07

Author's note: Hey all. I'm so happy that you all are enjoying my work.

I am enjoying hearing from you all and reading your comments. I've had to smush together these three chapters because I will be away from the computer for a few days. I hope you all enjoy!

Chapter Five

Nicky's heart beat with a comforting rhythm in my ear when I woke. I refused to move, wanting to save this precious moment and remember it for when we went back to being friends and co-workers, after the holidays were over. I don't think I'll ever forget how it felt, held close, his scent surrounding me like a warm cloud. His arms were secure around me, his chest firm under my cheek.

"Quit playing possum," I heard him say. "I know you're awake."

"You couldn't know," I said, moaning a little as I stretched. "I didn't move."

"Nope, but you did quit snoring," he teased, chuckling when he heard me

growl.

"Better watch it there, Nick, it sounds like she hasn't had her distemper shot yet," Shawn said.

"Shut up, brother," I growled.

"Children, do I need to turn this sleigh around?" my father asked from his seat high up front. "Don't make me come back there."

"Ha ha, you got in trouble," Shawn laughed, kidding me.

"What are you, twelve?" I asked.

"We are almost there," Daddy said, turning slightly in his seat. "Kenna, love, did you pack the basket? We men need a good meal before we go out and conquer the wilderness."

"Daddy, you're going to cut down a tree, not fight for survival in the outback."

"Don't argue, little girl."

"Yes, Daddy," I said with a roll of my eyes.

"It's beautiful out here," Nicky said, looking at the passing trees and the snowflakes that drifted down like feathers out of the gray sky.

"It's one of my favorite spots. In the summer we ride up here and have picnics. In the fall, it's just beautiful." I pushed away from him and rose, going to the huge basket that Mom had packed and opening it. There was a big Thermos of hot chocolate with Styrofoam cups right on the top. I pulled it out and handed it to Jenna. Just as I was about to reach into the basket again, the sleigh slid over a rock, knocking me off balance.

Alex reached out and snagged the back of my coat an instant before I would have fallen out of the sleigh.

"Shit," I breathed. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said, giving me a smile that said he'd like to say more. I glanced over at Nicky and caught the look in his eyes. Was it jealousy? Did I want it to be jealousy?

"Your sister was telling me that you're a 911 operator. That must be an exciting job."

"Probing for information from my sister?" I asked him. "Have you no shame?"

"Nope," he said with a carefree grin. "Now how else would I be able to find anything out about you? Your friend has had you on a short leash since he saw me."

"He's my boyfriend and he doesn't have me on any kind of leash," I said, trying not to raise my voice.

"Boyfriend, huh? You two been together long?"

"Long enough," I said defensively, though I didn't know why. Alex seemed to be a nice man and twice now he'd rescued me from taking falls that could have been potentially serious.

"Have I done something to offend you?" he asked.

"No, no, you haven't. It's just..."

"Bekka and Steven," he said.

"What do you know about Bekka and Steven?"

"Shawn told me about it when he invited me to come along. He didn't want me to get in the middle of any explosions. I have to admit, you are taking all of this pretty well." Alex patted the spot next to him in invitation.

"I'm sorry," I said, though I really wasn't. "I have to get the rest of the food ready for when we reach the Pass." I gave him my best polite smile. "Thanks for saving me, again."

"No problem," he said, turning back to where Mara and Shawn were having a battle of wits. It wasn't long before Nick moved toward me, wrapping an arm around my waist as the sleigh went over another bump.

"What did he want?" he said, a hint of something besides curiosity under his tone.

"Just to talk," I said, turning to give him a smile.

"I don't trust him," Nicky muttered, glancing over at where Alex was sitting.

"Do you trust me?" I asked.

"Yes," he said without hesitation. "I trust you with my life."

"Then that's all you need to know."

"Okay, you guys," my dad called over his shoulder. "There's kindling and paper in the pack. Let's all go get some firewood and start a fire to keep warm." He pulled the horses to a halt, jumping down and covering them with blankets. Shawn gathered up the pack, leaping off and helping his wife down. Their children, Adair and Ian, leaped into the snow, laughing and climbing back into the sleigh to do it again.

Nick grabbed the basket, taking my hand and helping me down before pulling me into his arms and nuzzling his cold nose against my neck to make me squeal. "Come on, I'll help you pull out this spread."

I heard Alex and Mara behind us, Mara laughing at something the older man said. "This could be a problem," I said softly to Nick.

