Friends 66

He slowed to a walk and glanced at his phone to check the time. Didn't really matter--just habit. In the fall with cross country it did, but now with high jump and long jump approaching it was all about an explosive start and brief sprint followed by a jog for recovery, then again, and again.

He loved the early morning. The air was still fresh, new, before all the cars and things changed it and here, walking on the paver path that surrounded the lake on campus...he was still amazed. A whole ecosystem had been created by students in a dozen majors.

A deep end with nothing, then an area of deep aquatic plants, then the water lilies, then plants erupting from the shallows--arrowhead and dwarf cattails. Then the grasses and sedges, the brushy area and finally the trees.

The trees. His favorites. The early morning was peaceful, quiet, calm--just the way he liked it. Just the way he liked his life.

He took a last look at the new leaves erupting from the branches and headed for the dais. The early American industrialist, founder of the university and raised a full four feet off the ground. Perfect for his vertical jump practice. He squatted and threw his arms down as he jumped and easily made it to the platform. "One."

He turned to jump down, but as he glanced across the pond, he saw her. And the peace of the early morning evaporated and pain stabbed his heart. Shoulders slumped, hands in her face, hair a mess, obviously wearing last night's outfit. A bag sitting next to her on the ground.

But to him she was beautiful. Her dark brown hair glistened in the early sunlight and he knew exactly what that face looked like underneath those hands. He'd watched it grow and change since her family had moved in next door when they were both six.

He sighed and whispered to himself, "Why, Sam? Why do you do this to yourself? Why can't you see?" He walked around the pond, sat down next to her and put his arm around her. She rested her head on his shoulder and continued to weep. "I knew you'd be here, Drew."

"Rough night, Sam?"

She nodded. "Broke up with Matt?" She nodded. "Sorry, Sam."

"Drew, I thought we had something special. Something that would last, but I woke up this morning when I heard him getting dressed. I said, 'Last night was fabulous, Matt.' 'Yeah, it was fine.' Fine! Drew, I pulled out all the stops, gave it everything I had and he says it was 'fine.' " Drew winced, his heart pierced again.

"And then he says, 'I have to go to the team breakfast, but I think things are getting a little stale. I think we need to break up. There are some bags by the trash can. You can put all your stuff in those as you leave.' I'm lying there naked in his bed and he tells me to get the hell out! Out of his apartment, out of his life! What the hell, Drew? Who does that?"

The image was ripping Drew apart. Sam in someone else's bed, but never his. He wanted to cry and run away, but instead, he buried it. Like always. "I'm sorry, Sam. His loss for sure."

"Drew! What's wrong with me? Over and over. Same ending to every story. The only difference is how many pages there are and how terrible the end is."

"There's nothing wrong with you, Sam. Some guys are just...well, they don't understand how precious and wonderful the person is that they're holding. And maybe you keep looking for your answers in the wrong place. Remember what they say about insanity. If you do the same thing, but expect the outcome to be different?

"Maybe you need to look closer to home--or something. Maybe what you need is right in front of you." He froze. Maybe he'd said too much. She raised her head and searched his face, but turned back away.

"Sam, uh, look. You have a couple of options. You could go back to your room, get cleaned up, then head out and pick out the next guy to be a little salve on your broken heart. Take your mind off what Matt did. But you know it's just going to be another short story, right? The guy would just be a temporary replacement, the next Matt. Right?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe he..."

Talking over her, "Or, you could take a break, take a breather. We could head up to the cabin and you could relax, get away from everything and regroup. We could hike," smiling, "I could try and teach you a little about nature..."

He felt her chuckle a little. He swore she intentionally would not learn anything about the plants and animals. A tiger swallowtail. Common, big, beautiful, yellow and black butterfly--couldn't confuse it with anything else. They'd see one and she'd say monarch, skipper, buckeye. Anything but tiger swallowtail.

"So, how about it. Best way to get over a breakup. Come on. You know you want to. I'll teach you all about herbaceous perennials." He felt her chuckle again. "And the big yellow butterfly that's out and flying around already is a..."

"Buckswallow skipper head."

"Exactly!" She turned and hugged him.

