I Almost Lost Him

I 'm twenty-nine now. Blond, tall, not fat but with soft curves, a small C-cup and with a combination of hips, legs and ass that seem to attract the men. For the last five years I've stripped and been paid well for the fantasies I have provided to both men and women. The money is too good not to dance. I've had more than my share of experiences and discovered that most men can satisfy my body and give me good orgasms. Still I felt there was more. Until recently, I had never really been in love; you know the mutual kind, where there is commitment. Five months ago, I met Todd. He is fifteen years older than me, financially secure and strong enough to deal with my job and still make a wonderful life. I moved in with him three months ago. Those months were the most fun, most stable and best months of my life. I understood all that two weeks ago and I understand it even better now. But still I screwed up and almost lost him.

One night, two weeks ago, I drank too much during my shift. A beautiful, athletic, sexy man my age catered to me all night. I let him touch me, finger me, make me wet and I wanted him. By closing time, I had forgotten Todd and just went home with my adoring Adonis. Too much booze, I don't even remember if the sex was good. I do remember waking up beside him. The sun was up. He wanted me to play, go into the shower with him and spend the day with him. He lived in an apartment with rented furniture, no pictures on the wall, porn magazines spread over a shoe-worn coffee table and dirty carpet. The kitchen was full of dirty dishes, the trash needed to be emptied and every counter needed to be wiped clean of crumbs. I was panicked by where I was, what I had done and what I could loose. My home was now with Todd. It was clean, ordered, upscale, peaceful, loving and respectful. The sex was good and he had become my best friend. Todd had given me only one guideline, "Brandy, I love you but I know I am a lot older than you and am not the party guy that you are used to being with. Every night, I will know that what we have together is enough for you when you come home to me after having all the more handsome and younger men tell you how beautiful you are and how much they want you. If you don't come home one night, I will know you have moved on."

I have learned a lot about Todd over the months. I know he suffered mightily when I did not come home. I know he was trying to protect himself and was becoming more resolved. I did not know if he would give me another chance. I was worried and very sorry for what I had done.

My friend Heather's house was not too far. I got dressed, left and drove straight there. She knew something was wrong the instant she saw me on her doorstep.

"Come in. What's wrong, Brandy? Is Todd alright?"

"I really screwed up. I did not go home last night. Now I'm afraid to call him."

"Damn that was stupid of you. Did you fuck someone else?"

"Yes."

"A customer from the club?"

"I drank too much. I don't even remember going to his house."

"Poor Todd. He loves you more than I've ever seen. You've hit him in his biggest weakness."

I was crying now, "I know, I know."

"Call him. Call him right now."

As I was objecting, "I can't handle that right now." Heather was already dialing the number and handed me the telephone as it started to ring.

"Hello."

One weak word escaped between my sobs, "Todd?"

"Yes, pretty one, are you all right? What is it?"

"I didn't come home last night."

"I noticed."

"Can I come home?"

"Yes, we need to talk."

"I'm at Heather's, I'll be right there."

"Wait. Did you fuck someone?"

"Yes."

There was a long pause. I could feel the hurt of betrayal over the telephone. Finally, Todd asked, "Do you still love me?"

"More than anything."

"Did you bathe after you fucked him?"

"No."

"Did you fuck him again this morning?"

"No."

"Then you have to come to me and we will talk. Can you listen and remember what I tell you?"

"Yes."

"Do not clean your body. Throw away all your clothing. Get in your car and drive home to me."

"Nude? It's daytime. I cannot do that."

"If he gave you his number or address, get rid of it before you see me. Did you use a condom?"

"No."

"Not smart. Were you drunk?"

"Very."

"If you are here to talk within an hour, fine; otherwise, I'm going to go out."

Never had he ever said anything like that to me. I heard Todd's receiver go dead. I had my challenge and was shaking like a leaf and hung over.

Heather helped me undress and started to lead me to the bathroom. She said I smelled like sperm and sex. My pubic hair was crusty and my panties were stained with cum.

"Hurry up and shower. I have some clothes that might fit you well enough to get you home. I'll go get them."

"Todd said for me to come home totally nude and dirty."

"He didn't mean drive home nude."

"Yes. Yes, he did."

"Then do it. He's worth it. Every woman I know wants him and would do even more than that to get his attention."

"Even you?"

"I tried before you two got together, but his only interest was you."

I was surprised by her admission. Heather was a good friend; she got my car as close to her apartment as she could, but I still had to run a twenty-yard gauntlet of sunshine and the sounds of playing kids and talking mothers. I danced nude for men three nights a week but I had never felt as exposed, as I did for those twenty seconds. The leather car seats were cold and I felt more dirty and cheap than I had ever felt in my life. I could smell my filthy cunt. I could feel dirty, smoky hands pawing at my skin. The car felt alien and I began to cry again. My Accord cranked and I put it into gear but I do not remember the drive home. My heart pounded and my tears blurred my vision. Todd lived in a nice neighborhood. People were outside working in their yards and playing as I pulled into his driveway. He automatic garage door did not open. I got out and raced to the side gate. It was locked. He was forcing me to go to the front door, ring the bell and wait nude and dirty for him to open it. I knew these people. They would wonder and maybe even ask about this nude romp into their proper world.

I tried to hold myself straight and walk to the front door. When the bell rang it seemed to be loud enough to attract all of the eyes in the neighborhood, but I did not look to confirm their shocked gazes. When Todd opened the door, I collapsed into his arms. They were strong, supportive arms. They guided me to sit in the entry way on the wooden Ethan Allen bench but they were not loving arms.

