Going Home

My dad was to be commended to God at St Catherine's - the church where I first took communion; the church I ran away from.

I walk in; everyone stares. Some looks are confused; others in wonder; others surprised. I genuflect and sit next to my mother. Jon - my younger brother - sits down in the pew behind us. I turn to shake his hand. Nothing and he looks away. Mom rolls her eyes. Fuck.

I sigh and turn around. Right as the opening chords of Be Not Afraid start, Chloe sneaks in four pews behind me.

The priests begin.

"Do not remember his sins but look upon his sufferings and grant him peace."

Dad in a coffin. Mom sobbing. Jon can't look at me. Chloe.

The mass droned on. Numb.

"Forgive us our trespasses..." Jon's pointed look... "Let us offer now a sign of peace" Nothing.

"One day we shall joyfully greet him again when the love of Christ..." Doubtful. The bastard can rot in hell.

I follow the coffin out next to mom. "I know that my redeemer lives" the organ intones. A hand on my shoulder. I look - Chloe. She smiles sadly. I touch her hand briefly as we walk out of the church. The last time we were in a church...

***

... Chloe had left her house. She was fighting with her mom. Chloe knocked on my parent's front door. Thankfully I realized it was her before my parents did. I went outside to talk to her.

"What's wrong?" I asked concerned.

"Mom's being a bitch again. She threw a jar.."

"Are you alright? I asked.

"Yeah. Stupid bitch missed," she said. "Let's get out of here."

"Okay. Church yard?" Chloe's favorite place to hide was the cemetery next to the church.

"Let's go." I yelled inside that I was leaving. I didn't wait for a reply. We got into Chloe's beatup Thunderbird. Tires screeching. Windows down. London Calling.

Chloe parked and reaches behind into the back. She pulls out the emergency vodka. I shudder thinking of the last time we broke out the emergency vodka. "Is it better than the last bottle?" I asked.

"Better? It fucks you up. What could be better Garrett?" she said.

"You'd think if you were going to steal vodka, you'd steal something decent," I say. But Chloe is already walking ahead.

We went into the cemetery. It's quiet as usual. Peaceful. Chloe comes here for the stillness. We go to the usual spot - her uncle's grave. He died when she was young. The top of his gravestone is easy to sit on. Chloe pours a shot onto his grave, takes a pull, wipes her mouth, and then hands me the bottle. "Hi Uncle George," she says.

"Here we go again," I say as I take a slug. The vodka burns as it goes down. I try to suppress a cough. Chloe laughs at me.

She frowns. "How much longer?" she asks.

"How much longer for what?" I say.

"That we have to run and hide like this," she says.

"I don't know. Too long," I say.

"Uncle John was the only family that was ever good to me. Maybe it's because I don't remember him well anymore."

A moment passes.

"Let's get out of here together Garrett," she say.

"What about Jon?" I ask.

"I don't know," she says. "He can come with us."

I reach over and kiss her. It has to be enough for now. Chloe returns the kiss as she puts her hands on the back of my head.

"How is Jon? He never comes out with us anymore," Chloe says.

"Okay," I said. "The old bastard has been tough on him lately."

"Since he's given up on you?" she says gently.

"Yeah. I think so. I feel bad for him... I don't know how to help," I say. "The old bastard told him that he'd never amount to shit. Like me."

"Sometimes the only thing you can do is survive."

"Yeah, but it shouldn't be like that," I say. "I should be able to make it better."

"I know." Chloe says as she gently touches my cheek.

I sigh. "It looks like rain," I say as as I point to the clouds.

"It feels like rain," Chloe responds as the wind starts to kick up. "Let's go!" she says as a cold rain cuts through the summer day. She points to the church and grabs the vodka bottle. We both scamper for the side door. The front doors are too foreboding.

We sneak in the side door as the first crash of thunder hits. We're in the left side of the nave. Chloe shakes herself dry and squeeze the water out of her hair. Her makeup is starting to run too. I stare at her. She rolls her eyes and grabs my hand. We sit down in a pew.

"I don't understand why she has to be such a bitch. I'm not the reason her life is a disaster," she say quietly.

"Yeah. You don't deserve it," I say.

"Neither do you," she replies.

"Eh", I say.

"No seriously. You don't deserve it either."

"I know," I say quietly. "Is she at it again?"

"Yeah. She was on the floor yesterday when I came home," Chole says. A moment passes.

"Do you think he cares?" She gestures up at the crucified Jesus.

"I don't know. It's been a long time since I've been here. Or since he seemed to give a damn," I say.

"Yeah," she says. "Mom hasn't taken us here in years. Funny being Catholic and never going to church."

"Me too. Church doesn't seem like a place that welcomes people like us," I say.

"We're too different... we don't fit in," she says. The thunder booms. Lightning illuminates the stained glass.

A few minutes pass in quiet.

