My wife of three years was sitting at the kitchen table, staring at her phone when I came in from my Saturday morning bike ride.
Without looking up, she said, "How was your ride Jack?"
"It was good Jesse." She still hadn't looked up from her phone. I had hoped she would because she would have seen the manilla envelope in my hand. Instead, I had to slide it under her hands holding her phone. She finally looked at me after seeing the envelope.
"What's this Jack?"
"I want a divorce Jesse."
"Why Jack, why all of a sudden do you want a divorce without even discussing it with me first?"
"I'm thirty Jesse and you'll be thirty next month. This is not where I saw myself at thirty. I want the classic American dad thing, a couple of kids, baseball games, dance recitals, the whole thing. I don't see that happening with you."
The tears were forming in her eyes, mixed in with bouts of rage.
"We can keep the divorce pretty simple Jesse. We don't have a lot of assets. You keep your car, I keep mine. The lease here expires in two months. I agreed to pay the rent through then. You can keep the apartment if you want, along with furniture. You may need a roommate, whatever you want."
"What I don't want is a divorce Jack, we can work this out."
"Jesse, you cheat on me, I cheat on you. We've had this tit-for-tat cheating going on for so long I can't remember who started it. It's like we're still in high school. Is this where you wanted to be at thirty? Still in high school."
"I've never cheated on you Jack!"
"Jesse, it was almost four when you came in last night. Who was it this time, Brian from the gym, Ted from your office or that guy from the club, I think his name is Matt. Or was there someone new?"
Jesse had her face buried in her hands crying.
"I dreamed of having your children when I was thirty Jack. The affairs meant nothing to me, just sex. I'll break them off. I promise never to cheat again. Please Jack, reconsider."
"Jesse, you promised never to cheat when you said I do. There's no reason to believe your promises."
"Let's try Jack, please I'll show you I can be faithful. Just hold onto the divorce papers and let me prove I can be faithful. And you can prove to me that you'll be faithful too. And if I ever step out again, you can file the papers, and I won't put up a fight."
"It's too late for that Jesse; I've accepted a promotion to the Company's office in Maryland. I start there next month. My sister lives near there so I'll be staying there until I can find my own place."
"You're breaking my heart Jack."
"I know how that feels, you broke mine when I saw you dancing with what's his name last year. I can't remember his name. There's been a few since then. Now I remember, you cheated first, a couple times with that guy."
"I'll fight this Jack."
"Neither one of us could afford a legal battle Jesse. Just accept it, we can move on with our lives and maybe we can still be friends."
"You're not listening to me Jack, I don't want to be your friend, I want to be your wife, and I won't settle for anything less."
"This conversation is going nowhere Jesse; I'm going to get out of these clothes and take a shower."
The shower felt good, I didn't want to get out. I did not expect Jesse to put up such a fight and be happy to move one of her fuck buddies in. There were things I had to do, and I had a list on my phone. We never merged our finances, she had her bank accounts, I had mine, She had her credit cards, I had mine.
After my shower, I stepped into the master bedroom and Jesse was giving me a Playboy pose, Head on her hand, a see through baby doll on, her pussy bare, with her legs spread.
"That pose might look appealing if your pussy wasn't so red from the pounding you took last night from your lover, not to mention the love bite on your belly and left tit."
"My lover wouldn't have been pounding my pussy if you took care of my needs."
"For a long time, I tried to take care of your needs, but you still felt the need to cheat on me, after that I was afraid of catching a disease."
"Fuck you, Jack. What about your little fuck buddy, what was her name, Melanie?"
"Yes, I told you we both cheated, my affair with Melanie was short lived but I did cheat. Your affair with Brian has lasted at least six months, I stopped paying attention so I can't remember when you started letting Ted or Matt in your pants or if there are new ones."
"Fuck you Jack, just stop with this horse shit."
She tore the baby doll off and began going through her dresser looking for something to wear.
"I'm going to my girlfriend's, and I'll be back in a couple of hours. You better rethink your decision here, I'm telling you, this will not end well for you."
After she stormed off, I started going through my list, mostly telling me family members I was getting divorced and changing my passwords. I had already told my sister who said she was going to do cartwheels in her front yard.
Jesse came in two hours later as promised. She was still stomping her feet like a little child.
She started to say something, but I put up my hand, "How's Brian doing Jesse, was he happy to hear about your upcoming divorce?"
She sat down on the couch and buried her face in her hands again.
Finally, she said, "No, he doesn't want to see me again. He never intended for our relationship to become anything serious, and then he said mean things to me."
"Like what Jesse?"