"Thank you, Drew." He always knew just how to hit the right buttons to help her feel better. The familiar warm sweater when she was cold. She looked at his face again. Drew? The look on his face! Was that a flutter in her stomach? But they were just friends, right? God, if he felt she was more than a friend she must have hurt him a hundred, a thousand times--just like today.

No! They were just friends. But she looked at his face again, "Maybe it would be just what I need. You always know just the right thing to make me feel better."

"Alright! So what if I pick you up about eleven or so after my classes and..."

"Uh, no. Thanks. But I'll drive myself. I have some things to do and a noon class." And she needed to swing by the liquor store and get some vodka and mixer. She was afraid Drew wouldn't approve. "I'll just meet you up there."

"Alright, if you're sure. So, I'll see you later on. And if you're doing okay, I have forty-nine more jumps to do, then shower and class."

"Drew, you are one sick monkey. But thanks. Thanks for cheering me up a little. See you this afternoon. Make sure all the women's undergarments are put away." She smiled, kissed his cheek and left. She knew there'd be no undergarments there. Why didn't he date? There were so many girls that wanted to go out with him.

"Will do. May take a while. Happy to help." He paused and searched her face. The longing tugged at him, urged him to just reach out and grab her. But he knew he couldn't. He at least had her friendship. And no way did he ever want to lose that.

She got up, turned her back to him, then turned back around. "Drew? What's wrong with the water lilies? They're usually so beautiful and full, but they're all closed up. Locked up. Are they dead or something?"

He smiled. "Water lilies close every night as it gets dark and then reopen in the morning. It's a symbol of rebirth, reawakening. It reminds us that every morning we have choices. We have the opportunity to change, to make things happen, to live the lives we want to live.

"Others say it's the path to enlightenment. The roots are down in the muck and no matter how bad things are or were we can grow up out of that and blossom into a thing of beauty." Laughing, "But anyway, they're fine."

"Thanks again, Drew." She turned back and walked off. She shook her head. None of the guys she'd dated would ever, ever have come up with something like that. Drew was like the answer man or something. He knew so much about so many different things...

He watched her depart and felt the same twinge of loneliness he felt every time she walked away. He laughed to himself. Maybe his rebirth will lead to being a better high jumper. Forty-nine more.

At five o'clock he sat down and was ready to start eating when he heard a car on the gravel drive. He went out on the porch and waved. "You made it! I figured you'd decided it wasn't your best option."

She stared at him a moment. "No. Just got tied up with Mel and lost track of time. You know how she likes to talk." He nodded. But he was right. He knew her so well. Actually she'd spent the afternoon pacing her room trying to decide whether to go or not.

Something about Drew was pulling at her, but Drew? Mr. Steady? Mr. Predictable? Mr. Calm, cool and collected? Drew. She needed excitement, change, a little chaos--didn't she?

Drew had acted weird this morning. A little different than usual. She usually knew exactly what he was thinking, but this morning...it was different. When she hugged him, he hugged her back. Fine, they hugged all the time. But it wasn't that friend:friend hug. It was like he never wanted to let go of her.

He'd wrapped her up a little tighter, held her a little longer, and he'd taken a deep breath like he was breathing her in. Like he needed her or something. No. It couldn't be, could it? They were friends. Just friends. But it ate at her all afternoon.

What if she made a move and he rejected it. What a nightmare. She'd never be able to look him in the eye again. Right? Mel said she should just go for it and give it a try. A lot of folks who dated and broke up were still friends afterward. True, but a lot weren't. No way could she lose Drew as a friend. A world without Drew? She didn't even want to think about it.

She had just about decided to go out clubbing, forget about Drew and find her new replacement, but then she thought about the water lily. She'd be opening her petals to the same world. A repeat.

She already knew in her heart that the guy she met tonight would be, how did Drew put it, a salve. The sex would be fine, not great. And a day, a week, a month from now she'd be on the bench again trying to figure out her Deja vu life.

Drew had acted like he needed to tell her something. God, what if he was transferring, moving somewhere else? Or getting an internship somewhere; oh crap, or finishing his stuff online? He was her best friend!

What would it be like if he weren't around to pick up the pieces? Just a thought of that possibility made her feel a little empty. It frightened her. He had to be around. He was always around. She had to see what was up, so she drove to the cabin. Just the thought of making the move and being rejected made her nervous, but she'd brought some liquid courage.