"What could be a problem? If he's with her he isn't bothering you."

"She's seventeen, Nick and he's, well, older than seventeen. He's too old for her."

"Would you like me to talk to him?"

"No," I frowned down at the picnic table covered in snow. "I forgot the broom in the sleigh. Mara! Will you get the broom out of the sleigh?"

She turned, giving Alex one last look and trotted back to the sleigh, pulling the broom out.

"She's only seventeen," I whispered furiously to Alex when he walked up to the table before Mara. "She's too young for you."

"Age is only in your mind," Alex whispered back, amused by my attempt to draw him away from Mara. "She's a handful and quite beautiful as well."

"Shawn will kill you if you try anything with her."

"Try anything with who?" Mara asked, coming up behind me.

"Whom, Mara, not who."

"Fine, try anything with whom?"

"Your big sister just wanted to make sure that I realized how old you were, Mara. It's not a big deal. She's just looking out for you." Alex held his hands up in a defensive manner. "I was just trying to explain to her that we were friends."

I could feel Mara's stare like a hot brand on my face and I took the chicken way out. "I love you, Mara," I said hurriedly.

"Yeah, uh huh, keep trying. That doesn't work on me like it does Mom." Mara planted her hands on her slender hips and tapped her foot in the snow. "Do you want to explain yourself?"

"No, not really," I mumbled, turning back to the basket as Nicky got done brushing off the snow.

I started unpacking dishes and sandwiches, trying to ignore Mara.

"Did you also tell him that I'll be eighteen in two weeks?"

"No." I paused, balancing several feelings before speaking again.

"Mara... shit, I'm sorry. You're my baby sister and I don't want to see you get hurt. I'll stay out of it, for now." I backed down under her narrowed eyes. But then I gave Alex a warning look of my own. He nodded, his eyes shifting as he wouldn't meet my stare. I could only wonder at his game.

"Are you guys going to hog all that food for yourselves?" my father asked, coming up behind us and breaking the mood.

"Yes," we all chorused, making my father laugh.

With that, the good cheer was restored and we ate Mom's picnic of hearty ham and cheese sandwiches, hot soup in another thermos and a huge container of potato salad. Jenna and Mara helped me clean up, throwing the paper plates into the burn barrel that Dad had hauled up here one year to help keep us warm. Leftovers were scattered for the animals, but the fire would hold them back until we were away.

"Let's go find a tree," I said, my hands on my hips as I stood at the end of the picnic table where the mighty hunters were still sitting. Shawn gave me a sleepy-eyed look that told me if we'd been at the house, he'd be kicked back in one of the chairs, sleeping.

"Come on," I said, grabbing Nick's arm and tugging. "We're here to get a tree. Do you want to be the one to explain to Mom why we came home without one?"

That got them moving. Dad rose with a groan, nudging Shawn with his elbow. "Get a move on, boy-o. Your sister has a point. I don't want to be telling your mom why we don't have her tree. And I sure as hell ain't taking the blame for it. You girls go find the tree and don't wander too far off."

Mara and Jenna took off one way together and I grabbed Nick's hand, twining my fingers with his. "Come on, be a woman with me and help me find the perfect tree?"

Nick laughed. "I'll go with you, but I'm not going to be a woman. I'll just be a man with discriminating tastes."

I giggled. "Oh, you mean you're gay, right?"

He growled and I took off through the snow, running lightly in the knee-high stuff. He tackled me before I got more than five feet. His arms were around my waist and I fell face first into the snow. I came up sputtering and rolled, trying to get away. His fingers went up and under my shirt, tickling my ribs with icy hands.

"I give," I shouted. "I give!"

"So," Nick asked, his eyes on mine, his fingers prepared to tickle still more. "Am I gay?"

"No, you're the manliest of men," I snorted, still trying to contain my mirth.

"Try it again," he said, his voice thick with warning.

"Okay, you're Nick Evans, Super Stud, Lady Killer. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"It's a start." He leaned down, kissing my lips gently, a mere brushing of skin against skin. I must have made the right kind of noise, because his eyes met mine, full of heat and need and want. This time when he lowered his head, I met him halfway, my mouth parting under his, tasting him and the heat of his passion. His tongue was in my mouth and I teased him, sucking gently on it. I heard his groan and felt a heady sense of belonging, of being right where I was supposed to be, in his arms.