"Is it okay if I pray?" Rain patters hard against the windows.

"Sure," I say, as Chloe bows her head and quietly mouths a prayer. Another minute. Chloe looks up.

"What'd you pray for?" I ask.

"That everything is okay someday," she says. "And that we're always together like this."

I start and look at her. "You know... I love you," she says. A heartbeat. Two heartbeats. Three. Four. Lightening. Further off. The stained glass illuminates over Chloe's face. Her gray eyes stare intensely at me.

"I know. I love you too." I realized.

"You're always so mushy. Next you're going to rush to protect my honor with a broadsword," Chloe prattles.

I roll my eyes. "A broadsword? Where would I even... Why a broadsword?"

Chloe laughs. "The better to defend my honor."

"Couldn't you come up with something lighter? Say a saber? And besides. I think I'm the one staining your honor," I say.

"Well come on. It's stopped raining. You can find a use for that broadsword in the car," Chloe looks at me suggestively.

"Well then. Let's go." We get up and walk towards the side door.

Chloe turns around. She looks up at the bloody crucified Jesus. "Thank you." Then we walk out into the gray left behind by the thunderstorm. It's still drizzling as we get back into her car.

We got in her car. Chloe always keeps the windows down. Even when it's drizzling. The wind and wet blows through my hair...

***

At the cemetery. It's sunny even though it should rain for funerals.

"We gather her to commend our brother to God our father and commit his body to the earth."

Chloe is standing next to me. Jon and Mom across from me. Dad's coworkers behind them. That's really all he had. Everything else was dust to him. Everything is dust.

Chloe is behind me. The only one standing with me.

The priest continues. Jon is crying. Years of frustration, anger pour out of him. Nobody comforts him. Nobody goes to him. Not mom.

I walk around awkwardly to him and put my arm around him. He's hugging me. I'm so sorry Jon.

The priest continues: "One day we shall joyfully greet him again when the love of Christ, which conquers all things, destroys even death itself."

We start to disburse. Chloe comes over to hug Jon as well.

I tap my fingers on the back of my right hand. It's our "Help" sign. Jon nods. The three of us slip out of the group. We go looking for a bar. Back to O'Neils...

***

Chloe parked next to the creek bank. The muddy water was swirling faster with the rain. Chloe shuts off the engine. She scoots over the front seat to me. I put my arm around her. She starts to feel my leg. I get hard. Chloe lays her head on my chest. "Thanks for today. I really needed to get away."

"Sure thing babe," I say. I start to kiss her. Her lips are smooth and soft. Her tongue rubs over my teeth. She pulls off her tank top. I feel her boobs as she pulls my shirt over my head. Her nipples are hard. She grabs my hair.

Chloe starts to moan. I reach under her mini skirt. She's soaking wet. Her eyes roll back as I finger her through her panties. She pulls her knees to her chest and pulls off her miniskirt and neon underwear in one go.

Chloe looks at me sultry. Her legs spread out across the passenger seat. I caress her thighs and lick her inner thighs. I keep going down to her sex.

Chloe is surprised and clamps my head in enjoyment. I keep going as I grab her ass. She moans. I breathe in desire. I keep at it. "Oh god. Don't stop. Jesus."

"Yes?" I joke. She tightens her legs in response to my corny joke. Not much longer now as she gasps for breath. "Garrett," she exclaims. Then I feel it. She clamps down one more time. Moans loudly. And then relaxes.

A deep breath. Another.

"Uh," she breathes.

"Feel good?" I ask.

I grab a napkin out of the glovebox and wipe my face. Chloe looks at me with her piercing gray eyes. They match the clouds outside. "Take off your pants," she says.

I shuck off my pants. My cock hard. She starts to stroke me. "Feel good?" she asks knowingly.

"Yeah" I say as my balls tighten. She keeps stroking and grabs my balls. Chloe licks the head and then plunges down. I nearly explode in pleasure. Chloe bobs up and down. Her eyes soaking in my pleasure.

Right as I am about to orgasm, she stops. She brushes a wisp of hair out of her face.

"Do you like having your broadsword polished?" Chloe asks sweetly.

I groan in frustration and at the questionable humor.

"Okay okay" as she goes down on me again. My hips thrust between the driver seat and her mouth. My back is arching. My toes are curled. I orgasm into her mouth.

Chloe licks her lips lasciviously and then swallows. "Tastes good."

I breathe hard as she rests her head on my chest. I put my arm around her.

***

Jon, Chloe, and I walk into O'Neil's. It's closed. We walk in anyways.

Michael is behind the bar. He sees Chloe and I first. "You guys are back..." Then he sees Jon. "Jon, good to see you!" Michael comes around the bar to give Jon a big bear hug. They embrace for a moment. I shake Michael's hand. He kisses Chloe on the cheek.

"Let me get you a table" as he leads us towards the back of the empty restaurant.