"He said, any woman who would cheat on her husband would cheat on her husband whoever he might be. Then he said I was nothing more than a good fuck and he would miss that. What am I going to do Jack?"
"You should find a lawyer, but my lawyer has followed every state guideline so what I presented this morning was fair. You should take a hard look at your finances and see if you afford this place on your own or do you need a roommate."
"It's almost dinner time Jesse, I have a yen for Chinese, do you want to join me at the Great Wall?"
She looked at me with a puzzled look on her face and stood up grabbing her purse. As we got to my car I opened the door for her like I've done a thousand times before. While we were eating she started crying again.
"I don't know how to live by myself Jack, I don't mean just the alone part. I moved from my parents in with you. I never signed a lease before, you negotiated the car I purchased, and I just signed where the guy said. I don't think I've done an adult thing in my life with the exception of signing the marriage license. You are right, I haven't progressed at all since high school. Maybe the divorce will force me to grow up."
"Jack, you are right to divorce me, and I hope we do remain friends. Maybe there's a chance for us when I grow up, raise a couple of kids, cheering from some bleachers and then playing with our grandkids. That's what I wanted when I said, 'I do.' Somehow I lost that, I don't know how."
My gut tells me Jesse would never grow up, but we'll see. I don't think it would change anything in my plans, but I wasn't going piss on her hopes.
Jesse worked hard to maintain our friendship even after I moved to Maryland. I was so buried with the new job my social life was nil. There were frequent text messages, and she would occasionally call me, usually late on Friday night, a hint that she had reined in her girls night outs. I knew I still loved Jesse and probably always will. Some nights I wanted to put an end to these messages and texts because everyone reminded me how much I missed her.
In what I assumed would be the last phone call, she told me she had met somebody, and he wasn't happy with the frequency of her contact with her ex.
I wished her the best of luck but not three weeks went by before she called me again. She said she realized her ex-fiancé was a control freak. She wanted to grow up, not be leashed. I still hadn't found time to date so I looked forward to her calls. Which was a lie to myself. Yes, in the beginning the job was tougher than I thought it would be, but I had passed that. I hadn't found time to date because I didn't want to.
Jesse would frequently ask me if I found anyone else yet, I always answered her honestly that I was too busy trying to learn my new job.
A year after I asked for a divorce, she sent me a text asking if she could come see me. She had a week's vacation coming up with no money to really go anywhere, and no one she wanted to spend it with. I made sure Jesse knew I would only be able to take off a couple of days while she was here, and she was okay with that.
Jesse looked like she had aged a lot in that year. Lines were beginning to form on her face, and she added a few pounds that weren't complimentary. There was no makeup, and it had been a while since she had her hair done.
Jesse pulled me in for a hug, "I know I look like shit Jack."
"Never to me, Jesse," I said as I kissed her cheek.
"You always say the sweetest things Jack."
We got her luggage in and put it in the second bedroom. There was a shit load of stuff for a week-long stay. We chatted for a bit at the kitchen table, and she asked for a shower to get the road off her. After the shower, she sat on the living room sofa and immediately fell asleep. I let her sleep for an hour.
I nudged her and said, "Jesse would you like to go out for some Chinese, almost as good as the Great Wall." Damn it, there was that smile I fell in love with. I think she could read my mind.
We spoke frequently over the last year but most of that was fluff. For example, I never knew she had a fiancé until he was no longer her fiancé. Over Chinese food, I suggested a few things to do while she was here, some she could do by herself if I was busy with work. Back at my apartment, we broke open a bottle of wine and she told me about the girls she used to hang out with. Jesse said she realized she would never grow up if she continued to hang out with them.
Jesse mentioned she told her mother my comment about not growing up. Her mother blamed her father who gave his little princess everything she wanted. Her mother reminded her that she told Jesse the same thing when she announced her engagement.
I told Jesse I needed to go to bed. In the hallway where it was time for me to go left and for her to go right, I gave her a kiss on her cheek. After changing into my sleepers, there was a knock on my bedroom door. It could only be Jesse. She was standing there in her bathrobe, and she handed me a sheet of paper, a test for STIs showing she was clean.
"I don't know if you would want to do anything with me Jack, no commitments, maybe a friend with benefits thing. But I wanted you to know I am clean. It's been a long time since I've been with anybody. I just wanted you to know."
She was sniffing as she walked away. From the moment she asked to come visit, I thought this was a possibility, but I never figured out how to respond. One thing I knew for sure was that I had been in a drought the whole time I was in Maryland and months before that. I was still staring at Jesse as she got to her room.