He grabbed her overnight bag and she followed him into the cabin. "The place always looks so great and feels so homey, Drew. I love being up here."

"I'm the only one that uses it much. Mom and Dad only come now and again. And James and Lizzie are both going to school out of state. James is going to Dad's school, Lizzie majoring in vegetable farming or some crazy thing down south, so, just me.

"I come up as much as possible. You know, whenever I have a break from the track meets. Great place to study and practice. Clear my mind..." And not think about you, Sam, or see you with another of your boyfriends.

"Hope you're hungry. Barbecued chicken, baked potatoes from the microwave, and a salad. Here, let me bring it to the table. And here's your Diet Coke, with a glass and some ice." She just watched him, every move, every motion, every facial expression. They were all so familiar, so 'right.' "Uh, Sam?"

"Oh, sorry. Just kind of drifted off in thought there for a second." She laughed, "Just like my mother." She gasped and a look of horror filled her face, "Oh no. Just like my mother!" They both laughed. One of her fears--that she would turn out like her mother.

"It looks great, Drew. Thanks." She was nervous. Just the thought of the two of them changing their relationship into something new made her shaky. On the one hand being wrapped up in those arms and being together skin to skin...it could be wonderful, amazing, a dream. But if he rejected her or it didn't work out? Nightmare.

So, time for courage. She poured some soda into the glass, then went over and got her bottle of vodka and poured some in. "Want some, Drew? There's plenty. This is my getting over Matt elixir."

He smiled. "No. Thanks, but I'm in training and I get such a headache."

"Sure, I understand. God, you are incredible. I can't believe how high you can jump or how far you can jump."

Laughing, he shrugged, "I just fly like that black and yellow butterfly, whatever it's called."

"Yellow winged hairstreak."

"Exactly."

She laughed. He poked her with that all the time. Papilio glaucus. Tiger swallowtail. She knew all about it; and it was beautiful, graceful--like Drew. But she couldn't let Drew know. Where was the fun in that? She knew the different oaks and maples; a sedge vs. a grass; and more snakes, frogs and salamanders than she could ever have imagined.

But it was so much fun to see him frustrated over her inability to learn and they always laughed together about it.

"I always look for you at the meets. Thanks for coming when you can." Chuckling, "Not so sure I'm incredible. Middle of the pack at best, but that's why I'm working so hard at it. I actually built a high jump and long jump setup behind the cabin. In fact, I need to carry in a bunch of sand to put in the pits after dinner. I don't know where it goes, but it just kind of disappears. Another mystery."

They finished dinner, "Drew, that was terrific, thank you. I'd give you a hand, but I'm not sure I can lug those fifty pound bags to the back."

"It's fine. Won't take long. I'll spread it tomorrow. Here, I'll get the fire going first and you can enjoy it while I carry those huge, heavy bags all by myself."

She looked at him and smiled, "I think I feel a tear." He laughed and went outside. She needed to get loaded, close her petals and reopen with no thoughts of Matt and no thoughts of new Drew in the morning. She poured herself a glass and downed it. Poured another and looked outside in in time to see Drew easily carrying two bags to the back. "Holy crap!" When had he gotten that strong?

When he came back in she was sitting on the couch staring at the fire. She looked at him with watery eyes. He stopped himself from shaking his head, and instead he smiled, "Twenty-five bags moved. Now time for a shower and some fire viewing along with you."

He left, she chugged her drink and made another. She didn't want him to know how many she was having. She, well, she almost felt ashamed about what she was doing. Drinking alone. Not a good thing.

"Screw him! He's not a parent or a boyfriend. He's just a friend. What do I care?" But she did. She poured her drink down the sink and went and sat back down.

Drew came out moments later in scrubs and she looked at him. So different than he had been growing up. He moved easily, effortlessly, gracefully. He had much bigger, thicker arms than she remembered, but then she remembered him saying that the sprint to the jump was like the start of the hundred yard dash and your arms drove you forward. She just stared at him.

"OK, Sam. What gives? Do I have toilet paper hanging out somewhere or something?"

