There was something about Richard that I couldn't put my finger on. Getting information out of him was like trying to get water out of a rock. Yes, I had wanted to take my time and feel him out, but it was too difficult. He was tight-lipped and would turn the conversation back to me so much that I felt I was becoming conceited. We only talked about about myself.
From what I could gather, Richard was charismatic and seemed to have his shit together: two things that I wanted from my future husband. However, he would have moments of possessiveness and jealousy that he would explain away as his 'deep adoration and affection for me.' I hate to admit it, but I had never had a man display his emotions for me so openly, so I found it flattering.
However, that was the tip of the iceberg. He showed an immediate disdain for Lilith and Caleb. I began to notice his "problem" with them in November; a month after we started dating. It was the twin's birthday month, and they had invited me on their Norway birthday trip. However, I was too busy with the holiday season. Instead, we had a dinner before they left.
I told Richard about the dinner while we hung out at my place. Immediately, his face fell.
"You're going to dinner with Caleb?" he asked.
"No, I'm going to dinner with Caleb
and Lilith
for
their
birthday," I responded.
He did not look happy. "Why do you have to spend so much time with them? They're adults with lives just as much as you are," he angrily stated.
"Lilith is my best friend and Caleb is her brother. I haven't been able to see her often because of our schedules, and I don't hang out with Caleb unless Lilith is there. I don't see what the problem is," I said.
Richard glared at me, "The problem is, they are
weird
. What guy becomes friends with his sister's best friend? Don't you think it's odd Caleb is going to be there? Why can't y'all do a girls' night for her birthday?"
"It's not weird for Caleb and me to be cordial," I countered, "I've spent so much time over there, he's become part of the group and those two are very close. They've always been. I really don't see why you have such an issue with me going to dinner with them. It's not like I agreed to go with them to Norway."
"Oh, so they invited you to fucking Norway? When were you going to tell me?" he suddenly yelled.
I was taken aback. Richard had never raised his voice or cursed at me. "Don't you fucking cuss at me, Richard! If I wanted to go to fucking Norway with my best friend and her brother, I would go to fucking Norway. However, I can't because I'm so busy with the holidays. So, no, I didn't think it was important to tell you," I retorted.
Richard gave me a pensive look before he seemed to calm himself down.
"You're right, I am overreacting. I'm sorry for cursing at you baby. Forgive me?" he pleaded and pulled me into an embrace with a kiss on my forehead. His mood had done a 180. The sudden flip took me for a turn.
"Uh uh. Nope. You don't get to yell at me and then try to get all cutesy," I said as I tried to shrug him off.
"Come on, baby. I'm sorry. Okay? I promise I won't lose my temper again. I just want my girl to myself. You know?" He said as he nibbled on my ear. I stupidly giggled and, unfortunately, gave in. The reality was I should have ended things there. I should have told him to go fuck himself and went to Norway and had a great time with the closest people in my life. But, I didn't.
I wanted to try something different from Richard and wait until we were an official couple to have sex. I felt waiting would make him respect me and make him see me as more than a sexual object to be used and thrown away, as previous guys would "lose interest" as soon as they came. So, trying to practice healthy communication and speaking my mind, I told him just that. He said, "You're already mine, but if the title is what you want, you'll get it."
It took 90 days for Richard to ask me to be his girlfriend. Despite the attention and affection he showed me, I felt that those 90 days were a trial run, a test to see how much I was willing to be without before he deemed me "worthy."
Richard asked me to be his girlfriend by bringing me to the restaurant where we had our first date. I glanced over at him, wary, and he had an excited look. That night started a million times better than our first. I wore a brown turtle neck minidress with my favorite knee-high black boots, staple jewelry, and my go-to black trench coat. I wore my hair naturally, in the afro style he liked, and wore minimal makeup. He looked handsome, as usual: black sweater with slim jeans, gold chain, black Air Force One's, and a fresh haircut.
We sat at the same table and ordered the same thing we did on the first date.
"Deja vu, huh," I joked.
He looked at me with a serious look, "Hopefully not the rest of the night."
"Yeah, hope not," I replied.
We ate in semi-comfortable silence, occasionally commenting on the food, updating on our day, random small talk. I began to relax as the night went on. Near the end of our meal, he called the waitress over and whispered something into her ear. I scrolled through my notifications, trying not to read his lips too hard. The waitress smiled, nodded her head, and walked away. I looked up to find Richard looking at me with a hopeful smile.
"Everything alright?" I asked.
"Everything is perfect," he quickly said.
The next thing I know, the waitress is placing a plate of tiramisu in front of me with the question, 'Will you be my girlfriend?' piped on the plate in chocolate frosting. I can't say I was shocked, but I was uncomfortable. I hated public gestures like this. I glanced at Richard. He wore a huge grin and reached his hand out to hold mine. I looked at our joined hands, then back to him.
"So, will you?" he implored.
My spirit-man immediately yelled 'NO'. The word reverberated around my skull. It was so loud I thought Richard could hear it. I was nervous and tense. His hand tightened on mine as I continued to look at him. Finally, I said, "Of course, baby," and leaned over the table to kiss him. I knew I was making a mistake.
He drove us back to my place. Since he had asked me to be his girlfriend, I thought tonight was going to be the night we had sex. However, I was still a little uncomfortable with the public display. So, I decided I needed to just get it over with and have sex with him. Maybe that wasn't the best headspace to go into sex with, but I needed to do it to make myself believe I could make this work.
As soon as we parked at my apartment, Richard's hands were reaching towards me. He leaned over the console to grab the back of my head and bring me in for a kiss. His fingers tangled in the curls on the nape of my neck. I let him pull me towards him and our lips met. Our mouths pressed into each other, his lips were hard and unyielding. His tongue pressed against the seam of my lips, trying to force his way in. I ignored it and continued with the makeout, slipping my hands over his shoulders. His tongue pressed again and I relented, allowing it to enter my mouth and duel with my own. The smacking noises were loud in the quiet car. He sat his hand on my knee and ran it up my thigh. When he reached the hem of my dress, he pushed further, attempting to wedge his hand between my thighs and touch my sex. I put my hand on his to still it, not breaking the kiss. He attempted, again, before calming and moving his hand to my knee. When I relaxed, he went full throttle, shoving his hand up my dress.
I quickly pulled back. "Hey! Chill out!" I said while moving his hand. "If you want to do more, then let's go inside. You don't want to get put on a list for public indecency? Do you?" I asked.