*Author's note- Hey! This is Sarah. If you are coming from the other two chapters I can't thank you enough for the support on this project. I feel like I need to clarify something going forward. This is an erotic story, and sex will be feature prominently, but I am trying to hold a long form narrative here. For me the focus is the relationship between Liam, Sara, and Elizabeth. I thank you for keeping with me, and I hope you do enjoy the story I am trying to create!*
*****
"So, what are we doing today? I still need that study session," Elizabeth was speaking while collecting her clothing from my floor.
I was sitting crisscross on my bed in some jeans. I watched her with the same rapt attention someone might watch a meteor shower. To me, having her in my room was a cosmic event.
Not that I had never had her in my room. In the years we had been friends she had come into my room many times. Especially that last Summer when I was sick as a dog. This was different. She was in her panties and that loose under shirt. She was comfortable with it. Comfortable being close to me. She didn't seem to want to be anywhere else. Elizabeth was the same bubbly girl I had grown so close, but now with a face that had a permanent radiant smile.
I was glad she felt so comfortable. I was still getting fidgety with just my shirt removed. Even after being all over each other minutes before I was still so self conscious. I even had trouble keeping my eyes on her. I felt pitiful.
"You listening to me Liam?" she turned back to me tossing her jeans over her shoulder.
"Oh, Yeah, sorry Liz. Just thinking about stuff. Yeah I can tutor you today. Why, do you want to do something?"
She gave me that safe, warm, smile, and sat on the bed next to me. It was an alien feeling having someone else's weight on my mattress; especially so close. She placed her hand gently on my knee. Her touch was full of safety, but at the same time full of vulnerability. I had to keep myself vulnerable and open to receive that safety.
Looking into those shiny brown eyes I saw my every fear. Fears I didn't know I had. I was so used to what I had with Sara that, for as sick as it was, I found a familiar comfort. Like someone accustomed to the chaos, I was almost afraid of the calm.
"You're blanking out again babe. Are you doing OK?" she asked gently stroking my knee.
I halfheartedly nodded. She seemed to catch onto something however.
"Who texted you when we got up?"
The answer was Sara. She was asking about how I liked the night before, and if we could meet again since it was Saturday. It was funny how a text from Sara had my mental state completely flipped on its head. I could have lied, but the first thing on my mind was my promise I made to Elizabeth.
"It was Sara. She was asking about last night, and wanted to meet today."
Elizabeth frowned with a raised eyebrow. Her hand stopped on my leg making me tense up at the anticipation. The air went frosty around us at Sara's name. Elizabeth didn't like Sara before she found out about her and me behind Leon's back.
"What did you say?"
"I said I couldn't see her."
Elizabeth reached up running a tender hand through my bangs pushing them back. Her palm stayed on my forehead for a moment.
"You feel kinda hot. This stuff is getting to you huh?"
"What do you mean?" I asked edging back away from her touch slightly.
"Liam, I've known you for a long time. I've seen how stress can get to you. I was there when you had a panic attack once, remember?"
That memory was a bad one. Back at school a little after our first year had begun I completely lost it in public. Over the Summer before classes I was fooling around with Sara, and I had gotten use to our toxic arrangement. I still hadn't seen Leon yet as he went out of town to a different college.
I saw Leon in public with Sara not long after our first week. I was already hanging out with Elizabeth, and thankfully she was there. I stuttered my way through an introduction for her before I felt all the air leave me. No matter what I tried I just couldn't keep it in. My whole body locked up, and it felt like a fire started in my chest.
I wasn't a stranger to panic attacks before then. That was one of the worst ones. I had to quickly excuse myself with a poor excuse before they all noticed. Elizabeth followed, and talked me through it.
--
"Liam what was that back there? Are you OK?"
She cornered me in the little empty space behind the cafeteria, and a concrete pillar. The late Summer air felt so hot and thin. Like each breath was useless as the air wasn't thick enough to help. It mortified me when Elizabeth turned the corner after me.
"Oh my God Liam! Are you OK?"
It was kind of a dumb question. I was smashed against the wall holding my chest and breathing like I just failed out of a marathon. She probably figured that, and stepped in front of me to check me out.