He tried to hide his tear filled eyes from me when he saw my matted short-cropped pubic hair and he flinched when he smelled the foreign sex smells on my body. "Call the number by the telephone and set up an appointment to have a complete STD panel. Do not clean up; get dressed and I'll drive you."

Todd loved to talk. He never tired of dreaming, planning and being verbally playful with me. Today, not a word was spoken as we drove across town to the clinic. The nurse was complimentary, saying I had done the right thing not to clean up. She asked if she could call the police for me so I could report the rape. I said, "No." She said, she would tell me the preliminary test results before I left. The gravity of my unprotected night with a stranger was dawning on me.

We left the clinic around six p.m. All the quick tests' results were negative. The AIDS test would take a few days. Again Todd was quiet. All the way home. He never spoke. I felt he was ready to explode. I was expecting the worst when we got home.

"Brandy, please go clean up now and then come down so we can talk. I'll fix you something to eat. I'm sure you are very hungry."

I was more confused than ever now. All through my shower I tried to imagine what was coming. I wish he had beaten the hell out of me, instead of what he did.

My favorite breakfast is pieces of Danish, assorted fruit and a few pieces of cheese served with hot black coffee. That is what was on the coffee table. Todd was right, I was starving. I could hear him in the kitchen but he did not join me until I was almost finished eating.

"Brandy, you know that I have long feared that I would not be enough of what you want to keep you for my own. I fell in love with you and I have told you that many times. Only reluctantly have you ever said that you love me. I know my age and our life style differences put you off sometimes and that you have had many sexual partners and probably want to have many more. I would give anything to be younger and be the man that you choose to be with."

"Todd, I'm really sorry about last night. It won't happen again. Please forgive me. I really messed up."

"Don't feel bad about what happened. It is what you wanted to happen. The problem is me. I cannot live wondering if the woman I love will come home to me each night or if she traded up, finding something better for the evening. Or better to share her life with."

The pain in his eyes was deep and crippling. I asked, "Do you want me to move out?"

"No, I want you here. I cannot imagine a day without you or not having your warm body next to me in our bed. But, I want you to not let me love you and not let me believe you will come home to me. I don't want to hurt like I am hurting."

Todd could not stand any more. He had not slept last night while I frolicked. He had believed in me, trusted me and loved me while I fucked someone else. Now he was exhausted, got up and went up to shower and go to bed. I went up about half and hour after I heard his shower turn off. The room was dark. I let my robe drop on my side of the bed and slipped my nude body under the sheet, hugging the edge of the king sized bed. His strong hands reached out for me, pulled and slid my body against his. Always before, his cock was hard when it first touched my ass. But not tonight. He nestled his face into my back. His cheeks were wet. His hand was flat on my belly; he put it there when we talked about children. He was very still, awake, and holding me too tight when I fell asleep. My last thoughts were that I could be carrying the disease that could be the death of both of us, if we made love. I had caused so much pain doing something I could not even remember. I did not even remember the guy's name.

The next morning, Todd woke me with kisses. As usual, he was dressed and ready to go build a beautiful house. I could smell the coffee he had set on my nightstand. "Beautiful, you go back to sleep, if you can. Your calendar says you work from six until midnight. I'll see you............"

He stopped mid-sentence. I had heard the same line three times a week for months, "I'll see you when you get home." Usually, he would add lines like, "We'll have a bite to eat together" or "Can I watch you shower for free or do I have to pay you a dollar?" or "Maybe I can kiss you all over while you go to sleep." His all over usually was 80% in my pussy and 20% everything else. He definitely was an oral man. Just the way I liked it. But his face turned dark and sad. He left with the words, "Have a great day, pretty one."

Each day went by the same way for about a week. I started calling him an hour before I got off work to tell him I would be home soon. I did not want him to doubt that I would come home to him. Friday night, he came through the door saying, "Great news. All your tests were negative. You are healthy as well as beautiful."

We cooked and talked and kidded a little until bedtime. Like we used to do. Then he was shy, like a little boy, "Brandy, can we make love tonight? I'll understand if you do not want to."

I finally broke down. He was feeling inadequate from my indiscretion. I knew he loved me. For the first time it seemed to mean something and be something that I valued and wanted. I wanted him. Only him. I wanted to be close, to satisfy him. I wanted to be satisfied by him. Only him.

We snuggled, kissed and touched but the foreplay was not what we needed tonight. When he pushed his cock into me, his eyes were locked on mine. He never blinked. He fucked me slowly and smoothly. Knowing just how to bring the maximum pleasure to me. As my orgasm mounted, he was still looking into my eyes while they slowly closed. When I came, he slowed but had not cum. When my eyes opened, he was still looking deep into them. He was looking for doubts, desires to be with someone younger, someone different. He did not find those doubts and started to thrust again. Soon he rolled me over on top and said, "Fuck the bad thoughts out of me. I love you so very much."

With each thrust I whispered, "I love you too. I love you too."

I came again. Still he had not cum. I do not know why I said it, but I did, "What's wrong 'Old Man' can't you cum in me?"

The old man flipped me again and started pounding into me. Out bodies slapped together and bounced high off the bed. Each bounce brought us closer to the edge but he did not see. His eyes were wild, lust filled and purpose filled. In time with his thrusts he chanted, "Someday, you'll hide your pills. Someday, I'll put our baby inside you. Someday, you'll marry me."

About that time, we fell hard and loud from the tall bed onto the floor. I felt his body arch, drive deep into me; his dick lurch and his sperm pump into me. Over his moans, I said, "Yes, yes I will."