Heart of the Storm

Authors note: This is my first my first shot at anything like this, so please comment and let me know what you think. Any comments are welcome. It's a very slow build up, so don't expect sex any time soon. I am so grateful to my editor LaRascasse. If it wasn't for him, this would be an utter mess.

Enjoy

Xoxo,

Amber

*********

"I am so fucking sick of your bullshit. It's not my fucking job to deal with you and your depression. It's not my fucking job! You're so screwed up in the head, it just makes loving you impossible. I'm done." Those where the last words he ever said to me when he walked out of my front door, out of my life.

I sighed to myself, holding back a broken sob. It's been a month and I still haven't gotten over him. How could I? I thought he was the one. The one that would love me bullshit and all. The one that would love me despite my issues. But I guess he's right. Maybe they do make it impossible to love me. Maybe that's why I can't keep a guy. And the funny thing is, they don't even know the full story. How could I tell them what happened to me? Why I'm so scared-

"Jade! Jade, snap out of it!" the voice broke through my trance.

I took a deep breath and tried to make my voice sound normal.

"Oh. Hey Anna. Didn't see you there."

"I let myself in after you didn't answer." I nodded once. She walked towards me, shrugging off her designer jacket and throwing it across the chair that stood by the door of my office. I could hear her footsteps get closer and closer until I could see the tips of the shoes she was wearing - as expected, a priceless pair of heels. Probably designer too.

"Jade, look at me" I kept my head down, knowing looking up at her would send me off into tears, and I refused to cry over that jackass.

I felt the cool tip of her finger as she pushed my head up, forcing me to look at her. "Jade, you gotta stop this. You can't just lock yourself in your flat all day. It's been a month. babe. You have to leave the past in the past and move on with your life." I looked up into the topaz green eyes that belonged to my closest friend and shook my head.

"You don't get it." She never got it. She never got how hard it was for me.

"You're right." She said at the same moment she shoved her hands into the pockets of the skinny jeans she wore. "I don't get it, and I won't ever get it until you let me in that head of yours. Jade, we've been friends for ages. Why can't you let me in?" I started to shake uncontrollably.

"You sound just like him," was all I could say.

"Well maybe he had a point. Babe, you don't let anyone in. You don't let anyone get close to you. We love you Jade, and you don't let us in."

That was it. That's all it took.

"You think he had a point? You think he was right when he made me fall in love with him and play with me like a lost puppy? You think he was right when he left me for her, for the so called wife to be? You know what he told me once? That I'm just the fling. That I shouldn't get comfy. That at any second he can just leave. He doesn't have to deal with my bullshit!? You think he had a point there too?" The tears ran down my face, burning my cheeks.

"I never said -"

"No, you didn't say it, did you? But you implied it. You think he was right. He think what he did was okay." By now, I was screaming at Anna. Throwing my arms around like a mad woman. My hair flying around me and my eyes red with tears. "Cause treating me like a broken doll is totally okay. Like I wasn't screwed up enough before him!"

"Jade, you need to mov-"

"Shut up! Shut the fuck up. You think I don't know that? You think I like this? Do you think I like how I can't stop loving him? You honestly think I like having my heart broken?! Fuck you, FUCK YOU! I don't need your advice. Leave me the fuck alone, and go whore yourself out like you always do."

"Babe.."

"I said, Leave. Me. The. Fuck. Alone." I could hear the anger and aggression spill out of me.

"Fine. Wallow in it for all I care." at that, she grabbed her coat and left, slamming the door behind her.

I looked at the door as I sank down onto the floor, screaming and crying, finally letting all that pent up pain release like a thunderstorm. I fell asleep crying that night.

***

I rose to the sun breaking through the darkness of my flat. Getting up off the floor, I rubbed my eye, noting how sore it was.

As I walked through my flat, I replayed last night in my head. Did I really say those things? Did I mean them? Did I just lose Anna? I took in a shuddering breath at that lost thought. Lose Anna. I can't afford to do that, I needed her. I needed her to keep me sane. I needed to go apologize for what I said. Running for the door, I rehearsed an apology in my head.

Anna lived in a building just a block away from my place.

Not having the patience to wait for the elevator, I raced down the stairs. I must have looked crazy, running down the street bare foot only wearing some sweats and a rugby jersey. I never stopped running until I stood face to face with that 7 that marked her door.

My heart started to pound in my chest. What if she didn't want me in her life anymore? What if she hates me now? Never ending thoughts ran through my head. I shook my head to clear them, taking in a breath. I knocked on the door.

"Just a minute!" I heard her voice yell from inside the flat. Not too long after, I was greeted by Anna standing in the doorway.

"Hey"

She rubbed her eye and looked straight at me.

"Look, I'm sorry about what I said and being such a bitch last night. I was just pissed and hurt, and when you said that he had a point, I just lost it," I looked down at her bare feet and the blood red nail polish that covered her toenails, trying to avoid her gaze.