"Panic..." was all I could manage through gasps.
She reached out and grabbed my shoulders holding them tight. Her typical bubbly attitude was gone now fully serious.
"Just breath Liam. Take it slow. It's just you and me out here you can relax."
After a minute of her coaching and reassurance I made it back down. I figured after that she would stop talking to me so much, but after that it seemed like she was near me more. She would insist on grabbing lunch with me, pushed me to take her tutoring in math, and begged for me to tutor her in English.
--
"I'm not blind babe. I get it this whole thing is crazy for you. It's kinda crazy for me too," she covered her mouth muffling an anxious laugh.
"I've never fallen into a relationship this quick. Never been in bed that quick with someone either," she continued glancing down at the sheets with a sheepish laugh.
"The way Sara treated you, that is abuse. She used you when she wanted you, and strained your relationship with Leon. I understand there is more here than just me and you. I don't expect one night to fix all of that."
Elizabeth leaned in close and kissed my forehead. I almost jumped back. Afraid of her touch. Like I might accidentally transmit to her through contact how horrible a person I really was.
"Don't be so tense..."
She ran a soft hand down my back running off all of the tension with it. I melted for lack of a better word.
"Elizabeth I'm not good for you."
She quietly giggled into my forehead. She leaned back dragging her hand down my arm and curling her fingers around my hand when she got to it.
"Why not? Because of these?" She asked reaching out and brushing her fingers across my belly.
I had a mess of stretch marks there. Her fingers brushed, and lightly traced each one. It made me squirm bringing direct attention to them. I use to be fairly overweight, but a combination of self hate, and loathing pushed me to get rid of it. I thought it was ugly.
"That's not gross babe. It means you work hard. It means when you recognize something bad you can work to change it."
I averted my eyes from her as the blush crept in. She paused for a moment with her hand sliding down to my wrist. My heart stopped as she tightened her grip and turned my hand over.
"Are you ashamed of these?"
Her hand stayed tight over my wrist. She moved throwing a leg over my lap and settling into a comfy position leaning against me. Her thumb danced up and down my wrist pausing at each little subtle bump from the scars there.
Each one was faded, and dull. Almost invisible against my pale skin. Each brush took my breath away. Just like that she flipped that switch in me.
"These don't define you either. We all do bad things sometimes; especially when we are hurting," She whispered into my hair.
Her free hand wrapped around my shoulder and pushed me back onto the bed. I just let her. It scared me to give her so much control. To let her touch me in the places she was touching me. I always went to lengths to hide my stomach and wrists. They reminded me of how much of a fuck up I tended to be.
In her hands however, I felt safe. She could make me feel secure, but only if I let her in enough. I had to keep up that trust, and it terrified me to the core.
Elizabeth grabbed my other wrist every so delicately. Like she was picking up a damaged flower from a broken bouquet. She put both my hands above my head and held them there.
"We have been friends for years now Liam. You have told me a lot. I know what i'm getting into. Just try it out before you give up on yourself babe."
Two sides of my brain existed. One that refused to believe this could be good for her, and another side that said if I didn't at least try I would die anyways. The fact that I was slowly drinking myself into an early grave and letting Sara rip my brain appart was secondary to the possibility I might hurt Elizabeth.
In that moment I was selfish. I had been through it before. You can't love someone back to life. I already knew that. I went through it with Sara. We were both broken people. What made this worse was Elizabeth was just fine without me, but I was about to drag her through the mud.
Her eyes peered back into mine. A strong will hid there. Behind the warm brown eyes, and loving demeanor a fiery passion hid. Elizabeth was strong, and just fine without me. Still, she made me feel happy. Someone who really wanted me was here now making an effort to see past my flaws. So, I told myself the biggest lie.
I can change for her.
"I can do it. But, I'm sorry in advance..." she cut me off with a brisk kiss on the lips.
"No sorrys in advance. Just say yes."
I fidgeted under her struggling to say it. I had a problem with hedging my bets with language. Saying things like "Sorry if I fuck it up," to keep myself from building myself up. I also had to ignore the odd heat building up in my wrists where she was holding me. It was starting to feel good in the same way it did when she held my face.
"Yes," I breathed it out with visible effort.