Then a cold drip of snow snuck its way under the collar of my coat and down my back, making me shiver.

"Shit, Kenna. Come on," he husked, his voice raspy. He pulled me out of the snow, brushing at the stuff that had stuck to my back. "You're soaked through."

"I know," I said softly. "I want you that much."

He stilled. "Do you mean that?"

"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't."

His smile lit up his face. "Come on, let's go find this tree. Maybe when we get back you can show me the hay loft," he said, wiggling his eyebrows and making me laugh.

"You're a pig," I teased, taking his hand and heading off into the woods.

"Yep, and proud of it. It takes years of dedicated practice, don't you know."

"And here I was thinking that you came by it naturally."

Nick laughed at our play and my heart sang. I knew I should have been cold but my emotions were warm and I still had a fire inside from his kisses. I couldn't wait to find out what would happen when we got back home.

"How's this one?" Nick asked.

"How's this one what?" I asked, distracted.

"This tree? Earth to Kenna, come back to me girl. Would your mom like this tree?"

He was standing next to a seven-foot-tall blue spruce. It smelt piney and fragrant, the whole reason that Mom forced us to do this tradition year after year. There was nothing like the smell of Christmas tree. I lifted a branch, running my hands over the needles. The branch was limber; none of the needles fell to my feet. I walked around the tree, checking it out from all angles. No holes, straight trunk, and the top seemed sturdy enough to hold Mom's angel.

"I think you found the tree," I said to Nick.

"So how do we find the others?" he asked.

"Easy." I pursed my lips, bringing my fingers to my mouth and let loose a whistle that could be heard for miles. Nick slapped his hand over the ear closest to me and flinched.

"Ouch," he said mildly. "Wow, a girl of many talents."

"You'd be surprised," I teased.

"Can't wait," he said, and I could tell he meant it. "You are pretty amazing when you wrap your lips around something and blow."

"Nick!" I said, feeling my fair skin turning red. "Besides I thought that was suck, not blow."

"Kenna, where is your mind at. I was talking about your whistling abilities."

Mara and Alex found us first, Mara walking around Nick's find and proclaiming it perfect. Dad walked up just as she backed away. "You know, we almost cut this one down last year but it just wasn't tall enough then. Nice job, Kenna."

"Actually, Nick found it. I just gave it the McEwen stamp of approval."

"Nice job, Nick," Dad said, slapping him on the back so hard that he stumbled a few steps. "You found it, you take the first swing." He handed him the axe. "Make sure you hit nice and low." Daddy put his arms out, pushing us all back and away from the tree.

Nick rested the axe on the ground, the handle leaning against his thigh. Pulling off his gloves, he rubbed his hands together and then grabbed the axe. He lined up his swing like a professional, before pulling back and letting it fly. The axe struck true, biting into the tree trunk, a chip of wood flying out.

Wresting the axe from the tree, he swung again and again until he was almost half way through.

That's when Shawn and Jenna walked up, the kids a bit behind them. Nick's breathing was a trifle heavy, blowing steam into the cold air in front of his face.

"Here, Dad," Shawn said, handing him the big yellow chainsaw that dad usually used to cut down the tree we picked out.

"A chain saw?" Nick said, letting the axe rest on the ground and straightening his shoulders.

"You didn't think we cut down the tree with an axe now, did you?" Dad said. "Too much work when it can be done quicker and easier with this. But thanks for starting it for me."

I hid my smile, not wanting Nick to see that I enjoyed the little joke my father had pulled on him. It had been nice to see him using the muscles that I knew were under his clothes.

"You owe me a back rub," he told me.

"Yes, sir," I said, a small giggle escaping my lips. "I'll put it on the list."

"List? What list?"

"The things-I-owe-you-for-coming-on-this-trip-with-me list."

"You have one of those?" he asked, flexing his arm.

"Yep and it's getting longer every day."

"Can I get a copy?" he asked, stepping behind me while Dad fired up the chainsaw.

"Nope, it would ruin the surprise if you knew what was coming."

"Or it could make the anticipation all the sweeter," he countered.

"Nice try, but it's my list and I'm the only one who gets to see it."

"Spoil sport," he said, coming to stand behind me so I could lean against him, his arms wrapping around my waist. "You smell good," he whispered.

