herself with him that she hadn't before. She hadn't come right out and said it but then Josh hadn't stuck around long enough to talk to her about it.

And that made him feel like a complete asshole.

What kind of guy runs out on a beautiful woman who had already let him half undress her?

A fool,

he answered his own question and scowled out the plane window. The more he thought about it, the more he realized what a complete idiot he had been. He'd be lucky if Rebecca took his call ever again.

***

Rebecca fell easily back into her normal routine of school, work, home and occasionally the coffee shop with the internet connection. She chatted once or twice with Mary and the rest of the time she just tried to forget about how embarrassed she'd been. No matter how she tried to ignore the stats, she couldn't help but follow the hockey games.

She mainly kept her attention on the Penguins and the Calgary Flames, so she could at least feel closer to Mary and Max. It made her smile when she'd see Max skating around or starting a fight and she'd wonder what Mary thought about it. She followed the Penguins because... well, because she wanted to watch Josh.

He was such a strong, quiet presence on the ice. Half the time she didn't notice the number 11 on the ice until about halfway through his shift. Or he'd score, often while the team was short-handed, and she'd scream before she could stop herself. No matter what happened though, she wanted to watch hockey. On nights when neither of her teams played, she'd just turn on whatever game was playing and listen with half an ear as she did school work or read a book. Other times, she'd watch whatever teams were playing and flip a coin to decide who to cheer for.

Something about it was missing, though. She loved to watch the games and see the men slamming each other into boards, even though it made her cringe every time. Especially when the one getting slammed was Josh. She missed having someone there to answer her questions when she thought of them. Ever since that last night with Josh, whenever she thought of something she didn't understand, she'd write it down and look it up on-line the next time she went to the coffee shop. It just wasn't the same.

After more than two weeks of not having Josh around or calling her on the phone, she accepted the fact that he didn't want to see her again. It hurt but she'd been through worse before. She could handle it. She told herself that they had only known each other a few days so it wasn't a big deal. Sometimes it worked. The other ninety-nine percent of the time, she lay awake at night staring at the ceiling while her body recalled how it felt with his hands on her.

Rebecca found herself sitting in the little pub around the corner from the coffee shop one evening after a grueling mid-term, sipping a Guinness. She preferred the dark flavor to the lighter beers and even though she didn't generally drink beer, she felt like she needed it. The big screen TV's all around the bar were lit up with white ice and dark moving figures. The Penguins weren't playing so there was no specific game on the screens. One showed a Rangers-Senators game and another screen, closest to Rebecca's seat was showing a game between Carolina and Washington.

"Can I get you another one?" the bartender asked as he stopped in front of her.

Smiling, Rebecca glanced down at her glass and saw that it was nearly empty. She downed the last of it and then asked for another. The bartender grinned as he grabbed a fresh glass to pour into. With a sigh, Rebecca turned her attention back to the nearest television and rested her cheek in one upturned hand.

On screen, some flashy Washington player swung around in a wide arc in front of his opponent's net and backhanded the puck smoothly. It sailed over the goalie's shoulder and the buzzer went off. The player, with a huge number 8 on his back, sailed across the ice with one foot in the air and his arms over his head. His teammates knocked into him as they celebrated his goal.

"...And this is his second goal of the night," the announcer said, though Rebecca could barely hear over the conversation around the bar. "Oborotenski is on fire tonight. Two goals and it's only one minute into the second period."

"Yes, he's got something extra motivating him tonight, Joe," the other announcer agreed as the players skated towards their bench.

Rebecca recalled the name from her nights with Josh and smiled as she remembered that Josh didn't particularly like to play against him. As she watched more of the game, she could see why. Number 8 was a huge presence on the ice and he definitely knew how to handle the puck.

"Here you go," the bartender said as he set a fresh Guinness in front of her.

"Thanks," she replied and kept her eyes on the television screen as the game carried on.

She laughed and clapped her hands as Oborotenski scored yet again. Then she watched in confusion as hats began to sail through the air to land on the ice. The players celebrated the goal and skated to the bench as more and more hats rained down. She frowned at the screen and lightly gripped her beer as she watched.

"What the hell are they doing?" she muttered to herself.

"It's called a hat trick," a familiar voice responded to her question and she whipped around in her seat to see Josh standing next to her, one big hand on the bar.

Her heart thumped alarmingly against her ribs and she lifted a hand to her chest in an effort to still it. Josh's blue eyes sparkled in the dim light of the pub and he offered her a lopsided smile. Her heart leapt again and she swallowed as a blush crept up her cheeks. She struggled for something to say and recalled his words.

"A... hat trick?" she repeated and frowned.

His smile widened and he moved to sit on the stool next to her. "Yeah. When a player scores three times in one game it's called a hat trick."

Rebecca tore her eyes away from his face and looked back up at the television where the officials and arena attendants were clearing the hats from the ice. "So the fans throw hats on the ice because they're happy?"

Josh chuckled and nodded. "Yup."

"Weird," she murmured and sipped her beer while avoiding looking at him. She could feel every inch of him sitting next to her though, without looking over. She could feel the heat from his body rolling towards her and she desperately wanted to lean on him.

"Can I get you a drink?" the bartender asked Josh.

"Yeah, I'll have a Bud, please," Josh replied and thanked him when he set the brown bottle in front of him. "So... how are you?" he asked Rebecca after a long silence.

Action had resumed on screen but Rebecca was only pretending to watch it. She heard Josh ask her the question and thought about all the possible responses. She didn't want to sound like a needy female and lay into him about practically ditching her two weeks ago. But she didn't want to lie and say that she was OK with the way he'd run off that night.

"I need to tell you how sorry I am," Josh spoke again when she took too long to respond. "I shouldn't have just... taken off like that."

Rebecca turned and looked into his face. He looked sorry and his eyes flicked over her face before he looked away. He raised his bottle to his lips and sipped before saying something else.

"I don't know, I mean, you don't have to talk to me," he said and picked at the label on the beer bottle. His tone was nervous, apprehensive and Rebecca felt the corners of her mouth turning up.

He's so cute!

she thought.

"I understand if you're mad at me," he went on and glanced at her. He caught sight of her smile and he smiled in return. "I mean, I hope you're not but I get it if you don't ever want to see me again."

Rebecca sighed and leaned her head in her hand again as she studied him. His eyes shifted back and forth between hers and the smile on his face drooped a little around the edges.