"Come on in. I'll make us some coffee."

Nodding once, I stepped into her flat. It wasn't the biggest flat in the building, but it was big enough for her. Having the open plan for the kitchen and the living room, then a corridor that lead to the master bedroom and the en suit bath, and the massive walk in closet. If you kept following that corridor, you'd find the door to the spare room on the far left.

I followed her into the kitchen, not knowing what else to do with myself. Keeping my eyes on the floor, I heard her get the coffee maker started.

"I'm sorry," I looked up; there she stood, leaning against the counter, her eyes cast downwards.

"I'm sorry about saying that he had a point. He didn't really; he was a doucheface. It's just hard for me to know that there's something killing you inside but not being able to know what that something is," she shook her head as if clearing a thought at looked up at me.

"We forgive each other and forget it happened. Deal?" I smiled up at her then, the first smile I've cracked since the breakup. "Deal."

Cracking a grin, she walks over to me and gives me a big bear hug, kissing me on the forehead. She had always treated me like a daughter, but I had no issue with it. .

"You wanna talk about it?" I shook my head at the question.

"Maybe after a shower and some coffee" she smiled down at me, "Go get in the shower and I'll do you one better, get you some food with that coffee." I nodded once and walked off into the spare room, heading straight for the shower.

I walked into the shower and started to wash myself. One of things that came with being close to Anna was having half of your shit at her place.

I took in hand the spare sponge, the body wash and started to wash away the grime.

Twenty minutes later, I walked out of the room and into the living room in one of her old tanks and some yoga pants I'd left here before. She looked back at me from her position on the sofa.

"Ya do know you live right down the street right? And that you don't have to steal my clothes?"

I nodded at her while I took the coffee in her hand and took a long sip. He shook her head, reaching for the coffee on the table that was meant to be mine.

I sat down on the sofa across from her, crossing my legs as I do so.

"Wanna talk about it now?"

I wanted to tell her, I really did but I just couldn't at that moment. I didn't want her to look at me any different. The compassion I could see in her eyes made my heart ache. I looked down quickly.

"No"

"Okay then. When you're done with the coffee, go pack your bags."

Confusion washed over me.

"I talked to your boss. You got the next week off and I took one off too. So we are going on a little trip to the old beach house."

I swear my jaw hit the floor at that moment. "You're shitting me right?"

She grinned at me "Not at all. I hate seeing you like this and I figured a week away would do you some good"

I smiled at her, going so far just to make me feel better, she really was sweet.

"When do we leave?" I asked, finally feeling excited about something in well, ages.

"In an hour. Go pack! I still gotta go take a shower."

I got up from the sofa, coffee still in hand, made my way over to my place to pack for the up and coming road trip to the beach house.

I felt so excited. I hadn't been to the beach house in 2 years. The beach house was a property that Anna's dad had given her when he died. We used to go there every time we could get off from work. But we hadn't gone in 2years, because of me being unable to find time being busy with the new boyfriend at the time.

"Great," I mumbled to myself. Just when I started forgetting, it comes back. With a sigh, I walked into my front door, trying to remember where I last left my suitcase.

Finding it in the corner of my closet, I packed everything that could fit in that bag. From summer dresses to yoga pants to sweat shirts to bikinis, I was sure that I had everything I need. Not bothering to change, I pulled on a pair of sneakers, grabbed my bag and a pair of shades and walked into the living room of my modest flat, a one room that had I had moved into when the jackass and I starting getting serious.

Shaking my head I opened the front door to find Anna showered and standing at my door. Clad in black jeans and yellow t-shirt that showed off her cleavage well, with matching pair of heels. I swear I've never seen her wear anything but her heels. Her brown short hair still wet from her shower, she smiled at me "ready to go?" I nodded and we headed off to her car, silver BMW M6. Anna did well, owning her own businesses. Money was never an issue with her, the insane shoe collection as well as the fancy car was just proof of how well he did.

We packed our luggage into the boot and hopped in, ready for the 7 hour drive that would lead us to the beach house. I looked out the window and pulled on my shades, ready for the much needed vacation.

***

"Bitch? Yo, bitch?" She turned her head to face me as she parked on the corner of the street. I ginned at the fact that she was swearing at me again, and with her, that was always a good thing.

"I do have a name ya know," I grabbed my shades and got out the car.

She got out the car also, already heading toward the house.

"Yeah, I know. But I like bitch better" she turned her head and grinned at me.

Returning a smirk I shook my head and went to fetch my luggage. "Whatever, slut."

"Hey! I'm no slut," she whined. A fake pout playing on her lips.

I grinned at her. "You'll stop being a slut the day I stop being a bitch."

She smirked and shook her head "Shit. Looks like I'm stuck with that title."

I rolled my eyes and grabbed our bags, pulling them into the lobby of the house. Yeah, I know. A lobby.

