To an outside observer, the campus of the University of Arizona can appear desolate at times even though almost forty-five thousand students attend. On those days the heat of the afternoon sun drives everyone indoors. Those of us born in Arizona have either accepted it grudgingly or moved elsewhere.
With my grades in high school, there was no problem being accepted to the half dozen or so universities to which I applied. Academically they were all pretty much the same so my decision came down to other factors. Having grown up in Phoenix, I couldn't imagine dealing with snow-covered roads or sub-freezing temperatures. And although I wanted to enjoy the college experience, I had no interest in traveling too far from my parents. The University of Arizona in Tucson was the logical choice. It was a little over a hundred miles away so it wouldn't be difficult to convince my parents that I'd need to live on campus. Last but not least, it didn't hurt that UA is a bit of a party school, although that fact was never mentioned when I told my parents of my decision. Unlike some of my friends, I didn't have to get a job to afford it. My parents aren't rich but they agreed to pay for my education as long as I maintained a B average.
Adjusting to college life took some effort. In college, you either grow up fast or you won't make it past the first year. No one is going to call home if you miss class or don't do an assignment. In addition, since there are no one-bedroom apartments for students on campus, sharing a two, three or four bedroom apartment with other students takes a bit getting used to. I learned quickly that those apartments were a great place to socialize but not so great to study.
When I'm not in one of the school's libraries, you'll find me reading under one of the trees near the college bookstore. That shady spot also became my oasis when I needed to escape. There was a time I really enjoyed being at this school. Now I can't wait for graduation so I can leave. Everything reminds me of Rachel.
I met Rachel in the second half of my freshman year. It was impossible not to notice her. She was gorgeous. By a stroke of luck, we were taking two of the same classes. In both, I purposefully sat in the back of the room so I could watch her and still pay attention to the professor, never thinking she'd be anything other than a fantasy but fate had other plans. In the statistics class we shared, the professor paired us with two other students to complete a project. The four of us, Rachel, Sandy, Kenny and I met twice a week after class at the campus coffee shop to discuss the assignment. I have no idea how the professor chose each group. We definitely were a strange mix of people. Since it was a statistics class, I could imagine him rolling some dice or throwing a dart at a class roster.
Sandy was the only member of our group who came from another state. Born in Santa Fe, New Mexico she was also the only one of us who had been awarded a scholarship. Given her height it didn't surprise me she was a member of the university volleyball team.
Rachel actually lived a few blocks from the campus so she was still living with her parents. She'd been editor of her high school newspaper and planned to major in journalism. Beauty and brains, definitely out of my league.
Kenny was a different story entirely. A little older than the rest of us, he didn't come to UA straight out of high school. He worked for three years before deciding to continue his education. His father is a Superior Court Judge in Tucson and his mother an accountant at Raytheon, the world's largest manufacturer of guided missiles. Courtesy of his parents, Kenny was living in his own house near the university.
In the beginning, I did more staring than talking in our study sessions but within a few weeks the four of us became friends and somehow, I found the nerve to ask Rachel out on a date.
"I wondered how long it would take for you to ask me out."
"My feelings were that obvious?"
"By the way you looked at me, I could tell you were imagining me without any clothes on."
"Guilty, your honor but in my defense the woman is exceptionally beautiful." Then in my best British accent I said, "In truth m'lady, until now I lacked the courage."
"Cyrano, to win the fair Roxanne, you'll need to remember something my parents told me ... fortune favors the bold."
With that in mind, I started meeting Rachel after class much more frequently and by the end of our sophomore year, our relationship had blossomed to the point that we were making plans for a future together. Our opportunities to fully express our feelings for each other were limited due to our living arrangements but we agreed that would change when we were married.
On Valentine's Day in our junior year we took another step to make that a reality. We filled out the paperwork and got a marriage license, planning to announce our engagement and get married that June but by the end of the month something had changed. Rachel said she was having second thoughts and shortly thereafter she left me, saying she needed more excitement than I was providing. At least she had the decency to tell me in person, not with a phone call or text but it hurt nonetheless. It turned out that she did get married in June, just not to me. She married our friend Kenny and moved into his house off-campus.
When I heard the news of their wedding, something inside me snapped but instead of withdrawing into a shell, I went on a revenge fuck tour, having sex with as many women as I could. I did see Kenny and Rachel a few times, even waving to them while I walked to class with two women next to me. Sometimes I even thought I noticed a frown on Rachel's face. I hoped it was because she was thinking about what she'd thrown away. In any event, I kept my distance, not knowing what I would say if I did speak to her.
After the completion of my junior year, I returned home, hoping that being near my family and childhood friends would put me in a better frame of mind. To be honest, I was a royal pain for the first two weeks before my friends decided they'd had enough. Brian, my closest friend, was the one designated by the group to get some answers.
Brian and I were finally old enough to drink legally so we walked into our local sports bar and found an empty table. His excuse to go there was to see a summer league basketball game between the Phoenix Suns and Utah Jazz on a big screen but it wasn't long after we arrived that he revealed the real reason for inviting me.
"Since you got home you've been acting like you've got a stick up your ass. This is an intervention to remove it. So, how many drinks is it going to take before you tell me what the hell is wrong?"
"I don't know."
"Don't know what''s wrong or don''t know how many drinks it'll take?"
"I definitely know what's wrong. Unfortunately, it can't be fixed."
Brian motioned for a waitress to come to our table.
"What can I get you?"
"A Heineken for me and ... what do you want, Ethan?"
"Rum and Coke."
"No offense boys, but I'll need to see some ID first."
We each took out our wallet and verified we were over the age of twenty-one.
"Thanks, would you like anything to eat with those drinks?"
"Maybe later."
With our drinks delivered, Brian waited patiently for me to say something as we cheered for the Phoenix Suns. It took a second drink but by halftime, I was ready to talk. "Do you want the long version or the short one?"
"Start with the short one."
"Last month the woman I love, married someone else."
"You've had other girlfriends and it never affected you like this when it ended."
"This was different."
"That serious, huh?"
