The child I carried was lost. By the time the bus reached Kinsarvik my pants were covered with blood. Dreng only managed to get me to Harald's office in time because of the town's people who made a litter and helped him carry me there. For three days Dreng, Harald and his wife, Marianne, tended to my body, ravaged by fever, and weak from the loss of blood. On the fourth day I was allowed out of bed and given my first solid food.
When I was finally able to recount the events of my rape to them, I could see that Dreng's view of all Germans had changed. To him, they had defiled his wife, placed her life in jeopardy, and killed the child he looked forward to and there was no more room for tolerance towards them any longer. He viewed all of the losses of loved ones in his and my life, up to this point, as the cost of war. A war in which we, the Norwegian people, had been forced into reluctantly. But this incident, this was the act of arrogant criminals who had no regard for the lives of the people, which they now ruled by force. We were nothing to them.
Before, Dreng had only passively participated in the resistance as an agent and as a relay. Now he was going to play an active role. He would become a warrior for his people and king when the time came.
For the next few weeks my body healed. I remained in Harald and Marianne's home. Finally my monthly cycles returned and by February I decided that I should find some sort of work to keep me busy. Harald suggested that I could work at his clinic as a secretary. I knew how to type and I knew how to keep books. My father often asked me to type his Sunday sermons when he was busy on church business, and my mother who kept the books, showed me her system so I could fill in for her if she was busy.
With this job, for which Dreng and I were given a room in the back of the clinic, I forgot about what had happened to me in Laatefoss, and soon I realized that I needed Dreng's touch and his full affection. Up to this point, he had been very patient and had not insisted upon his 'husband's privileges'. Nor had I wanted a man between my legs, even if it happened to be my husband whom I loved very dearly. But my emotional scars slowly healed and I realized that I needed Dreng much more then he needed mine.
I closed the clinic every night at 5 P.M. Harald often left at 4 P.M. That gave me 1 hour to finish the books, any typing, or filling in appointments for the next day. Dreng would be home at 6 P.M. every day.
That night, when Dreng came home from his job, I had dinner ready and candles lit on our dinner table. The food was the best I could obtain. Harald allowed me forty minutes for lunch. I would often shop for food then for the evening meal. I could tell that Dreng was tired.
Dreng had a job at the German supply depot north of town unloading trucks. He was paid well, but that was not the reason he took the job. These supplies were bound for German bases and each truck that was loaded or unloaded told him something about each destination they were either headed or came from. (For instance, one truck carried only 188-mm cannon shells and was headed to Bergen. It was unloaded at Kinsarvik and would be shipped by coastal freighter to Bergen. One could surmise that Bergen had 188-mm anti-aircraft batteries inside of the city. Another time crates of torpedo fuses was unloaded and its destination was Trondheim. Again, one could surmise that the Germans either had U-Boats or surface ships that carried torpedo, near it. All of this information was recorded and passed on to agents that could radio the news to London.)
I had borrowed a dress from Marianne. It was the first dress I had worn since Dreng and I had left Ryukan six months ago. As I greeted him with a loving kiss and took his coat and cap, he looked somewhat stunned at my appearance. After I kissed him the second time he had no difficulty understanding my intentions.
For dinner I had prepared mackerel in cream sauce and boiled potatoes. For desert I had made small sweet pancakes covered with elderberry sauce. I took his hand and led him to the table.
As I dished up his meal, he asked me; "what is the special occasion, Aase?"
I smiled at him and replied, "Because you are a good and loving husband, Dreng. You have cared for me and loved, even when I was not able to care for myself. I love you Dreng."
I set our plates down on the table and sat across from him. With my eyes I drank in his weather burned face, now covered with a beard. He was still as handsome as ever. I hoped deep inside that I was still desirable to him.
"Aase, I only did it because you are my wife. I love you no less now then on the day that I married you. Remember, we promised our whole lives to each other then. What happened in Laatefoss was not your fault. You did nothing to merit that attack. Those Germans were criminals in Schutzstaffel uniform. They are the worst kind of soldier, the S.S. for they say they are Hitler's body guards but they kill for no reason, other then to satisfy some sick desire. No Aase, I love you no less now. Probably more because you have the strength to carry." He reached out and touched my cheek. I could see the tender love and concern in his eyes.
"Thank you Dreng. You have no idea how much I needed to hear those words from you." I said. A tear rolled down my cheek.
"Let us give thanks for this food, then we shall enjoy it." He said and bowed his head in prayer.
As we ate our meal, Dreng could hardly keep his eyes to himself. As I have said earlier, it had been a long time since he had seen me in a dress. But now, I felt like the most feminine creature on the whole earth.
"Aase, I must admit that you look very lovely tonight." He said as we ate our desert and drank our tea.
"Thank you. I wanted to look nice for you tonight. Dreng...I has been a long time and you have been so very patient. I was hoping that we could try to..." I was having a hard time telling him what I really wanted.
"What is it, my love?" He asked gently, setting down his fork and taking my hand.
"I would like for us to make a child. Dreng...I have thought long and hard about this. If anything should ever happen to you, well there would be nothing left. A child is a man's heritage. That is what my father told me once. He was so very proud of Tryggve."
"That is so. Aase you don't know how many times my heart has been heavy since you were hurt and lost our child. It is something that haunts me everyday but there was no way I could explain it to you. You were so badly abused."
"Ja. It broke my heart too. But please believe me, I never once blamed you for any of it. Dreng I knew that there were dangers involved from the very moment that I went off with you. But I wanted to be with you and I chose these dangers because I loved you. You knew that the moment we first met in the back of the German lorry. I know you did." My hands were shaking.
"Ja. I sometimes thank the Germans for bringing us together again. I thank the British pilot for setting us free. Ja Aase, I do want you to have our child but only when you are ready." Dreng said and kissed my hand.