"No, sorry. I am just amazed at how much different you are than you were at the beginning of high school. You should be so proud of yourself. I know I am."

He stared at her and blushed a little. He was aware of her slurred speech even though she had no glass in front of her. Must be still absorbing what she's poured into that stomach of hers. Why, Sam? "Thanks. That, er, that means a lot to me, Sam. Hearing it from you. Thanks for saying that."

Her turn to blush as she continued to stare at him. She felt herself starting to be drawn towards him, but stopped herself. No. No way! "I'm going to go take my shower. See you later, Drew." He nodded.

She came back out in a long tee shirt and undies. He looked at her as she approached. He'd seen her in that outfit a hundred times. Watched her evolve from skinny little curveless girl to nothing but curves. God, she was so beautiful. The number of times he dreamed about running his hands along those curves...recently it had become almost constant.

He could have just stared at her forever, but forced himself to look away and got up and put another log on the fire. He came back and she scooted over and put her head on his shoulder.

"Drew, what's wrong with me? Why do I keep doing what I'm doing?"

He knew he was wasting his time talking to her. Her speech was slurred and she was obviously pretty drunk. "I don't know, Sam. I think you're just searching for something, but somehow every morning as your lily reopens, you search in the same place. Maybe you're missing what's right in front of you. Something that could make you happy..."

He looked down and her eyes were closed. "Come on, Sam. Looks like it's time for bed. Let me give you a hand." He gently lifted her from the couch, but she seemed to be asleep, so he set her back down, went back and pulled her covers down, then returned and carried her back to bed. He left the bathroom light on.

"Night, Sam." Then to himself, 'I love you. God how I love you. If you'd just quit looking in the wrong places." He shook his head and left.

He stayed up for a bit reading and doing some homework then decided it was time to hit the rack. Early day tomorrow. He wanted to get his high jumps and long jump practice in and then be ready to take a hike with Sam, although, and he laughed to himself, her head may hurt enough that she would just want to sit around.

He took off his scrub top, climbed into bed and sat there thinking about what could have been, what might be, those curves, and fell asleep.

He awoke suddenly. Sam was in bed with him. No clothes, at all! Naked! Wrapping herself around him. God, she was so soft and great feeling! Her breasts on his chest, her thigh wrapped over his thigh...Shit! This must be a dream. He was frozen in place.

She put a hand on his penis. "Drew! I need to have sex with someone. I need to forget all about Matt and all the other stuff. I need sex. I need to feel you, Drew. I need THIS inside me. Please! Ohhh, my. He's getting big, Drew. He's wonderful. He wants it. You know he wants it." She slid her hand down the top of his scrubs and wrapped her fingers around him.

"Nice, Drew, very, very nice. I need..."

He looked down and could see that her eyes were closed again. He gently extracted her hand. "If you only knew, Sam. I would like nothing more in the whole world--every day for the rest of our lives. But not like this." Shaking his head and tearing up, "Nope. Not like this. How do I let you know without the bridge burning down when I do?"

He slid out of bed without uncovering her, but the feel of her skin, her breasts on his bare chest...He grabbed a blanket and pillow and put them on the couch. He wouldn't be sleeping much anyway.

At first light he gave up and just said the hell with it. He snuck into the bedroom, being careful to make no noise, grabbed his training clothes and left. He made her some breakfast and coffee then left. He did his warm ups, stretches, and took a short run.

Returning, he set the bar at a height he thought he could clear. He couldn't get as good a lift off the packed earth he was working with than he could have from the black top, but it was fine for training. He laughed. No records today.

He stared at the bar, focused and looked where each step was going to land, envisioned himself taking off--his form, rotation, arching his back, lifting his legs...He did it and cleared the bar. Raised it a half inch and went through it again and hit the bar.

All he could see in his mind was the way she had felt against him and the feel of her hand as she encircled his penis. He knew he was wasting his time. No workout today. His mind was flooded with thoughts of Sam and the feel of her against him.

Screw it! He had to do something mindless, meditative, so he changed shoes and took off for a run as the sun came up and started peeking through the trees. Spring, he loved it.

In spring a young man's fancy...fuck! He couldn't even get away from her when he ran anymore. Maybe he should just bite the bullet and tell her--once and for all--and let the chips fall where they may.