The house was just massive, 4 floors with the most elegant design. The house had always made me feel like I was living in the age of Marilyn Monroe, with the classic design the house had to it. It was truly amazing.

"I'm going to my room. See you by the beach in an hour?" I nodded at her and watched her grab her bag and walk up the wooden stairs up to her room on the 4th floor.

I grabbed my suitcase and started walking up the stairs. Thankfully my room was on the 2nd floor. Once I hit the top of the stair case, I pulled my bag behind me as I walked on the lush brown carpet to my room, the second door on the left. I opened the door and was greeted by the familiar layout.

Right in the dead center of the room was a four poster bed, draped with red and brown blankets and pillows. The carpet was a deep brown color, the walls beige to offset the brown, or at least that's what I was told. Leaving my bag at the door, I walked to the bed, kicking off my shoes as I did so. Closing my eyes, I drifted off into sleep.

***

"Bitch, wake up. Jade!" I opened my eyes to Anna shaking me.

"What?" I hated being woke up.

"I have to go back to work today. There was a big issue with the shipment and they think there might be someone stealing from us. I'm so sorry to do this to you, but I have to go." Despite my disappointment, I smiled at her. I knew Anna wouldn't bail on plans unless it was a real emergency.

"It's okay. Let me just fix the bed and we'll go"

"Oh hell no. You're staying here. You know where everything is. You need this week off. I'll come get you in a week's time. Enjoy yourself, but not too much cause I won't be there" I laughed and smiled at my best friend.

"Sure thing slut." Came my reply as I let my head hit the pillow once again.

"Bye, bitch. Love ya. Seeya in a week"

"Love ya too" I mumbled as I drifted back off into sleep. I heard the click of the door closing and tried to relax.

A few hours later I woke up to the sound of the doorbell being rung.

Groaning, I got out of bed and walked down the stairs, wondering what Anna forgot.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" I yelled just before I threw open the French doors.

To my surprise, Anna was not the person who stood before me.

I took in the view of the man standing before me. He had dark brown hair that almost looked black that covered his face almost to his liquid blue eyes. My eyes continued to scroll down his face, taking in the high cheek bones and the plum lips that Anna would call 'totally kissable' Leaving his face, my eyes traveled down his body, a white wet t shirt clung to his body. I shook my head as I took in the wet jeans he also wore. Why was he wet? I asked myself as my eyes made their way back to his face.

"Hey, I'm James," a deep raspy voice filled my ears as this mystery man spoke. "I'm so sorry to intrude but as you may have noticed. There's a major storm going on." I looked behind him to see a storm crackling away "...and my bother isn't here yet so I don't have a way into the house. I took a bus so I can't sleep in my car. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind if I used your phone or something?"

I blinked twice at him. Was he seriously asking me to let a complete stranger into my best friend's house? Even though my head voiced this, I still found my lips talking and letting him in.

Soon he stood in the lobby dripping onto the floor. "Thanks. You are such a life saver" he grinned at me and I was flashed with a pair of white teeth.

"Let me get you a towel" running up the stairs. I walked into the spare bathroom and grabbed a few towels, and ran back down to hand them to James.

"Thanks," he smiled as he took hold on the towels and started to dry himself off.

"You should get out of those wet clothes," realizing what I said I blushed "I mean get into dry clothes."

He grinned at me again and my blush deepend.

"I don't have anything to change into."

"Oh, well. I think I might a rugby jersey you could probably fit into. And maybe a pair of boxers."

He nodded at me, "They're your boyfriend's?" I shook my head.

"No, mine" Way to sound like a cross dresser. "I mean, I like rugby jerseys and I sleep in boxers so yeah" feeling stupid, I shook my head and started to walk up the stairs, to find he was following me. I lead him to the spare room on the 2nd floor, right next to mine.

"There's a bathroom in that room. You can dry off properly in there. I'll put the clothes on the bed."

"I don't even know your name" realizing I hadn't introduced myself I held out my hand.

"Jade."

He took my hand and gave it a firm shake. I could feel how cold his hand was, probably due to the rain.

He opened the door and walked into the room, while I went an fetched the rugby jersey and boxers.

Shaking my head, I grabbed the clothes and went to go put them on the bed. Forgetting to knock, I opened the door to find me just standing in his wet boxers.

He turned and faced me, completely stunned. Quickly, I covered my eyes, dropping the clothes. "Oh my! I didn't mean to -- I'm so sorry. Oh fuck!"

I heard him chuckle, what a rich sound. "Relax, Jade. It's not like I'm naked and it was just a mistake." I shook my head. How could he stand there so near to naked and look so comfortable?

"I'll be downstairs in the kitchen."

Quickly, I turned and left the room. Walking down the stairs, I replayed the scene in my head and with a slight throb, I realised the warth starting at my center. The fuck?