Mick Roper (22) was a guest at India Westland's 21st birthday Sunday luncheon where the females out-numbered the males 3:1.
He wondered why the hell he'd accepted the invitation to attend. Oh yeah, he'd been friends with India for years as they lived on the same street. Her mother had hand-delivered the invite to his mum who's accepted without referral. He fumed that his mum had not consulted him first.
Some of the guys had already drifted off when Mick heard on of the girls criticising India for never wearing a bra.
"Why would I wear a bra when my upper torso is muscular from swimming and gym training, with no sign of sag?"
A debate erupted and Mick realized India in fact concealed a decent pair of knockers.
He stared at them.
India caught him gaping and flipped two fingers at him, resulting in Mick disappearing off home.
It was only 2.30 and his mum asked, "Was the lunch party that boring to send you home so early?"
"Yeah, it was over-run by females."
"Well, it was a young woman's birthday do. Why cram it with rude louts?"
"My leaving the gathering decreased the overall intelligent level of the mob not leaving, probably significantly.'
"You have a gigantic opinion of yourself, Michael Roper," scoffed his mum.
Not so. He was modest, although having graduated dux (top scholar) of senior year of high school-leavers and he was on track to finish his 4-year Marine Biology degree in three years. Well, marine biology and surfing had been two of his hobbies since he was eight years old.
A couple of hours later his mum Thelma yelled at him that India Westland was calling him on the house phone.
India was immediately into it.
"Have you just noticed that I have boobs?"
"Sort of."
"What the hell does that mean?"
He replied exactly what he said, sort of.
"Come to my birthday dinner tonight for my extended family and later, when everyone has vanished, you may do a bit of booby exploration."
"No thanks."
"But I thought you considered me attractive and a close pal?"
"I do, but dinner will be crowded with family, boring the crap out of me, and you are not my idea of a sex pin-up."
"What is your type?"
"Dunno really, quite range, but not you. You are simply one of my female friends."
India gritted, "I don't accept that."
"Too bad Indy, some things are just like that. Bye, I'm off surfing."
Indy complained to her mum, Nola Westland.
"Mick Roper doesn't want to rumble with me."
"How do you know that?"
"Because he says so."
"Indy, that shouldn't surprise you. He's an acquaintance rather than a boyfriend. What on earth did you say to him?"
"At lunchtime. he was staring at my breasts and I invited him to massage them tonight."
"Indy, that's disgusting and it's a wonder the poor young man didn't run for the hills because he's always regarded you as one of the lads. I would think he doesn't possess a single gram of sexual connection with you in his mind."
"That's no fair."
"That's the way it is, dear, accept it. Besides, with your personality and athletic body, you can practically have almost any guy around your age that you wish to date but darling, please exercise good taste."
"Mum, he didn't run for the hills. He said he was going surfing and cut me off abruptly."
"It's the same thing, darling. Get used to it. You're merely someone he knows by name."
India vowed, "I'll get him to rumble me if it's the last thing I do."
"Well, remember condoms darling should you somehow managed the improbable."
At drinks before her birthday dinner that evening, India invited her youngest uncle Matt outside for a quiet chat. Her dad's brother was of her generation, only eight years older.
"What's the problem sweetie?" he asked, eyeing her breasts.
"You know Mick Roper...?"
"Sure do, honey. I surf with him regularly, play cricket and squash with him and fight your Aunt Wendy to keep her hands off him when she's had one too many when he's at our place socializing. Is he pestering you?"
"No, far from that. In fact, I want him hitting on me. Please advise me how to make that happen."
"Sweetie, look elsewhere. That guy had the potential to become a surfing legend, but scorns the thought of making that happen. He's our club's #1 at squash socially, but won't enter grade play competition. The babes are attracted to him, but few get even close to him. The guy just wants an uncomplicated life without fame or, for that matter, notoriety."
"Okay, that's how you see it, but where's the positive counselling to your niece on how to filtrate attractively into his tiny brain?"
"I've told you. Look elsewhere. He's little short of being a loner although I've known him to date occasionally. As for being a bird brain, the guy you are targeting has practically finished his Marine Science degree in three years at one of the top teaching marine science facilities in this part of the world where most students struggle to complete in the prescribed four years."
"Damn you Matt, I sought your assistance and all you have done is to emphasis the possible barriers I'm facing."
"Sorry babe, then I admit being useless to you in this instance. I've attempted to accurately describe what you are up against. For you and most other females, he's probably untouchable. My huge and free advice is, look elsewhere."
"Fuck off, Uncle Matt."
"That's the spirit young woman; scheme systematically and attack covertly. Anything less is a prescription for failure."
Watching her uncle walking back into the house, India broke into a smile, thinking omigod, Matt had actually dumped big advice in front of her, scheme and attack covertly.
She giggled, "What the fuck did he think she was, the Marines!"
She entered the house smiling, murmuring "Scheme and attack covertly."
When approaching the table to dinner, she threw her arm around Aunt Emma and said happily, "Thanks for coming to help make this a special event in my life."
"That no problem, darling. You are Matt's and my favourite relative by marriage."
"That's so kind of you to say that. Um, just a wee question to fill a gap in my knowledge. When Matt was in the military until he retired last year, what unit was he in?"
"Ooh, I'm not supposed to talk about this. But for your ears only, he spent the last seven years in Special Services."