My hands rested on top of his and I was content to lean against him, letting him support my weight. I could feel his heat behind me; feel his chin resting against the top of my head. His hands were snuggled under my coat, resting against my stomach and for once I didn't feel the need to suck it in. This was bliss, a man who wanted me for me, not what he could make of me or what he wanted me to be. Steven had never been satisfied, never happy unless I was absolutely perfect in his eyes. I was more often depressed while with him than I had ever been on my own.

Now I could finally look back and admit that even during the foul state of mind I was in after the ruined wedding there had been relief. A small voice in my head pleased that I wouldn't have to work so hard to be perfect for a man who was never satisfied.

"What are you thinking?" Nicky whispered in my ear.

"How glad I am that Bekka got pregnant and that she and Steven got married." The words just popped out of my mouth. I couldn't stop them.

"I could have kissed her when she came running up the aisle, that pregnancy test wand clutched in her hand." He chuckled. "She was waving that thing around so wildly I'm surprised no one got stuck in the eye with it."

"Why would you have kissed her?" I asked softly, the sound of the chainsaw drowning out our conversation. The others couldn't hear.

"You can't tell me you don't know, Kenna. God, everybody else and their brothers know how I feel about you." He shook his head in disbelief. "I could have kissed Bekka that day because she gave me the one thing I wanted most in my life, a chance to have you as my own." He took my hand, pulling me along with him as he walked back toward the sleigh. "We need to talk," he said, waving his hand back at my dad when he told us not to stray too far.

My mind was spiraling. Nicky wanted me. It was a giddying thought. "You want me?"

For just a moment, the trees were gone and I was inside the huge Catholic Church in downtown Lapeer, a beautiful monstrosity of a place with towers and stained glass, bells playing to ring out the call for the witnesses to come to the ceremony. There was a room just off the entrance of the church where I'd gone to get ready, dragging on the huge confection of lace and satin that Steven had picked out. I had wanted simple, elegant, and small. He'd wanted the whole she-bang. I could barely move in that dress, much less look as graceful and beautiful he'd told me I'd be.

I'd been pacing back and forth inside the little room, waiting for my cue, wondering if I was doing the right thing. So many doubts had flown through my mind, one amongst them sticking out the most. Did I love Steven?

Looking back, I now know I didn't.

Nicky had knocked on the door, pushing it open upon my call. He'd been so handsome in his dove gray suit with a black and gray striped tie. For a moment, I'd just stared at him, wishing it were him I was going to walk down that aisle to meet. Then I pushed the thought aside, feeling incredibly guilty.

"What is it, Nicky?" I asked when he stood in the doorway just staring at me.

"Y-You look like a cupcake," he said, then looked into my face. "I'm sorry, it's just, I always thought you'd go for something more simple... you didn't pick it out, did you?"

"No, Steven did." He couldn't know how angry it had made me that Steven hadn't even let me make that decision for the wedding. He'd said go try it on, I had and that had been that.

"I should have known," Nicky scoffed.

"You didn't just come in here to insult my dress and my husband-to-be, did you Nicky?"

"No, that was the last thing I meant to do, Kenna. I-I just had to..." he glanced behind him, realizing he still stood in the doorway. Pushing away from the door, he closed it and walked over to where I was standing. I had to stand. I had no idea how to sit down in that dress.

"You had to what, Nicky?" I urged, glancing at the clock. I knew that the ceremony was set to start at three and it was just a few minutes before that now. "Can it wait until after the ceremony?"

"No!" He took a deep breath, coming closer and lifting my cold hand in his.

"Do you really want to marry him, Kenna?"

"What are you going on about, Nicky? Why would I have said yes if I didn't want to marry him?"

Inside, a rush of nerves upset my stomach and I thought for a moment I was going to be sick. Oh that would have topped it, walking down the aisle in my vomit-stained dress. I took some deep breaths, turning my back to Nicky so he wouldn't see how badly I was shaking.

"I don't know, Kenna. Maybe you're afraid no one else will want you or that you'll be alone the rest of your life. If you love Steven and want to be with him, then I'll walk out now and leave you and your new husband be. If not..."

The knock on the door came at precisely three o'clock. I knew it was my father, come to walk me down the aisle. "I'm marrying Steven, Nick." Picking up my bouquet, I opened the door and tried to smile for my father but I felt cold inside, half dead—as if I'd just lost out on something special and I didn't even know it.

Ten minutes later, the doors at the front of the church had burst open and Bekka had rushed up the aisle, the pregnancy test wand in her hand with the word pregnant in bold blue.