Smelly Tuxedo-June 13
I was walking through the mall late on a Sunday afternoon in June, headed for the formal wear store to turn in the crumpled rented tuxedo that I was carrying in a brown paper grocery bag. Head down, not sure I was headed in the right direction, trying to shake off the lingering effects of too much alcohol the night before; way too much alcohol the night before.
"Are you going to run over me without even stopping to say hello," came a somehow familiar voice from a woman who was standing about 10 inches from my face when I finally stopped and looked at her.
"Allison, Allison Caroll is my name, remember me? Your name is Brad Marks and we went to college together at State, you look like shit and it smells like someone peed on whatever is in that nasty looking bag you are carrying."
"Allie, good to see you," I said with a feeble attempt at a cheerful voice. "It's a tuxedo in the bag and it is possible I peed in my pants, or maybe somebody else peed on me. It was a hell of a wedding reception and there are parts of it that I either don't remember or choose to forget."
She put her hands on her hips and gave me a head to toe visual exam with her hands. "If you are headed to the formalwear store you are going the wrong direction." With that she took me by the arm, turned me around and led me to Bonobos Formals in the opposite direction. The young girl at Bonobos took the bag with a disgusted look on her face and announced that she was going to the back room to check to see if everything was there. She returned much too soon and announced that everything was in order and quickly handed me a receipt. I didn't mention that the last time I saw the cummerbund was while a girl was wearing is as an ill fitting bra, and the black tie that had come with the tux, I was not about to tell her where it had been.
"So how have you been, other than drunk in a rented tuxedo" asked Allie as we walked out of the store. "Actually you don't smell so bad, you must have cleaned up after your night of debauchery. Was it anybody I know who got married?"
"It was the daughter of the senior partner of the firm I work for. I was wearing a tuxedo because it was a black tie event and all the men were wearing tuxedos."
She gave me a raised eyebrow look and said, "you must be doing well, second year out of law school and the senior partner invites you to his daughter's wedding."
"That's what I thought when the invitation came, but apparently I was invited because a bridesmaid who was the bride's best friend needed a man to accompany her once the party got going."
"So it may have been the bride's BFF who pissed on your tuxedo, is that your story?"
"It is entirely possible, and it wouldn't have been the kinkiest thing she did between the time we left the reception late last night and when she got in a cab to go home a couple hours ago."
"Kinky huh? It sounds like you may have found the woman of every man's dreams, are you going to see her again?"
"Please," I begged, "don't make me think. My brain isn't functioning right and before I consider where I stand with bridesmaid-gone-wild I should be thinking about whether I still have a job, surely someone saw me getting a blow job on the veranda at the country club and that happened before we got really warmed up."
Allie led me to a coffee shop and sat me down while she went to get espressos for both of us. By the time she returned I had come to my senses enough to appreciate the situation. Allison is a beautiful girl who I hardly knew in college and who I have not seen in six years. She stopped me to say hello as I was stumbling through a mall, and 10 minutes later we are on the verge of discussing my wild overnight experience with a kinky bridesmaid.
"So Allie, how have you been, what have you been up to, what is going on in your life?" I said when she returned.
We spent the next hour catching up with each other and with the friends we had in common. She is an accountant with a large firm with offices in the western suburbs. I work for a downtown law firm. Both of us are very career focused, neither has a regular boy friend or girl friend and neither are seriously looking. She made a few jokes about me and the kinky bridesmaid and she skillfully changed the subject when I mentioned that seemed only fair that since she had seen the seedy side of my private life, that she should share some of her own nasty stories.
Allie gave me a ride back to the country club to retrieve my car. We had already exchanged contact information and agreed to meet the next weekend. I cautioned her that she might get a lecherous look from the valet when he returned with my car. He looked a lot like the same valet who walked by the night before and caught us in the act with the bridesmaid's gown pulled up above her waist, her ass on the hood of my BMW, and me pumping into her with my pants around my ankles.
Without a word Allie walked up to the car, examined the hood, then turned to me and said, "you should clean those ass prints off before you go to work tomorrow." She gave the valet and me a knowing wink, got in her car and drove away.
**********
On Wednesday I sent her an email:
Allie,
I was just checking out some options about what we could do on Saturday. My firm has great tickets at the ball park, there is a game on Saturday and nobody has claimed them yet, or I know a couple good clubs with outstanding music, or dinner and a movie? What do you think?
Brad
Ten minutes later I got this email back:
Brad,
I haven't been called Allie since college, I prefer to be called Allison now. It is thoughtful of you to suggest some options, but I have something else in mind. I'll be working all day Saturday, getting home around 6:00 and I will be hungry. Pick me up at 7:00 and we will get something to eat, a big juicy steak sounds good. We can chat over dinner and if everything goes ok we will get a bottle of wine and go back to my place to see what happens.