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My submission for the Valentine's Day contest of 2020.
I realize the Superbowl is now held in February, but for the sake of this little tale, please assume it is held in January, as it once was in real life.
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Dear Blabby,
My lovely and attractive college graduate daughter dresses like a frump. She doesn't seem to be able to get past one or two dates with any guy and she is lonely, I can tell. Every time I suggest she dress nicer so that she can meet some nice young man, she says she is "just fine" and to "leave her alone." I have even suggested she use my credit card to buy a new wardrobe and she refuses.
How can I get my beautiful daughter to clean up and present herself better so she can find a nice man?
Signed, Frustrated Mom
Dear FM,
What century do you come from? This sounds like a letter from a mother of the 1950s. Maybe your daughter doesn't want to date men right now, or ever. Maybe she's a lesbian. Maybe she is perfectly fine being alone. Maybe she's asexual. As long as she is ably working and taking care of herself, you, Mommy Dearest, have nothing to worry about. Back off.
Blabby
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"Mom," screamed Beth. "Did you send a letter to Dear Blabby?"
"Honey, what? What, uh, are you, uh, talking about? Letter?" responded her guilty-sounding mother Louise.
"Shit, I knew it. You can't even lie to cover your tracks. How many times have I told you to just leave my clothes and me alone?
"You know," she went on, "This is actually a good thing. I now know you have no limits to your meddling and I think it is time I move out."
"Now, Honey, there is no need to be rash. I admit that I did send in a letter and she really scolded me, don't you think? If you would just calm down, then maybe we could work something out."
"Work something out? What is there to work out? I have told you I will not change and even Blabby tells you to 'back off' and yet you want to work something out. I am not changing and since you still want to 'work things out,' well, that tells me you will not accept me for what I am."
"Beth, that is no way to have a rational discussion..."
"There is no discussion! Either you accept me the way I am or I'm outta here, and since you obviously can't accept it, I'm outta here."
With that, Beth went upstairs to her room, grabbed two duffle bags of clothes and a small suitcase of her personal items. From the garage, she grabbed some camping gear. "You know my number. If you want an update, feel free to text me and I'll let you know if I'm doing OK, but I will not take a call from you for the next few weeks. See you later, Mom. Oh, and in spite of everything I still love you."
Beth walked down the steps to her pick-up while hearing the sobs from her mother back in the house. Fortunately, the pick-up had a large canopy so Beth planned on staying at the local state park for a few nights while she looked for a place to stay. Thirty minutes later she registered for three nights at the park, grabbed a few power bars from her work supplies and crawled into her sleeping bag in back and fell sound asleep.
Beth was the only child of Louise and Charles. He had been an investment banker until the combined effects of smoking, martinis and stress caused a massive heart attack while Beth was still in college. What she missed the most about him was his calming influence over Louise and now that he was gone, Beth felt her mom was becoming even pickier about Beth's lifestyle. Even the free rent at the old house was no longer worth the nagging.
Beth had majored in horticulture at State University and after coming home she found a job at a large, local nursery. Her main work involved plant care, pruning, grafting and propagation. As a result, in winter she wore overalls with a flannel shirt and in summer with a T-shirt. Once she got home, she would strip off the overalls and put on sweat pants for comfort. She would even wear this outfit when she shopped, something which drove her mother crazy. Beth had lost most of her interest in men, particularly after an accounting major dumped her during her senior year. He too complained she would not dress up nicely enough when they went out, though he never complained when she crawled nude between his sheets.
The next morning Beth woke, had a quick breakfast cooked over the camp stove and headed into town. At work she requested half days for the next week while she looked for an apartment. After several days, she was unable to find something which was reasonable in price and near to her work.
She expanded her search and finally found a small cabin for rent on a nearby truck farm. According to the website, the cabin was a renovated chicken shed, barely 15 by 20 feet in size. It was basically a large common room with a kitchen, desk, small sofa and a Murphy bed. Off the room were two doors, one to a tiny bathroom and one to a closet. The price was right so she went to the farm to see it for herself.
When she arrived, she was struck by how tidy the five-acre farm was. The main house was quite modest but there was a moderate sized barn with a small John Deere tractor and some tilling equipment right inside the open doors. In the far back there appeared to be at least two greenhouses. The rental cabin sat off from the two main buildings by a hundred feet or so.
After she got out of her truck, she rang the house bell with no response. Out behind the house she found the bent over shape of someone hoeing the rows of kale and chard. Once she had his attention, he came forward, introduced himself as Jeff, firmly shook her hand and offered to show her around.
Inside the cabin was pretty much as suggested in the advertisement. What struck her was how clean and new everything appeared. When asked about this, he responded that the renovation was his project from the previous winter and there had been only one prior tenant who had just left to go to school in Montana.
She agreed to the lease terms and to have a credit check before moving in. When he asked her about her job, he was impressed enough that he agreed to let her move in while the credit check was being done. "Anyone who is in horticulture is honest until proven otherwise," he said before adding, "If you're interested, there might be an opportunity for a bit of work around here during the summer."