I would like to say that that was the only time I felt such deep sadness in my relationship with Richard. I would like to say things changed for the better, and he treated me right, and we got married. I would like to say that this relationship didn't change me and how I viewed myself. Unfortunately, I can't. Richard had a way of pushing me away and yanking me back in; making promises that were too big and then having the perfect excuses for when they fell through. He was someone who would make you doubt your reality. Question your sanity and your gut. He was a chameleon who adjusted to be whoever you needed him to be while he ate away at your confidence.
Also, he was a raging misogynist. In our time, together, Richard voiced several "hard-hitting facts" about the female plight. On several dates, he would lament over
how he had been overlooked by women. He would say this was because he was "such a good guy, and females only wanted the bad boys and thugs who would use them up and leave them as spoiled goods." At first, I didn't think much of the statement because I had chosen him. I had swooped up this "good guy". One day, I had had enough of the pity party and asked him, "I chose you, so what does that make me? Am I a woman who only wants the bad guys? Is that how you saw me?"
He paused, "No, baby. You're one of the good ones!" Although I expected that answer, for some reason, being "one of the good ones" didn't sit well with me.
Another omen of doom was Richard's constant complaining about my commitment to my business.
"Why do you need to go to the shop today? Don't you have people who work for you? When will you make time for me?" he would ask again and again. I was confused, as, seven months into our relationship, I had decreased my time in the shop from six days a week to three days, and, sometimes, only one. And, on those three days, he was in the office. Also, he spent almost every day at my house. At first, I found it endearing that he wanted to spend so much time with me. He would come to my house with wine, chocolates, and flowers. He continued to not buy me my favorites even though I would tell him, often. I would cook dinner on my days off and he would buy dinner on my shop days. Then, he would sleep over and leave early to go home to get ready for work. Richard was sleeping over so often, that I suggested he bring a couple of changes of clothes and some toiletries so he wouldn't have to get up so early. He immediately agreed to the idea. Before I knew it, he had space in my closet and bathroom.
I didn't mind this routine with Richard. But, everything was good, until it wasn't. He began to skip work and take days off. When I would ask him why, he would say, "I have PTO I need to use up." The dates decreased, first in quality, then in quantity, until 'date night' would be sitting in my living room with takeout and a Netflix movie. He stopped going to the gym and maintaining himself. There was an entire week that I don't remember him leaving my couch. The only bill he contributed to was the grocery bill, but even then, the $100 he would Apple Pay me would only cover groceries for him for a week. He wouldn't clean and would only take the trash out when I wasn't home. Quickly, I grew tired of his constant presence in my house. So, as we lay after a round of lack-luster lovemaking on the living room floor, I asked him the question that had been weighing on my mind:
"Why don't you ever invite me to your place? We've been dating for eight months and I only know what your driveway looks like."
"Well, then you can't say you've never been to my place," he replied.
"You know what I mean. I've never been in your house," I said.
He smacked his lips but had no further response.
"Well? Why haven't I been in your house? Do you have a secret family or something?" I asked.
He glared at me before responding. "If you must know, I live with my boy and his girlfriend and one other female," he said with a shrug. I must have made a face because he immediately became defensive.
"See females these days only want men for their money. Why is it a problem if I have roommates, at least I make enough money to not have to live with my mom!" he exclaimed.
"I never said I had an issue with you living with roommates, it just surprised me a little." I didn't expect a man in his age group and tax bracket would have roommates.
"You've never mentioned them," I said, trying to calm him down. "I would love to go there and meet them sometime. I think it would be nice to get to know that side of you. I haven't even seen your parents since we started dating."
He scoffed at me, "My roommates are always home, and I don't want to bring you there and have them questioning me."
"Why would they question you? They do know you have a girlfriend, right?" I inquired.
"They know enough," he said before getting up. "I think I'm gonna head to bed. You coming?"
"Not yet," I said. He shook his head and walked away muttering, "Females these days..."
The 'females' was starting to feel like 'bitches'.
A couple of days later, Richard was in his usual spot on my couch. He was there so often, there was a permanent divet in the cushion. I was cleaning the kitchen, intending on cleaning up the apartment in preparation to put up the last of my house decor, when he uttered the most idiotic shit he ever had in our relationship:
"When will you let me put a baby in you?" he asked with a mouth full of scrambled eggs.
"What?" I said, laughing at his question. I put the towel I was using away and came to stand in the kitchen archway.
"I'm serious. When are you gonna let me put a baby in you? You're birthday's coming up soon, you're only gonna get older. Don't you want to start getting to it? We would have such cute kids too. I think it's a good idea," he replied nonchalantly.
I stared at him. My smile slipped as I realized he was serious. "You know I'm not ready for kids, yet. And we've talked about this, I want marriage and a house before babies."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you've been saying, but I can tell you wouldn't mind having one now. Females your age are prime for reproduction, it's human nature."
